Addictions. Distance doesn't = Detachment

[Striving for more]

Had a sip of a san miguel today, hadn't drunk so much lately. 

But I had a sip, & alll there u go, there u go I could just BLOOOW SOME SMOKE & SIP A COUPLE OF THESE, THERE U GOO. 

Maybe that's why I'm so fucking on edge still. 

I got distance so I'm obviously not a full blown Charlie sheen Bill hicks, but Im still attached, there's probably some withdrawlal too. 

& What about the other addictions? Internet ones, they're still a problem, especially that I I'm working online, my online is tied to my survival, blocking the apps I only find another app. 

But there's definitely some growth since the path, I see myself just letting go, just sometimes, not always, but sometimes is more than never, & used it to be never. 

Many addictions remain, but wait a minute, fuk. 

"Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transfered". 

Time to become addicted to success, status, hot sex. I WANT TO BE ADDICTED TO THIS SHIT. 

I think about it a lot, but I must be addicted to the actions that fucking lead to it you piece of shit. 

Ok, no self acceptance, leo self acceptance vid. 

SELF FUCKING LOVE. I AM ON THE PATH. I AM ON THE PATH. 

I must sleep good tonight. cant lose my shit again. 

ARH I want some rough sex, with a girl who can't pronounce my name, I want a columbian bubble but, bubble bubble buhbuh. 

[Striving for more]

I fapped for the second day in a row last night, It's crazy. 

I've done 6 month streak before, multiple month streaks, & suddenly i'm like an addict again? 

I need to break this thing again. No fap for me is like oxygen, it's not a superpower, it's just essential, I have to have every advantage I have & when I fap, my ADD symptoms skyrocket. 

1I'm gonna order micosoding pills & try that for the first time too. My main goal for that is it will increase my emotional intelligence & mood, & even if it's placebo, that's better than nothing. 

So fucking boring on the health forums people saying "all u need is diet & sleep bro then u can focus bro", NO. fuck off.  Life isn't meant to be that boring. I believe u can 1000X ur focus, social abliities, not just with drugs of course, like with steroids u still have train, you have to lift weights, but results come quick, & u combine the drugs with no fap, with environmental design (my biggest current hurdle, FUCK)(  with weird mysterious nootropics, I believe there are safe brain steroids out there, & hacks. Life is cool like that. 

FUck off. 

[Striving for more]

I just meditated for 10 minutes. I actuallly feel decent now. 

Hopefully I can focus, 14 hours of work today on a saturday, let's go. I want to make $500 today. 

The oppurtunity & the brainpower is there, the eq can be developed, I believe in myself, I believe in myself, I will win I will win, soon I will be in a sunny country again, and I'll be fucking & dancing a lot. 

When in neurosis the last thing u want to do is meditate or not go on your phone, but it's what you need, that or anything that brings a flow state, distances one from the mind, that horrible monster. 

Edited November 27, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

MY LAST POST THIS UNTIL NEW YEARS EVE. 

• 14 hours of work today
• No fap starts NOW, & Continues indefinitely 
• Optimism starts NOW & Continues indefinitely 
• NO more youtube, no books, none of this website 
• WORK & SOCIAL. MONEY, TRAVEL FRIENDS, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.
• ALL OF THESE THINGS NOTHING ELSE , STARTS NOW. 
• MONEY TRAVEL SOCIAL BEAUTIFUL WOMEN CREATIVITY BUSINESS HARD WORK INVESTING 
• NO FAP GYM NOOTROPICS 
• THIS IS IT, LETS GO, SUBCONSCIOUS MIND BECOMING REPOGRAMED
• MONEY WOMEN GYM NOOTROPICS NO FAP CREATIVITY PRODUCTIVITY 14HR WORK DAYS PICK UP INVESTING CRYPTO STOCKS 4 LANGUAGES TECH SKILLS DIGITAL ORGANIZATION GOALS MEASURING TRACKING CONSISTENCY & THEN GOING CRAZY AT WEEKENDS PICKING UP STUNNERS RENTING FLASHY CARS LETS GO ALL OF IT ALL OF IT ALIVE TIME STARTS NOW. 
• WORKAHOLIC PLAYAHOLIC. NOTHING IN BETWEEN, FUCK BORING PEOPLE. 
• 100% EXTROVERTED & INTROVERTED SIMULTANEOUSLY, 100% HYPER LOGICAL & EMOTIONAL. 
• I AM A FUCKING GENUIS. I AM A JACK OF ALL TRADES. 
• I AM BETTER THAN YOU LEO, YOU CRACKLEY VOICED CUCK, I AM THE FUCKING BEST. 
• MEDITATION TIME NOW. 
• GOOD MONRING EVERY1

[ZenRising]

Habits... and addictions in particular... are hard to change... I think falling down many times and having to get up and start again on each occasion is all part of the process... for me at least... I've been in 12 step recovery for many years, and I've had to overcome multiple addictions (booze, drugs, internet, nicotine, shopping...) ... I never managed to just quit something and that was just it - I never touched it again... on every occasion, there were multiple slips and much frustration before the abstience 'stuck'... just my experience, but I think you're on the right track... 

[Striving for more]

@ZenRising Thanks man, I honestly just want to cure my internet addiciton for now. 

**well tbf my internet use is way better than before, I'm so relieved it;s not like before, but it comes back to bite me sometimes, I think it's gradually fading away. 

Drinking and smoking is bad, but if at least I do that but I also focus in the day & make money & have a social life, it's not unbearable. 

Internet addiction imo is WORSE, honestly, I don't care if you got a 6 pack & look great, internet addiction is so fucked, you litterally can't be in the present, can't go on a date or hang out with your mum without checking the phone, cant sit still to watch a movie, it depletes your productivity so so much too. 

Ew, internet addiction never again. 

Edited November 27, 2021 by Striving for more