She being bored is worse than her hating you

[StarStruck]

Usually girls get bored by me although they tell me I'm such a good guy because I'm so nice as a person. 

So I got enough of that and I started experimenting with being a dick. And I noticed that girls love a dick. The ones I was being a dick too clearly hate me and they are also massively attracted to me. It is like this: hate on the front, attraction behind the front. 

The problem is this: I don't know how to deal with this situation. I clearly get attraction. I know this because when I ignore them they start hitting on me and trying to push my buttons. 

So how to talk to a girl who both hates you and feels attracted to me? In the past I just tried to "be myself" and I just lose the frame and act beta.  

Currently she just wants to pick fights with me. I want to enter the talking stage which requires her to show me basic respect. I don't have her phone number yet. 

Edited December 2, 2021 by StarStruck

[zazen]

Everyone in life wants to feel alive ultimately. How we do that is through various means, drugs, sex, food, adventure, adrenaline junkies etc. To have someone hate or love you means at least you make them feel something, or feel alive in some way, your on their radar rather than being invisible. Your stirring some emotion in them even if it tilts to the negative, and the polar of hate is love which it can pendulum swing to. 

 

Women care more about how a mans strength and power makes them feel emotions rather than the morals/ethics of how that man uses that strength and power. This is why women can go for the bad boys, jerks, assholes. They will feel those emotions, and rationalise around the impropriety/bad aspects of such a man, in order to reap the benefits of such a man, namely how he makes them feel.  Society/women tell you to be nice, then shits on you for being nice. Society/women are the ultimate shit test. Of course women don't say this consciously, what they really mean is they'd want the alpha to be nicer and give them some comfort to feel as if he is some what attainable, before they go try win over another worthy man. Value and comfort need to be balanced.

 

They don't hate you, they hate your lack of approval, attention, affection towards them which signals you must be of value and have other options/women in your life or that you have a purpose bigger than just women. It sub communicates you have dominated your romantic life enough and had success with other women to the point you care more about dominating higher pursuits of self actualisation. Women commit to men who commit to life. Women want to win you over and feel like they've won, so when they chase and invest in you by you being a challenge they eventually want a return on that investment of time, energy, emotion. Frustration arises when their unable to get commitment from all that investment. Better a woman leave you through frustration rather than boredom.

What 'dickish' behaviour have you done to cause her to argue all the time? 

 

 

Edited December 2, 2021 by zazen

[Mason Riggle]

@StarStruck @Medhansh what the girls are attracted to is not 'you being a dick'.. it's just that they mistakenly perceive you being a dick as 'authenticity', which involves not allowing what others think of you affect you emotionally, and this often looks like 'being a dick'.  When they discover that you are not authentic, and just 'acting like a dick', they are no longer attracted to you.  

The qualities you need to cultivate have nothing to do with 'being a dick', but rather, knowing yourself, knowing your boundaries and how to stand up for them, knowing your values and how to live them, etc.. 

[Javfly33]

You are not boring. Your body is god´s body. There must be some energy or aspect of yourself that you must be rejecting/blocking so you are lame in conversations.

It might be good time to go back to psychedelics a little bit and inspect/contemplate.

I find hard to believe that if you truly find a girl attractive, you are not exploding of expresiveness/enthuasiasm with her.
So either find women who you really find attractive (I am not only saying pyhsically, i mean the whole thing) or considerate you might be "blocking" yourself.

[Leo Gura]

If you're gonna play that push/pull game you gotta pull more.

Be careful, push/pull will attract the craziest and least mentally healthy girls.

[Raze]

15 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Usually girls get bored by me although they tell me I'm such a good guy because I'm so nice as a person. 

So I got enough of that and I started experimenting with being a dick. And I noticed that girls love a dick. The ones I was being a dick too clearly hate me and they are also massively attracted to me. It is like this: hate on the front, attraction behind the front. 

The problem is this: I don't know how to deal with this situation. I clearly get attraction. I know this because when I ignore them they start hitting on me and trying to push my buttons. 

So how to talk to a girl who both hates you and feels attracted to me? In the past I just tried to "be myself" and I just lose the frame and act beta.  

Currently she just wants to pick fights with me. I want to enter the talking stage which requires her to show me basic respect. I don't have her phone number yet. 

Why are you boring? Is it because you are being nice, or is it because you have poor presentation? You can try Charisma Mastery or Resonator by Jeff Allen to improve your presentation.

Where are you meeting these girls? Are they wild party girls at clubs?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPIZWWzJjYE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqDylBrAFGU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI73CQtDqKQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkwxdEVBe0U

[somegirl]

@StarStruck I don't get being a douchebag in order to attract girls. What kind of girls are you trying to attract? If you play push-pull, playing hard to get and all kinds of games in order to get laid, sure, all power to you. But if you want serious relationship, sure you still need some game, but it shouldn't be that intense.

Just stand your ground, have a character, don't be overly nice, just behave normally (as you would with your friends). Don't try too hard. (this is if you want real committed romantic relationship)

Some guy has been texting me, he was being so unpleasant to talk to, like we literally fought every time we spoke. I don't know what he was trying to do, he obviously had some kind of game, he was flirting here and there, but I felt totally repulsed by him in the end. He was annoying me too much. I don't know what was the matter with him because he would accuse me of lying everytime I said I couldn't see him, he would get annoyed when I would not reply to his messages, he even got mad at me for not cooperating with him when he was trying to make plans to see me, as if that should interest me.

Every time he sent me a message, I had this nervious/bad feeling because I would expect us to not get along.

So please don't be a douchebag to this level.

[Nos7algiK]

Don't be an ass just because of some absurd social myth that women only love assholes. That type of personality will only attract birds of a feather and though it may give you short term rewards. It will only have severe long term negative effects on both yourself and those you may talk to. If you are a good person inside you will regret being like that if you keep it up long term.

Just keep trying to be yourself. Even if it isn't successful you will get better and better at being yourself. The main key here is to be comfortable with yourself so others will feel comfortable around you. Women, or really people in general, are extremely attracted to those are who kind, caring, emotionally mature, and willing to listen. All of these qualities are much less common than the asshole qualities many have. So they are a treasure when found.

Anyway, in my own opinion, she isn't worth the trouble. Someone who's going to start fights with you for seemingly no reason is a massive red flag.

Edited December 3, 2021 by Nos7algiK

[Random witch]

From my experience the same goes with men.

I realized that being a bitch attracts men from various unexpected corners, as if they see you in unique glorified light, aura, as if you someone very important like Jesus or Buddha, they lick your ass and acting so sweet. You wonder what your parents did in order to create such a wonderful creation like you, and then you realized "Eh, yeah, I'm just a bitch, that's why"

But when I'm kind, humble, friendly, caring, genuine, this exactly type of men see this as a weakness or unworthiness, as if only someone who act as a bitch is a worthy woman.

 

It's a common type of people, who are capable of loving only people who are detached from them.

Their parents haven't met their needs when they were children, so maybe they learned that this is how love should be or something.

People who don't aware to the impact of their childhood on themselves and don't do work on themselves are usually attracted to the people who remind them of their relationship with their parents.

 

 

[somegirl]

3 minutes ago, Random witch said:

But when I'm kind, humble, friendly, caring, genuine, this exactly type of men see this as a weakness or unworthiness, as if only someone who act as a bitch is a worthy woman.

Because people can sense when you're being "fake nice" in order to achieve something. You have to be genuinely kind. But not at the expense of your dignity. You be kind, but if someone is disrespecting you, you put them in their place.

7 minutes ago, Random witch said:

I realized that being a bitch attracts men from various unexpected corners, as if they see you in unique glorified light, aura, as if you someone very important like Jesus or Buddha, they lick your ass and acting so sweet.

I understand what you mean. I find this to be true, but you don't necessarily have to be "a bitch" but actually show some teeth here and there. Show that you have "not so nice" side of your personality. Then people will respect you. You will not appear to be rag they can use whenever they want. 

[Preety_India]

14 minutes ago, Random witch said:

From my experience the same goes with men.

I realized that being a bitch attracts men from various unexpected corners,

This is something I experienced as well. 

My ex used to get attracted to bitchy women who would give him a hard time. The attraction stems from thinking that women who are bitchy have some unique potential or they are special or have many men falling for them, that's why they don't care. 

When I asked him why doesn't he leave me and approach that bitchy woman he was flirting with? He said that there were many men falling at her feet and that he can't see himself in her league??? You see? Men automatically assume that a woman acting bitchy is doing so because she is out of their league. It's shitty thinking I know and I personally detest it so much. 

I had made a thread long ago about how jerks get a better treatment in society and humble people are looked down on and mistreated. 

This goes along the same principle. Women fall for this as well when they are too impressed by a jackass who is treating them bad and look down on a nice guy who is ready to treat her with respect. 

It's the whole narcissism deal. Where narcissistic people appear attractive to us and humble people appear low value. This is human nature in terms of social hierarchy and power. Its kinda pathetic but this is what I observed. 

Since then I have stopped being too sweet or polite or trying to please. It gets taken the wrong way. 

Now if someone takes my kindness and tries to mistreat me, I simply put my foot down and tell them to get lost. I often see these same people chasing after me once I tell them off. Funny how this dynamic works. 

 

 

[Random witch]

2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Because people can sense when you're being "fake nice" in order to achieve something. You have to be genuinely kind. But not at the expense of your dignity. You be kind, but if someone is disrespecting you, you put them in their place.

I understand what you mean. I find this to be true, but you don't necessarily have to be "a bitch" but actually show some teeth here and there. Show that you have "not so nice" side of your personality. Then people will respect you. You will not appear to be rag they can use whenever they want. 

Yeah, I gave extreme examples, ideally people should be both. Be respectful and kind but with healthy boundaries. 

I'm not talking about faking being nice, I talk about actually having a basic respect to humans, being genuine, humble, caring person. Many people love this kind of behavior and are appreciate those people but there are many other people who see this as boring or as a weakness, usually it's the same kind of people who prefer people who show no genuine interest in them and are unavailable and detached.

 

 

[Random witch]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

This is something I experienced as well. 

My ex used to get attracted to bitchy women who would give him a hard time. The attraction stems from thinking that women who are bitchy have some unique potential or they are special or have many men falling for them, that's why they don't care. 

When I asked him why doesn't he leave me and approach that bitchy woman he was flirting with? He said that there were many men falling at her feet and that he can't see himself in her league??? You see? Men automatically assume that a woman acting bitchy is doing so because she is out of their league. It's shitty thinking I know and I personally detest it so much. 

I had made a thread long ago about how jerks get a better treatment in society and humble people are looked down on and mistreated. 

This goes along the same principle. Women fall for this as well when they are too impressed by a jackass who is treating them bad and look down on a nice guy who is ready to treat her with respect. 

It's the whole narcissism deal. Where narcissistic people appear attractive to us and humble people appear low value. This is human nature in terms of social hierarchy and power. Its kinda pathetic but this is what I observed. 

Since then I have stopped being too sweet or polite or trying to please. It gets taken the wrong way. 

Now if someone takes my kindness and tries to mistreat me, I simply put my foot down and tell them to get lost. I often see these same people chasing after me once I tell them off. Funny how this dynamic works. 

 

 

Your experience with your ex boyfriend is something that I see very frequently.

I know the common phrase that says "Woman love assholes" but people rarely talk about the opposite about how much some men attracted to bitches. Some men may see you much more hotter if you're a bitch.

Of course this kind of man doesn't worth you, no matter how much he kiss your ass, the fact that your bitchy attitude is what attracts him, shows how fucked up he is in a sense of his unhealthy perception of people.

Yes, unfortunately, our society full of narcissists and people who are able to be attracted to narcissists only.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Random witch said:

Your experience with your ex boyfriend is something that I see very frequently.

I know the common phrase that says "Woman love assholes" but people rarely talk about the opposite about how much some men attracted to bitches. Some men may see you much more hotter if you're a bitch.

Of course this kind of man doesn't worth you, no matter how much he kiss your ass, the fact that your bitchy attitude is what attracts him, shows how fucked up he is in a sense of his unhealthy perception of people.

Yes, unfortunately, our society full of narcissists and people who are able to be attracted to narcissists only.

Yup. Totally agree. Such relationships are super unhealthy. Glad I left him. He can find his bitch. 

 

 

[Lyubov]

I don't play dumb games like this. If you're trying to develop some sort of fun natural way of teasing her and having fun/charm it might work to show you how far is too far but I think there are other ways. Just look her deep in the eyes, breathe deep and visualize you having confident dick game and giving her multiple orgasms. That right there can change your vibe. You want a low key sexual vibe. It doesn't have to be through silly games like this. You're betting against the house when you adopt heavy tactical approaches. Just focus on developing and on your capacity to be in and relaxed in great states when interacting with women. It takes time to make these inner changes but it brings about the best long term results. 

Edited December 3, 2021 by Lyubov

[ValiantSalvatore]

@StarStruck I'll add another perspective instead of calling it "dick" it's being playful and cocky&funny or charming at least that is how it works out for me. I made all of my dates laugh, yet the connection part is missing. They told me that I am exciting which is the opposite of boring. It's important to lead with fun and engage in fun things as well as find fun activities. It's about fun and confidence!!!! If she has no amount of confidence that is a different issue. I am not familiar with push and pull. As I do feel there are some crazy aspects to it. 

I prepared some games even mental games that are engaging and just fun and are about exploration and adventure as well as mental stimulation. You don't even need to take it to a spiritual level. As many will not be ready for that if you have or have had a strong spiritual practice, yet you can lead there are practices I know I can't practice alone for engaging in depth more. Yet, it's not easy to do this without a partner. Which would build a strong connection etc. Even if the person has depth. I do think this is an leadership issue.

I can't currently gain more experience as there are not many people here. My last date, I wanted to build a deeper connection through eye contact, yet she really was unable to look me into the eyes and hold and match a level of depth. Yet, I could have built it through physical escalation.

Would love to give better advice, yet I really do not have an issue with boring for me it's vice-versa. I have to take care that the women I am dating is not boring me. Might seeing it that way shifts the perception of the issue into the right perspective of being confident and fun to be around. You are the one who is supposed to have fun and take her by the hand and be playful and leading. Not being nice and putting her on a pedstal I've been there...maybe still am.

I'd say cocky and funny is good as long as it does not become to juvenile and it's about fun and intensity, integrity and confidence. Being a "dick" in that way is a more healthier approach than straight up being an ass etc. 

 

Edited December 4, 2021 by ValiantSalvatore

[Hardkill]

10 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

This is actually very true.

In middle and high school I used to try to troll girls in order to get a rise out of them. I also used to hurt their feelings just to knock them down a peg. However, they would afterwards tell me to leave or fuck off. 

Edited December 5, 2021 by Hardkill

[something_else]

On 03/12/2021 at 1:34 AM, Preety_India said:

My ex used to get attracted to bitchy women who would give him a hard time. The attraction stems from thinking that women who are bitchy have some unique potential or they are special or have many men falling for them, that's why they don't care. 

I'm pretty sure it's not that complex. Guys get attracted to excitement the same way girls do, and bitchiness and being a dick creates a hell of a lot of tension, fun and excitement that humbleness and niceness doesn't

Ideally you learn to create such tension without being bitchy or a dick, which requires a certain amount of skill, especially for guys

Edited December 5, 2021 by something_else

[hamedsf]

arguing with her when hate intensifies and grab her by the pussy and start kissing her suddenly. 

 

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, hamedsf said:

arguing with her when hate intensifies and grab her by the pussy and start kissing her suddenly. 

 

And troll her for fun.?