Motherhood

[ElenaO]

Luke doesn't like putting new clothes on. Either because he's very self-conscious or just because he doesn't like any changes. I think the former one is more likely. It's Halloween today and he does not want to put the costume on (we bought spider man), Carl could get on him jack-o-lantern pajama on him though. We'll go trick or treating today at 6pm with Sammy as well. Sam's got his own pumpkin costume. Carl bought for himself a red t shirt with a carved pumpkin face. I'm going to wear mickey ears. Luke does not want to go, but he'll do it (thankfully Carl will be with us, because he'll do almost anything with Dad). 
 

[ElenaO]

I'm sick for the 5th time since Luke started preschool (this is crazy! arghhh!). I have a sore throat and I am feeling tired. Sammy got his covid, flu, hep b and pnemoucoccal conjugate shots today. I feel so bad for him! Poor guy, he's already teething (second tooth, yay), sick and now also COVID shot? 
I felt awful after mine a week ago (not as bad as for the other ones though). 
Me and Luke are doing much better though. He hugs me a lot and generally is feeling pretty good. Apparently he has a friend (well, "friend"), Vera at preschool. I'm sure it's really not anything, just funny. Her mom tells us that Vera speaks about Luke, that he's kind and that he is her favorite <3. 
That makes my heart melt. 
  

[Yimpa]

I appreciate your patience and tenacity! 

[ElenaO]

11 hours ago, Yimpa said:

I appreciate your patience and tenacity! 

Thanks so much. 

[ElenaO]

Sammy was feeling bad yesterday, he had a low grade fever at night and in the morning. COVID shot, probably. I gave him tylenol, it wasn't easy because he did not want to drink it from the syringe. 
Carl is gone now with Luke. It starts to become a pattern that I have both kids for 45m-1h in the mornings so that he can nap. Yesterday though that was too much (but it often is like that, it's still worth it), because I also cooked breakfast for everyone and had to clean up after too. It was hectic (not that it isn't usually, but it was especially at that time, with Sam feeling sick, etc.). 
It was the first breakfast together that we ate at home all. We've been to cafes a couple of times together for a snack, but this was a fully cooked one at home. It's nice, but it puts a lot of burden on me, so next time I'll tell Carl to either cook or clean up after. 
I need to lose around 10 pounds of weight (8 would be fine too). I gained it during pregnancy and probably also after birth some too. It ain't easy.
 

[ElenaO]

Luke is sick again, I noticed he has fever right before he went to bed. 101 F. Sam was also feeling off after his second nap, it was intense It gets to me sometimes... It's just walking around and trying to soothe him. It rained almost the entire day today and my mom was off today too. I walked to Ken's market, and bought a small piece of smoked gouda - it was nice but later I regretted it (when will I lose all that weight?). 
I'm tired even though I kind of napped in the morning while Sam was napping.  

 

[ElenaO]

Turns out it's some stomach bug, that got Luke sick (he has diarrhea, and poor appetite). Sammy continues to be very fussy, I have no idea why - I wish babies could speak and explain what is going on! I went in the morning to Herkimer coffee shop and wanted to get a latte, but the line was insane so I just left and got one from Diva. It was refreshing to do something I really liked! Gave me energy to do things later. 
My mom and Luke went to Children's Museum in the afternoon, which was nice, because they often come back when I want a break (to poop, to change, etc). They went back by bus from downtown. 

[ElenaO]

I do think I know why Sam is fussy - he's awake a lot during the night. I increased his last wake window to be 3.5 hours and it seems to have helped just a little. He wasn't doing as bad this morning, however, I've heard him making some sounds at night. His eyes were closed but he was making whimpering sounds, like if something was bothering him. Then at times he'd open his eyes for a second and then close again. 
While Luke is at preschool and Sam is sleeping I'm trying to learn how to teach yoga.  

[ElenaO]

I am still confused on why Sam sleeps so badly. This morning I saw him whimper in sleep and then he suddenly woke up startled. Is it dreaming? 
He appeared tired this morning and wasn't happy generally. 
I do feel pretty tired, my feet are tired too. I went to the dentist yesterday and got my first crown installed (never had this before). It was so long and I got so exhausted mentally. I also didn't do any numbing because I don't usually do it. This was fine until they started putting some rubber in there, that was hurting on my gums. It was also so expensive! I paid $625 with insurance coverage.   

[ElenaO]

Sam has been sick, it turns out. He's still sick, it's been over a week. He has had rash for the last 3 days, and has been crying on and off - no question more than usual. Sometimes it's just too much, I understand he feels bad but carrying him around is just exhausting. Sometimes I have these thoughts - when will this marathon end? When can I rest? 
Luke slapped Sam yesterday, which always triggers me so much. I got so upset. I started crying, Luke was crying, Sam was crying the least, interestingly. 

 

[ElenaO]

There has been so many changes since I wrote. We're worried about Sam's gross motor development. We missed his rolling milestone. He's sitting now, but the rolling is a missed step. That may also stop him from crawling. 

I'm seeing a PT for 2 h for assessment at Boyer's clinic on Jan 9th. It's been very stressful and made me worry a lot. Carl bought a Kindle book for me on rolling so I'm reading this now to figure out all the mechanics and why we're still not there where we should be. It's strange how two brothers can be so different. Luke was rolling very early, definitely by 5 months of age. Sam's almost 9 months. I think it has to do either with some tension, or something else is going on. 

Luke was sleeping on his belly since he was 4.5 months old or so. Sammy sleeps on one side or just back. It may be because he doesn't roll. If he would he may have moved to the tummy too. 
 

[Michael569]

@ElenaO looks like you've gone through a lot this year. I bet every day brings a different challenge.

Just wanted to say that I think you're doing great and it sounds like you're a great mom 🙂 hope you don't give yourself too much of a hard time when things aren't 100%

Btw when i was a kid i was motorically delayed across the board got both the pedi and my parents concerned. I caught up with the other kids eventually and turned out just fine. I'm sure not all kids follow a textbook development, nature works in many ways sometimes and lot of those periods are statistical.

Hope you're well ❤️

[ElenaO]

@Michael569 I really appreciate your kind words <3

[ElenaO]

I somehow got out of the habit posting here.
We went to Boyer's clinic and it turned to be pretty productive visit. Should have done it earlier, really...
Sam is starting to put his arms on the floor to reach for things, which means he's getting ready to sit up on his own. We're also working on kneeling and standing on all fours with support, though this is only possible for tens of seconds. 

Cecilia, the PT which assessed him said we're at 7-month development in terms of motor. And Sam is 9 months now. 
She said that this isn't crazy and we can work on catching up.
We already had a session on MLK day with her, she came over to our house (so so helpful). The session was right on point and we learned a lot of exercises to practice. 
I do feel I'm more exhausted than usual because I put more effort into all of these. It was way easier to just focus on tummy time which Sam was doing on his own anyway. There's a whole set of exercises now and you need to really juggle which one to do when (when does Sam tolerate, etc.). though I do realize that change doesn't happen without effort. 
 

[ElenaO]

Carl's mom is about to die (or so we think). She certainly wants to die (at least that's what she says). He spent 1.5 days in Spokane trying to resolve some of the issues. And he's spending now hours on the phone trying to arrange a facility for her. It looks like we'll have to pay for it, at least for the first month, until medicaid can take over (hopefully they will).
It's been very scary to listen to all of the details - they're truly dreadful. His mom did not plan anything at all, so now her children have to take care of it. 
It was hard to be alone with Luke and Sam for an entire day. At some point I felt I am going insane, because Luke is a very talkative child and I would listen to it the whole day. We did manage to get out, to go to a cafe for a cookie. It was helpful but by that point I had such a shallow breath from all the stress (Luke has been attacking Sam from times to times) that I really could not enjoy much of it. 
I did enjoy though the evenings with Luke alone, when Sam was asleep - we would cook dinner together and he would surprisingly eat it. He's picky so it always feels like a win if he does eat. 

 

[ElenaO]

Now on top of all that, our pediatrician referred us to neurodevelopmental MD. That makes me worried. I do not notice anything in Sammy that would indicate this (except for motor skills delays of course), but really could it be bad?
Just thinking about it spikes my cortisol levels.  

[ElenaO]

We had Ceci (our PT) come over again today. This time we're working on getting from lying to sitting, it's half way there, just a little more left to master it. 
Sam has been sick and has a raspy voice. I wonder if I should have canceled this appt, but on the other hand when we'll we have time to catch up? One thing I didn't like is that I couldn't tell her that I don't really want any kind of cuddles involved from her part.