URGENT! I Think I'm REALLY Gonna Kill Myself Tonight

[Apple Juice]

2 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

The problem may be that you've constructed an identity of who you are. That was just a mask you were wearing and identified with. If it changed, then that wasn't really who you are.

That's true and I understand that (conceptually).

But dude...Imagine if someone putted a spell on you or something and you started to feel that you're, I dunno, Jabba the Hutt let's say.You feel like him, you breathe like him, you're him.

Jabba the Hutt is just an image/a concept, not your true self, yes.But I'm pretty much 100% sure that you'd feel pretty bad about being him and would want your old self-image (your current fake self) back if that happened to you, even tho it's just as much of a false self as Jabba the Hutt.

We're all Infinity but at the end of the day a woman still feels like a woman, a man like a man, a child like a child etc.

[Nadosa]

Could you just be aware of any concepts going on in THOUGHTS?

I know what it's like to believe I am this and that, I was at a terrible place. But really, you are none of that.

Edited December 12, 2021 by Nadosa

[Zigzag Idiot]

 Jung advised to integrate the opposites,  Integration of the many facets of your existence. We are all multidimensional. Integrate, integrate, Integrate; individuate, individuate ,,,,, On average a woman's strength is the capacity to feel more than us men who are often conditioned in youth to shut off our feelings. So in general we can often work on building the trait (virtue) that is strongest in the opposite sex.

The New Testament councils to  become as little children and enter the Kingdom. We can learn from children how to regain lost innocence and not be cynical.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read - Groucho Marx.

Being lighthearted can be a healing balm for the soul.

 

8 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Could you just be aware of any concepts going on in THOUGHTS?

Sounds awful close to witness consciousness.

Edited December 12, 2021 by Zigzag Idiot
book instead of woman. i'm squirming Idiot again

[Thought Art]

@Apple Juice I get you. Just be patient. 
 

I can’t really relate because audios don’t have that strong effect on me…

but good luck with everything. 

[Apple Juice]

16 hours ago, Nadosa said:

Could you just be aware of any concepts going on in THOUGHTS?

I feel like "Mr. Testosterone" in my body too, not just in my mind.

Listening to a subliminal that says "I have a really deep voice, my voice is so deep" etc makes you embody that belief.

 

Edited December 13, 2021 by Apple Juice

[Tim R]

8 minutes ago, Apple Juice said:

If feel like "Mr. Testosterone" in my body too

@Apple Juice Could you describe that a bit more? 

[Apple Juice]

4 hours ago, Tim R said:

@Apple Juice Could you describe that a bit more? 

Well I still sound the same and look the same but internally I feel extremely manly because that's what my subconscious mind thinks I am.

It's like a transgender person who looks and sounds like a man but feels like a woman within or vice versa.Who/what you feel you are doesn't match your external appearance basically.

(I'm not sayin being trangender is a problem it's just an analogy)

Edited December 13, 2021 by Apple Juice

[Tim R]

@Apple Juice 

By no means at all do I intend to belittle your experience or suffering in this situation, but I need to ask you, how deeply have you considered that this:

18 minutes ago, Apple Juice said:

I feel extremely manly because that's what my subconscious mind thinks I am.

is literally nothing but a belief? That is to say, that your subconscious mind doesn't think that you are extremely manly? But that in fact, there isn't anything fixed within your psyche (your subconscious mind) which you now can't seem to get rid of?

And if so, why do you suppose you can't drop that belief? Could it perhaps be, that your inability to let go of that belief is itself rooted in the belief that you can't let go of your belief? And that you are somehow irreversibly transformed into this extremely manly persona? I hope you understand what I mean. 

[Apple Juice]

@Tim R It doesn’t matter what I believe.The fact is that I do FEEL like a manly dude, from first hand experience.An experience is not a belief.

[Thought Art]

8 minutes ago, Apple Juice said:

@Tim R It doesn’t matter what I believe.The fact is that I do FEEL like a manly dude, from first hand experience.An experience is not a belief.

Isn’t that what you wanted ?

[Apple Juice]

3 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Isn’t that what you wanted ?

HELL NO! I just wanted my voice to be a little deeper, that’s it. 

Edited December 13, 2021 by Apple Juice

[Tim R]

6 hours ago, Apple Juice said:

@Tim R It doesn’t matter what I believe.The fact is that I do FEEL like a manly dude, from first hand experience.An experience is not a belief.

@Apple Juice I didn't say that the way you're feeling is a belief, I only suggested that you might feel that way because of a belief.

 

[Eternity]

Suicide is not what's it's cracked up to be.  Not a problem solver, just another set of problems you have to deal with.  Read the following:

The Morning After I Killed Myself | A Poem by Meggie Royer

Posted at 13:26h in Awareness by elliesbus2 0 Com

by Meggie Royer

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up. I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels. The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed. The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication. The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach. The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

[Blackhawk]

I don't think your voice got any deeper. You only think it got, in your own mind.

[EyolfTheWolf]

Your true challenge is not your voice, nor is it looks, nor is it anything in the material world. 

Your true challenge is overcoming your beliefs about you not being happy until you get something. Are you open to the posibility of being happy with whatever you´re going through? 

I would be open to the posibility that you are the creator of whatever emotional state you are in, and you can choose to feel differently 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM1q5JWxAgo&ab_channel=RewiredForSuccess

[MarkKol]

let go of all this, Let go of personalities and realize that nothing has actually changed. go spend time doing something you like for example listening to songs you loved as a kid, songs you loved before Mr. steroid

"Mr. Testosterone" doesn't exist, it was just your scared self all along.

Just
Let
Go

or even better go put yourself in a though Survival situation and see how much you'll care about personalities when you do that, think of that situation yourself. I'm sure the homeless think that their biggest problem in life is their personality . You remind of someone crying over the death of a fictional character. 

oh yeah and stop listening to any type of "Subliminal audio/music" and realize how silly & ridiculous it is that you've even thought of killing yourself because of your personality. my observation is that you've created a imaginary problem for yourself because you have nothing else to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQetemT1sWc

Edited December 15, 2021 by MarkKol
the beatles

[MarkKol]

I know for a fact that you're having trouble reading these posts of people trying to help you, its because your problem is completely made-up and you don't care enough to consider actually implementing anyone's advice, because deep down you know its made up and imaginary. so just relax and let it go.

saying this with love and compassion.

[Apple Juice]

9 hours ago, EyolfTheWolf said:

Your true challenge is not your voice, nor is it looks, nor is it anything in the material world. 

Your true challenge is overcoming your beliefs about you not being happy until you get something. Are you open to the posibility of being happy with whatever you´re going through? 

I would be open to the posibility that you are the creator of whatever emotional state you are in, and you can choose to feel differently 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM1q5JWxAgo&ab_channel=RewiredForSuccess

Being truely detached from ANYTHING material is a big fucking challenge.Only very spiritually advanced people can do that, I'm just a normal guy.

If you tear out all my teeth and burn my face I don't think I would be happy.Of course that's worse than feeling like Mr. Testosterone but you get my point.

10 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I don't think your voice got any deeper. You only think it got, in your own mind.

Sounded Tom Holland-ish, now I sound more like Justin Timberlake.It got deeper.

8 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

 

Wait, so on one hand, you claim that you sound and look the same as before, but on the other hand you say that felling overly manly is not a belief, but your actual experience? How can it be an actual experience, if you think, or at least have a suspicion, that you actually sound the same as before?

If you actually sound the same, others should be able to verify. Just talk to them and ask them if your voice sounds any different than before. If they say no, just keep doing that, until you confirm to yourself, that you're no longer "Mr. Masculine", or whatever. Sounds like this is purely an easily debunkable identity you constructed in your head.

I sound and look youthful, I feel like a very manly type of dude.It's not hard to understand.

Edited December 15, 2021 by Apple Juice

[Ulax]

@Yarco Don't be a dick. Its not commenter's responsibility to avoid that sort of thing.

All the best OP.

[OBEler]

@Apple Juice I had almost the same Issue like you(but not so hard). 

I was a weak guy with arms like bones. Then I thought I want muscles and went to the gym. In 3 month thanks to my genetic and hard Training I became very muscular. No clothes fit anymore, every one saw my changes. I reached my goal and I saw me in the mirror with all these muscles. But something was off. I felt strange, it was too much change for my ego in too short time. I had thoughts of quittung the gym to go back to my old body. 

But I kept on pumping, in the hope that these new muscles will be some day a part of me. I realized that with this new powerful body my personality also needs to change so that they fit together. I was always introverted and shy, non Interested in social things. But suddenly I was in the Center of attention. So I changed my personality slowly, looked for hanging up with extroverts. I adapted and was a new personality. 

Now I am a bit older and understand that people can change but that there is a core that always stay the same. I can be introverted, extroverts. And if I loose all my muscles I would be ok. I will have such identity loss issues not anymore, it went quiet away after some months

Maybe you can learn something from my story. Go to the gym if your new personality doesnt fit to the rest of you. Become the full Mr Testosteron and then let go of this personality. transform it. You are above these ego games, but right now you are totally emersed in it like I was and that feels weird and can be shocking. It is a Phase, I hope you have some faith. 

Edited December 15, 2021 by OBEler