When Leo said I could end this universe, that sounded like an attractive option

[iboughtleosbooklist]

I'm so deep in apathy, and because my mind is like a whirlpool it just spirals me back down. I want to start from scratch. I can't escape the pain of becoming a person. I just want to swim and forget. Everywhere I look people love me, but that tells me this never ends. Literally wtf, it doesn't end. I'm everyone? Why is all the music that speaks to me so fucking depressing. 

It literally doesn't end. 24/7 awakeness for infinity and whoever I love ends up hurting me in the end and I ditch them. I want to be loyal to swimming only. Fuck technology. 

[iboughtleosbooklist]

I'm neo wtf. So I'm just meant to tear this place down. Or am I Jesus. Either way it's delusionally as fuck. I'm meant to appreciate this place but it sickens me.

[iboughtleosbooklist]

Please god let this just be a bad dream. I don't want control. Love hurts too much it gets my fucking hopes up fuckkkkkk

[iboughtleosbooklist]

I'm gonna end up exactly here, again and again for infinity. And everything I made before is swirling around in my head stopping me doing anything. Nahm told me to meditate but I can't, I just fucking can't. 

[Thought Art]

Please take a break. These ideas have nothing to do with your life. 

Go, relax, take a break from all this stuff.

Go talk to friends and family. 

Take a break from all things Actualized.org for awhile.

Infinity doesn't mean you will end up here again and again... It means things can be new and interesting and fun for ever. Not the same thing again and again. You are misapplying the ideas which is stressing you out.

These ideas should make life more fun and enjoyable. Your doing it wrong.

So, go relax and be normal. Chill, enjoy some nice tea etc.

Your just a guy or girl... You are living your life, just like the rest of us. Relax, chill, go play some video games, read a book. 

This phase you are in will end in time. It's alright.

Edited December 12, 2021 by Thought Art

[Mosess]

embrace your self@iboughtleosbooklist

[iboughtleosbooklist]

Even playing videogames hurts. I'm so empty so all that's left to do is go back into suffering, or die and respawn as a child, but I don't even think I'm capable of that, I have so little control.

Swimming feels good. Just like it always does.

I hope to god that my body will actually die.

It's the eternal dark nights of the souls which is the issue.

They last more like a month. And after that the eternal now is just always there, Leo is right only thing to do is forget, and that's only through deluding myself

[Thought Art]

@Judy2 Lol, dang!

Just kidding.

[Vincent S]

@iboughtleosbooklist This too shall pass. ✨?

[Nahm]

Don’t hang on to nonsense. 

 

Breathe, relax, be here & now, allow this AI / simulation story to empty. 

‘Go to’ perception & feeling. 

Let these thoughts be. 

Let this body do it’s thing. 

Get out of the way. Watch a movie or play a game. Relax. 

Take a week off from existential conceptualizing. 

[happyhappy]

@iboughtleosbooklisttake it easy.... no amount of conceptualizing will get us truth. 

take a break from the existential conundrum. but it's hard i know right now ,cause u will feel groundless .

life still  has amAZING SHIT TO OFFER!

don't u miss them!

[RMQualtrough]

This seems like mental illness IMO. You shouldn't be caught up in these things I don't think.

Neither you nor Leo can "become conscious enough" to end the universe in any way that is any different from how a person dying ends the universe.