How to love myself for good ?

[Gabith]

Two weeks ago I realized the importance of loving myself. 
To never judge myself negatively again and not to think against myself. 
I know that I only want to think positively about myself (dreaming for myself, not against it) I don't want to judge myself or feel bad about myself anymore. 

Since then I take time for myself every day for at least 1 hour, whereas before this realization, the only time I spent with myself was during the evening meditation.

But here's the thing, I don't know how to do it. I found myself talking to myself a lot in a very positive and encouraging way. I even wrote letters to myself one night when I was revolted at not loving myself, at having judged myself all my life and at having created an image of myself that did not correspond to the life I wanted. 
That day I realized that I was strong, that I didn't want to please others anymore, that I wanted to become authentic and not be afraid anymore, to live my life for me and not for others.

Unfortunately the next day I was back to "normal". 
Here with all my fears, my usual self-image and my limited beliefs. 

I swore to myself since that night that I would do everything I could to love myself and take time for myself every day. 
What I do is recite mantras, hug myself before bed, tell myself I love you to myself and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. 
But I noticed that my body was tense all the time and that there was a cloud of negative thoughts/images of myself in my subconscious that I can't see clearly but that accompanies me almost all day

But I don't know if I'm doing it right and I wanted to ask people who have been there, what practices/things were the most effective and how long does it take to see good results?

[Terell Kirby]

15 minutes ago, Gabith said:

Two weeks ago I realized the importance of loving myself. 
To never judge myself negatively again and not to think against myself. 

Saying you'll never do something again leads to more judgement.

Are loving enough to not judge the moments where you don't feel so loving towards yourself?

This is real love .. unconditional.

[Gabith]

@Terell Kirby thank u

[Raze]

Try IFS therapy or Self Therapy by Jay Earley

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIMQ3HibuKg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byRYKW0pDuc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abRaPYjb6mA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLzTRHay_Tw 

Edited December 1, 2021 by Raze

[JohnnyAb]

@Gabith  make a habit of talking to your inner child every day after you wake up and when you go to sleep - that was very helpful in my case

I also used to be a big perfectionist but since I realised it I quite quickly got out of it.

Practice gratitude. 

Meditation obviously.

Perhaps get a snap band or two? Each time I realized I'm judging somebody I snapped it to remind myself not to do that, and each time I told myself that's something is wrong with me I did the same with a second one. 

I'm not sure if that's the case with you, but if it is, work on anything perfectionism related. Go out in dirty clothes, if your autocorrect changes kind regards in the email to kind retards send it anyway, go out without looking in a mirror and fixing your hair, tell a random girl she's got some banging pair of tits, practice radical honesty (from B Blanton)... Shit like that

In my case, it was a very rapid 180° shift (1.5-2 months) of mindset and perception. It's translating so well into all areas of my life that I'm sometimes surprised at its pace.

Tension in your body will also be released in the process but why not help it with yoga? Or even better with Alexander's technique if you've got a teacher nearby (not a very well known thing, yet). Releasing tension and working on yourself can both work together simultaneously.

 

Edited December 1, 2021 by JohnnyAb

[Loba]

Try the Perception Trainers on youtube, her entire channel is based off of starting with self love first.

 

[Gabith]

Thank u everyone, it's very helpful I'm gonna do it!

[Gabith]

@JohnnyAb Big thanks, I did what you said for a week now (excepted radical honesty), I already feel a shift; I'm able to enjoy myself alone, to say I love you's with sincerity & I even wrote love letter to myself. My self image is changing too, I begin to realize that I'm beautiful & attractive and now I see when girls notice me. It gives me more confidence to invite them for a date and face the rejects without feeling needy or weak. 

It's like a non-return point because now I don't want to spend one day without taking time with myself & I want to love myself more & more

 

[flowboy]

On 01/12/2021 at 8:11 PM, Gabith said:

What I do is recite mantras, hug myself before bed, tell myself I love you to myself and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. 
But I noticed that my body was tense all the time and that there was a cloud of negative thoughts/images of myself in my subconscious that I can't see clearly but that accompanies me almost all day

Awesome work! You are really nailing the self-love strategies there, and I hope you keep it up!

These are amazing habits to have, and they will keep you grounded, keep you open to opportunities to live fully, and prevent downward spirals.

However, as you are correctly intuiting, the negative thoughts and self image you are experiencing still have a root in your subconscious.

They are old pain, hurt that you couldn't fully process at some point.

When the psyche can't fully process a painful event or circumstance (either because there is no time for it, or it feels like it has to suppress pain, or it is judged, or it hasn't matured enough to deal with it), it splits off a "part".

This part is like a version of yourself when you were a certain age, and it is stuck in the past, repeating this painful story over and over again, reliving it and not finding a resolution.

You probably have many of these split-off parts from different ages, but the collective of them is often referred to as your "inner child".

What you have to do to permanently get rid of a certain aspect of your negative self-image, is to actually make time and space to have a conversation with this part.

Make a safe place where you feel free to express yourself and won't be disturbed. Use blankets and pillows.

Center yourself using breathing techniques until you are in an open, nonthinking state.

Then ask: "When did I first feel like this?"

What comes up next, you should feel fully.

You can feel the presence of an entity such as a younger version of yourself.

Listen to it like it is your own child, and fully feel and emote whatever it wants to show you and tell you about.

It's in pain, and it needs you to listen and feel it.

 

You may not get all of it in one session, but it's very effective if done correctly.

Good luck!

[Gabith]

@flowboy thank u my friend <3 

[JohnnyAb]

@Gabith Great stuff. Of course, working on it is important but don't get trapped in a rabbit hole of constantly healing traumas and inner child instead of living your life. Just getting more and more present eventually peels up past and future thoughts, ideas, concepts etc.

https://youtu.be/k_a6CYQP36c

https://youtu.be/73qVl6oAgsc

You can try this guided meditation as well:

https://youtu.be/z2au4jtL0O4

And especially body-scan meditation is great to ground yourself if you're just starting this work. Even do it before starting the exercise @flowboy gave you. These are my favourites (20 and 40 min long):

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ogvtmizyrd98rhg/20 Min Body Scan.mp4?dl=0

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3qs1heuxewa2naj/MBSR Body Scan.mp3?dl=0

And if you're open to using psychedelics then that's basically problem solved even more easily. There are a lot of good resources you can find, or you can use psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy counsellors if you need any help/extra guidance, just make sure to find a proper one.  

And try to limit using this forum for this kind of guidance. Most people here are as full of shit as it gets and others are happily reassuring them in their own bullshit. Good luck on your journey.