An Invaluable Resource for Healing Core Attachment Issues

[kieranperez]

Attachment is a very deep subject in both spirituality and psychology and the healing of our core attachment wounds improve both those separate lines of development (not confusing spiritual development for realization). This link stems from the work of Daniel P Brown whose has not only been the lead pioneer in attachment research in the world of psychology and psychotherapy but also an advanced Vajrayana Mahamudra that’s been trained by some of the best including the likes of the Dalai Lama. He’s written works like Transformations of Consciousness with Ken Wilber as well as his groundbreaking work Pointing Out The Great Way. The extent of his work though is really a magnum opus in itself so I won’t really do it justice. 

Anyways..

Many of you are probably kinda crazy like me. I have a lot of trauma but also was diagnosed with ADHD as early as 6 along and so forth. I notice some of you on here point out that you guys struggle with similar things and coincidentally that shows up as issues not just in day your meditation/spiritual practice but also your relationships and other behavioral patterns. One of the things that’s being found with ambiguous issues like ADHD for example is not just that it’s a multidimensional issues that likely doesn’t have just one source but that it’s also commonly rooted in things like attachment disorders/disturbances based on the 5 pillars that constitute healthy or unhealthy attachment but also things even like trauma and even prenatal trauma. Now trauma and attachment disorders aren’t really the same but they “interact” or relate. This has become an issue for many of us (particularly boys/guys/men) in this day in age due to the transformation that’s resulted in the modern and postmodern family system as it moved out of more traditional family systems prior to women joining the workforce and this children had less attention and nurturance that were too busy working (PLEASE RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO FALL INTO IDEOLOGICAL THINKING WITH THIS AS THATS NOT WHERE I’M COMING FROM). I imagine many of us don’t really notice this stuff because it’s become so normal at this point we don’t really see it unless we visit or interact with families in say the 3rd world like say in Tibet (I’ll get to them in a little bit) that don’t have the kind of neurotic dysfunctional family issues that we have here in the west (particularly in America).

To highlight this I want to share some things that might illuminate this a bit more using both Tibet and Tibetan Buddhism. There’s a story from some time ago when the Dalai Lama was at a press conference and a Buddhist practitioner (I think it was actually Sharon Salzburg if I’m not mistaken) asked the Dalai Lama about self loathing. The Dalai Lama stopped the press conference for some minutes to speak to his translator. He then proceeded completely bewildered and spoke how Tibetan people don’t have that and how he couldn’t even comprehend why people would do that to themselves in that it was completely unheard of to him. Which isn’t really a tell tale sign about his enlightenment as much as it is a sign that that truly doesn’t exist in Tibet despite the suffering of many people there. It’s a cultural thing. You see, when Tibetan monks practice Loving Kindness in formal Tibetan Buddhism, you know what their practice is? They visualize their mother as their mother was perfectly loving for them. Those early healthy attachment bonds are in place in those early years and that’s really a cultural thing. Can you imagine how many westerners would struggle with such a practice? I know I would and I know I’m not alone as this is common in todays modern and postmodern world relative to the simplicity that comes within a traditional culture. I even notice the contrast in psychological temperament when I hangout with friends that grew up in more traditional upbringings (particularly eastern but even Christian too). 

Now, what are those 5 Pillars of Attachment?

1. Safety
2. Attunement (usually with the mother)
3. Delight
4. Affect Regulation
5. A sense of support for being and becoming one’s unique best self.

If you’d like more details into each of these pillars you can check out the following text in the following link: https://www.onlyyouforever.com/the-5-pillars-of-attachment/

So what do you do if you have any one of those needs or issues in any one of those 5 pillars? Well, here are some resources for you that stem from the work of Daniel P Brown.

The first one I suggest is to go to the following link: https://www.attachmentproject.com/

There you can find therapeutic modules and resources to truly heal these wounds and attachment disturbances. They are incredibly affordable as, from what I recall seeing, being under $60. That’s a great deal in my opinion. 

The next one is what is called The Ideal Parent Visualization which Dan Brown actually guides that you can find here: 

https://www.integralsomaticawakening.com/resources

The protocol for this practice is to do it right when you wake up. If you have a meditation practice you do first thing in the morning, do it before you start your usual practice. 
 

This practice is one that’s serves multiples purposes. First off, it’s of course about healing and cultivating core attachment wounds by visualizing (and you can really include the somatic field of your experience - this is big for me personally - if you’re not the best at visualization) perfect ideal parents that aren’t in the image of your biological parents and cultivate those core aspects in your own experience slowly over the course of weeks and really many months. Ultimately though this also evolves into a deeper spiritual practice where the goal is to eventually merge in union with the perfect parents in your visualization as it really is on par as a deity practice. Oops! Did I give that away?! Don’t worry about that though. That’ll happen if and when it happens. Start where you’re at and don’t shoot for anymore than where you’re currently at. 

There is so much to really say on healing this stuff. Yes it’s nice that it does help promote greater spiritual development but it also helps with healing those core wounds that were created in relationship to others in our childhood that land us sleeping with people that not so coincidentally are very much like our parents and we relate to in the same subtle ways with them as we did with our parents and getting into the same kind of relationships again and again and again. This is karma. We’re trying to fill deeper needs that we didn’t get early in childhood and unconsciously find people to fill those needs. That’s okay. We’re just trying our best with what we got whether we know it or not. There is a way to satiate these unmet needs though. I highly recommend checking those resources out and of course also getting good psychotherapy that deals with these attachment issues. Generally I hear tell it takes 3-18 months to really heal these kinds of disturbances. If I were you though I’d throw away these timelines. If this resonates with you I highly recommend you give yourself what you’ve been looking for. Take care and thanks for staying with this long post if you’ve made it this far. I hope it serves you.

[kieranperez]

@Leo Gura come on, no credit for sharing this on your forum before you posted on the blog? lol

[CultivateLove]

@kieranperez Hm. I wonder what your need for recognition says about your attachment style 

Assuming he even read and remembered your post that's almost a month old, you really think he hadn't heard about attachment theory before?

Do you think you're the first and only one who post about attachment style on this forum?

[kieranperez]

Just now, CultivateLove said:

@kieranperez Hm. I wonder what your need for recognition says about your attachment style 

Assuming he even read and remembered your post that's almost a month old, you really think he hadn't heard about attachment theory before?

Do you think you're the first and only one who post about attachment style on this forum?

First off big guy, it was a joke. So stay in your lane. 

Second off, I don't know what Leo knows or doesn't know and neither do you. So let's make that clear.

I've yet to see this stuff really being talked about in that much depth that I've shared here as well as actual resources when it comes to working with attachment disturbances. I never said I'm the first to talk about it. I was intending to share resources and an understanding that, from my POV based on what I've seen and mores haven't seen, was lacking in the forum that I wanted to highlight and share as this is a really common thing that can cause a lot of deep issues for people in life as well as their contemplative endeavors. 

[CultivateLove]

29 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

First off big guy, it was a joke. So stay in your lane. 

Ah it was a joke, simple misunderstanding then 

[Yidaki]

Thank you very much for sharing such an important topic. I am a clinical psychologist, and beyond theory I have seen in everyday practice the extent to which so many of our functioning boils down to this matter.

Thank you

[kieranperez]

8 hours ago, Yidaki said:

Thank you very much for sharing such an important topic. I am a clinical psychologist, and beyond theory I have seen in everyday practice the extent to which so many of our functioning boils down to this matter.

Thank you

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