Living with Narcissistic father

[Felli]

Hi, my intuition is telling me that my father is a narcissist. I am fearful most of the day because of if he comes into my room and shouts at me for not getting a job. This has parallised me so much. Ive watched alot of videos and terms like controlling, installing fear, and creating a seperate self resonate alot. Any advice would be really appreciated as to what to do. Thanks 

[Human Mint]

Hi, if it is possible get the fuck over there lol. Of course it will parallise you

[hyruga]

Why don't you get a job?

[Felli]

@hyruga hi, thanks for replying. I have been focusing on integrating myself with my family but it hasn't been good because i have lost my ability to spend time alone and enjoy myself. I have also have been watching videos on narcissism. 

[Felli]

@Human Mint Thanks for replying. I have been thibking of moving out but i am not sure where to go. I dont have much money

[Human Mint]

I honestly do think that if you take some distance from your father you can actually alleviate a lot of the fear installed by this person, and thus focusing with more peace in what you truly value. And if your intention continues to be integrating yourself with your family, then why not talking about this with them?

[Rilles]

Narcissists are hopeless! Move out as soon as you can! Go to university! Dont look back.

"You cant change the people around you but you can change the people around you".

[Terell Kirby]

@Felli I feel for you. I also had the misfortune of being raised by a narcissistic father.

The best advice I can give you is to do some deep research into how the narcissistic mind works and how dysfunctional families operate. There is a wealth of information and studies regarding this.

Become knowledgeable on narcissism and its effects on early  childhood experiences / subsequent trauma. This does two things:

1. Allows you to see that it is a mental illness that your father has no control over. This will open up a door to potentially forgive him.
2. Allows you to make sense of your own trauma and what is needed to heal. Forgiveness will be a major factor in your ability to move forward.

Get familiar with ACE (adverse childhood experience) score and buy a few books on narcissistic parents. Best of luck.

Edited December 5, 2021 by Terell Kirby

[Nahm]

@Felli

Spend your energy & time on income and move out. Let dad be with his thoughts, emotions and ideally a psychoanalyst. Tend to your well being. You can’t suffer enough or give him enough attention for him to tend to his well being.  You can exemplify anytime though. 

[Felli]

@Nahm is there a chance i can move out without income 

 

 

[Nahm]

@Felli

Sure, people do. But’s typically it’s just moving from living with someone to living with someone else, and ‘wherever you go, there you are’. 

I don’t mean this to embarrass or anything, but have you had a job yet? It’s entirely possible that you haven’t and are mistaking a discordant idea of having a job / obtaining income, for the direct experience of it. It’s quite possible the direct experience ends up feeling really really great, and does not feel like the idea. 

[Ulax]

@Terell Kirby I'd disagree with the focus on forgiveness. Its important to acknowledge anger, and apportion blame to abusers before moving onto forgiveness.

[Felli]

@Nahm yeah i had a job but got fired from it because i stopped being productive and did things incorrectly like leaving gone off products on sale. This was when i started to work poorly and wasn't focused with the job. 
I would enjoy it, its just i have been suffering for months and living here is really affecting my life

i see what you mean, i just cant stay here. 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Felli
Finishing sentence

[Nahm]

@Felli

Do you have someone you could stay with?

Ok if I pm you? 

[Felli]

@Nahm yeah sure

[Bando]

Changing your environment is the best way to deal with your situation, start looking in your area if there's any affordable housing and try to get a roommate. Get a job within your area and learn to be independent. 

This isnt the most feel good advice but your an adult, (im assuming) you can take responsibility in this situation, maybe your dad treats you the way he does because he knows you don't have options, your still going to be there whether he does it or not, its still a fucked up thing to do as a parent but you cant control other people.

Set a goal to be independent in the next 6 months- 1 year and overcome any limiting beliefs your going to encounter while your going about it