Motherhood

[ElenaO]

We had a nice little Thanksgiving in our own family. Had turkey, broccoli, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie (fully Paleo, I baked it myself). Carl did buy cool whip though, so there was a little bit of sugar to it. Ate around 11:45 before Luke's nap because later it would have been to hard. I usually try to eat heavy food before 3-4 pm. Once Luke woke up we drove to Discovery park and walked around the beach. It was sunny but windy! Lots of people there too. Everyone's pretty tired though, I had to stay up late yesterday to bake that pie, Carl didn't sleep well, Luke didn't sleep enough. Hope we all recover over the weekend. 

[ElenaO]

Regarding the ultrasound on Nov 20. Everything looks good except for one kidney which is situated lower than it should, it's called pelvic kidney. From my understanding this won't affect the pregnancy but may have consequences for child's health later when he's born. Will need to see specialists. They also scheduled a follow up ultrasound to see if baby has fluid blockage because of the issue. Hoping for good news. 

[ElenaO]

wow, it's been a while. So many things have happened. 
Sam came to this world on April 5th 2024! I've had complications after delivery and stayed in the hospital for entire 3 days - and what is with a 2.5 year old at home and a newborn a few days old! Carl took this all on him, my mom came to help with Luke. 

It's somewhat easier with Sam than it was with Luke, because I know quite a few things, but it's still brutal because I'm overwhelmed and often very tired - watching two kids is never easy. 

[ElenaO]

It's funny how Luke makes up stories. A lot of times it's something that his dad did, and he tells me the story as if he did this: I went to fred meyer and bought the tweety backpack (we actually found it on the street) for one dollar. 'Mom, you have to buy the chair pillows, because grandma rose is coming in an hour home'. Also asks me to buy things as well. Today he said, you need to buy не настоящий grass (not real grass), and I'll remove the one we have in the backyard and put this one. 
Sam's sticking his tongue, rolls to one side (not both though yet, has rolled from his tummy once to his back so far). Holds his head very well for a long time now. Also is completely sleep trained (amazing!) and was already sleeping on his own by 11 weeks old (yeah, sleep people out there saying that your baby has to be 4 - 5 or 6 months old to do that, doh, you're wrong!). 
I think we need to start transitioning to 3 naps though, because sleep at night hasn't been great (2-3 wakeups). Sam used to give me even 7-8 h stretches, but not anymore.
We're shortening Luke's nap too. 

 

[ElenaO]

I'm very tired. My feet are exhausted, my arms are exhausted and my temper and patience aren't at the level they must be. Very tired. 
I'm both waiting and dreading Luke going to preschool in less than 2 weeks. I know it will be a major change for him, he's never been without parents, except when he's with grandma, but he's known her since newborn phase. 
Sammy is fussy right now, maybe because of 4 to 3 nap transition, maybe other reasons, who knows?
Luke runs and kisses his legs when he's crying - so cute! He thinks that that will stop him from crying. (Haha, I may have done this before and he learned). 
I am trying to tweak Luke's schedule, and put him to sleep earlier in the evenings so he gets enough sleep, because his behavior is terrible at times. He bites, screams, cries often, throws things and kicks. This comes in bursts. 
He's also afraid to be left alone now, which is a completely new development. I mean he used to be in the backyard all by himself just a few weeks ago. This is not a thing anymore.
 

[ElenaO]

I want to cry - this is how hard it is. Sammy was crying and fussy almost the entire day. It gets to you when it's all the time. It was also raining the whole day and I just don't feel any joy about this. I slept very poorly last night, Sam woke up so many times: at 10:40, at 2:30, at 4;00... At that point I put the fan on and stopped listening because I knew I would be a wreck. It's hard... And I'm worried he may be sick. I may take him in for a doc appt on Monday if this doesn't improve. 

[Leo Gura]

@ElenaO Good to see you back.

[ElenaO]

Wow, thank you Leo! Flattered you wrote

[ElenaO]

Sam cried for an entire hour before falling asleep for his last nap today. Mind blowing. Luke threw up in the morning multiple times  You can get gray hair no problem if things continue like this. If someone reads this, it'll make them think twice before getting kids. 
Man, this puts you back to your place so you don't feel like life's too easy. 
Carl is also mad with me - says I don't show any affection and am not being nice to him. I mean how can I be nice when all I'm doing is surviving. 
Sarah, our new nanny, will start coming on the weekends for 3 h in the mornings. I don't want to see or hear her, because I'll know I'll hate how she behaves and does her job. 

[Michael569]

Welcome back and congratulations on the birth of your second son .

I appreciate the brutal honesty of your journal. Me and my partner are now starting to plan baby after having got marrier last week and there is a lot to take in consideration. From reading your journal, it seems like no matter how much you prepare, you can never quite be ready for what's coming. 

Thank you for sharing all this. 

Edited September 2 by Michael569

[ElenaO]

On 9/2/2024 at 1:48 AM, Michael569 said:

Welcome back and congratulations on the birth of your second son .

I appreciate the brutal honesty of your journal. Me and my partner are now starting to plan baby after having got marrier last week and there is a lot to take in consideration. From reading your journal, it seems like no matter how much you prepare, you can never quite be ready for what's coming. 

Thank you for sharing all this. 

Thanks so much, Michael! 
Congratulations on your marriage! Yes, you're right - no matter how much you prepare it's going to be rough! (or at least for me it was!). 
 

[ElenaO]

Luke's going to preschool on Monday. I'm already having nightmares about this. One the other hand, sometimes our mornings are so miserable that it's maybe for the better. Even though I'm pretty sure he won't be a fan of it. 
There were 2 poop accidents today and all I did (it felt like it) was cleaning the poop from the floor, toilet, etc. It still smells like poop in the bathroom, no idea why, I thought I cleaned anything I could find. 
Sarah, our nanny, is coming tomorrow to spend time with Luke in the morning, while Carl will be golfing with Nick, his friend. The amount we pay her is mind blowing, but again it's Carl who's paying (35 an hour). 

[ElenaO]

Sammy is so cute, it's amazing. I definitely feel more joyful this time around, but he's also just such a cutie 

[ElenaO]

Luke went with Sarah to the zoo. He thought it was fine (but how much can you trust a 2, almost 3, year old?). 
Amazingly he had trouble falling asleep for his nap, which never happens. So he finally gets enough night sleep it looks like. He was jumping in bed on the mattress, rolling around, hugging his toys, and fell asleep only 40 minutes after I left him there. So we'll get up at 7:15am instead tomorrow. 
Sam can control his torso and upper back pretty well. If I stand with him looking at the mirror and then start moving away from it, he turns all his upper body to look again. It's very cute how curious he is. His big blue cute eyes are wide open when he looks around  

[ElenaO]

There has been a lot since I wrote. Luke went to preschool and on the third day got sick with a horrendous stomach bug. He was throwing up nonstop for an entire day. I got sick the next day and went through the same. He kept throwing up for a few days after, just not as intense. We ended up being all sick, including Sam (thankfully, he wasn't throwing up, but had all the other issues). It was the most horrible sickness I've had in years! (except for the infection I got right after giving birth lucky me this year).

Now 2 weeks forward, we are all sick again. This time probably got it from my mom. Luke had high fever for 2 days straight, today no fever it seems. I was very low energy yesterday, did not even feel like walking. Sam got this again too. This is some sort of cold virus.
Luke is probably going back to preschool tomorrow. Oooff, it never gets boring here. 
 

[ElenaO]

Ooooh, it's been a crazy day. Luke had fever yesterday and elevated temp today and didn't go to preschool neither Tue nor Wed. Yesterday he was low energy and it was easy to handle this, but today he's all frisky. I'm very tired because of all the illnesses we've had and also from poor sleep (Sam wakes up 3-4 times a night and I go console him). So today was a perfect storm day. Luke did not want to go wash his hands after short walk, before nap. And I forced him, because he's touched trash etc. And from then on it has been an hour of hell! He would not put on his diaper for sleep (we put diapers for sleep, though he's toiled trained for a long time, but during sleep he can pee because he's not conscious). He would not go upstairs. He would not change the shirt. He would literally not do anything, and I seriously needed some rest. Meanwhile Sam woke up from his nap, probably because we were making so much noise, Luke was screaming. I literally feel like I do not want to see Luke. This is so uncommon! I am really angry with him. 
He makes me really hate having children - I am questioning myself, why did I do this!!!
I really don't want to talk to him, see him, or do anything with him. He's making my life harder, harder than it already is.  

[ElenaO]

Luke is still behaving like he hates me. I know he doesn't, because there are glimpses of him being a sweet boy again. My theory is that all the pent up emotions from preschool are being released around me. Also around my mom. This is manifested with protests to do really anything - no brushing the teeth, no changing boxers, no peeing, no going upstairs for a nap. Right now Carl does the nap part - he puts him to bed, brushes his teeth. It's also very hard to get him out of the door when my mom comes, so Carl helps there too. 
It is very frustrating. I'm very angry too so I try not to be around him when I feel like this. 
I understand that it's hard to be at preschool, but it becomes impossible for me to get anything done with him. And it complicates everyone's life. My mom is also pretty depressed and desperate. 

[ElenaO]

Luke's sick for the 4th time since we started preschool on September 9th. He had a fever yesterday and napped or lay down for the first half of the day. Yesterday when asked what hurt him, he managed to explain that it's his throat. I myself feel a throatache and malaise, today better though. He gave him tylenol today in the morning, he was high energy already, and shipped him to preschool. 
Sammy is all the time whiny, probably because of the move to two naps. Or because he learned that he can be? The sleep overnight has improved but we're still back at 2 feedings a night. I talked to Stella yesterday and her 10-month old wakes multiple times, but she said she's firm about feeding once after 4am. She also shared her frustration with Alice - her resisting everything and bedtime being such a drama. 
Luke shared in the evening before bed a few details from preschool (rarely ever happens). He said he used a paintbrush to dry off the green slide they have there. I asked if he uses the slide, and he said: yes, when it's dry. He also said that he probably has another orange slide at preschool (has to be verified, not sure it's true?). 
We did have my mom over yesterday because Luke was so low energy, but Carl and Luke did manage to actually go to Pagliacci for a pizza slice, and even drove to Sunset Hill for a short visit. The Pagliacci idea came around when we were looking at the photoalbum and Luke said: yummy pizza. I was: do you want a slice of pizza now? He agreed. But then said he wants pizza with his dad, not with mom. So I wrote to Carl and they left after 20 minutes. 

[ElenaO]

Luke is back to being very sick. He complained yesterday of the ear pain. Carl and him are going to the doc at 1pm to see what's going on (though I know it's an ear infection, but not sure if there's anything we can do). 
Yesterday he skipped his nap again. Probably too overwhelmed from preschool. They did tell he had a lot of fun there (I very doubt it's a LOT of fun). 
Kai (our new babysitter) will come in 2 weeks, will see if Luke will tolerate her better this time around. 

[ElenaO]

It turned out to be an ear infection, a bacterial one to add more. He felt BAD. Didn't sleep well a couple of nights. High fever. We started amoxicillin for 7 days. Never had this before. How ironic is when people say: daycare is good for your kid! interaction is good for your kid! My kid has never had to take antibiotics before he started preschool. He has never had an ear infection in his life before he started preschool.