Dealing With Awkard Interactions

[OhHiMark]

There's a type of interaction in particular that I find hard to deal with.

An example, my house mate doesn't socialize with me, the first thing they said when they moved in was "I'm not looking for a best mate", (and for the record, I didn't ask) I keep myself to myself, so does he.

Anyway the other day he walk straight past me in the shop I didn't notice until he had passed, same thing on the bus, walked straight past me (I'm hard to miss at 6'3 with a shaved head)

Should we both be at home, we we casually chat about mutual subjects but that's as far as it goes.

So my question is, how do you deal with situations where you see them outside i.e on a bus? Do you speak to them because that's what the ego is avoiding (for good reason) do you stay true to yourself and carry on doing what you were doing? Do I start a convo in the kitchen to save any awkward silences or do I embrace it? What feels right for me is to get the niceties out the way and then do whatever I'm doing i.e cooking and embrace the awkwardness instead of forcing something. I don't like fake people and I don't like being fake.

Similar for waiting for a train on a platform, I feel that we're fake in the sense that once we make eye contact, we feel the need to then mutually meet in the middle and awkwardly force a convo until one of you get off even though both parties would rather stand ground and stay where they were.

Someone told me once on this forum "Do what feels natural" but sometimes it's hard to tell what's natural and what's should and shouldn't be avoided.

 

 

Edited December 29, 2016 by OhHiMark

[Orange]

I would stick to saying a polite hello and then if a conversation starts from there, cool. If nothing follows, cool. You don't have to have a conversation if you don't want to. But I do know where you are coming from because I have had these questions myself. Maybe you have a belief that you need to start a conversation with someone you know, otherwise you will come across as impolite. But this is not necessarily true. What is impolite (and very hurtful) is to ignore the other person. So the least you can do is acknowledge their existence, by saying a friendly hello for example and then if one of you is not interested in further interaction, it's fine too. You just continue reading your book/phone/listening to music. 

 

Edited December 29, 2016 by Orange

[OhHiMark]

16 minutes ago, Orange said:

I would stick to saying a polite hello and then if a conversation starts from there, cool. If nothing follows, cool. You don't have to have a conversation if you don't want to. But I do know where you are coming from because I have had these questions myself. Maybe you have a belief that you need to start a conversation with someone you know, otherwise you will come across as impolite. But this is not necessarily true. What is impolite (and very hurtful) is to ignore the other person. So the least you can do is acknowledge their existence, by saying a friendly hello for example and then if one of you is not interested in further interaction, it's fine too. You just continue reading your book/phone/listening to music.

Hi Orange,

It's not only that I may come across as impolite but it's also a tug of war between my ego and "doing what's emotionally hardest" to escape comfort zones, but then I guess there's a whole world to push your comfort zones.

There's always that awkward moment too when you acknowledge someone and you both hold the gaze to see if any further interaction is required. In this instance, I usually say hi then continue reading, for example.

Thanks for the reply.

16 minutes ago, Orange said:

 

 

[Arman]

Hey there, this video doesn't necessarily address the exact circumstances you're describing, but I believe may take value from it: 

 

[philosogi]

@OhHiMark To keep your conscience clear, you can always try to make or be open to eye contact. If there's eye contact, you could nod. If there's no eye contact, then the other person is in their own world or doesn't want to interact. 

[OhHiMark]

Guys, I wanted to update this thread with some observations.

I now know that if I have something in common with someone, the conversation flows and is effortless. If I don't, it's awkward, it's awkward whoever you are, even the best speaker in the world will make it awkward if you don't have something in common with them, if that's not awkward then it's forced. I don't like my conversations to be forced.

I now refuse to mention the weather, fill in awkward silences and "show my hand" when having a conversation with anyone other than those I'm interested in. By doing this I'm not allowing my ego to trick me to make me feel I'm the awkward one when in fact, there's a lot more awkward people than I first thought.

My problem didn't seem to be lack of what to say, but too much "nonsense" to say and not enough belief in myself to do what feels right.

“...But the human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief.” 

Edited March 4, 2017 by OhHiMark

[clytaemnestra]

Why do you think that a silence is awkward???

I find it awkward when people talk a lot and want to socialize with me, although I'm not into socializing with random people, and your roommate is a random person. Or when they do small-talk just to be polite. Fuck it, fuck the rules. I prefer being honest, than polite. If you don't feel like talking-don't. Simple as that.

I say "hi" to my roommates and that's all. "Hi" also on the street. If we need to talk about something apartment related, we talk openly without any problems. But they're not supposed to be my friends, they're just some random people I live with and that's all. We're to different to have any deeper connection.

[faith]

Oh hi Mark (great name)

I would like to let you know that I, too, had problems with some people who just didn't seem to click with me for whatever reason. But I see now that if you 100 percent believe in yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself, you will always treat someone else with respect even if there is nothing in common, even if you're a mushroom and they're a sports car (bad example, but you know what I mean).

So if I am having a conversation with someone and I am feeling that awkwardness coming from them, I know that it's out of my hands and that they probably have their own issues they are dealing with. But believe me, a person who is 100 percent happy will always give you first class treatment, no matter who you are. I am actually kind of into this thing where I talk to everyone now (just small talk) and sometimes I get the kind of people that seem off or don't want to socialize or seem a little cold, but I give them the first class treatment as if I am talking to my best friend, and boy, do I feel like I am on cloud seven. 

Best of luck my man!

[Vercingetorix]

you try to solve this with thinking "what is the best thing to do?", I say the thinking is what is creating the problem.
why not act spontaneously, as you wish, without caring how the other will respond?

[Shin]

Personally, I enjoy a lot akwards moments, simply because it shows me what I have to improve (if I can feel it comes from me) and because it is fun !

It is fun to see people misinterpret what you say or thinking they deserve to be entertained, you just kind of see they are judging you by their tone voice, and it is fascinating to me how much they can judge so quickly (positives and negatives) !

There is a certain kind of play that comes from it too, you never know where a conversation with lots of akwardness moments can lead