love languages vs masculine femenine

[mamad]

our gender must determine our love languages or it is irrelevant?

as a man in a relationship to a woman if your love languages would be word of affirmation and quality time instead of act of services , does it make you more femenine in relationship and kill the attraction in the long run? 

whats your opinion about this?

[Leo Gura]

Quality time is my 2nd love language.

[Seed]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Quality time is my 2nd love language.

What is your first?

[mandyjw]

Irrelevant. Love languages are actually limitations you've put on love. The concept is good in relationships, because they help to understand each other and help to let go of grudges and expectations for the other. For yourself it would be desirable to determine what yours are in order to recognize your expectations, let them go and be left with none. The less you demand love look a certain way or come to you a certain way, the more you recognize it everywhere. 

 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

I feel like love languages are independent from masculinity and femininity. The whole love languages thing can be limitted as @mandyjw said but imo it can be a good starting point for understanding what makes you and your partner feel cared about. 

I don't know what words of affirmation and quality time have to do with femininity but I know that there are men and women who consider themselves to lean more masculine who have those two as their main love languages. I always saw the love languages as gender independent lol. 

 

[mamad]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

@mandyjwThe less you demand love look a certain way or come to you a certain way, the more you recognize it everywhere. 

 

 

good perspective to gain but while choosing a roommate for a lifetime its not reasonable to see through this paradigm. it is not working in the long run

my ex`s love language was buying gift it was fun at first to get a gift every date but it meant nothing to me but whenever she said I love u she made my day which was unpleasant for her to say since it was not her language. this was a big lack of compatibility

Edited December 6, 2021 by mamad

[mamad]

18 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@soos_mite_ahI don't know what words of affirmation and quality time have to do with femininity

in my mind act of services and buying gifts are more pragmatic and YANG since it shows protectiveness to the other partner.

word of affirmation and quality time are more emotional oriented and intimate type of languages which are more YIN.

[Lyubov]

Your love language doesn’t make you more masculine or feminine. There are masculine and feminine ways about everything. You can also have a mix. Be predominantly masculine but sometimes be feminine and your love language may be recharged by a more feminine activity. 

[mandyjw]

2 hours ago, mamad said:

good perspective to gain but while choosing a roommate for a lifetime its not reasonable to see through this paradigm. it is not working in the long run

my ex`s love language was buying gift it was fun at first to get a gift every date but it meant nothing to me but whenever she said I love u she made my day which was unpleasant for her to say since it was not her language. this was a big lack of compatibility

Yes but those are all limitations. Imagine if she learned to love saying I love you and you loved the gifts, but no one really NEEDED any of it.

When I consider my love languages they are the same as how love was shown growing up. Quality time was HUGE, it was a strong point in my family. Gifts were not at all, even thought of as shallow. My parents almost NEVER exchanged gifts, ever. So if a guy got me flowers, I'd only be pleased with flowers he grew me or picked himself. If he spent money I was disgusted. So, of course, I married a man who is the buying flowers type.  I had a hard time receiving material stuff. It was not a love language, it was just a blockage. 

Language is just a means of interpreting through. It is not the means of love itself.

Edited December 6, 2021 by mandyjw

[soos_mite_ah]

2 hours ago, mamad said:

in my mind act of services and buying gifts are more pragmatic and YANG since it shows protectiveness to the other partner.

word of affirmation and quality time are more emotional oriented and intimate type of languages which are more YIN.

Why is pragmatism associated with yang/masculine energy while emotions are associated with yin/feminine? 

[mamad]

46 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@mandyjwLanguage is just a means of interpreting through. It is not the means of love itself.

like it.

it requires deep work to transcend all the languages and see the unity through each one of them and of course when you become that enlightened you could happily live forever with anyone even Adolf Hitler himself

but I prefer a partner to relate to her in both surface and depth

51 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

So if a guy got me flowers, I'd only be pleased with flowers he grew me or picked himself.

we are the same

[mandyjw]

31 minutes ago, mamad said:

like it.

it requires deep work to transcend all the languages and see the unity through each one of them and of course when you become that enlightened you could happily live forever with anyone even Adolf Hitler himself

but I prefer a partner to relate to her in both surface and depth

we are the same

Love is easier than easy though, so its not as much work as you'd think. For example, appreciating my hubby and letting go of expectations and judgements is waaaaay easier than exhuming Hitler's body.