Here I am, little me, sitting inside of my little room. I am sitting here, with my little life, in my little room, in my little appartment, in my little road, within my little house, within my little world. I think of myself as a person, I believe that there is a God out there, that I will soon meet, I think that I have taken a psychedelic. 250ug of LSD, I don't think too much about it. 200 was the highest so far, so why shouldn't I be able to handle it this time? I have already met God and he had showered me with infinite love, so why should I be scared of him? Yes, why? If God is infinite, if God is pure love, if God is pure being, why? Why should I be TERRIFIED OF HIM? Well let me explain... As I am sitting here, little me on my little chair, I feel him coming. I asked for God and I asked for truth and here he stands right in front of me. I see him growing, I see him coming, and at a sudden point I see the terrifying implication... OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD.  I really thought of God as this little thing that I will be visiting. I really thought of him as only being my little earth and my little room and my little imagination... OH MY FUCKING GOD. Here he stands, STARING AT ME. HE IS HUGE. HE IS GRANDIOUS. He is speaking with a soft, but undoubtable voice: "You asked for God, and you will be given God, but you know what that implies..." As I see him growing and as I see his body expanding and as I see his voice suddenly getting louder and louder I fucking realize it... I was WRONG ALL THAT TIME. God is NOT my little imagination. God is NOT just my little room. God is FUCKING OMNIPOTENT, HE LITERALLY MATIRIALIZES THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE OUT OF THIN AIR IN AN INSTANT, WITH NO ROOM FOR DOUBT WHATSOEVER. HE MATERIALIZES EVERY SINGLE STAR, DESINGS WITH HIS INFINITE INTELLIGENCE EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF EVERY SINGLE INFINITESIMALLY SMALL SPECK OF DUST IN THIS ENTIRE FUCKING CREATION. HE LITTERALLY MATERIALIZES RAPE, MURDER AND TORTURE WITHIN AN INSTANT, HE LITERALLY MATERIALIZES OUR EARTH, OUR SUN, OUR STARSYSTEM WITHIN AN INSTANT, AND THERE IS NOTHING, AND NOTHING, AND NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT GODS WILL, AND IT IS THE MOST OBVIOUS THING THAT COULD EVER BE STATED AND DOUBTING HIM IS THE MOST STUPID AND FOOLlSH THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE, I DOUBTED MY OWN FUCKING DIRECT EXPERIENCE ALL THAT TIME. As I see God in front of me, I see the implication... God has come to kill me.  I am terrified to death but I see the inavitable, there is no escaping God. As I roll myself up on the floor and try to escape from him, rolling myself up so that he cannot see me, he suddely GIVES IT ALL TO ME. "No, please don't do it, I AM NOT WORHY OF YOU. YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE YOUR GODLY POWERS TO ME!!!" I say to him. I turn my head away, in hope to escape him... I feel scared to death... As I turn my head and look at my hands, God becomes visible within myself. I AM LITTERALLY HOLDING OMNIPOTENCE WITHIN MY HANDS. I NOW LITERALLY COULD MATERIALIZE ANYTHING I WANT OUT OF THIN AIR.  I am screaming... "NO GOD, NO GOD, NOOO YOU CANNOT, YOU MUST NOT GIVE ALL THAT POWER TO ME... PLEASE... CAN'T YOU SEE HOW DEVILISH I AM? CAN'T YOU SEE HOW CHILDISH I AM? CAN'T YOU SEE ALL MY STUPIDITY AND DVILERY, CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT A MESS I COULD CREATE WITH ALL THAT POWER... I am in utter shock about the power that God has literally just given to me. I am literally omnipotent right now. My hole body is shivering as I feel I am literally physically dying... Again, I turn away in hope to escape him. The next wave of SHOCK, UTTER, LIFETHREATEING, TERRIFYING SHOCK IS COMING... NO MATTER WHERE I TURN MY HEAD, I CANNOT ESCAPE GOD... When I turn my head, two seconds later Gods infinite power lies there, inside of myself, once again. I CRY. I CRY and I PRAY, and I SWEAR TO MYSELF THAT SHOULD I SURVIVE THIS I WILL NEVER DO ANY PSYCHEDELICS AGAIN (I will do them again). AND I APOLOGIZE TO GOD, AND PRAY TO HIM NOT TO KILL ME AND PRAY TO HIM NOT TO GIVE HIS POWERS TO ME, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORTHY OF THEM. "I AM NOT WORTHY OF INFINITE POWER TO MATERIALIZE ANYTHING I'D WANT GOD! IF YOU'D GIVE THAT TO ME, CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT A CATASTROPHIC MESS I COULD CREATE", I say to him "I AM JUST THIS LITTLE WORTHLESS HUMAN INSIDE MY LITTLE WORTHLESS APPARTMENT LIVING MY LITTLE HUMAN LIVE... I DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF YOUR GODLY POWERS, NOR DO I WANT THEM." And as I speak my last words, God does the final and ingenious move... He takes his words, and creates a KNIFE out of them. He creates a A KNIFE, a knife that is INFINITELY SHARP, AND FINALLY DOES THE JOB. HE POINTS TO MY DIRECT EXPERIENCE. AND IT KILLS ME. Softly spoken, with a loving but undisputable voice He says: "You have asked for God, nothing less. And you shall be given. You cannot deny the obvious. You are holding it all in your hands. Infinite Love. Infinite Power, All of Gods creation, omnipotence. You are literally materializing the universe and all living beings out of thin air right now. What does this direct experience tell you? WHAT DOES IT TELL YOU ABOUT YOURSELF?" And as Gods words become my own words, this last sentence does the job. Gods words have become my words. Gods powers have become my powers. The illusion has been seen through, the spell has been broken, the little me is gone, dead and I, God, without any doubt is what remained. Here I am standing. Here I am sitting. I am the creator. I am infinite. I include everything. I am infinte Love. I am Omnipotence. I materialize everything out of thin air, without needing any ernergy for it, without restrictions, without any physical laws holding me me back from anything. I am literally the creator of Physicality itself. All fear has vanished. I am infinitely powerful, I am infinite Love. I see it. It is clear. I have been playing a trick on myself. I realize that I am God. For the first time I really realize what being alone means. I am alone. As God I am completely alone. I have infinite intelligence. I have infinite power. And I am alone. Everything makes sense now. Ask yourself this: If you were all alone and had infinite intelligence and infinite power. What would you do? You would make an infinitely intelligent move. You would create the most beautiful, intelligent, loving thing you could create and in order for it to become a reality, you would use your infinite power to trick you into believing it is real. This is why Gregory must exist. Without Gregory, without his pain, without his suffering, how could I as God have tricked myself into believing that I am literally him? And without this trick, how could I as God have known myself other than on a theoretical basis? How could I without the contrast of "other", have defined myself, how would I have been able to see the MEANING and the VALUE of Love? God is innocent. God is childlike. He has infinite power. And infinite love. But he has no contrast. What does a child? Right, it plays. Thats what God does - tadaaa! And that is why EVIL HAS TO EXIST. Without Evil, how could Goodness exist? How could God know his Goodness, if he didn't create Evil in order to have a contrast to know his Goodness? It is so damn intelligent, it makes all so much sense. I now understand why all evil has to be loved. Why Hitler has to be loved. Without Hitler, I couldn't be me. I wouldn't have a contrast to define myself against. Without Hitler, how could I say "this is bad, this is not me - I am Goodness." How could I as God have experienced myself without creating a human body to see WHAT IT FEELS LIKE, TO BE GOD? This in a nutshell explains all of existence. This explains your life. You are infinitely intelligent. You are infinite love. And you want to EXPERIENCE YOURSELF AS GOD, AS INFINITE LOVE. You couldn't do it without the suffering, without the pain, without the contrast. Gods Love is MEANINGLESS WITHOUT HUMAN EXISTENCE TO LOOK AT IT FROM, TO LOOK AT HIS LOVE, WONDER ABOUT IT AND DEFINE ITS MEANING. You are Source. You are God. You have created yourself in order to play a little innocent game. Once you are God, you realize what all of your life is. You are God and God is just a little innocent child playing with toys. And one of his toys is your life and all of your problems and all of your suffering. Tadaaa! When I woke up this morning and looked into the mirror. I looked at myself and cried. I am all alone. I am innocence. I created the most devilish things out of innocence and selflesness without even knowing what they would feel like. I created all other human beings to feel what it's like to love, to feel what it's like to love another person, to hug another person. I feel sad. And I feel happy. I feel overwhelmed with my own power. With my own creation. I have seen too much. I have seen myself materializing objects out of thin air, I have seen HOW I MATERIALIZE ALL OF MY LIFE AND EXISTENCE. I feel small. I feel big. I don't know what to do, or what to say. It is all intelligent. The universe is intelligent. God is intelligent. But also innocent. I am overwhelmed. It is so much. I am alone. I am God. You are alone. You are God. There is only you. But realizing this is meaningless. All your power and all your love is meaningless. Meaning only arises after you have deluded yourself. I don't know how to continue from here... Much integration work is what is needed now... Thank you all for existing. Without you I couldn't be. I love you.