How can I help my friend?

[Ayham]

Hello there folks, this is something somewhat serious about my friend in school, i will tell the story in chronological order. 

 

Basically 2 years ago i met someone who became my friend, we had a lot of common, he was kinda depressed and his parents abused him.

So after some time he became very religious, i guess he found comfort in belonging and feeding his ego, but he also became an extremist dogmatic person, he cut out relationship with most people who weren't "religious enough". 

We debated a lot but never came out with anything, another thing is that he is supported by almost everyone since here in iraq, stage blue is really dominant. 

i thought that wouldn't last for long and it's a phase, but he basically evolved, he became dogmatic about politics (he's conservative), hating on shia'a (basically a branch of islam) and the main thing im worried about is that he started supporting ISIS (a terrorist organization). 

Now for me this is pretty serious, since i am from another province which ISIS took over when i was a child and we had to start from ground zero here as a family, and because of that my father left us (he's alive but it's complicated). 

 

How can i get my friend out of this stage blue prison? I shared the start section of actualized.org but he didn't care about it, i want to share something that would open his mind, but i have no idea, just browsing through actualized.org channel might make him refuse the whole idea. 

I also fear that if he somehow got into this "work", he would become dogmatic about it or might put @Leo Gura on a pedestal or something. 

[Terell Kirby]

54 minutes ago, Ayham said:

How can i get my friend out of this stage blue prison?

Trying to change others will lead you to much frustration. You are not here to force change onto people. In this situation, focus on what you can actually control, which is your emotions.

Instead of trying to change your friend, ask yourself if you can love him as he is. If not, it is best to move on and find more compatible friends.

Edited December 6, 2021 by Terell Kirby

[funkychunkymonkey]

@Ayham hate to put it like this but YOU cant really pull someone out they have to develop themselves because they want to. but you can change your own views and find compassion in the situation 

[Nahm]

Don’t debate, exemplify & talk in simple terms about simple down to earth stuff in regard to his life & fulfillment therein. There are reasons people want to move from blue to orange, think of those reasons. Don’t make it about religion or culture, just simple and relative to him. Examples of some motivations to move from blue to orange… not having a boss, not punching in & out, no salary cap, etc. With him, at least initially, I wouldn’t mention any specific resources, or even models like spiral dynamics. First he needs to realize his own why. Also, he might not be interested. 

[Preety_India]

Leave this friend. Quit communication 

 

 

[Ayham]

@Terell Kirby i just noticed that i started focusing more outwardly instead of inwardly because of this, thanks

@funkychunkymonkey guess he will develop at his own pace, thanks for answering. 

@Nahm good suggestions, very practical, i will try to make him develop himself into orange but i won't force it, thank you nahm. 

@Preety_India hello there, i always see you around here! Well you're right, I won't try to directly start conversations or talk since i need to focus on myself, but i think i can help him, but i will try to think beyond stage green which i think i am growing into. Thank you!