How to Make Friends and a Confession ?

[Fearless_Bum]

Big confession here ?. 

I find it hard to take interest in people or to continue conversation with others. This is something I want to develop for this machine so I can play with other creators. 

When I speak to people I mostly listen, the moment they stop feeding me the words I shut off and just stand there lol. I'm only really interested in people vastly wiser than me, not out of arrogance, only that the vast difference in experience/knowledge just gives me that dopamine to be like "I need to know more about you!".

This makes it difficult for me to hangout with people my age (twenties), I actually freak out around young people lol, because I think I'm not cool enough to be like them ?.

Any ideas to help this bum over here? 

I'm thinking it's all about building the muscle of being interested in people in general and just asking questions.

[SamC]

38 minutes ago, Fearless_Bum said:

Big confession here ?. 

I find it hard to take interest in people or to continue conversation with others. This is something I want to develop for this machine so I can play with other creators. 

When I speak to people I mostly listen, the moment they stop feeding me the words I shut off and just stand there lol. I'm only really interested in people vastly wiser than me, not out of arrogance, only that the vast difference in experience/knowledge just gives me that dopamine to be like "I need to know more about you!".

This makes it difficult for me to hangout with people my age (twenties), I actually freak out around young people lol, because I think I'm not cool enough to be like them ?.

Any ideas to help this bum over here? 

I'm thinking it's all about building the muscle of being interested in people in general and just asking questions.

Reframe talking to people as a way to learn more about them, the world and yourself. You can learn from everyone and if you try to understand them, chances are they will like you and want to know more about you aswell.

[ZenRising]

42 minutes ago, Fearless_Bum said:

 

I'm thinking it's all about building the muscle of being interested in people in general and just asking questions.

 Yes indeed... it's all about building the muscle.. it took me many years to accept the fact that I am an introvert, but I've discovered that I can also develop general interest in others and enjoy conversations with them...

[Fearless_Bum]

@SamC @ZenRising thanks for the responses guys ?. 

So the muscles where it's at huh. Yep, even when I respond to people I come off as sarcastic or that I don't care, it's just that lack of dopamine, I swear I'm not a sociopath ?.

[SamC]

Just now, Fearless_Bum said:

@SamC @ZenRising thanks for the responses guys ?. 

So the muscles where it's at huh. Yep, even when I respond to people I come off as sarcastic or that I don't care, it's just that lack of dopamine, I swear I'm not a sociopath ?.

@Fearless_Bum I think it's really cool that you're trying to grow man, keep going - youre awsome. One thing that crossed my mind however is a question..

Do you feel like a social outcast?

[Fearless_Bum]

@SamC hey buddy ?, let's not fall into any deeper thought stories of somehow being given the short end of the stick, we got this! ?

I would rather propose the question: is there any way, a "higher" way to love every single being in your presence without the conventional methods of hugs and kisses? 

Why does one have to talk exchange knowledge with others? Can one be like a dying dried up leaf full of love?

I'm contemplating this rn ?.

Edited November 29, 2021 by Fearless_Bum

[SamC]

4 minutes ago, Fearless_Bum said:

@SamC hey buddy ?, let's not fall into any deeper thought stories of somehow being given the short end of the stick, we got this! ?

I would rather propose the question: is there any way, a "higher" way to love every single being in your presence without the conventional methods of hugs and kisses? 

Why does one have to talk exchange knowledge with others? Can one be like a dying dried up leaf full of love?

I'm contemplating this rn ?.

@Fearless_Bum Yeah but if you're a dried up leaf you're still from the same trees as everyone else. There is no " to love" - you are already it, connected to everything else. That is the highest love.?

I honestly think that this is your core problem with socializing with people. You feel like an outcast, like you're not connected to them. The thing is even in your name. Sure you are fearless.. but still a bum in your mind. Your solution will be in uniting the different parts in your psyche and by doing that - unifying with the world.

[Fearless_Bum]

3 minutes ago, SamC said:

@Fearless_Bum Yeah but if you're a dried up leaf you're still from the same trees as everyone else. There is no " to love" - you are already it, connected to everything else. That is the highest love.?

I honestly think that this is your core problem with socializing with people. You feel like an outcast, like you're not connected to them. The thing is even in your name. Sure you are fearless.. but still a bum in your mind. Your solution will be in uniting the different parts in your psyche and by doing that - unifying with the world.

@SamC true, I guess I'm fine then ?. 

[somegirl]

@Fearless_Bum Maybe you have to change people you're talking with. I know that feeling when you find a person boring/not interesting to know about.

But then again, that changes once you do meet interesting people, and conversation will flow naturally. In such case you wouldn't need to "force" yourself to ask them questions, you will naturally be curious about them.

1 hour ago, Fearless_Bum said:

This makes it difficult for me to hangout with people my age (twenties), I actually freak out around young people lol, because I think I'm not cool enough to be like them

Interesting that you mention this, because I have opposite reaction. I think I'm "cool" when I talk to younger people (even people ONE year younger than me), I have this undescribable confidence and I feel free to be myself, but I kinda "freak out" with people my age. Not always, but have noticed happening a few times. I don't know why.

Maybe this happens because we feel we are not good enough. That people around us have achieved more than us. That they are smarter than us. And then you freak out and feel "ashamed" because you were born the similar year, but for some reason they are doing better than you. 

Just some thoughts to think about.

[Byun Sean]

try talking about yourself more and expose yourself to more different kinds of social situations.

 

Have you considered that maybe they want to know more about you since you want to know more about them? 

Try it! It gives conversation juice when both people take turns listening and talking about themselves when appropriate.

 

It can be uncomfortable at first. But remind yourself of why you want good social skills to motivate you in the process.

 

Socialization can also become extremely fun once you bust past your own discomfort in these situations.

 

Its probably good to start small with people you are comfortable with and work your way up.

[Fearless_Bum]

@somegirl who knows why, let's just be fucked up human beings together ??.

@Byun Sean I'll start talking about myself, let's do it!

[Spiral]

A conversation is only as fun as you make it. 
 

 

[Fearless_Bum]

@Spiral yea let's have fun! ?

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Fearless_Bum Through travelling and living at least in a couple of different cities I have a similar pattern of disinterest for low quality activities in terms of how "conscious" they are. 

You can just be excited about creating the life you desire and you automatically will just be interested in the sheer experience of whatever is happening. Some dude getting drunk, some idiotic conversation about a tv series etc. you can just pay attention and enjoy the process you can even meditate and totally space out and people will not really notice. There is almost everytime something fascinating about another person and you can share stuff about yourself also. 

It's important to reach out friends usually cost time and energy and many are lazy and not interested in planning/doing stuff if you don't have the exact same interests. Expanding your interests can also help. I sometimes feel like I am a boring asshole because I feel I don't know enough or very niche stuff like SD, Integral Theory, Politics is also not a very good conversational topic. Nutrition, health, science, entrepreneurship as well as personal development are all great topics to learn about depending on interest. Expanding your interests will also make you more available to people. 

I do have a good amount of friends just hanging-out and talking about day to day experiences and sharing parts of that even if we have a totally different background can work. 

It's often more a lack of effort to wanting to connect to others and then beign more inclined to be needy because you want that friendship/connection thing etc. 

That sort of is my humble opinion. Also if you are not interested in the other person that is totally fine!