To Those That Are Good At Attracting Women...?

[Rilles]

How did you learn? Did someone teach you in childhood? In your teenage years? Or were you always naturally gifted? Why do you think some people become bad at attraction while others excel?

Edited November 23, 2021 by Rilles

[Username]

I don't know if I'm good at attracting and I don't do pickup. I think it's enough if you are able to notice if a girl give you signs of interest. If you are not blind (like I used to be) you will often notice that within seconds of meeting. In me experience its unlikely that you can build attraction over time - you can enhance attraction if it is moderate but it's pointless in my opinion.

[The0Self]

I am apparently very attractive but even so, I never got laid easily until doing quite a bit of meditation and mind transformation away from neurotic and insecure tendencies. Then I could “come out of my shell” (? seriously though) and just be a good guy who isn’t intimidated by anything and can very comfortably “be myself.” But I would say, “game” is damn intuitive. If you still need to get the pickup phase out of your system, I highly recommend it, from experience, but not exactly to the degree I believe many others have — though it’s not what you probably think...

Imagine going from having no game to then practically merely sticking your toe in that world, getting what you want surprisingly fast, and then miraculously finding super early-on that it’s already enough... That is what happened to me. But I’m certain that I’m extremely “lucky” in that regard. And there’s still more to learn. But the natural game-skill or at least game-mindset was somehow uncovered from a fair amount of experience working in a women’s department store (it wasn’t strictly a shoe store, Leo ).

Edited November 24, 2021 by The0Self

[Gili Trawangan]

I was hopeless as a teenager. It felt like every guy I knew had more opportunities than me. They probably did.

In my twenties I went through a party phase and began having a little bit of success, but always with the aid of alcohol. In other words, I was still hopeless because nothing would happen without that context.

It was only after 30 that I started to consciously try to learn. And I devoted a lot of time to it, always by myself, eventually became quite good at it. Nowadays I don't care much about "game" anymore, it's out of my system for the most part. But the skill is there if I ever feel the need.

To answer your question, it's a skill. Some learn it naturally, without thinking about it, whereas others need to dive into it and learn the skill set by practicing a lot. I think those who never get good are simply not going about it in the right way. If success in this area doesn't come naturally to you, you need to want it so badly that you'll do whatever it takes, you'll go through painful rejection after painful rejection and keep honing that skill and building your confidence. Persistence, passion, drive, resourcefulness, these are essential ingredients. Without them, you are less likely to succeed.

[Preety_India]

For some people it's natural. My ex boyfriend has no clue about RSD or Pua any of that. He also tends to hate these things whenever it's mentioned. 

It's sorta against his pride to learn such stuff. He prides in being confident naturally and most women are just drawn to him.

All it takes for him is a simple conversation and most women gravitate to him. 

So from the way he attracted me I know that all men don't need to rely on pickup or external sources to attract women. Some men are naturally adept and skilled with socialization because they are naturally very social and flirty and they have a charisma that attracts women.. 

Looks also play a part and some natural masculinity.

You can say he is a natural Pua artist, like a natural painter or dancer, born artist I mean. 

 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Hardkill]

17 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

For some people it's natural. My ex boyfriend has no clue about RSD or Pua any of that. He also tends to hate these things whenever it's mentioned. 

It's sorta against his pride to learn such stuff. He prides in being confident naturally and most women are just drawn to him.

All it takes for him is a simple conversation and most women gravitate to him. 

So from the way he attracted me I know that all men don't need to rely on pickup or external sources to attract women. Some men are naturally adept and skilled with socialization because they are naturally very social and flirty and they have a charisma that attracts women.. 

Looks also play a part and some natural masculinity.

You can say he is a natural Pua artist, like a natural painter or dancer, born artist I mean. 

 

But surely he must’ve started socializing with girls much earlier than most guys perhaps throughout his childhood.

[Preety_India]

18 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

But surely he must’ve started socializing with girls much earlier than most guys perhaps throughout his childhood.

This is true. He was very social as a kid because he came from a big family. His mom is very social and it's something he picked from his mom. He had many friends as a kid. Mother also played a role because she used to encourage him to socialize a lot as a kid. His family is that way. 

[Rilles]

1 hour ago, Pavement said:

I guess I’ve just always been in proximity to girls my whole life and have felt comfortable around them.   
For one I have 2 sisters so I was with them all of the time growing up and got used to females and their behaviour, I also developed a sort of protectiveness about them.  We would also fight like hell, kind of a love hate thing.  I got good at handling their moods and saw how much girls live in fantasy world.  
I’ve been friends with girls aswell as boys since being a kid. I had a girlfriend in Highschool over the span of 1 and a half years, we never actually had sex, since we were like 14/15 and were too afraid to ‘do the deed’ haha.  so it was a relationship purely of intimacy and making out.
So through that I learned about intimacy and I guess that helped me become non-needy for sex.  I never felt the need to push for sex with her. 
Then I studied art direction where most of the class were girls, so again I was in proximity with girls all the time. 
from a young age I learned about authenticity so I’ve always tried to ‘be myself’ 
I guess I can thank my parents that I had the confidence to do that.  
My mum takes credit for my inner confidence because I was never forced to sleep in a separate room as a child, and I stayed in my parents room until I was confident to sleep alone. So I guess until age 3 or something. Normally babies get their own room pretty much from birth, which gives them anxiety. 
I’m also lucky that I have a dad who I can talk to about stuff. 
so I never struggled with girls/women but I lack in other areas that I’m working on.
For example I’m not super dominant and am working on my leadership skills.  
I suppose you can say that I can also be ‘detached‘.. like as In I won’t put too much effort into sleeping with women, and I won’t chase girls. 

Interesting! I can see what I have lacked, I grew up in family of all brothers, hung out with friends that were always dudes all throughout growing up and was always socially akward! I always wondered what it would be like to have a sister... 

[Rilles]

5 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

I was hopeless as a teenager. It felt like every guy I knew had more opportunities than me. They probably did.

In my twenties I went through a party phase and began having a little bit of success, but always with the aid of alcohol. In other words, I was still hopeless because nothing would happen without that context.

It was only after 30 that I started to consciously try to learn. And I devoted a lot of time to it, always by myself, eventually became quite good at it. Nowadays I don't care much about "game" anymore, it's out of my system for the most part. But the skill is there if I ever feel the need.

To answer your question, it's a skill. Some learn it naturally, without thinking about it, whereas others need to dive into it and learn the skill set by practicing a lot. I think those who never get good are simply not going about it in the right way. If success in this area doesn't come naturally to you, you need to want it so badly that you'll do whatever it takes, you'll go through painful rejection after painful rejection and keep honing that skill and building your confidence. Persistence, passion, drive, resourcefulness, these are essential ingredients. Without them, you are less likely to succeed.

Thats very cool that you consciously learned it, thats very decisive of you!  

[Rilles]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

For some people it's natural. My ex boyfriend has no clue about RSD or Pua any of that. He also tends to hate these things whenever it's mentioned. 

It's sorta against his pride to learn such stuff. He prides in being confident naturally and most women are just drawn to him.

All it takes for him is a simple conversation and most women gravitate to him. 

So from the way he attracted me I know that all men don't need to rely on pickup or external sources to attract women. Some men are naturally adept and skilled with socialization because they are naturally very social and flirty and they have a charisma that attracts women.. 

Looks also play a part and some natural masculinity.

You can say he is a natural Pua artist, like a natural painter or dancer, born artist I mean. 

 

Yeah, temperament plays a part definitely. He doesnt need Pua so I can see why he looks down it, it can look very silly from the outside. 

[hoodrow trillson]

For me it started in middle school (I was like 12-13 years old) when a group of girls approached me and one of them said I was cute.  In that moment, I was faced with the decision of a) freaking out, getting nervous and shy and not reply or do anything, or b) to play along with it.  

I chose to play along with it.  It helped that a friend of mine was sitting next to me so I didn’t want to look like a pussy lol.  I remember this day vividly because it was shocking to me as a kid to be approached and then complimented by a girl and have to reply in some way.

Since then, it’s always been easy peasy.  It’s innate to me and I’ve always been a funny guy without being a comedian if that makes any sense.  Women make it very clear when they like you.  It’s a feeling you get that’s unmistakable when you know and if you oblige, she will know that you know.  Then it’s smooth sailing from there.

If you’ve never built up this innate feeling, I can see how many men have trouble knowing how to attract women or know when a woman is into them without asking somebody.  Logic is a fail in this area, since there are way too many variables.

[Terell Kirby]

Had to seek out 1:1 coaching in my 20s, along with other resource (YT videos, books, online content, etc.)

Attraction and sexuality is a skill that can be developed, but it takes work just as anything else you are attempting to master in life.

Instead of asking how others did it, ask how you yourself can do it.