Is heaven being with your loved ones forever?

[iboughtleosbooklist]

If so then this is eternal recurrence. How else did I imagine myself to be a child? I can't handle being an infinite mirror, bouncing from person to person. The universe with multiple personality disorder. Oneness is not heaven, it's completely pointless. I know the love I feel for my mother is an illusion, it's just a sensation that I'm giving myself.

Or am I just being overly nostalgic? I can't accept being trapped for eternity with no meaning. Wtf am I missing. I love her.

[Tyler Durden]

Your loved ones are actually you. Without you they wouldn't exist. You created them because you needed them at some point. Ultimately you're alone as God.

[iboughtleosbooklist]

Yeah so I could create them again. Because that's unacceptable, knowing the level of suffering I went through to gain their love (so I think).

I can't remember, I'm disloyal. I fall in love with people, things, ideas, sports. But now I'm empty, only my parents remain. Alone for eternity.

Unless, I can explore for eternity with them, then it's heaven. But I can see there's no control. COVID is fucking everything. I'm in and out of a therapists place, I feel totally empty. I just don't know. Everything is already perfect, why would I create more when everything is already perfect.

I just don't know. God would never want to be God. The crown of thorns. Or I'm missing something.

Edited December 9, 2021 by iboughtleosbooklist

[Nahm]

27 minutes ago, iboughtleosbooklist said:

I know the love I feel for my mother is an illusion

Love is unconditional & infinite (real).

The knowing is what is illusory as love is not two. The knower of anything is illusory, as love is not two.

Hence, Nonduality. 

There isn’t a separate self which knows, has, or understands anything about love. 

The ‘trap’ isn’t that there isn’t meaning, the ‘trap’ is believing thoughts, or, experiencing thought attachment, and being in denial / insisting you are the separate self which knows stuff about love. 

Meditation is “the answer” so to speak, because that “knower” is “the separate self”. There isn’t actually a separate self, there are only thoughts that there is, and the believing of, or ‘attachment to’ those thoughts, even though those thoughts all feel discordant. 

Self Inquiry.

SELF INQUIRY

This is a meditation technique of enlightenment, i.e. "self realization". By realizing ‘who’ you are, the bonds of suffering are broken. Besides realization, self-inquiry delivers many of the same benefits as other meditation techniques, such as relaxation, enhanced experience of life, greater openness to change, greater creativity, a sense of joy and fulfillment, and so forth. 

Focus on the feeling of being "me," to the exclusion of all arising thoughts. 

1. Sit in any comfortable meditation posture. 
2. Allow your mind and body to settle. 
3. Let go of any thinking whatsoever. 
4. Place your attention on the inner feeling of being "me."
5. If a thought does arise, ask yourself to whom this thought is occurring, as this returns your attention to the feeling of being "me."
Continue this for as long as you like. 

This technique can also be done when going about any other activity. 

Many people misunderstand the self-inquiry technique to mean that the person should sit and ask themselves the question, "Who am I?" over and over. This is an incorrect understanding of the technique. The questions "Who am I" or "To whom is this thought occurring?" are only used when a thought arises, in order to direct attention back to the feeling of being "me." At other times the mind is held in silence. 

This practice of turning awareness back upon itself, prior to the ‘I’-thought, is a gentle technique, which bypasses the usual repressive methods of controlling the mind. It is not an exercise in concentration, nor does it aim at suppressing thoughts; it merely invokes awareness of the source from which the mind springs. The method and goal of self-enquiry is to abide in the source of the mind and to be aware of what one really is by withdrawing attention and interest from what one is not.

In the early stages effort in the form of redirecting attention from the thoughts to the ‘thinker’ is essential, but once awareness of the ‘I’-feeling has been firmly established, further effort is counter-productive. From then on it is more a process of being than doing, of effortless being rather than an effort to be.

 

If the info here doesn’t cheer ya up, the monster face will. I mean just look at it. 

[mandyjw]

Love is not a sensation or an emotion... or it is all of those when they are clearly felt or made aware. Separation is illusory, love is the only real knowledge, but it's blind to other. Negative emotion means separation is being imposed by thought. 

Nostalgia that feels like love is truth. Nostalgia that feels like longing or loss is delusion. You know by how it feels. 

[iboughtleosbooklist]

I never really accepted that my parents would die, and I'd be alone forever AND have no control. This is dark.

[Shin]

You won't be without meaning forever, at least it's not gonna be like you think it will be.

It's gonna be more like infinite aspiration, joy, energy and love.

You'll be with your mom forever too, cause she was you the whole time, so as Leo, people on this forum, the chair/ceiling, past/future, other dimensions, me and pretty much everything you could think of and can't.

[iboughtleosbooklist]

You'll be with your mom forever too, cause she was you the whole time

Why does this make me burst into tears. I can save her. I don't want to be an adult.

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, iboughtleosbooklist said:

You'll be with your mom forever too, cause she was you the whole time

Why does this make me burst into tears. I can save her. I don't want to be an adult.

If you can save her, then do everything you can.

If you can't, the best thing you could do for her is to accept it totally, and be as happy as you can to spend her last weeks/months/years with you.

[iboughtleosbooklist]

I feel empty while talking about these horrific ideas. Atleast that means I've let go of them to some extent.

[mandyjw]

empty (adj.)

c. 1200, from Old English æmettig, of persons, "at leisure, not occupied; unmarried" (senses now obsolete), also, of receptacles, "containing nothing," of places, "unoccupied," from æmetta "leisure."

Watkins explains it as from Proto-Germanic *e-mot-ja-, with a prefix of uncertain meaning + Germanic *mot- "ability, leisure," possibly from PIE root *med- "take appropriate measures." A sense evolution from "at leisure" to "containing nothing, unoccupied" is found in several languages, such as Modern Greek adeios "empty," originally "freedom from fear," from deios "fear." "The adj. adeios must have been applied first to persons who enjoyed freedom from duties, leisure, and so were unoccupied, whence it was extended to objects that were unoccupied" [Buck]. https://www.etymonline.com/word/empty?ref=etymonline_crossreference#etymonline_v_5826

 

Really, is that how you feel? 

[iboughtleosbooklist]

I feel fine. I could handle this feeling for eternity *shivers*