Anxiety about being recognized during day game

[Vrubel]

I solo day game relatively regular in two Dutch cities, mostly following the same (usually crowded) route. During a session, I walk the same route several times and regularly stand still and observe, and occasionally run up to a girl. 
My biggest anxiety is to be recognized by someone I know or be known as "that guy". 

On some occasions, I stumbled into old schoolmates and colleagues. Even one time I came across the same old schoolmate two days in a row in different cities. I don't want them to know that I day game.

I have no problem sharing that I do day-game with people that I am comfortable with: my brother, sister, parents (that one was kinda awkward though) and of course my pick-up mates know. But I just don't want to be known as "that guy" by the "community" so to speak. 

I know deep down nobody gives a f*ck about me but still this is my biggest anxiety.

Am I just being a pussy or is there some healthy caution within this anxiety?

 

[Javfly33]

I can't relate because luckily I recently moved and this city I have little friends.

But maybe it will make you feel good that they don't know you are day gaming unless you tell them that, If I see a friend approaching a girl on the street during day time, I think it's his friend, or maybe its asking her for directions or someshit. I don't know why you assume they will instantly know that you are gaming. 

This anxiety definitely is not rational. The biggest "danger" is you feeling bad about what they might think of you. Lol. 

[JonasVE12]

You still have negative emotions and thoughts that you associate with approaching and being seen while approaching while to me, it`s something to be proud of. You have to own it completely and then nobody will care. instead if you can fully own it and set the frame, my experience is that people will look up to you and think it's cool. You can easily set the frame and people will adopt that in their mind if your reality is strong enough. But of course it requires a perspective shift and if you can adopt that new perspective, people will respond to that. If you have negative emotions associated with being seen while approaching, of course that transfers onto people. You can look cool doing anything. It`s all in how you think about yourself. What you think about yourself, people will think about you. Of course some people will have judgments based of their own conditioning and certainly when they have had a too small sample size of your personality and not much experience of your inner being. But I can't think of one reason why you would care about the opinion and judgements of those people anyway. In reality, everyone is busy in their own bubble and nobody cares about what you are doing. Just own what you are doing, be authentic, congruent and when you approach, make sure you do it with an embodied energy and also a giving energy and then you'll never stand out as the creep of the town. 

[Noahsteelers34]

I have struggled with the same story myself. I live on a college campus and had feared becoming "the weird pickup guy". I have found multiple solutions. First is welcome being the weird pickup guy, and becoming completely okay with it. Ask yourself "what is the worst that could happen, then fully be okay with it. Imagine yourself being found out, and release all the emotions that that brings up until you are okay with it. the Sedona method is really good for this. The next thing I did was I just worked on being social in general instead of spam approaching girls. I do a 100 hi's exercise, this is where you have to say hi to 100 people in a row without skipping.  You would be amazed at how incredible this exercise is and opening you up, getting you social and comfortable being seen and expressive. I feel like getting comfortable being seen by others is the key. The more people that see you the more people have an opinion on you, but allowing this to happen and then letting it go is what allows you to develop independence from the outcome.

[JonasVE12]

8 minutes ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I have struggled with the same story myself. I live on a college campus and had feared becoming "the weird pickup guy". I have found multiple solutions. First is welcome being the weird pickup guy, and becoming completely okay with it. Ask yourself "what is the worst that could happen, then fully be okay with it. Imagine yourself being found out, and release all the emotions that that brings up until you are okay with it. the Sedona method is really good for this. The next thing I did was I just worked on being social in general instead of spam approaching girls. I do a 100 hi's exercise, this is where you have to say hi to 100 people in a row without skipping.  You would be amazed at how incredible this exercise is and opening you up, getting you social and comfortable being seen and expressive. I feel like getting comfortable being seen by others is the key. The more people that see you the more people have an opinion on you, but allowing this to happen and then letting it go is what allows you to develop independence from the outcome.

That exercise is very powerful. insanely powerful. It's amazing for triggering all your emotions around being yourself in the presence of other people.

When I was in my beginning days, I did this 100 hi`s exercise 

I was telling people `execuse me, I want to wish you an amazing day` or saying `hi! How are you doing?`` but my energy was so ungrounded, reactive and needy that I felt so creepy. The only thing I was thinking was `Do they think I`m creepy?`

Then my friend hinted: So what you look creepy? You are fucking creepy! You're a fucking creep on a streak. 

We started laughing and enjoying the idea that we were creeps. it became so funny to be a creep.

At that moment we were sitting on a bench in a somewhat busy area. From that point I really took off. I interacted with everyone that passed and wished them a very beautiful day. All the resistance dropped

After awhile of doing that I became so relaxed, grounded and embodied that this one woman who I wished a beautiful day was so captivated that she just spontaneously came sitting next to me and was instantly hooked. We even went approaching together after 20 mins of chatting. 

The emotional vibration of acceptance is so powerful and if you can cultivate it in your body, it is very powerful in dropping all your resistances. Every time you feel resistance to do something, let the stories come up, feel the resistance, accept it, breath and open up to it and then do the thing and if you can make that your life philosophy, that is a powerful way to live that will bring you a lot of amazing experiences and manifestation ability in general.

 

[How to be wise]

@Vrubel You’re overthinking it dude. People are too busy with their own lives to worry about you.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9K-HA9Cb40

 

[Terell Kirby]

5 hours ago, Vrubel said:

I have no problem sharing that I do day-game with people that I am comfortable with: my brother, sister, parents (that one was kinda awkward though) and of course my pick-up mates know. But I just don't want to be known as "that guy" by the "community" so to speak. 

This makes absolutely no sense. Sounds like you are using this as an excuse to not game at the highest level.

5 hours ago, Vrubel said:

Am I just being a pussy or is there some healthy caution within this anxiety?

Definitely displaying pussy-like behavior. Good thing is you are able to be honest about it. Try to avoid negative self talk and you’ll be fine mate.

[Leo Gura]

You can make your approaches blend in more by not running up.

[aurum]

@Vrubel This can actually happen. Even in a major city, you can approach so many girls that people start recognizing you. But it’s really not that big of a deal as long as your approaches aren’t overly atrocious and there’s enough people.

Don’t run up to girls. I get checking your ego at the door and not make excuses to approach, but I personally draw a line here. You’re literally chasing girls. No thanks.

You can also get away with a lot more in a night game environment.

Part of the advantage of moving to a major city is that you get anonymity. Which is good if you know you’re about to do a lot of potentially cringe inducing approaches.

Anonymity is bad once you know what you’re doing. Then you want to be known, and your reputation will do more work for you than your actual approaches. But if you’re new you may not be at that level yet.

 

[Ineedanswers]

11 hours ago, Vrubel said:

known as "that guy" by the "community" so to speak. 

Could you share what you think is wrong about being known in society as the pickup/day game guy? 

Why is it embarassing? You are just trying to learn how to get good with the ladies right?

[Vrubel]

Everybody thanks for the advice, very helpful!
 

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You can make your approaches blend in more by not running up.

@aurum But how do I overtake girls and position myself right in front of her? Won't I miss a lot of girls that way?
Obviously, I prefer the lazy approach when the girl is just standing/waiting but then I will miss out on most hot girls. 
Some of my most successful approaches were run-ups.  (With run-ups I mean jogging pace, they are usually short in distance).

 

1 hour ago, Ineedanswers said:

Could you share what you think is wrong about being known in society as the pickup/day game guy? 

Why is it embarassing? You are just trying to learn how to get good with the ladies right?

It's of course an ego thing. I just don't want that reputation. I am not a total beginner anymore, in the past, I had some very cringy approaches. These are much rarer now. Now 90% of my approaches are socially calibrated. I can tell that by the way, I brighten up the girl's day. 

[Leo Gura]

58 minutes ago, Vrubel said:

But how do I overtake girls and position myself right in front of her? Won't I miss a lot of girls that way? Obviously, I prefer the lazy approach when the girl is just standing/waiting but then I will miss out on most hot girls.  Some of my most successful approaches were run-ups.  (With run-ups I mean jogging pace, they are usually short in distance).

Obviously you must pursue her and do a direct approach. Walk fast if you must. But you can open in a chill way that blends in with the surrounds vs making it a jarring run-and-stop.

Although there is nothing wrong with a ballsy run-and-stop.

The first girl I got was from a run-and-stop approach at the mall while she was talking to her mom on the phone. I made her hang up on her mom and talk to me instead. LOL

Don't underestimate the power of a ballsy approach. Women like balls

[TheAlchemist]

When I was doing daygame I had this same fear. Once some women from my university had seen me approaching people, and they "confronted" me about it, asking me what I was doing with an accusatory tone. Later on it turned that all the drama was because one of the girls was actually just upset that I had walked past her and had not approach her! After that I didn't worry much about it. 

I think the key is to stand behind what you are doing fully. Why are you feeling guilty about approaching?. Frame it and do it in some way that you can fully and 100% stand behind it, even if you were the subject of news headlines, being grilled on live television by the CNN 

For me it was about making connections with people and facing my fears and going on adventures with strangers. Why would I be seen as "that guy" if that's what I'm doing? If you're not smelling like shit, not stepping over boundaries and remaining respectful, you just won't be "that guy" And really, what would it matter if someone did see you as "that guy"? It only matters if you deep down feel like you are doing something wrong. 

Edited December 6, 2021 by TheAlchemist

[aurum]

10 hours ago, Vrubel said:

But how do I overtake girls and position myself right in front of her? Won't I miss a lot of girls that way?

Yes you will miss some girls. So what? That’s why you need to be in an area where there is a bunch around. This way it doesn’t matter.

Never once have I had to run up to a girl doing day game. I just walk and open whoever is along my path that I want to open. That’s enough. You can even just stand and open girls that walk by you if you get a good position. Set yourself up right.

And if you can’t find an spot like this, then you probably should go to a new area entirely. Or just accept that your number of approaches will be lower.

10 hours ago, Vrubel said:

Some of my most successful approaches were run-ups.  (With run-ups I mean jogging pace, they are usually short in distance).

You can keep doing it if it’s really working for you. But you sounded concerned for your reputation. I mostly don’t do it out of principle and because I feel it puts subconsciously in the wrong mindset of “chasing”. A very quick, light jog might be okay in certain circumstances if you really wanted to open a girl.

[Vrubel]

@aurum

@TheAlchemist

@Leo Gura

Thanks for the advice, I can really relate.