Forgetfulness & making mistakes: Neurosis?

[Matt23]

In jobs I've had in the past, and life in general I suppose, I notice that I seem to often be quite forgetful of things (I dunno if it's a lot or not as I don't have anyone to compare with).  Practical and physical things.  Like leaving and forgetting objects around (e.g. I left the lock to our chairs outside today at work and they were taken, forgetting to fill a car's gas tank, etc.) and also working memory: things like just remembering orders and keeping track of things in the world.  For example, I work at a cafe and have to remember people's orders.  Today I messed up I think a few times in remember what they said, I did that last week as well, and my boss seemed to be frustrated at that.  

But, I dunno, I just wonder if I'm making more mistakes, being more forgetful, and maybe not having enough mental brain power or capacity than most people (perhaps a cause of not enough mental capacity is an overload of emotional stuff happening).   

I guess I've kind of always felt and seemed to feel very anxious and pained or something and pressured with having to do things like that... even math I felt similar and in school.  Stuff with details n stuff like that.  I felt I struggled a bit all through school, especially with math and languages (french in particular).   Like, I passed math 11 with 52% (I think my math teacher was being nice).  Math had always felt like I my mind could keep hold of the concepts.  like I'd get it then not. 

Either way... a little tangent...

But ya.  

I just get the sense that maybe my mental capacity isn't as robust or strong as others... 

So I'm wondering...

1. If this is actually the case or maybe I'm totally normal/average.
2. If I am having troubles (and I seem to and feel I am and, in any case, want to improve it), then why and how can I improve them?

For some reason, the "why" is a big one I feel a strong desire to have answered...   I suppose it could be many things... 

perhaps some deep seeded fear or belief around failing, being capable or not, being alone or abandoned, which might make me either tense up from fear and thus narrow my cognition.  Or perhaps it's a belief that makes me unconsciously make mistakes.  

...

I do remember Leo talking about how clumsiness is a neurosis.  I've noticed that as well... Like the more fear I have, the more tense and rigid I get, and the more mistakes I make.

..

Fear = narrow and rigid mind and body = not perceiving clearly / truly = not seeing all possibilities = making mistakes    ...? 

I dunno.

 

What do you think about this subject?

Do you see it play out in your own life?

Have you dealt with it and previously overcome it?

cheers

[Matt23]

Just got fired.

My boss said it was because it seemed I didn't care.  He also said I had missed an order twice, accidentally broken the cash register which cost him $400, and yesterday lost the chair lock, and that he demands more/a lot from his employees.    (I would also peg the owner's center of gravity around high Orange/ low Green, or the Achiever stage in Susan Cook-Greuter's model of ego development.  So I dunno, if that model had any bearing on reality and how much love and development and caring a person has, I don't see them as very unreasonable or "good"/nice people... combined with most of the interactions I've had with them... they seem like good people).

He even said he spoke with others about me for feedback.  I'm interested and curious to really know what they said just to fucking understand what really is wrong or happening.  I don't know.  Not like so I'd know who said what, so without names.  But just to know what others' perspective of me is so I can have that information to help work on myself etc..  

I understand the part about not feeling/being able to afford those mistakes as a business and practically speaking. 

But I suppose what gets me a big and I don't really see, know, or really get/understand (maybe) is the part about not caring and how he connects that to my mistakes...  Or even if I didn't care enough or something (compared to others).  

I even asked him, compared to other employees he's had in the past, if I made more mistakes than usual.  He said it was a bit unusual.  

I just want to know what it was really, and what is happening.  

 

I feel most of my life I've sort of lagged behind on the cognitive aspects of things.  At least when it comes to being with others.  Maybe alone I feel more clear cognitively or something (I dunno about this part, but the first part I feel is true somewhat).  

 

Maybe I don't care as much as others and I haven't been aware of it and maybe this causes me to not work as hard. 

 

I feel I really do try to do a good job, work as much as I can, let others know if I feel bad, and that I do value doing well and good at my jobs.

I'm beginning to question this.  This is my experience anyways.  So, maybe compared to others I'm not as good or high up, but maybe as me it's where i'm at and feel better maybe than I used to... 

 

Story story story. 

I dunno.  

 

Edited December 6, 2021 by Matt23

[Nahm]

Matt A doesn’t experience comparative thoughts about others, or any thoughts about what other people think, and finds that to be other peoples’ business. He doesn’t hold how he feels to be related to what others might or might not be thinking. He finds it hard to relate to the issue of errors & memory difficulties. 

Matt B lends a significant amount of mindspace to comparing himself to others, mostly in regard to what other people might think of him, and has done this for a long time and thus doesn’t really notice how frequent it is, and how it plays a role of mental congestion in regard to experiencing memories as arising on time effortlessly. 

Sorry to hear of the job loss, in a way. Am I just a total asshole if I suggest in any way that losing that job is actually… what you wanted?  If so, add a spoonful of sugar. Or of course just let me know I’m being an asshole. Might be a line though. 

 

Another angle… how would you rate the desire for what you want on a scale of 1 - 10? And how would you rate the experience of doubts arising on a scale of 1 - 10?  Ten being lots of desire, feels awesome daily… and 10 being pretty much overwhelmed with doubt daily. Whatever that feels like when you consider it… is that feeling close to the same feeling when you think about the errors & memory issues? 

In arriving at a number on the ten scale, it might sound like 10 is ‘I know exactly what I want and very much feel the desire & excitement for it. And 10 on the doubt scale might sound like ‘I experience significant doubt and do not really know why’. 

[Human Mint]

It sounds like a 'don't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree' kind of thing

[Terell Kirby]

I used to deal with being forgetful and making mistakes a lot. Growing up, my parent made me feel bad about it all the time (I think it was a major contributor to my childhood trauma).

It could be neurosis involved, but the important thing is to not take forgetfulness and mistakes too seriously (in terms of  letting them define you).

Humans are flawed beings, if any person criticizes another for making a mistake .. they are foolish. Mistakes are a part of the human experience. Learn to love yourself unconditionally.

[Preety_India]

Your boss is a narcissist asshole. Stuff happens, he should have let go. 

But obviously you're aware how stage Orange losers work. Everything is profit for them. 

Meanwhile coming to the problem of forgetfulness. That's not a good thing because good memory is an essential life skillset. There are mothers who forgot their babies in a hot car. You know what I mean. 

If you kept something on a stove and forgot you could end up burning your house down. So take this problem seriously. It can impact your domestic life in much worse ways.. 

Work on your memory everyday with memory training programs. Keep reminders ready. You have to be a bit OCD about these things. Learn hard. Train your brain. 

This problem can be resolved with great determination. 

I used to forget that I had rice cooking on the stove and I used to burn rice quite frequently. But these days I'm in good control of how I manage my stuff. 

I was extremely absent minded and forgetful for many years. Now I have gotten a grip on my memory issues. Things are better after I began to work on my memory. 

It's the most important life skill. 

 

Goodluck. 

[Terell Kirby]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

But obviously you're aware how stage Orange losers work. Everything is profit for them. 

You are projecting .. not all of Stage Orange is toxic.

[hyruga]

Miss 2 orders, Customers angry frustrated? Potential current loss and future loss?

Cash register spoilt, Loss $400.

Chair lock gone, loss? Time and money it takes to replace it?

 

Did you offer to help them replace the chair lock? Did you offer to have part of your pay deducted?

Stop judging your boss. The problem starts with you. Start judging yourself first in any case.

[Matt23]

18 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Am I just a total asshole if I suggest in any way that losing that job is actually… what you wanted?  I

No.  Absolutely not being an asshole.   I actually laughed out loud when I read the part about me wanting to lose that job.  Maybe I didn't enjoy it.  Maybe subconsciously that's something I made happen.  Dunno.  But thanks.  

I haven't fully digested what you wrote.  But I will and will respond once digested.  

I guess I'm just really wanting to get a better ability to remember things better and be more functional... but actually, upon writing this, I felt like no, it's not what I really want.  I desire to just rest and be and left alone and be alone and enjoy my time alone.  to be with others maybe is something I find difficult and I desire to be with myself and allow myself to be alone.  To make things alone.  Maybe even just work alone.  I dunno.  

It's like ya, I don't really want that memory thing solved, but part of me is like "Fuck.  I gotta learn how to be more effective (e.g. remembering stuff) in the world or I ain't gunna be able to support myself."  ---   So, I dunno what that means or how it will work; might be things like supplements, heavy metal detoxing, and stuff like that (i.e. fixing hardware issues), or stuff involving psychology and awareness (i.e. healing the software), or maybe it's interpersonal stuff (i.e. interface issues).  Dunno.  Could be a combo.  

Thanks for the repy

5 minutes ago, Human Mint said:

It sounds like a 'don't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree' kind of thing

 

Just now, Terell Kirby said:

I used to deal with being forgetful and making mistakes a lot. Growing up, my parent made me feel bad about it all the time (I think it was a major contributor to my childhood trauma).

It could be neurosis involved, but the important thing is to not take forgetfulness and mistakes too seriously (in terms of  letting them define you).

Humans are flawed beings, if any person criticizes another for making a mistake .. they are foolish. Mistakes are a part of the human experience. Learn to love yourself unconditionally.

Right. 

But also there's the part about actually being able to climb the tree in order to get the fruit and just survive and support oneself.  This is kind of the part I feel maybe most concerned about.  I gotta learn how to support myself in some way that's sustainable and feel (and actually Be) able/capable on a practical level.  So just learning how to improve cognition and memory etc, learning causes to issues relating to it, etc..

Again, though, not saying psychological-emotional stuff wouldn't help either (like being more accepting and unconditionally loving of those aspects).

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I was extremely absent minded and forgetful for many years. Now I have gotten a grip on my memory issues. Things are better after I began to work on my memory. 

Nice.  Sounds something like worth looking into.  Cheers

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Your boss is a narcissist asshole. Stuff happens, he should have let go. 

I wouldn't go that far.  I mean, I really don't know in the end how much of his interpretation of things came from a place of "unreasonableness" (like just not liking me for some shallow neurotic reason--- which I really doubt).  But I suspect part of the equation was maybe just like trying to run a business and just financially not being able to afford too many losses.  That's understandable to me.  If I was a business owner, I'd probably be a bit uptight about how much my employees made a mistake.  

 

 

[Matt23]

13 minutes ago, hyruga said:

Stop judging your boss. The problem starts with you. Start judging yourself first in any case.

I think you're over-estimating how much negative feeling and judgment I have towards my bosses.

Haha, I don't think lack of judging myself is a big issue for me lol.  It seems I do it more than enough (and I don't think any amount is helpful--- "judgement" in the negative sense, not the "critically looking as objectively as possible at a scenario in order to improve" sense).  It just seems like bad advice for me at the moment.  maybe since it's already something that's happening in spades.  Dunno.  But allowing it to be is probably wise. 

I probably feel more like a failure sort of.  Like fuck.. ugh... not again matt - sort of thing.  

I mean, could they have given me more warnings about this?  Maybe. Might of helped. Dunno.

But I mean, honestly, I don't think they are bad.  Sure, I feel some negative emotion to them.  But it's not a huge deal.  It's probably just some shit I have that's not entirely fair or understood. 

But, I do get it.  

Like I said, practically speaking, it makes sense.  They are probably concerned with money and their image and standards etc.  I assume they would, .. .I would anways probably.  

But I suppose I'm more caught on they idea that he said of me not caring and not wanting that to be something others associate me with.  So it's an image thing.  Like, I dislike when people don't have the truth about how I feel or experienced things.  "STory issues". 

But again, I don't feel too caught on it at the moment.  Not in an angry way anyways.  There could be some there I'm not aware of though.  But at this point, I'm more like "Fuck, now what? How can I be better?  What's going on here?  Really?  Like, it seems I have issues about this stuff over the long-term so how do I make things better?"

 

I think part of it, maybe a large part, I'm feeling at the moment is something like a humbling feeling.  Like my self got hit with a fuck up and now is like... maybe i'm not as good as I though. 

Maybe some "I'm not good enough" beliefs happening.  Or feeling incapable.  Doubting my own abilities.

So I feel maybe less caught up in them and more about me, my emotions and feelings about it connected to my performance, abilities, etc..  

Feeling like a failure maybe.  

Feeling sad-depressed probably.  Like fuck, I feel like shitty about myself.  Not really about them.  I'd actually feel a bit ashamed to be with them right now... like I fucked up, it's my fault, etc..  Like I did bad.  Maybe.  Dunno, it's hard to say exactly.  

But maybe it's a good thing too.  

Any experience is valid and good enough.  Make the most of it anyways.  

 

Feeling like I need-want some soothing.  Something to help me through it and feel-be ok and better with it.  Like, not letting it be a dragging force about me and my self-esteem.

Just not letting myself go downhill about myself and thinking I'm really worse than I am... Just not letting myself be hard on myself. Maybe that's a big part of a practice worth doing at the moment. 

 

Am using these threads to process this stuff. 

Cheers.

 

Edited December 7, 2021 by Matt23

[Nahm]

17 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

Absolutely not being an asshole.

? 

Love you brother. This to shall pass. You’re gonna come out of this awesomely. Spidey senses tinglin up in here. 

An Esther Hicks analogy comes to mind… when everyone boards a plane and takes their seats, the attendant gives the speech about ‘if the oxygen masks drop down… mom & dad - put your’s on first… then help your kids’. I believe they say this every time like clockwork because of how incredibly counterintuitive it is for parents. On a flight to Vegas I once actually heard a mom behind me say ‘yeah right’ under her breath. I was thinkin, on that lady’s behalf, yeah, totally, I get it. But more so I was thinkin on the attendants behalf, yeah, I know, I get it. 

 

[Matt23]

Thanks for the ideas guys n gals.  

Helps to know peeps is there in any case and some level of understanding is happening.  

Cheers

 

Edited December 7, 2021 by Matt23

[Nahm]

I think the era of Matt putting Matt’s mental, emotional and physiological well being first is arriving, and I think it’s going to be powerful, awesome, and deeply meaningful. 

?

[Matt23]

2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Love you brother. This to shall pass. You’re gonna come out of this awesomely. Spidey senses tinglin up in here. 

Spanks .  Love you too.  

Am failing to see the connection with the analogy to this situation... But no mind.  Someday perhaps I will see haha

[Matt23]

3 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I think the era of Matt putting Matt’s mental, emotional and physiological well being first is arriving, and I think it’s going to be powerful, awesome, and deeply meaningful. 

Ya.  Hope so.  IT BETTA!  

In any case, life feels better on the whole.  So, improvement no matter external situations seems to be happening over the long run.

Edited December 7, 2021 by Matt23

[Nahm]

7 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

Am failing to see the connection with the analogy to this situation

Can’t put everyone else first. Can’t give so much mental space to what other people may or may not think about you. Give it significantly less importance, and oddly, paradoxically perhaps, what’s experienced is people actually think pretty highly of you. (Not to imply they don’t already!!!) Feels good to be nice. It is really nice, you are really nice. Doesn’t pan out for the long run though. Catches up with ya. Feeling good about what other people think of you goes full circle, and brings you back to you, to plug into source… and then, well, whatever the hell you want. ??That ‘and then’ might look like caring a whole bunch about others, and helping with as many oxygen masks as you can. But, from the place of ‘plugged in’, or, with your oxygen mask already on. 

4 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

In any case, life feels better on the whole.  So, improvement no matter external situations seems to be happening over the long run.

That’s the Stuff right there.  Great outlook. (Don’t give a fuck what Nahm thinks though). 

[mandyjw]

2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

That’s the Stuff right there.  Great outlook. (Don’t give a fuck what Nahm thinks though). 

Merry Christmas! Hallelujah! 

[Nahm]

[mandyjw]

@Matt23 ?

Not sure if this is helpful, but both my husband, father in law and my son all have a strong forgetful streak. They also can all think in some pretty brilliant and strongly focused ways few other people can. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies and gifts. If we all feel shitty about our flaws and forget to use the gifts, we miss the gift. 

Edited December 7, 2021 by mandyjw

[PurpleTree]

i'm not sure if you enjoyed or hated that job

probably in between but maybe you need to find something you love or care more for

also have you ever gotten checked for add/adhd?

 

some bosses have also thought that i don't care. in some ways it's not true, i do care but i've learned to keep a poker face pretty early on so it could make the impression that i didn't care but inside me there's a lot of feelings. 

also many jobs i had just sucked so it was hard to care

Edited December 7, 2021 by PurpleTree