Weirdly divided between being a tradesman or being a web developer

[CodyXarex]

I'm currently working a job using a trade skill I went to school for while staying with family and saving up enough money to either move to another part of the US and find more jobs like it, or return to a city abroad that I really want to make my home.

The trade that I do is something that I enjoy. To me it's a more noble calling than being a scientist or the likes because it allows me to make an immediate, visible, physical impact on the world around me, it involves a bit of creating and destroying which suits my desire to create, and there's potential to make big money with it if I can get the proper vehicle for it or expand my skills and get more certifications.

But every day that I live with my family and go to work at this job, I feel like I'm off course in life. Even if I'm working the job so I can go spend six months abroad and focus on web development non-stop. Unlike now where between working 12 hours a day and living with family, it's hard. I'm too busy trying to get enough sleep during the week, and meeting family obligations on the weekends. Especially with it being the holiday season.

 

While at work, I get to thinking,

You know, I enjoy this, if I lived someplace where I was happy and had friends or was part of a community or had a girlfriend or wife, I'd happily keep doing this indefinitely. I know half of my motivations for becoming a web developer is so I can go live in this city abroad where half my friends are and where I can have the social life I want and date the type of women I find the most attractive in the millions, but if I had game, and just moved to another state, or just changed my perspective on the way I'm living life and the work I'm doing now, I'd probably continue being fine doing this. I could just work as a welder part of the year and then go live in the city I want to call home for the rest of the year.

And my living situation and work hours pretty much force me to live out of my car anyways because if I try to sleep in my father's house every night I'm just gonna get addicted to Benadryl...If I have to live out of my car, then why stick around here? Why not see what else the US has to offer? I might fuck around and find a small town I like living in, or meet someone nice or make friends, and then I'm not gonna want to leave THAT place. And if I go back to that city abroad, especially solely for dating, but I get frustrated because I still lack game bad, I'm probably going to still have good days and bad days just like I do now.

Why not just start living life now?

 

Yet I still feel this strong craving to save up enough money to move back to that city for six months and study web development and become a web developer because, the idea of just working online from home and living in a big city that feels like home to me is...Comforting. It makes me feel secure. More secure than travelling around the US for work and living out of a vehicle.

But then I think to myself...I mean I'm always going to be uncomfortable at various periods in life. Life is uncomfortable. I originally got into studying web development to compensate for dropping out of college, and because I used to think of myself as an anxious and depressed introvert who doesn't like to deal with people directly and can't handle it very much.

But my journeys through life has proven otherwise, and I mean, I've been in worse situations than working 12 hours a day working a job that's the best job I've ever had, and living out of a car.

And I mean, I don't have a choice. Life is full of suffering and confrontation. If I worked for myself as a web developer, I still would have to deal with irate clients. If I got into a relationship, I still would have to work my ass off to argue with, negotiate with, and maintain a relationship with another human being. I would spend my free time doing the trade stuff for people for free anyways. There's no hiding. I can't afford to hide. I don't want to hide. So why try to seek out that comfort.

But then that still doesn't invalidate becoming a web developer, because the fact remains, that it's a good, good-paying career path that will allow me to have a good life abroad with far less expenses than here in the US, which is important to me because of my student loan debt, and it would also allow me to have the social life I want, and still allow me to be close to my family or have a life in the US if I want.

 

So if becoming a web developer is still a valid goal, and I'm already working a career path that I take pride in and it's helping me to fund my web development pursuit, then what am I so anxious and impatient about to the point that I'm letting it rob me of sleep? I feel like I'm talking and thinking myself in circles.

[Space]

@CodyXarex Ultimately it comes down to asking yourself 'if I had to spend 6,7,8 hours (a normal working day) every day for the next 10-20 years doing something, what would that be?'. Forget about money, family, location, or any societal expectations. What would you find most enjoyable and full-filling if you had to spend many hours doing it every day. Because no amount of money will make you day job more enjoyable. 

And think about the actuality of the day if you were doing this thing. What would each day look like? Its important to think about the normal day-to-day tasks when you're thinking about what to do in life, and not some vague idea of what it might be like.

I would also say that the fact that you're questioning your current job as a tradesman says that it's not really what you want to be doing. Jobs can be hard, grueling, boring and tedious, but you can still love it and know its what you're meant to be doing. If you're questioning it then I wonder if you don't really love it. My job is boring and tedious at times but I still love it. There's no question of doing anything else.

Hope that helps.

[CodyXarex]

Thanks, @Space. It...Kind of helps.

I've gotta work tomorrow and I'm a bit too tired to mule over this right now, but I'll give it a shot.

The only jobs I can think of in recent memory that I really, "enjoyed" were being a carpenter's assistant for a little community, helping to build a cabin, digging trails in back country, and a production welding job, and only because it almost felt like playing a mini-game every day where I had to color in between the lines for $18 an hour...But color with molten metal.

My current job isn't really tedious, at least not yet. And it's just a job. I take some satisfaction and pride in helping to construct things that are going to be used as literal building blocks for structures in society...But I can see it getting tedious someday. I wouldn't mind it if I lived someplace that I love, but you said disregard location.

I don't know. I'm thinking more in terms of career or what I can do with a skillset. Being a tradesman and building useful things or repairing things for people seems much more rewarding and meaningful to me than web development, but to me, a job is just a means to an end. What I want, is to either work for myself, or spend my free time and money building things for a community, just to tinker, or to sell them, or for gigs.

I notice I tend to get bored of most jobs easily.

I started studying web development because I want a job that allows me to live anywhere in the world and better handle my debt. So I can make money from the comfort of my own home, and then choose to go off on gigs or little adventures as I please, or spend my free time doing things like building bookshelves and selling them and repairing farm equipment for people on my off-days.

If I could do one thing every day, or had something I would do even if I had over 100 million dollars like Leo said, I would spend my time writing and coding, and on weekends, writing and performing songs, and tinkering with electronics and forging things.

Edited December 16, 2021 by CodyXarex

[CodyXarex]

I guess for me a job is just a means to an end, and what I've learned about myself is that, it almost doesn't really matter what job I get, how much I love my life depends on my life circumstances.

If I'm living someplace where:

• I have friends
• Have a social life
• Am part of a community
• Have a girlfriend or decent dating options
• Nice weather
• Nature
• Solitude or a good home life with family/roommates

Then I can work almost the shittiest job, and still love my life every day.

But if I'm living in a bad place where:

• I don't have any close friends
• My social life is non-existent outside of work
• I'm not a part of a community or am the weird guy in it
• I have no girlfriend and no attractive dating prospects
• Shitty weather
• No nature or no time to enjoy it
• No solitude and a chaotic or bad home life

I can almost have the best job I can imagine and still end up on drugs or badly depressed. Unless I know for certain that it was temporary, Like, 3-6 months temporary.

And if I can't get enough sleep I'm fucked.

I know I'm just talking to myself and journaling right now, but I think I'm onto something.

I guess I'm at a place in life right now where, I've decided on the two skillsets that I want, and now I'm just trying to figure out how can I use those two skillsets to build and maintain a life and lifestyle that gets at LEAST three of my above needs met year-round, and how to change my perspective when I'm in a valley.

Edited December 16, 2021 by CodyXarex