Self-actualizing And Relating To Others Who Have Lower Consciousness

[FindingPeace]

This is something that has been bothering for a while now and I'd like to know if anyone else is finding the same thing.

As I have become more aware and developed a 'higher consciousness' of psychology, people, life and truth I am finding it harder to engage with other 'normal' people. It is as though the further I climb out of the illusions and bullshit that we all started out in, the less interest I have in others who are still immersed in low-consciousness, egotism and pettiness.

It isn't that I am specifically judging or criticising them but more that I am experiencing a growing separation. I particularly find it hard to engage in conversations these days. Not that I was ever much of a conversationalist. I have become ever more aware that 'social conversation' is such a pretentious game. Nothing most people actually talk about has any real value. I find it hardest with family and particuarly within my marriage.

When other people talk about low-conscious, trivial and egoic issues I find myself just so detached from it that it is of no interest to me and, frankly, an annoying drain on my attention and mental resources. People are either talking about themselves or complaining about something trivial and petty, or raving about something they see as 'interesting' that is just pure meaninglessness. Infact they are engaging in exactly the kinds of things that are counterproductive to self-actualization. The things I am trying to not engage in.

This is actually creating a rift between myself and my wife because I can't actually relate on her level anymore and she can't on mine. In fact I can't even talk about self-help, meditation, mindfulness, you name it, even actualized.org. I tried to introduce her to it but she couldn't relate to it. Finds it all a bit airey-fairy and not 'practical' and doesn't 'give instant results'. In fact the classic line was along the lines of "this is all well and good for other more simple people but it isn't much use in my life. I have real problems that can't be fixed by thinking differently or meditating". My parents were just as sceptical and dismissive.

There is noone that I know that I can talk to about the concepts and insights of Leo's videos, this forum or self-help in general. The other thing is that is is hard to sit by and watch others sabotaging their own lives and suffering every day as a result when they can so easily change it all for the better by following the same path. This is also particularly hard to watch when you live with people who are doing it.

This forum is the exception because the people here are all about the no-bullshit path to higher consciousness. This forum has, infact, come as a relief that I can finally relate to like-minded people or people who are further up the awareness and self-development scale than I am.

So, is anyone else experience a similar problem or feeling of detachment from society, friends, family and intimate partners? How have you addressed this issue?

Edited February 11, 2016 by FindingPeace
Added content

[Anicko]

Yes. I find that I'm frequently bored or annoyed by other people, even people I really like and love. But it's not their fault. They don't see what I'm starting to see. I'm not better than them because I see the pointlessness of, say, gossip or talking politics. 

I like to utilize the time I'm in those positions to dig around my own mind, find crappy beliefs and kick them out. Some people notice (and some don't like) that I don't talk as much, or have great advice for them anymore. I've got better advice than I've ever had for people before, but they don't like it! Haha! 

In my most important relationships, I am very careful to be compassionate. I realize that they are still so stuck in illusion. I can't allow them to pull me into it with them, but if I really love these people, I won't abandon them either.  I'm careful about judging. I do still judge a lot, but at least I'm becoming aware of those thoughts so I can try to find out the whys. 

Perhaps you are like me, and working on patience should be a top priority! It makes it easier to handle those situations, because frankly, moving into a cave and becoming a hermit is rarely a viable option. 

P. S. There are plenty of people here who like to think they are figuring out how this all actually works, but are clearly talking out of their asses. Don't lose your discrimination just because it's a forum for hopeful "enlightened people". 

Edited February 11, 2016 by Anicko
Added P. S..

[Pallero]

Yes. But for me it has been going on my whole life or as long as I can remember.

As a child and an adolescent I didn't have any terms for what I was going through and I didn't meet any like-minded people. I felt very depressed and different because of that. As an adult I've learned that I'm not the only one going through these things. I still struggle to meet like-minded people. People on this forum seem to be here for so many different reasons and they are at so different stages in their life that it's difficult to find anyone who I could totally relate to.

Because of this issue, I have felt detached from people and society my whole life. I was unenthusiastic about friendships, couldn't find what I was looking for in the dating scene, always felt like my parents don't get me, and like the society is this system that is so cold-hearted, rigid and so far from being what I felt like it should be: warm, accepting, flexible, intelligent and human. I don't have to tell you that I was completely and utterly miserable. And when I went to talk with so called professionals, I couldn't find any help there either.

I've tried the "fake it until you make it" strategy. I told myself that if I really try to be interested in the things that others are interested in, maybe I'll find that interest! I managed to fake it for a while, but it was difficult and I never made it so I quit.

I've also tried to hold shallow friendships. I said that if I can't find anybody who I can relate to on a deep level, I'll just keep that to myself and maintain some shallow friendships for socializing purposes. Didn't work. I became annoyed and frustrated very soon. I kept coming up with all these ideas that I wanted to share and there was no-one to share them with.

I tried to look for like-minded people in the philosophy department at the University, because at 18-years-old, I thought that that's where all the like-minded people must be. But the philosophy students were very interested in philosophy - history, theories and thinkers. And I soon realized that I wasn't that interested in what they were interested in. I wanted to think for myself, they were just very interested in the philosophy practice. Not to say that they weren't intelligent people - they were very intelligent, probably much more intelligent than I am. But it's not about intelligence. It's about perspective, a different point-of-view.

I finally found some answers through different sources such as Abraham Hicks and Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations With God. I began understanding how the world works and why people are the way they are.

The most difficult question for me is "why?". Why me? What happened to me and when that I see everything so differently from most people? For me, it was never a conscious choice. It's like I was born this way and I don't understand it.

Even though I'm still upset and searching for answers, I'm beginning to see that other people are quite interesting. Even though it might seem like they talk drivel on the surface, they actually give you glimpses of the reality as it is. They show passion, love, kindness and trust. You just have to see it. They can be very mysterious, too.

[FindingPeace]

20 hours ago, Anicko said:

I like to utilize the time I'm in those positions to dig around my own mind, find crappy beliefs and kick them out. Some people notice (and some don't like) that I don't talk as much, or have great advice for them anymore. I've got better advice than I've ever had for people before, but they don't like it! Haha! 

I like this. Likewise I use the time to reflect on myself. If you've seen Leo's 'How you exploit others to grow yourself' video I pretty much do that. Use others as a 'mirror' to see where I can improve myself.

Also likewise, having better advice to give that others don't want to hear. So true.

20 hours ago, Anicko said:

In my most important relationships, I am very careful to be compassionate. I realize that they are still so stuck in illusion. I can't allow them to pull me into it with them, but if I really love these people, I won't abandon them either.  I'm careful about judging. I do still judge a lot, but at least I'm becoming aware of those thoughts so I can try to find out the whys. 

Likewise. I'm not saying that I judge people. For the most part I can entertain interraction with people. However sometimes there are people who are excessively low-conscious and perhaps toxic (chronic negativity or egotism for example) that I really don't have time for. I don't blame people for it. I know it's not their fault. It's just frustrating when it demands a lot of time and attention from you.

20 hours ago, Anicko said:

Perhaps you are like me, and working on patience should be a top priority! It makes it easier to handle those situations, because frankly, moving into a cave and becoming a hermit is rarely a viable option. 

Patience is something I've always had, but am still working on further. As for the cave idea... I was thinking a nice log cabin overlooking a pine-forest valley with a lake at the bottom...lol. If I could..I would...

 

[ayokolomo]

What makes some thoughts "higher" and some "lower?"  Arent they all just thoughts coming from a mind?

[FindingPeace]

6 minutes ago, ayokolomo said:

What makes some thoughts "higher" and some "lower?"  Arent they all just thoughts coming from a mind?

Lower consciousness results in more egoic behaviour. More emotional behaviour. It is also contained within many of the illusions that self-actualising is trying to shed.

Higher consciousness results in less ego, better emotional intelligence, less of the bullshit illusory stuff.

Fundamentally actualized.org and Leo have been committed to illustrating this very concept and showing us how to raise our consciousness and why we should be doing it.

[ayokolomo]

2 hours ago, FindingPeace said:

Lower consciousness results in more egoic behaviour. More emotional behaviour. It is also contained within many of the illusions that self-actualising is trying to shed.

Higher consciousness results in less ego, better emotional intelligence, less of the bullshit illusory stuff.

Fundamentally actualized.org and Leo have been committed to illustrating this very concept and showing us how to raise our consciousness and why we should be doing it.

The problem I have with the terms higher and lower is that, as I see through the maya I have found that I become judgemental.  My apologies if I have misunderstood your post, but as I read through, your words gave me the impression that you felt higher and "better" because you can see through more of the illusion than your loved ones.

I know that I am guilty of this, and after some meditation on this I feel that even this "work" that we are all engaged in is just as illusory as my families beliefs and attitudes.  This is why I personaly find the subjective terms higher and lower dangerous for myself.  

You cant change others only yourself.  So could it be your attitude that can shift?

[Anicko]

I prefer the terms 'true self/false self' to higher/lower. As you move along, you realize that it's more that people aren't being honest with themselves and with others (knowingly or not, it doesn't matter). You can actually see that it's pretend, it's false. 

And as you reach the point where you don't want to hang around with false selves, it irritates the poo out of you at first. Eventually, the worst ones will be out of the picture. And at first it hurts, it's hard. But once you start connecting with people who are able to be their true selves, you won't want it any other way. It gets easier to let go of the false ones. 

[FindingPeace]

1 hour ago, ayokolomo said:

The problem I have with the terms higher and lower is that, as I see through the maya I have found that I become judgemental.  My apologies if I have misunderstood your post, but as I read through, your words gave me the impression that you felt higher and "better" because you can see through more of the illusion than your loved ones.

I don't always articulate myself well. I was using the terminology that Leo uses in his videos. I am aware it sounds somewhat arrogant and judgmental. Really, it's just a statement of fact. And yes, at times I am guilty of feeling 'better' than certain people. It is an ego response I am trying to keep in check.

50 minutes ago, Anicko said:

I prefer the terms 'true self/false self' to higher/lower. As you move along, you realize that it's more that people aren't being honest with themselves and with others (knowingly or not, it doesn't matter). You can actually see that it's pretend, it's false. 

And as you reach the point where you don't want to hang around with false selves, it irritates the poo out of you at first. Eventually, the worst ones will be out of the picture. And at first it hurts, it's hard. But once you start connecting with people who are able to be their true selves, you won't want it any other way. It gets easier to let go of the false ones. 

I like this. I think this explains it so much better than I did. I think I'll adopt this approach in future.

 

[Anicko]

I understood what you were saying. I'm personally not bothered by the language you chose because I knew what you meant- words often fail us, but they are what we have to work with!  

A lot of people don't understand or like what I have to say. Doesn't bother me, either. I'm learning that it doesn't matter whether people like it because when it's the truth, it's the truth. Ha! 

Sometimes I find better approaches, sometimes I discover I was confused or mistaken. Oh well, drop the old, carry on with the new. As long as my goal is to be truthful and act always with the best intentions for all involved, I can't really cause true, permanent harm. Even if someone wants to accuse me of it.  

[FindingPeace]

35 minutes ago, Anicko said:

A lot of people don't understand or like what I have to say. Doesn't bother me, either. I'm learning that it doesn't matter whether people like it because when it's the truth, it's the truth. Ha! 

This reminds me of Leo's 'How we lie' video. The concept being one that had already become aware of. So I am trying to be more honest and open in my comminications and less concerned with what people think. I don't mean being rude, just honest. I totally agree, that the truth is the truth. If only people were less pretentious and more open and receptive.

This forum is one place where I'm hoping I can practice complete openness and not lie or deceive. Just be authentic..

[Santiago]

I am getting away from my friends, stopped contacting them and only answer if they contact me directly. I'm doing this because when we get together they just drink, smoke weed, eat burgers and all kind of junk food, that's their definition of fun, for me it's really boring and lame.

 

This is not as much of a problem for me since I am a very introspective person, I love to observe my own thoughts, to be in nature, to read about fitness, self-development, nutrition, science, etc. I am fine being alone so yeah, no big deal.

On the other hand I admit that I would like to have real friends that were also into self-development, that way I could have substantial and deep conversations with somebody, and at the same time we could both share our learnings and motivate ourselves to become better. But well, not having them I still feel fine.

Edited February 12, 2016 by Santiago

[Guest]

@Santiago I feel you. Also I understand @FindingPeace . I detached myself from most of the people I know and don't engage with them anymore. In fact I removed a lot of people from my life and now I hang around alone most of the time.  Their hobbies are no longer my hobbies, and their interests and world views are no longer my interests and world views. I even left my girlfriend(now obviously ex) behind because I figured we have nothing in common and she lives in a completely other world than me, and it sucked. Hanging out with those old people sucks.  It's funny because a lot of people would say that I have changed, and that I am weird now for liking all this personal development stuff now and being obsessed with it and all the wild theories about no self and so on.

 

Embrace it, be happy being all by yourself. Soon you will find new amazing people, self actualized people who will stand by you on your quest for truth. And if not, who gives a fuck anyway. Maybe you will find new amazing friends even on this forum

[Anicko]

Okay, you guys got some things really running through my mind. 

Since I've really gotten into my own development, I have not had to burn a single bridge or force someone out of my life that I didn't really want to be there. 

Some people started changing into someone I liked more. Maybe they were exactly the same and I was simply seeing them differently. Does it matter? No, because either way I don't hate their guts anymore. 

Some of them actually leave my reality on their own. Some dropped out of school, some left their jobs, some moved away. They simply don't exist to me anymore. So far, this magical coincidence hasn't resulted in a death. Half kidding. Anyways, I want everyone to stop worrying about anyone else! Forget that she's a slob, her mess stops bothering you. Forget that he is loud and rude and suddenly you don't hear him anymore. 

Stop judging anyone else about anything, focus on you existing as the best you can be, and you realize you can just not notice the stuff that used to bother you. A much more peaceful life manifests, and it's pretty sweet! 

.... Please note, it's hard to do, but when you see it start working, you'll want to keep working at it.  

[Giorgia Andriani]

You know, I've been through that as well... this phase will just blow out of your way. You said that you're not judging them, but anyway you're minding their behaviours. This means that you're just seeing in them what you used to be, and this freaks you out! That's why you are so concerned about it! 

A trick that will help you is observing yourself when you're minding negatively the behaviour of the others... It means that there's something to be changed in your view! 

If you change energy, you'll attract people who match better to your life! And unfortunately, as long as you see the negative side in the others that's never going to happen! 

Cheerio

Edited February 12, 2016 by Giorgia Andriani

[FindingPeace]

11 minutes ago, Giorgia Andriani said:

And unfortunately, as long as you see the negative side in the others that's never going to happen! 

It's extremely hard at times to stay detached from the judgement. I tell myself that I am not to judge or criticise. And I understand why yet my ego still sneaks in there in the back of my mind. This is something I really am working on. It isn't easy.

That crafty ego always tries to sneak in. It's like an internal struggle. What I try and do is to just 'notice it', notice how I'm thinking or judging. Without then judging myself for doing it.

[Soulbass]

I think the solution is acceptance.

I mean by acceptance : doing what's most emotionally difficult, so here dealing with criticism.

Sometimes I force myself to go cinema to watch a blockbuster (even if I don't like that), because friends called me.

It can be a growth experience, plus the opportunity and analyse the film and understand "why did they made these choices in direction/production ?" (just and exemple)

Edited February 12, 2016 by Soulbass

[Kelley White]

@Soulbass

15 minutes ago, Soulbass said:

I think the solution is acceptance.

I mean by acceptance : doing what's most emotionally difficult, so here dealing with criticism.

Sometimes I force myself to go cinema to watch a blockbuster (even if I don't like that), because friends called me.

It can be a growth experience, plus the opportunity and analyse the film and understand "why did they made these choices in direction/production ?" (just and exemple)

I appreciate your comment.  8 Months ago I couldn't leave my house let alone be in a social setting.  Now I make myself go to a social event every week.   In the past 8 months I have had to force myself to do many things.  Some of them work out well, some of them not so well.  I still keep confronting the fears aggressively.  Thank you.  I really appreciated your comment.

 

Everyone else, great thread!  @FindingPeace thank you for asking the question.  I can relate.   I learned several things from the thread.

[FCAP]

I think that "judgment" must not be confused with "opinion", because even if you meditate for years you still can't be neutral in life's situations. We all have a natural opinion about things, and it is normal. The "lower self" will going to transform his opinion into judgment from the moment that his opinion about something affect his acceptance and/or patience about others. To think that someone is a "lower self" compared to you is ok, but to manifest this by avoiding or treat differently shows that maybe you are worse than the people you judge. We have two objectives in life: self-actualization and HELP others to self-actualize. Humility is the key.

Edited February 12, 2016 by FCAP

[Anicko]

I disagree, you can remain neutral to anything if you are free of any beliefs or judgment about it. You have to be comfortable 'not knowing'. Not easy for people. Even "natural" likes and dislikes. How can you ever know for sure that if you had been born somewhere else, in a different culture, you wouldn't like what to you now you just naturally dislike? 

Sometimes our opinions are truth, but it is folly to think that our own opinions are always right. The higher up that horse you climb, the further from yourself you get. We all know those people, and no one likes to admit we unknowingly are those people. Humility is key, but it is the kind about being honest with ourselves that we don't actually know very much at all, our beliefs are stupid and false, and therefore don't need an opinion on everything. It's nice to not be triggered by every little thing when you let it go.