do you believe in long distance relationship?

[mamad]

my gf is moving to Russia to study medicine for at least 6 years.

we are in deep love and she asks me to marry her and move with her. but I have some plans for myself for the next 2 years and it is undoable for me.

we can see each other each summer but for most of the years we are far away from each other. I am in deep frustration .

have you ever been in a distance relationship. was it successful?

I dont want to break her heart in a foreign country. we have one month know and I dont know If I should give it a chance or end it while she has the mental stability in our country.

every advice would be highly appreciated.

 

Edited November 25, 2021 by mamad

[bloomer]

@mamad

I'm in one with a girl I haven't in met in person. I like her, I like talking to her. But when you're not in person it's not really a relationship. I just want to meetup. You can't have an intimate romantic sexual relationship without being with one another in person. 

10 minutes ago, mamad said:

we are in deep love and she asks me to marry her and move with her. but I have some plans for myself for the next 2 years and it is undoable for me.

If you were in such deep love why would you split apart from one another?

11 minutes ago, mamad said:

have you ever been in a distance relationship. was it successful?

I worry the relationship I'm in will fail if we don't meet up soon. Which I have anxiety about.

11 minutes ago, mamad said:

every advice would be highly appreciated.

If you want the relationship to workout be together. She isn't going to save herself for you for years just so you can get your shit together. 

[Yarco]

I'm in NA and had a long-distance gf in EU I met online. Ultimately I moved over there for a couple years, then we both moved back to NA and got engaged, then broke up.

I've never done the opposite direction where you have a local relationship and then it becomes long-distance, to me that seems harder since often being in physical proximity is a bit of a crutch for relationships. I don't know the statistics, but my gut says that the majority of long-term relationships even when people go off to university in the same country mostly don't last.

Personally if I could go back in time and tell it to myself, the ability to travel and work in another country was pretty cool and gave me more perspective on the world. But ultimately it wasn't worth it in terms of the relationship.

Most people I feel like only do long-distance relationships out of a feeling of scarcity. You don't feel like you deserve or could get someone equal or better.

Be really honest with yourself and ask if she's truly your soulmate and the perfect person for you, or if you're just scared you wouldn't be able to find someone else.

In terms of logistics -- do you know Russian or do you think you could learn it fluently enough to live and work there? Are you able to get a visa to work there? Could she as a student financially support both of you until you're able to find a job once you move?

 

 

 

[Elham]

I think u need to breakup not merely because of long distance relationship. But because people change! Even if u r together in a same city, in 6 years u two can greatly grow apart let alone in two different countries specially in young ages. 

Some people are not meant to stay in your life forever. U can love them and let them go at the same time. I think if u continue this relationship, u will gradually take apart!

[Lyubov]

My relationship is facing the exact same thing right now so I can relate. You aren’t alone. I made this very thread a few weeks back. It sounds like you have a distinct direction you want to go. I’m lucky to have a job where I can potentially relocate but I’m still not sure I want to do it. It’s hard man, going through the same thing  

[NoSelfSelf]

You are in specific situation,but i dont belive in it and dont like it a bit...

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, mamad said:

have you ever been in a distance relationship

Yes, multiple.

1 hour ago, mamad said:

was it successful?

Yes.

It worked because:

• We met in person regularly. In the first LDR we met every second weekend for 3 days, so we could spend time together. In the second LDR we met every 2 months for a couple weeks.
• We weren't long distance for ever, or indefinitely.

It can work if it's for a limited time, and it is clear when the long distance period ends and you'll live close to each other.

If there's no clear plan and date to look forward to when the distance goes away, then eventually both people will be looking for something better nearby.

Because nearly everyone who has a partner wants to be able to see them regularly. Long distance is only tolerated when it's for a limited time.

In my first LDR, neither of us wanted to move to the other person's country. So, it didn't last.

We loved each other, but not enough to move.

So that's going to fall apart then, it's just a matter of time.

The second time I did LDR, after about 7 months I just moved, and now we live together. We couldn't have kept that long distance up for much longer. It was not making sense anymore and driving us crazy.

 

If your girlfriend just made that decision to move to Russia, without involving you in that decision, what the hell is going on there?

I'd suspect she doesn't love you enough.

If you don't want to move with her, I'd say you don't love her enough.

She's not the one you'd move to the end of the world for, so why not save you both some time and find the right one?

 

If that's all wrong and this is real love, then you can make it work if you visit each other every couple months, I'd say at least every 2 months, in person, and decide together on where you will live together when she's done studying.

That's a lot of flight tickets.

Edited November 25, 2021 by flowboy

[Gesundheit2]

Absolutely not. It's not a relationship if your partner is in mp3 or mp4 formats.

[flowboy]

2 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Absolutely not. It's not a relationship if your partner is in mp3 or mp4 formats.

When I was 12, I dated a bunch of jpegs

[Gesundheit2]

7 hours ago, flowboy said:

When I was 12, I dated a bunch of jpegs

[Shin]

11 hours ago, flowboy said:

When I was 12, I dated a bunch of jpegs

Boomer ???

[Gesundheit2]

13 hours ago, flowboy said:

When I was 12, I dated a bunch of jpegs

Here's a good one:

So, basically you had no GiFs.

[mamad]

@Gesundheit2 @flowboy  @bloomer @NoSelfSelf @Yarco tnx for the advice

@LyubovI feel you man

@Elhamمرسی الهام