Jordan's 5-MEO / Meditation / Health Journal

[Jordan]

Hey, I am going to journal my 5-MEO trips, meditation and health stuff like heavy metal detox, trying to heal my knee pain, getting back into rock climbing eventually exc.

I originally created a post for information on what I need to know about taking 5MEO DMT. I started journaling there and I will copy what I wrote below.

Trip 1 - Oct 22, 2021

I plugged 8mg of 5-MEO DMT today. It was an interesting experience. 

It was like my concepts of who I am and my life would be there then disappear for several seconds. I was just left with my visual field of my ceiling or hands and tingling through my body. I kept alternating between the 2 states.

Thoughts would come up slowly like “Am I still breathing? Can I even move my body? Did I take the right amount? It would be followed with taking slow deep breaths, slowly wiggling my fingers or raising my hands to look at them and reassuring myself that I was careful and prepared.

My vision was very focused I lost sense of time and worries about time came up but faded away quickly after realizing that it wasn’t important if time seemed to move slowly or not. 

It lasted right around an hour when I felt the need to get up and eat some food.

The main insight I got was that the present moment should be a higher focus of mine over concepts like imagining what I did or will do at work. It really seemed like I am waiting my life by imagining instead of experiencing. I need to work on experiencing more which includes a more consistent meditation practice.

It was a small dose. I think I will try 10-11mg next time in 2-3 weeks when i find a good time to do it.

Trip 2 - Oct 24, 2021

I tried taking 5-MEO DMT again just 2 days after my first try. 
 

I felt like I did not take enough to get many realizations the first time but it was a nice easy start that at least got me interested in continuing. Today is Sunday and I decided to do 10mg to get a little more experience. I felt noticeably more nauseous than the first time. I think because it was early in the morning instead of in the afternoon, I was not able to focus as intensely because I was a bit sleepy. The nausea discomfort was distracting. I hope trying again later in the day next time when I have more energy.
 

I think i will need to find a time in the early afternoon maybe 2 Saturdays From now to try 13-15mg. It also seemed to help to have the date planned well in advance so my body and mind had time to prepare for it.

--- another post oct 26, 2021

I just wanted to make an update on some things that have seemed to change since taking 5MEO DMT this weekend.

The first thing I noticed was that the sex with my girlfriend was really even better than usual. This happened before when I was meditating a lot. 

The second thing today after rewatching Leo's video "Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God" I am much more aware of how my reality is being constructed over top of the present moment. There are infinite ways it can be constructed over what the perceptions are presently. During the drive to work today, I was just focused on the concepts that were coming up as they came up and how they were nowhere near the truth that was experienced right here. I still needed the concepts to know where to drive and when to accelerate or brake but I could see them as ultimately an illusion and makes me think that I can build a reality however I want over top of the raw sensations. Anyways. I will keep focused on this since it is very interesting to me and see what comes of this. 

Trip 3 - Nov 7, 2021

I plugged 15 mg of 5-MEO DMT as measured by my scale which was 2 of the 10-15 mg scoops. I wrote my experience here shortly after my trip but it seems there was a problem with the forum and my post was deleted. This was my 3rd trip ever.
 

This time I had very little nausea which was a nice relief from the previous time. I believe this was due to lying down for the first 30-40 min. My body felt like it started to vibrate which I was getting used to from the first 2 trips. My sense of touch felt clear and very comfortable. At some points I felt like feeling up my body with my hands but most of the time I kept perfectly still. My vision seemed to blur out sharp edges but it still seemed like I was focused and seeing clearly. 
 

I asked myself what this was (referring to the present experience). I realized I did not even know what it meant to know something. It is not as simple as someone telling me and then believing it. I need to use my own awareness and intelligence to understand. I asked myself what I wanted and I had a strong desire to understand myself. I really felt like I lacked understanding of my beliefs, motivations and values. My priorities seemed to shift to awareness of my thoughts and feelings and seeing patterns in my reactions. I think in this way I can make better decisions on what I want to do with my life and how to spend my time in a way that lets me appreciate, understand and construct the reality that I want.

Trip 4 - Nov 20, 2021

I plugged 3 scoops of 5-MEO DMT today which weighed around 20-21 mg total. It was a more intense experience this time. I felt it starting to kick in in less than 1 minute. I laid down semi prone for the first 5 min or so then went onto my back when I realized I the initial bit of nauseous feeling went away.

I noticed that I was able to be very focused on sensations but it required me to give up my attention of other parts of my awareness. I could vaguely remember being human lying down but the details of my life were not present with me. That was not interesting to me. I was more focused on answering what I am, what I want. I noticed that it felt quite pleasant to lie down and enjoy the experience of existing. At some points, I could hear a loud noise like a generator that would slow down and speed up. When I focused it would slow down then when I switched my attention it would speed up. I looked at my hand for a bit and it looked like it was melting away . It sort of moved a bit like fire. I am not sure exactly how to describe it. It did not feel unpleasant though.

I remember memories of advice from different people like Sadhguru came up saying something along the lines of if you put yourself fully into something then it will become a great thing. Other advice came up but I silenced it and decided I wanted to come up with my own understanding.

Goal setting for me has usually been about material goals like make $10000 in one month in my business or "meditate everyday for 1 hour" but that might not be the best way to about living a good life. A good way to go about living a good life seems to be to figure out what I want to experience subjectively in the present moment and experiment on now to achieve that. At the same time, you will ideally fully accept the current moment as it is. Even accept the desire to change it. See the necessity for everything to be exactly as it is because it really is perfect from a big picture perspective. 

Part of experiencing things the way I want that is being able to experience deeply and not be caught up in worrying or making plans constantly. I remember thinking part of what is great about reality is discovering things for the first time that you did not know. It is interesting to me to think about all experiences as being unique and that lessons can be learned constantly from them.

I am not sure if I should take more 5-MEO DMT next time. I might take the same amount or half a scoop more and have a clearer plan on what I would like to contemplate about. 

After 30-40 min of lying in my bed, I got up and took a shower. I contemplated what it meant for something to be true or real and what it meant to understand or know something compared to believing it. What would understanding how reality works mean in the present experience? 

In 2 weeks I plan on taking 3 scoops. I will keep doing my best to keep meditating and contemplating these questions until then.

Trip 5 - Dec 12

I plugged 3 scoops yesterday so around 21mg freebase in 3ml of vinegar. I planned to just experience without any goals or trying to learn anything. It was nice experience. It took me into a state where I can focus on see hear feel and let everything else start to disappear. At one point I stood up and looked back at my bed. I was so focused on what I was looking at that I realized to could be in danger of falling over if I continued diving into my visual field. I sat on my bed and wondered what I can take away from this experience. It began to think about my priorities and that I should be prioritizing the health of my physical body and my mind higher than I am now. It seemed like it is much more important to maintain my body's health than I have been showing through my actions. I meditated for 1 hour before the trip and  30 min later on that day. The 30 min several hours after the trip I was able to get into a state very similar to when I was tripping. I did not follow my normal mindfulness or satisfaction meditation. I just sat there and surrendered to experience.

I watched Leo's video today on heavy metal detox and I think this is a good idea for me to try. I will also be planning to continue daily self massage to try to heal my knee pain and meditation to improve my sensory clarity. I have been meditating an average of an hour per day for the last 2 weeks mostly doing mindfulness meditation with labeling and trying out the satisfaction meditation a bit.

-----

I have had knee pain in both knees for over a year now that hurts sometimes when I walk and can get so bad that I can not walk any more. It seems to be caused by tight IT Bands which is from tight muscles in my but and upper quads. I tried 2 months of physio exercises and stretches and it kept getting worse. Massaging 2 hours a day instead of the physio seemed to really help a lot. It has been difficult to spend 2 hours a day massaging though. I plan to start massaging an hour before work and an hour after every day to try to get this dealt with. 

Edited December 14, 2021 by Jordan

[Jordan]

I received my order of DSMA on Tuesday January 25th. I plan to take 100 mg every 4 hours for 4 days then take 3 days off. I took my first 100mg pill at 1am on Wednesday.

That night I had a nightmare where I was at work and I collapsed and started going unconscious due to taking the DSMA. I then had another dream about being sick and not knowing if i should call in sick for work or call the ambulance. I tried to get out of bed but then fell back into the bed and started going unconscious again.  

The side effects while awake was sleepyness, light headache, larger appetite and thirst. peeing more. wednesday night I slept better and thursday night was even better.

I think the 100mg dose is not too much for me. I will plan to do 4 rounds then move up to 200mg every 4 hours. After 4 rounds at 200mg I will try adding some ALA. 

 

I did not take any 5MEO DMT recently. I need to order more, I think I have around 10mg left

[Jordan]

5MEO Trip

2 days ago, on March 19, 2022, I used the last of my 5MEO DMT. It was around 3.5 scoops so I think around 24-25mg. It had a stronger affect than the last time at around 21 mg as expected. The concept that there was an observer was gone. My mind kept asking questions like what is truth, what is god, what am I. I only had the experience of the sights sounds and body sensations when I waited for the answer. Having a concept that there is also something observing the sights sounds and body sensations is adding something extra onto it. I tried to contemplate what my priorities should be. I came up with healing my knees, spending quality time with my girlfriend and her kids and learning to be present and accepting of uncomfortable situations. I ordered 500mg of HCL 5MEO DMT and 500mg of 5MEO MALT so that should last me a long time once it arrives. 

Heavy Metal Detox

I am on my 7th round of DSMA. the first 4 weeks i took 100mg every 4 hours. Now I take 200mg every 4 hours 4 days and 3 nights on then 3 days and 4 nights off. I didn't have any nightmares anymore. A couple times I forgot to take it and I either started again the next day or took it when I could. The biggest side effect was when I took it then forgot on the 2nd or 3rd dose while I was at work. I just felt agitated and tired. I ordered more DSMA with some bottles of ALA this time. I hope it arrives safely. It should have been close to 7 weeks since I ordered it. 

Meditation

I have been meditating off and on between 15min -1 hour usually every few days or so. I find it hard to sit still for more than 15-20 min recently because I just seem to move forgetting that I am not supposed to be moving. It seems to be more emotionally difficult than before. My knees do not hurt too much while meditating luckily. I used to be able to do 1 hour with not much problem. 

Knee Healing

I have been doing the zero ATG program from the knees over toes guy for around 4-5 weeks. It is basically a bunch of physio type exercises for your leg strength and flexibility to help with improving knee pain. I think it is helping but it is hard to tell. I really would like to be able to jog without pain for an hour so I can train my girlfriend's son this summer. He wants to be a professional soccer player. 

 

 

[Realms of Wonder]

Fascinating, thank you for documenting and sharing your journey

[Jordan]

On 3/21/2022 at 11:07 AM, Realms of Wonder said:

Fascinating, thank you for documenting and sharing your journey

NP

An hour and a half ago I took 1.5 scoops which I think was around around 8mg of 5-MEO DMT. It was a new batch and the HCL version. My previous trips were with the freebase version and it was a new batch so I took a smaller amount than I did with the old batch. It had about the same intensity of effect as when I took 15mg of the freebase. I meditated and contemplated for about an hour about what a concept is right before the trip.
 

After around 5 min of laying down semi-prone, I turned onto my back. I felt a bit nauseous and I knew from past experience not to sit up until the feeling passes. About 10 minutes in I was feeling a bit better, sat down cross legged on my bed and looked around the room. I found myself concentrating on a fan in my room, the door nob, my mind was asking all sorts of questions and I was just becoming immersed into the present experience. Emotions came up stronger than previous times and I found myself stand up and walk into my kitchen. I decided I would cook some food because I could tell that I would be very hungry after the trip ended. A couple times I had an inspiration to eat some of the zucchini I was chopping and really feel and taste it with all my attention. I just experienced what it was like to cook while savoring all the sights and sounds. I observed thoughts coming into my experience like "be careful with that knife" "you are not sober so be extra careful" "Pay attention not to cut your fingers, It will hurt a lot if you do." all these thought were accompanied by flashes of internal images. I finished cooking and enjoyed my meal. trying my best to be focused on the taste and body sensations of chewing. 

It was an interesting experience. It effected me more than I expected. I don't plan to increase more than a half scoop each time. I think I will try to stay seated on my bed for at least an hour next trip. I bought 525mg of 5-MEO DMT so this batch will last a long time I think. I also have 525mg of 5-MEO Malt I might try after I have a more experience with 5-MEO DMT.

 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Jordan

[Jordan]

I took 5MEO DMT 3 times since I last posted. 2 at 2.5 scoops which were much stronger than the last time. I defiantly was not in the mood to walk around. I did not seem to get much out of them but it did help me get used to how it feels. I took 3 scoops for the most resent one which was hard to know what was happening. I was very focused and my body felt like it was shaking a different parts. I felt some energy moving and had to gasp for air at some points as emotions / energy was moving through my body. After coming back from it I did feel very grateful for my girlfriend.

I have been meditating averaging over an hour a day for the last 3 weeks or so. Some days it is around 3 hours, some days just 10 min. I started getting vivid dreams this last week and have been waking up in the middle of the night from them. They were nice dreams though.

In one dream, I was sitting on a raft with a propeller on the back heading towards an island. As I got closer to the island I could see the most beautiful mountains and scenery all around me. There was some guy across from me talking about something not very important. I responded to him but I was just thinking why would this guy waist time with words? the surroundings were leaving me speechless. I was crying from being so happy. Later, I was being taught by someone how to meditate while free diving. I was expected to hold my breath for 4-5 min while sitting at the bottom of a small lake.

In another dream I was traveling by foot. I think it was through china. I trespassed through people's farms making sure I was not spotted and asked a powerful person over a large screen voice chat for permission to cross his land so I could get to my destination. I could not remember my path I took to get there or where I started from when looking at a map.

I forget my other ones right now but Maybe I will write them down in the mornings when I wake up. I have been pretty tired this week from waking in the middle of the night. I hope my sleep gets a bit better as I continue meditating a lot. 

I got Covid 19 the last couple weeks so I stopped taking the ALA and DMSA. I will do a chelation cycle staring Monday

 

[Jordan]

I took 4 scoops 1 hour ago. I had a realization that I want to share before I forget. "This is what I know. That is what I understand" The only thing you know is the present moment. The focus of your attention is "this" and "this" is what I know. everything that is not "this" is "that" and "that" is what I understand. I have a strong desire to understand but all I can know is "this." No matter how well you think you understand something it is all imaginary and the only thing that you know is "This." It makes everything you understand impossible to know because "this" is all I know. I hope that is clear.

Earlier today I meditated 1 hour, took a 1 hour nap, watched some videos on chakras, meditated again for 40 min then took 4 scoops measured to 25mg of 5meodmt HCL (one of the scoops was maybe 0.75 of a scoop. 

[Jordan]

I plugged 4 full scoops a couple hours ago. My attention was much more focused than the other trips. I was sitting up how I normally meditate on my bed after the first 5 minutes. I took away that I need to spend less time trying to make my future better and more time figuring out how to enjoy the present moment. This shouldn't be done through seeking pleasure but by finding satisfaction whether there is pleasure or discomfort. It is nice to be able to concentrate well so I think continuing meditation 2x per day is a good idea. 

The last 6 weeks or so I have been meditating 2x per day averaging around 40 minutes each time. I want to start meditating 1.5 hours 2 times per day. Each 1.5 hour session I plan to do 3 different 30 min meditations one after the other. The plan is to do mantra meditation followed by body scanning vipassana followed by the do nothing meditation technique. When I first started meditating 2x per day I was getting extremely vivid dreams every night. I did have a vivid dream last night but it has not been every day for the last 2-3 weeks. I have been sleeping 5-8 hours usually averaging around 6.5 hours per night I think although I have not recorded the times. I was sleeping 8 hours average before meditating

[Jordan]

I plugged 4.5 scoops around 1.5 hrs ago and it hit me really hard. I couldn't sit up for a good 40 min. I didn't really realize I had a body for a lot of the time. It seemed like I could put my attention on something and that would become all of existence and everything else did not exist including myself.

When I started coming back I tried to figure out what was important and what I wanted most. I realized I need to sort some stuff out in my life so that I can focus on what I am doing without having things that can come up. There are some business taxes and book keeping that is late that I need to get done. I need to clean up my house and schedule out what I need to get done so that I am free to focus on how to live my life in a decent way that can help other people and the world. 

What I want most is to be able to understand at a deep level my body, emotions, other people, what it means to live a good life. 

[Jordan]

I did 21mg of 5MEO DMT a couple weeks ago and did not write anything about it. I guess I did not have much to say about it.

1.5 hours ago I took 3 scoops which is around 21mg of 5MEO DMT. I peaked for around an hour which has never happened to me before. It usually lasts around 30 min. I am still feeling the effects of it. I spent most of the time lying on my back unmoving just relaxing and feeling energy move around. I realized I spend way too much of my time doing useless things and should be spending this time on building something important with my life. I could be building a website or YouTube channel, trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone. I could see my relationship with my girlfriend and my parents from their point of view. I could spend some more time learning what their needs are and filling those. I can do a better job of understanding how my body works. How to massage, exercise, and make sure it is able to get though the day easily. Recently have food and knee pain quite frequently. I don't need to search for a better understanding of god right now. It is more important for me to focus on living the best life possible and get that figured out before spending too much time on spiritual pursuits although 30-60min per day should be fine. I need to show more love to myself throughout the day. If things trigger me to feel frustrated I need to recognize that pattern and just tell myself "I love you"

Edited September 6, 2022 by Jordan

[Jordan]

It is Saturday night now and since my last trip on Monday night I have felt relaxation and a vibrating pleasure sensation on my temples whenever I don't need to think about anything. If feels very satisfying and relaxing. I can just sit there and bliss out without worrying or thinking about anything.  I went to a friend's house party tonight and I had much less social anxiety and what quite comfortable the whole time there which usually doesn't happen. I am normally an introvert and feel self conscious at parties. I want to spread this sensation to my whole body if I can. It really feels great. 

[Jordan]

I filmed my first workout of my 6 month goal. I want to follow this workout 3 days a week for 26 weeks. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yEkERkC5e0

 

 

Edited October 3, 2022 by Jordan

[Jordan]

Wow, I didn't write in this since October.

I injured my back for a few weeks then my SI joint went out and I had a lot of pain around my hips so I stopped exercising. I plan to start exercising again but will be just doing whatever exercise I feel like every day before or after work. 

I have done maybe 5-6 5MEO trips since then but it did not seem worth writing down. More of the same stuff taking around 20mg of 5MEO MALT or around 25 mg 5MEO DMT. I think I will take a break from taking those until a feel like trying some more again. 

I have been meditating a lot over the winter break. Probably around 4 hours per day around 30 min - 75 min each time. Last night I tried a mantra meditation for 40 minutes that I had not done for a while. I had a vivid dream just like I used to get while using that technique earlier last year. The other meditating I had been doing did not seem to effect my sleep much. I woke up after 3-4 hours and felt like a had a lot of energy. Better than I usually do after 8-9 hours of sleep. I meditated, did a bit of exercise, then went back to bed because I wanted to make sure I wasn't too tired later in the day. I will try the mantra meditation again tonight and see if it has a similar effect. I plan to just stay up if I feel well rested and wake up earlier than I usually do. I might try keeping track of the dreams here. 

Dream from January 2, 2023 night:

I was watching my friend play a game of Starcraft 2. It was a Protoss vs Protoss match. He lost a game but was going to play a rematch. I recommended that he switch up his strategy and attack with a quick zealot speed upgrade with mostly zealots, sentries and a few stalkers but he didn't follow my advice and did his normal strategy just to lose again.  I woke up at around 4am and went to bed a bit after 12am.

 

[Jordan]

last night i did 40 min of mantra meditation on "Baba Nam Kevalam" I woke up 3 times during the night remembering my dreams. I did not feel full of energy like I did the night before when I woke up so I fell asleep fairly quickly after. I just remember 2 of the dreams now.

In one of the dreams, I was at some sort of crowded street festival. There did not seem to be enough food for everyone. I came up with the plan to set a food stand there and sell meals for $25 each. I remember estimating I could bring 100 meals in a rolling box there and profit $20 each meal making around $2000 in one day. 

In another dream I was in a classroom. We could move around the classroom to wherever we wanted to sit in the room. I kept losing my text book and started using a used one with some wear and tear on it. I was preparing for a quiz that we would be taking soon. I didn't know much about the subject but hoped I could just figure it out by myself without knowing what to expect. The details are a bit fuzzy now. I remember going from one side of the room because someone took my seat while I went to look for my textbook and I sat beside a cute Asian girl after finding an open seat somewhere else. The teacher came over and questioned me on some of the class material and I was really struggling to figure it out.  

[Jordan]

I just wanted to do a quick update. I have been switching my "Bama Nam Kevalam" mantra with focusing on emotions and using visualizations to shower them with acceptance, love and appreciation. I started Sunday night. I got the idea from a friend that said he started meditating on the "letting go" technique by David Hawkins. I looked at YouTube videos on it and I made up a much better meditation technique by combining other things I picked up from places I don't remember. I might make a video explaining it and doing a guided meditation when I flesh it out more.

I have still been remembering my dreams almost every day but I think they are less memorable when I have switched the meditation technique. I might just end the meditation with the mantra for 20 min so I can continue to enjoy dreaming. 

I also started chelating with 200MG of DSMA and 50 MG of ALA every 3 hours last night. I had stopped when I got Covid 19 then just fell out of the habit of doing it. I started feeling very tired and like it is hard to focus in the last 2 hours of my job today. I am not sure if it is from the pills or from being tired not getting the best sleep waking up after 3 hours and only sleeping 6 hours. I was feeling very energized this morning. 

[Jordan]

I plugged around 30mg of 5-MEO DMT today around 5 hours ago. My last trip was in January around 8 months ago. I have been meditating a bit on and off this year not being super serious in my spiritual practices. I would like to start a habit of 30-60 min meditation 2x per day. I would also like to start working out regularly again. I remember I got a small injury and stopped but didn't start up again.

During my 5-MEO trip, I sat down cross-legged on a pillow on my bed most of the time. 30 min felt like 2 hours. I spend a similar amount of time eyes closed and open. I looked around the room. Most shapes and colors looked pretty normal but it was still a very different experience than normal waking consciousness. At one point I looked down at my feet and the shaped did seem to blend together and it felt like I was being absorbed into them. I felt pretty relaxed.  

I realized that it would be a good idea to take more interest in understanding people better and allowing them to feel understood. I had a strong desire to really deeply know about different topics that came up in my mind like work and my relationships. There seems to be a lot of value I am missing by just knowing superficial things about everything and not understanding deeper. I noticed many areas in my life where I don't have all the information and I was just making assumptions but it would be easy to have a clearer picture by taking an interest and asking questions. I looked at my body and decided it is important to know as much about keeping good care of it as possible. I should be doing my own experiments to see what makes my body as healthy and strong as possible.