What sparks attraction?

[Jed Haldir]

Hello

I have many questions about attracting girls, I am confused by some things. Help me sort this out.

( @Leo Gura Dad, I really value your input, please respond. )

Some principles seem to contradict each other, and some things to be a prerequisite for some other thing and so on. I would like to establish the details here of what the right sequence is.

Sexual intent

Firstly, you should show sexual interest to let her know your interest in her is not about friendship.

But, should I communicate this in order to spark attraction in the first place, or to escalate further only after getting indicators of interest from her? Waiting for a green light sort of thing?

Because on the other hand, you shouldn’t be too overtly sexual because it’s a turnoff. And yet I must show shameless sexual intent, own it. So what is the proper way to think about this? What must first be established, if anything, before using sexual overtones in my communication?

Humor

Secondly, how can I be funny, humorous and keep it light without being too goofy and become a clown, getting stuck in joking all the time? Because humor and lightness is great social lubricant in general and to build friendship.

I feel focusing too much on being funny all the time may subtract from my seriousness and poise, confidence, appearance of being grounded and cool.

So how do I use fun and humor the right way? Is it needed as a social foundation or can humor be used for sexiness specifically? So that she actually gets turned on and not just "entertained"? Is humor always sexy or only sometimes? How?

Any insights and tips on this issue?

Making a move

Thirdly, what is the difference between showing I like a girl and coming across as needy? After all I must be proactive and tell her with my eyes and body and words "I WANT YOU", but if she feels she’s the prize it may turn her off.

How do I show I want her without falling into the seller-role in the buyer/seller-dynamic, trying to sell myself to her? How do I communicate I like her without her feeling she’s got the upper hand?

 

Thanks

Edited November 30, 2021 by Jed Haldir

[HypnoticMagician]

If there is chemical incompatibility, there is nothing to do. All these you have mentioned are just additional requirements. But your look is even more essential. Without that, don't even consider women of 10s,9s,8s, or those as low as 4s, 5s.

[something_else]

39 minutes ago, HypnoticMagician said:

If there is chemical incompatibility, there is nothing to do. All these you have mentioned are just additional requirements. But your look is even more essential. Without that, don't even consider women of 10s,9s,8s, or those as low as 4s, 5s.

Get out of here with your incel crap. Yea, looks matter, but they're not all that matters. Women care less about looks than men. This mindset of never being able to get a girl if you're not a top 20% dude is a cancer on your mind and it creates a deadly self-fulfilling prophecy

I have several male friends who are not traditionally physically attractive yet they're 10x better with women than me purely out of personality and social skill

[HypnoticMagician]

41 minutes ago, something_else said:

Get out of here with your incel crap. Yea, looks matter, but they're not all that matters. Women care less about looks than men. This mindset of never being able to get a girl if you're not a top 20% dude is a cancer on your mind and it creates a deadly self-fulfilling prophecy

I have several male friends who are not traditionally physically attractive yet they're 10x better with women than me purely out of personality and social skill

The reason I don't prefer fucking women even mediocre way is the result of my own tastes. It is not related to not being able to find women interested in you. At least, 6 girls have been interested in me. I just was not ready for that kind of commitment. I rejected them for a reason. I am not involuntary celibate either. I am voluntary celibate. Nobody or any desperation is forcing me not to have sex with the opposite sex. I even find Leo saying man having no sex can never be psychologically healthy ridiculous. Sex is not a need but an extra flavor. Why are you so offended when I talked about lack of attraction without good looks? Are you an involuntary failure who can't seduce women no matter how well he does the other parts of sexual or romantical attraction. I am not saying you are a piece of shit but if you attack me in person in addition to explaining why you don't agree with me, then don't complain when I do the same

[something_else]

1 hour ago, HypnoticMagician said:

The reason I don't prefer fucking women even mediocre way is the result of my own tastes. It is not related to not being able to find women interested in you. At least, 6 girls have been interested in me. I just was not ready for that kind of commitment. I rejected them for a reason. I am not involuntary celibate either. I am voluntary celibate. Nobody or any desperation is forcing me not to have sex with the opposite sex. I even find Leo saying man having no sex can never be psychologically healthy ridiculous. Sex is not a need but an extra flavor. Why are you so offended when I talked about lack of attraction without good looks? Are you an involuntary failure who can't seduce women no matter how well he does the other parts of sexual or romantical attraction. I am not saying you are a piece of shit but if you attack me in person in addition to explaining why you don't agree with me, then don't complain when I do the same

Read what I wrote, I didn't attack you. I just told you to stop talking like an incel. The incel mindset of 'looks are all that matter' is really toxic to anyone who wants to improve themselves with girls

You told this dude that if he isn't physically attractive enough he should lower his standards to 1,2,3 out of 10 girls which is ridiculous

[Leo Gura]

19 hours ago, Jed Haldir said:

Sexual intent

But, should I communicate this in order to spark attraction in the first place, or to escalate further only after getting indicators of interest from her? Waiting for a green light sort of thing?

DO NOT wait for any green light. You must assume attraction will happen. If it doesn't, you calibrate AFTER she gives you indicator of disinterest.

Quote

Because on the other hand, you shouldn’t be too overtly sexual because it’s a turnoff. And yet I must show shameless sexual intent, own it. So what is the proper way to think about this? What must first be established, if anything, before using sexual overtones in my communication?

You must show your genuine attraction/intent and risk getting downright rejected.

This is what you fear. And this is what you must face head on to get good with girls.

Your sexual intent must primarily be in how you frame the whole approach and your eye contact. Not your verbals. Practice sexually intentful eye contact. Girls should be telling you they have a boyfriend just after the way you look at them.

Quote

Humor

Secondly, how can I be funny, humorous and keep it light without being too goofy and become a clown, getting stuck in joking all the time? Because humor and lightness is great social lubricant in general and to build friendship.

Amuse yourself rather than trying to score points with her. Make it about having fun for yourself.

Quote

I feel focusing too much on being funny all the time may subtract from my seriousness and poise, confidence, appearance of being grounded and cool.

You will find a balance via lots of practice.

Quote

So how do I use fun and humor the right way? Is it needed as a social foundation or can humor be used for sexiness specifically? So that she actually gets turned on and not just "entertained"? Is humor always sexy or only sometimes? How?

Humor does not need to be sexual. The sexuality will mostly be commuicated via how you look at her, physical escalation, and dropping phrases like, "Damn, I like your ass, girl."

Quote

Making a move

Thirdly, what is the difference between showing I like a girl and coming across as needy? After all I must be proactive and tell her with my eyes and body and words "I WANT YOU", but if she feels she’s the prize it may turn her off.

How do I show I want her without falling into the seller-role in the buyer/seller-dynamic, trying to sell myself to her? How do I communicate I like her without her feeling she’s got the upper hand?

Don't compliment much or fawn over her hotness. Instead be chill, but at the same time be honest if she turns you on.

Basically treat her like she is already your girlfriend, and you have 5 other girlfriends who are as good as her so you can take it or leave it.

[HypnoticMagician]

23 minutes ago, something_else said:

Read what I wrote, I didn't attack you. I just told you to stop talking like an incel. The incel mindset of 'looks are all that matter' is really toxic to anyone who wants to improve themselves with girls

You told this dude that if he isn't physically attractive enough he should lower his standards to 1,2,3 out of 10 girls which is ridiculous

As I have said I am not incel. Maybe, the problem is worse than your attention span being short, is you lacking the ability to comprehend what you read. And you are so optimistic about why he can get a couple of girls of 10. There are even men who claim you will get 1 or 2 girls out of 1000 girls rejecting you. If you have that kind of mindset, there is seriously something wrong with you. Be it your look or the way you talk. Maybe both.

[something_else]

50 minutes ago, HypnoticMagician said:

As I have said I am not incel. Maybe, the problem is worse than your attention span being short, is you lacking the ability to comprehend what you read. And you are so optimistic about why he can get a couple of girls of 10. There are even men who claim you will get 1 or 2 girls out of 1000 girls rejecting you. If you have that kind of mindset, there is seriously something wrong with you. Be it your look or the way you talk. Maybe both.

I was referring to you saying that he should lower his standards to 1s, 2s, and 3s because of his appearance

[HypnoticMagician]

3 minutes ago, something_else said:

I was referring to you saying that he should lower his standards to 1s, 2s, and 3s because of his appearance

You do you I am not forcing you to lower your standard, just sharing my impression. Maybe, I am right, maybe, I am wrong. That's my current opinion.

[hyruga]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Your sexual intent must primarily be in how you frame the whole approach and your eye contact. Not your verbals. Practice sexually intentful eye contact. Girls should be telling you they have a boyfriend just after the way you look at them.

.

What should you do if the girls tell you they have a boyfriend but you plan on continuing the relationship?

Also, what should you do if the girls tell you they need to consider over the relationship (Between you and her)? 

Thank you.

[ZenSwift]

@hyruga Leo Covered this in either part 2 or part 3

[Jed Haldir]

On 2021-11-30 at 6:02 PM, Leo Gura said:

DO NOT wait for any green light. You must assume attraction will happen.

Okay, feels good to hear.

On 2021-11-30 at 6:02 PM, Leo Gura said:

If it doesn't, you calibrate AFTER she gives you indicator of disinterest.

In this event, what is some good canned line or other response if she rejects a move? (I am trying to attract a girl at my work.)

Related bonus question: How do I create an emotional moment to warm her up when I’m about to do a more explicit move, like pull her towards me or say I wanna play with her etc?

[Shin]

On 30/11/2021 at 7:23 PM, HypnoticMagician said:

You do you I am not forcing you to lower your standard, just sharing my impression. Maybe, I am right, maybe, I am wrong. That's my current opinion.

I know several guys who are either short, below average, or fat.

All of them are, amazingly good with women.

Disgustingly good, like women flock to them like moths to a flame.

This «you must be amazingly good looking to date a 8+» is so much cope.

Edited December 3, 2021 by Shin

[ZenRising]

21 hours ago, Shin said:

I know several guys who are either short, below average, or fat.

All of them are, amazingly good with women.

Disgustingly good, like women flock to them like moths to a flame.

This «you must be amazingly good looking to date a 8+» is so much cope.

 

Me too.... it's not that looks are irrelevant - making the best of 'what you've got' is always good advice... and the converse is also true, I know a couple of guys who are considered to be 'gorgeous' by our female friends, but they lack confidence and charm, and as a result they live their lives in friendzone hell...

[Leo Gura]

23 hours ago, Jed Haldir said:

In this event, what is some good canned line or other response if she rejects a move? (I am trying to attract a girl at my work.)

Something like,

"Oh, hehe. Sorry, I was just eager to meet you."

You play it off as a joke.

But at work you should not be doing any kind of obvious escalation. You can't recover from that at work. I am talking about night game. Gaming girls at work is not wise if you care about your job. The problem at work is that she cannot just leave like at night.

Quote

Related bonus question: How do I create an emotional moment to warm her up when I’m about to do a more explicit move, like pull her towards me or say I wanna play with her etc?

Usually you'd say something funny to make her laugh.

If you want to make a big move, make her laugh really hard. Of course this not easy to do on a dime unless you got years of experience with verbals.

[Thought Art]

... Keep your work and school relationships professional only.

Don't shit where you eat.

 

[Jed Haldir]

On 2021-12-04 at 2:51 PM, Leo Gura said:

But at work you should not be doing any kind of obvious escalation. You can't recover from that at work. I am talking about night game. Gaming girls at work is not wise if you care about your job. The problem at work is that she cannot just leave like at night.

So how do I succeed at work?

Right now I get mixed signals, I think:

We have a bit of a "teasing relationship", she has playfully whipped me (on my arm and I said "careful these are just polished" and she laughed, this happened twice), complimented my not particularly special bracelets, and once remarked we were "together again" after not working together for two weeks and I sensed she was blushing at that thought just a bit, I have pinched her now and then and she hasn’t recoiled from that. I joked about the color pink and nicknamed her Barbie and I think she liked that.

So at worst am currently friend-zoned. How can I read the difference in her signals?

On the other hand she’s a bit "bitchy", tried to make me clean up and do things for her rather than help her, has kind of curt tone sometimes and unimpressed expression on her face. She’s basically more experienced at our work and so sometimes I get "schooled" by her, which I think is bad from this game-point-of-view.

I really wanna take it as far as I can with this girl.

Edited December 11, 2021 by Jed Haldir

[hyruga]

32 minutes ago, Jed Haldir said:

So how do I succeed at work?

Right now I get mixed signals, I think:

We have a bit of a "teasing relationship", she has playfully whipped me (on my arm and I said "careful these are just polished" and she laughed, this happened twice), complimented my not particularly special bracelets, and once remarked we were "together again" after not working together for two weeks and I sensed she was blushing at that thought just a bit, I have pinched her now and then and she hasn’t recoiled from that. I joked about the color pink and nicknamed her Barbie and I think she liked that.

So at worst am currently friend-zoned. How can I read the difference in her signals?

On the other hand she’s a bit "bitchy", tried to make me clean up and do things for her rather than help her, has kind of curt tone sometimes and unimpressed expression on her face. She’s basically more experienced at our work and so sometimes I get "schooled" by her, which I think is bad from this game-point-of-view.

I really wanna take it as far as I can with this girl.

You can tease with colleagues but be very careful if you want to do anything super sexual.

If both of you break up, the lady can report you to the management for harassment and stuff and you will be forced to quit or they will even report you to the police. 

[something_else]

@Jed Haldir Maybe wait til work nights out if your company does that. That'll give you an opportunity to interact in a little bit more of a relaxed environment

But honestly sounds like you're very invested in this one girl at work and that could go south pretty quick