Story Of My Half-year Self Development +questions

[Rachityczny]

Hey, I`m new to this forum, and I would like to share with you some thoughts about me and my six months of personal development.

I`m 17 years old, living in middle-european country called Poland- life standards are kinda high here, we don`t have that great economy, but we aspire to western countries` level. I grew up on the countryside, in middle-class family, which has learned me quite a lot about life. In primary, secondary school i was one of the best students in whole school. My parents strongly believe that school education is important, so they allowed me to go with my 3 years older sister to city 140km from my living place, Poznan, to learn in good high school- maths, physics and IT on advanced level. Here in Poland you start school at the age of 16. I did quite good there, first 6 months my overall average of grades was B- (at the scale of 1 as F and 6 as A it was 4.76), and at the end of the first class it was B+ (5.25). 

I started to watch Leo`s videos two weeks before holidays, in fact my shitty relationship with girl from secondary school has ended then (we met as a couple like 2 times and rest of the time we were just talking at Skype). I really loved Actualized.org videos (until now it`s my only source of personal development information) , started my meditation practice- the "Do Nothing" technique. I made a strong resolve to reach one hour daily until 18th June. During free time, which i had a lot, i was watching Actualized.org videos- around 2-3 videos per day. I watched almost all the videos from "The foundations of actualization" playlist. I tried to reduce my computer games addiction with mediocre result (i restricted it really weakly, max 3 hours and around a month later 100 minutes per day). Meditation practice was going on, after 45 consecutive days went from 20 to 30 minutes.

At 1st September school began. In the 15th of September i broke my meditation series which was 88 days. My meditation habit is kinda sticking to me right now, im grinding at 30 minutes per day (i do it mostly at morning) but i miss around 5 days per month from that moment which I`m not proud of. I also tried to deal with my games addiction. My biggest success was 46 days when i was watching Youtube videos about them only for 5-10 minutes a day and played nothing. I did sth to get my learning habit, but i didnt manage to keep it. And from September i`m singing in the choir, which takes me 3*2 hours in the week+ concerts (in December we had a lot of them, so i had like half of my standard free time, but it will be less next months). There is a big propability of me going in March to Taiwan with them for almost 2 weeks.  I will be able to earn good money as the student from it in half a year or so.

I`ve bought one book about personal book- "Mastery" by George Leonard, which i consider as very good book, but i feel like I`m just using 1% of knowledge of it. In two or three days i buy book list by Leo. I would like to buy Life Purpose course, have got around 1000$ savings from Christmas/Birthday etc. gifts, but my parents don`t want me to buy this, they consider this as a waste of money. Wages are like 4 or 5 times smaller than in USA so its kinda a lot of money- you can have smartphone for that. And i don`t have a bank account to do the transaction alone. My parents want me to earn half of the price of the course by my own work and then they will allow me.

 

To sum up, i think my life changed in a big way from June, i view the world as a different place, but i think i could have done much more solid things, i`ve got a feeling that i wasted a lot of time, especially from the beginning of the school. It`s like hitting a wall with head to break it, but it doesn`t work.

 

Ive got some observations:

- my basic operation mode is victim mentality, which i see as big problem

- my strong addictions are computer games and masturbation/porn

- im not that bad on relationships, got one good friend, no girlfriend (I would like to have specific one)

- havent got a life purpose 

- learning and most of my actions are externally motivated, everything beyond my personal development and maybe choir activity

- I would like to start to exercise- calisthenics and some aerobic activities such as running or swimming

- I`m slim but i would like to improve my diet (more energy, health and stuff)

- I have lot of limiting beliefs

- Most of my thoughts is negative/neutral, I`m not a positive thinker

- I rate myself very critically

- I dont have full vision of myself in 5-10 years

- I`m bad at strategic thinking

- I`m bad at results making

- I haven`t travelled abroad and i would like to find out more about the world and travel a lot

- My parents would like me to be really good at maths/physics/IT, win some hard competitions, which would me allow to go to good University of Technology. I`m good at these subjects, i have B grades at them but i don`t really know if it`s interesting/appealing enough to me to choose it as a life purpose.

- Now i watch less Leo`s videos, and when i`m doing it i`m watching Results maker, Strategic thinking, victim ones or dreamkillers most of the time, because i`m convinced that these are the things which block me the most from further development.

 

I`ve watched videos about these topics made by Leo.

 

And now i`ve got some questions for you:

1) Do you consider this as a lot of improvement for a beginning? Or is it just nothing compared to what I should accomplish in that time? I would love to hear your opinion.

 

2) Which habit should i install first: No computer games, learning habit, health habit exercise/diet or something else? Or maybe i should put attention on meditation habit not to miss days and do it at the morning?  I feel like my problem with these three habits is no strict deadline so i can wiggle a lot not to do it. And i have big problems which to go first. Or maybe to go with 2 or all at one moment? I`m really stuck in making that decision.

 

PS. Feel free to ask me for sth, i will do my best to explain everything well.

PS. 2 Big thanks to anyone who read this all 

PS. 3 My nick in English is Rachitic, so you can name me like that if you want

Edited December 25, 2016 by Rachityczny

[jse]

20 minutes ago, Rachityczny said:

- I haven`t travelled abroad and i would like to find out more about the world and travel a lot

Rachitic, do this first if you can.  Be brave and take a sabbatical from your life, travel light with your backpack, and find yourself through amazing people and adventures you'll meet in your travels.

[Rachityczny]

The first time i can do it is for like 10 days at the first week of the February and then summer holidays- 2 months, so it`s quite a long time from. I will think about it, it needs some courage but even now i can feel that joy of unknown, discovery and feast for curiosity.