How to ovecome mild childhood trauma?

[rd5555]

I've began to look back through my childhood to work out where my fears, insecurities etc stem from.

I've discovered some really minor events, and a couple of moderate sized events that have shaped my psychology.

For example, when I was like 13, i had a group of friends I was close with at school, I was pretty popular up until this point, but after losing touch with them (my choice to distance myself from the group and play xbox) I then spent about 2 or 3 years trying to get close to them again and it didn't really materialise.

So about 13 years later, I've realised I have a fear of rejection, I care a lot about what people think, insecurities about being unpopular, I feel like I keep a guard up with a lot of people in social situations, and I can be pretty quiet.

 

So my question is basically:

I do already feel a bit better from uncovering this from my childhood, but I'm wondering what the next step is?
Do I just change how I interpret the situation?
Do I begin challenging these limiting beliefs?
Is there anything else, and in which order would you recommend please?

 

thanks

[SonataAllegro]

Continue to notice the manifestations that this event has on your present life. Do not judge them. Do not make a story about yourself based on them. Do not feel that they shouldn't be there. Do not judge yourself for judging yourself - this process is hard.

The reason they're being uncovered now is because an opportunity is presenting itself for you to challenge them - maybe by changing friend groups, by finding counterexamples from your past, by going to a workshop, etc. But until now, you may have been unwilling to change the situation. Until you challenge them, they will persist, but don't be hard on yourself for not being the way you want. They will change when you're ready.

[Hugo Oliveira]

Same here bro.
I suggest you be humble about what is annoying and accept it a little bit. Put your focus on what feels good and functional. Them, use that positive energy to raise your vibe and open yourself to see beyond these limitations.

In my case, I had severe trauma. I went to heaven and hell to move against it for years, and now, it seems stronger than ever. And me, weaker.

I suggest using whatever little space of peace as a sacred temple, instead of being fully in the war, make yourself grow from where you find love and acceptance, make it your source of knowledge and growth. 

Feel free to DM

[flume]

On 07/12/2021 at 1:33 AM, rd5555 said:

So about 13 years later, I've realised I have a fear of rejection, I care a lot about what people think, insecurities about being unpopular, I feel like I keep a guard up with a lot of people in social situations, and I can be pretty quiet.

Yes, this is a very "normal" reaction to trauma. What you described is you responding to the past, not to the present. Those feelings still linger inside of you, unprocessed... And they're acting up. Asking you to do something with it.

It's already a great step that you're aware of where it's coming from.

On 07/12/2021 at 1:33 AM, rd5555 said:

I do already feel a bit better from uncovering this from my childhood, but I'm wondering what the next step is?
Do I just change how I interpret the situation?
Do I begin challenging these limiting beliefs?
Is there anything else, and in which order would you recommend please?

The next step is grieving and working through what happened to you. Grieving the "original event", letting out your anger and sadness about it. There are some great visualisations about that. I'll see if I can find something useful on youtube and I'll pm you. Or you could find a friend, a mentor, a therapist or someone who holds space for you while you go through the event again. That, in my experience, IS KEY! I've tried a lot of talk therapy and "limiting beliefs exercises", but nothing really made a difference in the end.

Changing how you interpret the situation is not gonna be a long term solution ime. It's not getting to the "root". Emotional hurt has nothing to do whatsoever with cognition. Understanding why you feel a certain way doesn't change how you feel. Dealing with an issue on an emotional level will cut the time it "bothers" you by a lot.

When you then see clearly where these limiting beliefs are coming from, they'll evaporate for the most part. 

[Michael569]

reach out to Maria for down to earth and compassionate guidance ^ 

[Superfluo]

Check out some posts of mine, I have several ones on healing, traumas, exercises, methods, belief system, conditioning, work on shadow and subconscious, ecc. They are extensive, comprehensive and offer step-by-step advice.

[Nahm]

On 12/6/2021 at 7:33 PM, rd5555 said:

I do already feel a bit better from uncovering this from my childhood, but I'm wondering what the next step is?

Recognize the feeling of relief & expression are inseparable, like sharing a discordant secret and thus liberating of it. 

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Do I just change how I interpret the situation?

That is the outcome of expressing.

You can also do the reverse and entertain different interpretations, while feeling the subtly of discord and alignment for more adjacency to truth. Notice you’re doing that effortlessly right now while reading this. 

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Do I begin challenging these limiting beliefs?

They are already perfectly, naturally ‘challenged’ in perfect time, and this discord is felt when the discordant beliefs are activated via relativity, or, simply in being around other people and different situations. 

Imo, rather than an orientation of challenging beliefs, orientate toward the easiest & most natural alignment possible - what you want. 

Make a dreamboard. Two birds one board. Focus upon wanted, let’s say, ‘activates the body’s natural tendency to clean out’. Limited beliefs come up & out all on ‘their’ own. Daily meditation & daily usage of the emotional scale make for a smooth ride. 

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Is there anything else, and in which order would you recommend please?

Get out there and experience new stuff. Get. Crazy. To the extent your budget and schedule permits….

Think up who would be most opposite culturally etc, to you, and go talk to that person in person. Go to a country you haven’t been to. Make recipes from other countries for fun. Do the practices of different religions for a week. If you’re male, ask a female what’s it’s like being female, and listen. If you young, ask the old, and listen. If you’re old, ask the young. If you’re straight, ask someone who isn’t and listen.

Never ‘wait’ when waiting, do somethin new, something you haven’t done before. Learn something you would never otherwise learn. Examples for me… long line at Walmart yesterday, asked the lady in front of me what her dream is for her life. She thought I was nuts initially, and hugged me on her way out. (Separate example) learned how to use a sewing machine to make a dress for my daughter. Bonus; now it’s easy to finally make t-shirts fit. Listened to a genre I never really resonated with for a week (country music) turns out it’s all about God & love it now.  You get the idea here. You won’t remember who you thought you were. Whatever comes to mind for you, try it out & enjoy. 

[Breakingthewall]

When there is trauma, there is a defense mechanism that covers that trauma, hiding its influence in your way of being present. to uncover the trauma is therapy. In my experience, mushrooms are tremendously effective, and so is meditation. when you see all that in a fair way, without judgment, suddenly you see the elephant in the room. It is incredible not to have seen it before, planted there, but the mind is cunning.

[Raze]

Try the Sedona method or Byron Katie method. You can also try letting go by David R. Hawkins. I also suggest internal family systems therapy or self therapy by Jay Earely.

[Cathal]

Yes letting go: pathway of surrender is a must to understand in the sense of what surrender will do for you if you commit to letting go of the negativity and identifying with the pleasure you get out of the positionality you're in, in your case you avoid confronting your negative emotions by remaining quiet and avoidant.

Surrendering the right way, to what is as it is, to the trauma at a felt level is the only way you will actually feel free of it. If you try to resolve it within your thinking mind, or think it doesn't deserve the same level of attention as severe trauma because it's 'mild' you will just keep dragging it on and on only to continually repress it through intellectualization 

and tbh, this anxiety and social aversion is not mild at all. it will cripple you

Edited December 10, 2021 by catcat69123

[PeterRck]

Thanks for sharing man .

I can relate to discovering your childhood trauma. I had some serious childhood trauma which I suppressed until my early 30s because I had to concentrate on my career. Sex alcohol and partying was my go to whenever I felt uneasy however, as I am slowly becoming  a responsible adult and these habits are losing their appeals,   I knew I had to go back and deal with my issues .

my advise to you is to go see a therapist you will be surprised how many new things will emerge as you go through this process. It is not an easy task but trust me you will feel so much better afterward. 
 

Best of Luck