The CONSCIOUS guy (real life dream man) pull away..Help needed please

[aurum]

3 hours ago, ertopolice said:

I acknowledge that I am at "risk" of being a prey for these men. Your nailed it, as I mentioned. This particular guys it's true that with his pickiness and standards seem a bit aggressive and manipulator so it reminds me about my mother...don't know why.

From what I’ve read, it does in fact sound like this guy is a tool.

It’s a common thing for guys who were once “nice guys” to suddenly go macho-bro-alpha and talk about they have high standards and they demand this and that and blah blah blah.

It’s basically overcompensation from their past.

My gut says he is one of those dudes. Maybe has read some Redpill thinking at some point. And it sounds like his arrogance may have triggered your insecurity. You’re a perfect vibrational match for each other.

I’d move on. It seems like you fell in love with a fantasy more than a reality. So your work is to discover why that might be.

[hyruga]

On 18/12/2021 at 5:57 PM, ertopolice said:

 

Ok so last week after one of our usual audio exchanges, I told him to finally fix a dat these days. 

He did not respond. He finally responded 3 days later with an audio stating he is so disgusted about my opinion about some topic we talked about in the audios, and that his situation changed. That he DOES NOT WANT to put his attention on anything else than himself at the moment, that that may  sound aggressive but that he appreciates sincerity and that's his actual situation. He does not propose another date or anything

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS WITH HIM?

Should i expect a text some day or forgot about him? come on we had that chemistry even texting and sharing the very same core values about life was so damm HOT!

Please I appreciate your help. He is a man of strong values and principles. We think exactly the same. I understand he is focused on his stuff but come on...

 

THANKS!

A guy who doesn't respond to a date isn't a guy at all. 

First, he did not initiate the date (no initiative). Next, he left the girl hanging without any response for 3 days (no sense of responsibility). 

Later, he came up with a lame excuse why he isn't meeting you.

 

[ertopolice]

@aurum Yes, seen i got work to do regarding my tendency to attract these types men. the thing is that he just seemed the opposite by what he said..but providing this behaviour i cannot trust

Also he claimed he wanted to make the most of these 2 moths he has ahead free from his career stuff. After that he'll either move further or lock at home studying.  That's rush of thing make me think wether he is a player and gots so many options that needs to discard.

 

Anyway it was not polite his sincerity. I appreciate being clear and all, but my view on that men sometimes make women feel bad when put so much stress their physiques..should not be a reason. Perhaps it was the photo, or just an excuse.

 

Hope I learnt the lesson this time, but knotholes i am still waiting for him to contact me with a better excuse..

[Nahm]

Experience & preference is workin. ??  You now know with more acuity what you don’t want and what you do want. What you more so want is already on it’s way. Line up focus with it, and receive & enjoy it (him lol). 

?

[ertopolice]

@Nahm Thank you! 

Perhaps the lesson learnt this time is how to spot fake conscious potential dates..but hey just wanted to discover it myself in an innocent first date

[Nahm]

@ertopolice

What is a real conscious potential date to you? 

[ertopolice]

@Nahm Really good question to reflect on and i share it with anyone here who likes to respond aswell

I guess someone who is into this, doing self development work or in the way to it..

I was mesmerized by this guy because he seemed to talk and question every aspect of life like the people here use to. I still think I am wrong and that something happened to him but his sudden change of behavior.

Anyway, after this change of his interest towards me I'lll be careful about his intention, but i'd still like to meet him someday (not a formal date, but more of a friend or acquaintance)

 

[Gregory1]

On 19.12.2021 at 6:05 PM, ertopolice said:

@aurum Yes, i cared try not to put him on a pedestal but seems we matched almost most fundamental values and principles.

Well, he claimed to be a very "high standard" guy so well..i appreciate that sincerity but hey, perhaps it's way too arrogant from him.

Nonetheless i gave him a chance

 

The last thing i shared was a pic of me (full dressed in winter clothes, smiling, natural look..) should be ok, and some audio with which he really end up disappointed about the topic. I gave him my opinion about physique in relationships. He puts SO MUCH stress on appearance and claims he has been lied by girls in their pics (he expected a 8 lets say and when he dated them he came up with 5 for example). I told him that in my personal opinion being so picky about physiques could led to harm to some weak women. He knows  i am an usual gym goer, sport addict and have seen my overall physique...so i hide nothing. 

He got very disappointed about my view and about "how society is meant to behave not to damage other ppl.." 

He said perhaps it was not the best moment for our first date these days (he did not propose al alternative date) and that he appreciated being honest and that he wants to prioritize himself atm and not to think in anything else but himself. 

 

I do not understand a thing.

Sounds like a selfish stage orange dude.

No offense but your innitial post shows a lot of glorification and misunderstandings. 

You'll not be able to pull someone if you glorify him.

[ertopolice]

@Gregory1 you mean I already put him on a pedestal so i could not discern his real behavior towards me?

yes, may it be selfishness, ego..

He mentioned the "ego" thing sometime in our chats. That's some of the reasons why i trust him that he was doing his best into self-growth and we both shared this thing that could lead somewhere

It is the first time in real life i come across some into this, tbh

what do u think i should do?

[Gregory1]

18 minutes ago, ertopolice said:

@Gregory1 you mean I already put him on a pedestal so i could not discern his real behavior towards me?

yes, may it be selfishness, ego..

He mentioned the "ego" thing sometime in our chats. That's some of the reasons why i trust him that he was doing his best into self-growth and we both shared this thing that could lead somewhere

It is the first time in real life i come across some into this, tbh

what do u think i should do?

Stop thinking of anybody as „higher“ or „better“ or „special“ or „perfect.“

Stop glorifying selfish stage orange dudes and stop thinking that there is anything special about them. If you want a selfish stage orange dude you‘ll find one, guaranteed - there are enough of them in this world. You don‘t need the specific guy you were texting with, just forget about him.

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, ertopolice said:

He mentioned the "ego" thing sometime in our chats. That's some of the reasons why i trust him that he was doing his best into self-growth and we both shared this thing that could lead somewhere

Wait, so just that he mentioned word "ego" and knows what it is was enough to make you think that he's a conscious guy and is into self-development stuff? 

Edited December 21, 2021 by somegirl

[Byun Sean]

ya when he pulls away theres nothing you can do. Either he reaches out to you again first or its over. 

 

If you reach out after he pulls away you violate his boundaries and show him you are needy and clingy which is very unattractive behavior.

 

In the meantime, go meet other guys so you don't just depend on one.

[ertopolice]

1 hour ago, Byun Sean said:

ya when he pulls away theres nothing you can do. Either he reaches out to you again first or its over. 

 

If you reach out after he pulls away you violate his boundaries and show him you are needy and clingy which is very unattractive behavior.

 

In the meantime, go meet other guys so you don't just depend on one.

Yes. I guess he is a player and it's kinda a test...

@somegirl No come on..but definitely he should have some issue abut selfishness

 @Gregory1 I really hope to focus again on myself again and my issues so i can really forget about this thing and all. Tired to online chats and all, i do really prefer face to face interactions with real people so no problem with their physique or whatever standards. Let's hope this pandemia do not last way too long..

[Gregory1]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

Wait, so just that he mentioned word "ego" and knows what it is was enough to make you think that he's a conscious guy and is into self-development stuff? 

Apparently yes...

[ertopolice]

23 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

Apparently yes...

No, it's been a misunderstanding..

what i feel is that his ego is way too strong so that he claims that in 3 days his situation "changed" an that he does not want to be thinking of anything or anything else but himself and that if i feel bad about it it's not of his business..buut mine how i cope with it. Ok i appreciate sincerity but that way of explaining himself..isn't it too much? i really obsess if it's real that he has to focus on himself or if it's an aggressive way of ending our "chat" "dating potential" relationship.

5 days not heard of him

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, ertopolice said:

he claims that in 3 days his situation "changed" an that he does not want to be thinking of anything or anything else but himself and that if i feel bad about it it's not of his business..buut mine how i cope with it. Ok i appreciate sincerity but that way of explaining himself..isn't it too much?

He sounds like a real douche with that kind of behavior. It's non of his business? That's so inconsiderate and careless of him. Especially because he just abruptly decided to just end whatever you guys had between you two. 

2 hours ago, ertopolice said:

i really obsess if it's real that he has to focus on himself or if it's an aggressive way of ending our "chat" "dating potential" relationship.

Well, this is not good to hear. You shouldn't be obsessing over him and thinking about what was the reason behind him deciding to move on. It could be any reason really. But that shouldn't matter to you. You guys weren't even in a real relationship. 

As I said, the right guy in your life will wanna be with you wnd will not leave you hanging. There will be no confusion with the right guy. 

Move on and don't look back. Focus on yourself. 

[ertopolice]

@somegirl That's the appropriate word: inconsiderate. It has no logical reason to just stop messaging for 3 days and then all of a sudden claim all that stuff and that is your issue how you handle it. I suspect some psychopath/narcissist over here...don't know and cannot understand how he could aspire so such high value woman and standards if he still live at mom's placement..

I am getting better with it. I realized all this concussion on me might be an strategy by this narc type guy. i should focus on my stuff yes, that btw it's way too much atm. This was just some "scape" from modally obligations but i guess there's plenty of fish in the sea..

Worst thing is that this behavior of him made me for a second question my value. And i think i am quite OK because of my achievements and that i also care for my health and physique. I am an independent person, finance myself, got an stable job to pay my bills and also make my best to promote on my job and on my personal growth journey..come on..is it that difficult to find any compatible man out there??

[Loba]

Girl I don't mean to be rude to you but he sounds like really f****** lame.  I feel like you can do better.  Good luck.  Let him go.  

As in, I'm quite honest about this sort of thing and I have really bad vibes from this guy just from reading this thread.  He sounds like someone that I have dated in the past and it was very difficult trying to maintain appearances and date this person at the same time it's really not worth the struggle and someone who's conscious doesn't make the statements that they made about you. 

You are the better person and if you don't end up seeing this person ever again you did not miss out on anything trust me.  I know when you're having feelings it can be really hard to see that but everything in my gut is telling me that you can find someone who will treat you much kinder. 

Edited December 23, 2021 by Loba

[ertopolice]

@Loba Thanks for your input!

Well, it was not exactly regarding me but regarding my possible responde to his denial of finally setting a date. He claims that it's up to anyone's how you handle things and that it has nothing to do with him. So egoic. He assume being"sincere" and perhaps "aggressive" but that it was like that (like if he was thinking...you like it or not..)

Being so aggressive should be a red flag, but I would like to understand what happened that suddenly he changed his mind. if it is the usual thing of having more options around and that he does not want to date me...being so sincere as he claim he is...he should have told, right? 

anyway you see i m still obsessed because and got no one around atm (scarcity mindset i know..)