How should your game differ if you want a LTR?

[museumoftrees]

My true desire is to be with one girl I find hot and invest in her long term. I don't think I would need a rotation of multiple girls I hook up with to be happy. Besides, what I crave is deep intimacy and passionate sex. 

What nuance should your game have if you are trying to make a woman your girlfriend? How should you behave around her, talk to her, treat the relationship, text her (especially, post hook up) ?

Should you lay your cards out there and tell her straight that you want her for your girlfriend or should you continue pursuing your purpose, approaching other girls and let her choose you? What is the best strategy here

Another example is, if I hook up with a girl I like, should I text her the day after to reassure her and reinforce the chances of seeing her longterm or does this scream neediness?

Edited November 29, 2021 by museumoftrees

[Jennjenn]

36 minutes ago, museumoftrees said:

should you continue pursuing your purpose, approaching other girls and let her choose you?

This. Once she chooses you, you drop the other women and work on that relationship. 
of course you text after the hook up, even the same night. Always ask yourself what would a boyfriend do? Otherwise she’s going to think you’re just using her or playing games 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Jennjenn

[museumoftrees]

15 minutes ago, Jennjenn said:

of course you text after the hook up, even the same night.

Won't this repel her ?

[Lyubov]

yes, text her the next day. you can even get her out the day after hooking up for some lunch. she will go if she likes you and doesn't have other plans. she may have even slept over the that night at your flat anyways if your flat wasn't awful so the next day you should spend with her. basically it's not too different and a lot of it is common sense. don't over think it. text her a decent amount and get an idea of what her schedule is like. if she has a decent amount of free time and likes you she will prioritize time with you. just be cool and fun and caring. I wouldn't go into it with mindset of absolutely making a specific girl to be your girlfriend after hooking up. you won't even know if you want her as your girlfriend until you've spent a good bit of time together over 2/3 weeks. just continue to see her often with no pressure if you like her a lot. after a few weeks of pure fun and enjoyment with you she will be wondering what you are and at that point take the lead and make it clear you want to be more exclusive. you can even get tested together at that point and start doing the deed without protection if that's your thing  from there then you can tell her you want her as your girlfriend, introduce her as your girlfriend, etc. Introduce her to your friends early on. from my experience most girls aren't sleeping with multiple men at a time. some do this but from my experience most don't. so claim her as your own after these first few weeks of spending time together and enjoying each other. you will know if you want her as your gf or just wanna be fwb after 2-4 weeks. don't be scared to commit and find a gf. lots of guys missing out on the best sex just keeping a girl as a fwb until they get tired of his shitty dick game and move onto another guy. 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Lyubov

[Terell Kirby]

The same attraction principles used to get a one night stand, is the same used to get in a long term relationship.

Fundamentally, you have to develop yourself into a person of high confidence and self esteem to get a quality partner .. no matter the context. This is very hard to do, and you cannot skip over it.

[museumoftrees]

@Terell Kirby @Lyubov @Jennjenn I feel like women like for men to not care and not text them often and keep some distance the first few weeks. Am I wrong ? I think that's my own neediness, insecurity, fear of being played and ghosted at play here (standard mommy issues).

[Terell Kirby]

3 minutes ago, museumoftrees said:

I feel like women like for men to not care and not text them often and keep some distance the first few weeks. Am I wrong ? I think that's my own neediness, insecurity, fear of being played and ghosted at play here (standard mommy issues).

Spot on. Women like nice guys .. as long as they are not needy .. the neediness separates the nice guys from the creeps.

Women would even prefer a jerk who's not nice to her over a creep.

[Lyubov]

6 minutes ago, museumoftrees said:

@Terell Kirby @Lyubov @Jennjenn I feel like women like for men to not care and not text them often and keep some distance the first few weeks. Am I wrong ? I think that's my own neediness, insecurity, fear of being played and ghosted at play here (standard mommy issues).

I faced the same issue in the past after hooking up. From my experience I realized I was being too cold and closed off because I was scared of being needy. I learned from this mistake. If she likes you she will be down and be delighted to have your affection, especially after sleeping with you. Send her memes, have some fun chit chat, complain with her about her shitty boss, etc. Texting a lot is not necessarily neediness. How compliant and how much she invests along side you is important but you also have to take the initiative first to see how interested she is. What you probably have done is somewhere in the past shown interest and were rejected and then labeled this situation as something wrong with yourself or you having neediness. I can tell you now if you act too conservative after sex she will think you just wanted a fuck and it will not turn into a relationship. 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Lyubov

[museumoftrees]

3 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

What you probably have done is somewhere in the past shown interest and were rejected and then labeled this situation as something wrong with yourself or you having neediness.

Many times lol. I kind of swung my pendulum to the other side so to speak.

3 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Texting a lot is not necessarily neediness. What you probably have done is somewhere in the past shown interest and were rejected and then labeled this situation as something wrong with yourself or you having neediness. I can tell you now if you act too conservative after sex she will think you just wanted a fuck and it will not turn into a relationship. 

Interesting, thank you.

[museumoftrees]

I'm curious on what @aurum & @Leo Gura have to say on the matter

[Leo Gura]

Don't treat her any special.

[Jennjenn]

@museumoftrees my dad used to tell me to ask for relationship advice from other women who are in healthy and happy relationships. Not from my single friends because they’re single for a reason… just saying. 

[museumoftrees]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't treat her any special.

How do I do that?

I honestly didn't think you would answer that, can you elaborate ?

So you are saying I just do my thing and let her gravitate towards me ?

[Leo Gura]

Keep setting up meets with her, but don't do or say anything special or serious. Just keep it playful and exciting and give her good sex. She will fall in love with you soon enough. Do not bring up being her boyfriend. Just be chill and give her good sex.

The key is to not come off as needy or desperate, and not to place her on any kind of pedastal.

[Flowerfaeiry]

3 hours ago, museumoftrees said:

I feel like women like for men to not care and not text them often and keep some distance the first few weeks. Am I wrong ? I think that's my own neediness, insecurity, fear of being played and ghosted at play here 

I almost always want the man to text me after we hang out. I want to know that he cares. Especially if we were intimate in some capacity. If you had a good time let her know. 

[museumoftrees]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Keep setting up meets with her, but don't do or say anything special or serious. Just keep it playful and exciting and give her good sex. She will fall in love with you soon enough. Do not bring up being her boyfriend. Just be chill and give her good sex.

The key is to not come off as needy or desperate, and not to place her on any kind of pedastal.

Got it. Light energy, good sex, rince and repeat. Last question, do you personally find it a good thing to the text the following day?

10 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

I almost always want the man to text me after we hang out. I want to know that he cares. Especially if we were intimate in some capacity. If you had a good time let her know. 

Okay! But do you think you would be more attracted to a guy if he waited a few days ex : 2-7 days after the last time he saw you to contact you? Or does it piss you off and make you not want to see him again?

[Flowerfaeiry]

6 minutes ago, museumoftrees said:

Okay! But do you think you would be more attracted to a guy if he waited a few days ex : 2-7 days after the last time he saw you to contact you? Or does it piss you off and make you not want to see him again?

Definitely not a turn off.

I mean for me (I'm 30 though, so younger women may feel differently?), it's a necessity that we have a chill follow up text about the date on the same day.

It's important for me to know he had a good time/likes me etc.

If I don't hear from him in the few hours or so following our first date I do like to send a light-hearted text letting him know I had a good time (or that I didn't, lol) because yea I think that some guys aren't sure if they should text the same day. 

[Jennjenn]

1 hour ago, museumoftrees said:

Got it. Light energy, good sex, rince and repeat

Yeah but remember good sex for her doesn’t mean the same as good sex for you. It usually involves lots of foreplay and oral sex. Just make her cum, that’s all I’m saying. In the eastern culture they believe foreplay starts 24hrs before sex. Think about that 

Edited November 30, 2021 by Jennjenn

[Jennjenn]

What you think might sound as neediness might as well be foreplay. 24hrs before meeting her send her a flirty playful text. Or I don’t know whatever your instincts tell you what to do. But start the foreplay, in a playful and casual way, (please don’t take it too far it might sound creepy) 24hrs before the meet up. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

17 minutes ago, Jennjenn said:

In the eastern culture they believe foreplay starts 24hrs before sex.

I love this woww. Definitely going to remember this.