Completly breaking down, crumbling down, full-body agony

[SuicidalBug]

TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, gore

I’m seeing bad things in my head again, things that could’ve happened in an alternate reality, and it makes me want to rip my eyes out.

My chest is so tight, I’m suffocating. I want to go out and tear myself apart. I want to cut my arms to the bone. I keep crying but the prssure won’t go away. I need to scream. I feel hopeless and helpless, stuck with this agony. There is no hope, there is no help, I’m trapped here forever, alone, and I can never escape. I can’t do anything to escape, I’m always here.

I need help, but I don’t know what. I don’t know who can even help me. I feel like I’m dying or going insane or both. I’m fading away in these images. I can’t take it, but there’s nothing I can do but sit here and take it.

If you also feel like this, I’m so damn sorry. I wish I never went down this path. It hurts so damn much… I’m not strong enough to walk it to the end.

Much love, Andy.

(PS: don’t worry, nothing s*icidal is going on.)

[Preety_India]

You're strong. Believe in yourself. Everything is possible. Hang on. Have hope and never give up no matter what. 

 

[mandyjw]

You know the trouble with thinking thoughts like "I'm stuck with this agony"? Your feeling and emotions is guidance. Just like when you poke yourself it hurts, feeling and emotions are responding in the same way. Your emotions are yelling at you "hey, those thoughts hurt!". These thoughts are already self harm. So when we think "I'm stuck here in agony" feeling says "NO!". Feeling is responding to the thought in real time. Not understanding how thoughts are connected to feeling is like punching the lights out of the medical doctor who is trying to set your dislocated shoulder back in place. It's easy to understand why you would want to do such a thing in a reactionary way but your emotions are like the doctor, trying to help you. 

If the thought feels bad it is not to be believed. 

Can you take a warm bath, do some deep breathing, or do anything, maybe reading or writing here IS that... anything that takes the focus off of the thoughts about how you are feeling? When you take the focus off the thoughts that are feeling bad emotions naturally rise and resolve. You can journal to express such thoughts, or speak them or write them like you did here. We do this with the intention of letting them go, with inviting in new perspectives, with asking someone who is feeling good to bring us along with their thoughts. Reading this you are letting go of your thoughts, you are downloading my thoughts. Feeling is responding on the level of how you are receiving or interpreting them. It is always responding on your behalf. 

[Nadosa]

22 hours ago, mandyjw said:

You know the trouble with thinking thoughts like "I'm stuck with this agony"? Your feeling and emotions is guidance. Just like when you poke yourself it hurts, feeling and emotions are responding in the same way. Your emotions are yelling at you "hey, those thoughts hurt!". These thoughts are already self harm. So when we think "I'm stuck here in agony" feeling says "NO!". Feeling is responding to the thought in real time. Not understanding how thoughts are connected to feeling is like punching the lights out of the medical doctor who is trying to set your dislocated shoulder back in place. It's easy to understand why you would want to do such a thing in a reactionary way but your emotions are like the doctor, trying to help you. 

If the thought feels bad it is not to be believed. 

Can you take a warm bath, do some deep breathing, or do anything, maybe reading or writing here IS that... anything that takes the focus off of the thoughts about how you are feeling? When you take the focus off the thoughts that are feeling bad emotions naturally rise and resolve. You can journal to express such thoughts, or speak them or write them like you did here. We do this with the intention of letting them go, with inviting in new perspectives, with asking someone who is feeling good to bring us along with their thoughts. Reading this you are letting go of your thoughts, you are downloading my thoughts. Feeling is responding on the level of how you are receiving or interpreting them. It is always responding on your behalf. 

Thanks so much. You're so kind.

[SuicidalBug]

On 22/11/2021 at 11:59 PM, Preety_India said:

You're strong. Believe in yourself. Everything is possible. Hang on. Have hope and never give up no matter what. 

 

Thank you a lot ?

 

On 23/11/2021 at 0:51 AM, mandyjw said:

You know the trouble with thinking thoughts like "I'm stuck with this agony"? Your feeling and emotions is guidance. Just like when you poke yourself it hurts, feeling and emotions are responding in the same way. Your emotions are yelling at you "hey, those thoughts hurt!". These thoughts are already self harm. So when we think "I'm stuck here in agony" feeling says "NO!". Feeling is responding to the thought in real time. Not understanding how thoughts are connected to feeling is like punching the lights out of the medical doctor who is trying to set your dislocated shoulder back in place. It's easy to understand why you would want to do such a thing in a reactionary way but your emotions are like the doctor, trying to help you. 

If the thought feels bad it is not to be believed. 

Can you take a warm bath, do some deep breathing, or do anything, maybe reading or writing here IS that... anything that takes the focus off of the thoughts about how you are feeling? When you take the focus off the thoughts that are feeling bad emotions naturally rise and resolve. You can journal to express such thoughts, or speak them or write them like you did here. We do this with the intention of letting them go, with inviting in new perspectives, with asking someone who is feeling good to bring us along with their thoughts. Reading this you are letting go of your thoughts, you are downloading my thoughts. Feeling is responding on the level of how you are receiving or interpreting them. It is always responding on your behalf. 

Wow, thank you, that was a very profound answer. I’ll need to keep in mind “If a thought feels bad, it is not to be believed.” That’s extremely helpful!

I’m feeling a lot better now, everything calmed down. Hope everyone else is doing good too. ?

[Yarco]

I think it's fairly common to think or see bad things. Most people I've talked to have the feeling of wondering what it would be like to pull a fire alarm, or get a weird urge to jump off a balcony when they're standing on one. I think it's the intensity of your visions and sensations that are a bit troubling though.

There is always help, you aren't trapped.  You can start by talking about it to trusted family or friends. If that doesn't work, you could talk to a doctor or walk-in clinic. If things get unbearable, you can always call 911 or go to an emergency room and they can sedate you or give you something to help temporarily calm you down and feel better.

[Raze]

On 11/22/2021 at 1:32 PM, SuicidalBug said:

TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, gore

I’m seeing bad things in my head again, things that could’ve happened in an alternate reality, and it makes me want to rip my eyes out.

My chest is so tight, I’m suffocating. I want to go out and tear myself apart. I want to cut my arms to the bone. I keep crying but the prssure won’t go away. I need to scream. I feel hopeless and helpless, stuck with this agony. There is no hope, there is no help, I’m trapped here forever, alone, and I can never escape. I can’t do anything to escape, I’m always here.

I need help, but I don’t know what. I don’t know who can even help me. I feel like I’m dying or going insane or both. I’m fading away in these images. I can’t take it, but there’s nothing I can do but sit here and take it.

If you also feel like this, I’m so damn sorry. I wish I never went down this path. It hurts so damn much… I’m not strong enough to walk it to the end.

Much love, Andy.

(PS: don’t worry, nothing s*icidal is going on.)

I recommend getting free unified mindfulness training http://unifiedmindfulness.com/

and try “break through difficult emotions” by Shinzen Young

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmnI3TJpoTU