I keep coming back to bad habits

[Alfonsoo]

@Nahm @flowboy

I've definitely tried facing the boredom and a very strong feeling of anxiety and unease start to arise. I get the urge to fidget with my hands or start to bounce my leg. Every second passes by painfully slow. It's like if I was next to something burning, all you can focus in is the discomfort and every second is worse than the last.  When I'm meditating, it doesn't feel uncomfortable probably because I feel like I'm doing something ("I'm meditating, therefore I'm doing something") but if I where to find my self in line at the bank, for example, the feeling creeps in. Those situations where you feel like the time is being wasted are prime triggers for this anxiety. If I try to muscle through the feeling I either get lost on thought, get sleepy or give up and pull out a distraction. This really becomes a problem when tripping btw.

What does it mean? What is there to work at?

[Nahm]

@Alfonsoo

You can’t ‘face boredom’, it’s an emotion, not an adversary.

That is the discord you’re creating. You can refute & ignore the guidance of emotion, you can even pretend it’s something else, what you can never do is not feel the discord of doing so. 

I’m no adversary my man, I feel it too. 

[ZenRising]

changing bad habits for good ones is haaard... for me at least... in many ways, success and fulfilment in life is really a question of what behaviours and patterns I have effectively habituated... for me it was and is incredibly important to have support and accountability when trying to shed old habits and develop new ones... willpower alone is rarely enough - the whiteknuckle approach to personal transformation has 'got no legs'

Good luck my friend!

Lucas

[Alfonsoo]

@Nahm So I just accept it, let it come?

[Nahm]

@Alfonsoo

Yes… also it’s an emotion, not a separate thing, no need for acceptance even. 

[Alfonsoo]

@Nahm observation as you would say (I guess hehe)

 

Edited November 30, 2021 by Alfonsoo

[Yoremo]

On 2021-11-29 at 4:05 PM, Nahm said:

By noticing how judgement feels (‘bad habits’ is your judging) and experiencing the feeling of boredom. You’re still focused on the expression of pessimism. (Referring to yourself as pessimistic, is focusing on, pessimism.) That isn’t ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’, it’s simply preference, and up to you. (Not meant sarcastically. Obviously no one likes how judging feels). 

Yes judgment feels bad. So when you say it´s preference do you mean that I am capable of referring to myself as whatever I want? Maybe so but still I feel that it is quite hard, do I just start and build up the picture of myself that I want? And start acting that way so I reinforce it?

On 2021-11-29 at 4:05 PM, Nahm said:

You’re ‘keeping a yourself there’ additionally by believing there is a you (separate self of thoughts) in a state (an abstraction with no actuality, like judgment), while pessimism is not indicative of you at all. State = self referential thought loop in this case. But pessimism is just an emotion everyone could experience, and would if focused on the same thoughts. Everyone would feel the exact same discord as you are with judgement. Move on to the next emotion by expressing, which doesn’t require a how, because there is no wrong. 

I do believe there is a me, but the "I" that I´m referring to, is that just a compilation of thoughts gathered in my memory? Like do you mean that the past "me" (in this case "me" being in a state of pessimism) has nothing to do with the present moment because everything else is just memory and not true for this moment? What do you mean with self referential thought loop? So I´m focusing my mind on the same thought of "I´m being pessimistic about this and that" and I stay in the same thought patterns like "this sucks" or whatever? I don´t get either how I am supposed to move on to another emotion through expression, do you mean expression as in me thinking in new patterns or how do you mean?

On 2021-11-29 at 4:05 PM, Nahm said:

All you want is to feel better. What you’re focusing on is aversion of feeling. Trying to convince yourself the discord is caused by anything other than, what you’re focusing on. 

Open up your mind to the possibility there is no such actuality of bad or wrong, and it’s been ‘your’ judgement / judging, and feeling the discord of it, the whole time. 

So I´m focusing on something bad in face of boredom, which is causing the bad feelings which I then want to resolve and then I come to one of my "bad" habits. Does judgement always feel bad? I guess you mean the negative judgment of things or do you mean that I shouldn´t judge anything as either bad or good?

On 2021-11-29 at 4:05 PM, Nahm said:

Also, while you believe you have problems, you remain stuck in solution seeking. 

You are free to do what you want to about anything you desire to. ‘Problem’ is the denial of this truth. 

So I should believe that I don´t have any problems? What is the contrary to being solution-oriented?

So do you mean that thinking that I have problems causes me to deny myself the freedom to do what I want with what I want?

Sorry for asking so many questions but I don´t know how else I am to wrap my head around this, because it is very counter-intuitive for me and therefore pretty hard to understand.

[Nahm]

10 hours ago, Yoremo said:

Yes judgment feels bad. So when you say it´s preference do you mean that I am capable of referring to myself as whatever I want? Maybe so but still I feel that it is quite hard, do I just start and build up the picture of myself that I want? And start acting that way so I reinforce it?

I do believe there is a me, but the "I" that I´m referring to, is that just a compilation of thoughts gathered in my memory? Like do you mean that the past "me" (in this case "me" being in a state of pessimism) has nothing to do with the present moment because everything else is just memory and not true for this moment? What do you mean with self referential thought loop? So I´m focusing my mind on the same thought of "I´m being pessimistic about this and that" and I stay in the same thought patterns like "this sucks" or whatever? I don´t get either how I am supposed to move on to another emotion through expression, do you mean expression as in me thinking in new patterns or how do you mean?

So I´m focusing on something bad in face of boredom, which is causing the bad feelings which I then want to resolve and then I come to one of my "bad" habits. Does judgement always feel bad? I guess you mean the negative judgment of things or do you mean that I shouldn´t judge anything as either bad or good?

So I should believe that I don´t have any problems? What is the contrary to being solution-oriented?

So do you mean that thinking that I have problems causes me to deny myself the freedom to do what I want with what I want?

Sorry for asking so many questions but I don´t know how else I am to wrap my head around this, because it is very counter-intuitive for me and therefore pretty hard to understand.

Pessimistic thoughts don’t feel good, and what’s desired is feeling better. The loop is the belief there is a you in a state(s), and that you’ll feel better when you change your state, or ‘get into’ the better feeling state.  Pessimism isn’t a state, it’s an emotion which is guidance, about the thoughts you’re focused on. 

 

[Yoremo]

On 2021-11-29 at 4:05 PM, Nahm said:

Move on to the next emotion by expressing, which doesn’t require a how, because there is no wrong. 

What do you mean by this?

[Nahm]

@Yoremo

Expression is what you are doing here, now. You’re expressing pessimism. 

Expressing the next emotion could sound like, ‘when I experience boredom it feels like_______’. 

Right & wrong are thoughts, belief. Expression isn’t. You can’t ‘get it wrong’, no matter how you express.