Panic brings me back

[Persipnei]

Something weird thing is happening to me the last few months and I'd love some thoughts and ideas.

Most evenings before I fall asleep and sometimes just in the middle of the day, my conciousness seems to disconnect from my body. I am completely aware of me, but the world seizes to exist. It's really pleasant, and am grateful that it happens, but every friggin' time after a few seconds/minutes my brain interferes, I get a "shit, I'm dying" panic feeling and I snap out of it while taking a big breath in. Meditation leads to the same result, especially in longer sittings. I know that I'm not panicking because it's me dying, it's about leaving my kid behind.

I'd love to get over this, and have no idea how. This forum has helped me a couple of times already when I am in need of new input, so feel free to share anything that comes up. I appreciate it greatly!

[Nahm]

@Persipnei

Are you open to the possibility of letting go of ideas (vs getting more)? 

[Persipnei]

11 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Persipnei

Are you open to the possibility of letting go of ideas (vs getting more)? 

I let it happen for multiple months, but it's a bit frustrating that it always ends in the same way. I try to let go, but the frustration steers me in the opposite direction. Not sure if life is telling me I have to focus on this or just the other way round.

[Nahm]

@Persipnei

It sounds like some of the distinctions, or the way me, kid, life, death, body & consciousness, and the resulting frustration & panic are framed up could use some reconsideration or inspection. These might not be as separate as is held in mind to be, and the depth of letting go is allowing the releasing of these distinctions, but then they’re held. That which is thought to be frustration and panic, might not actually be felt to be frustration or panic. 

[Inliytened1]

19 hours ago, Persipnei said:

Something weird thing is happening to me the last few months and I'd love some thoughts and ideas.

Most evenings before I fall asleep and sometimes just in the middle of the day, my conciousness seems to disconnect from my body. I am completely aware of me, but the world seizes to exist. It's really pleasant, and am grateful that it happens, but every friggin' time after a few seconds/minutes my brain interferes, I get a "shit, I'm dying" panic feeling and I snap out of it while taking a big breath in. Meditation leads to the same result, especially in longer sittings. I know that I'm not panicking because it's me dying, it's about leaving my kid behind.

I'd love to get over this, and have no idea how. This forum has helped me a couple of times already when I am in need of new input, so feel free to share anything that comes up. I appreciate it greatly!

why do you have to force yourself to get over this?  you still have some attachments to this world.  That's OK.  You have an eternity to awaken.

 

 

[WelcometoReality]

2 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

why do you have to force yourself to get over this?  you still have some attachments to this world.  That's OK.  You have an eternity to awaken.

@Persipnei You'll get over this when you're ready to transition. No need to force things. ?