The Rabbit Hole

[The White Rabbit]

I am : the vehicle through what experience unfolds itself.

I is the thing through what life unfolds. 

Therefore, all what happened in my life happened through I.

I is my biggest treasure.

All the rest is an epiphenomenon, even though because it is still inside myself, I love it as much. But in a relative way.

[The White Rabbit]

This is why, I should watch out about each time I still seek validation outwards.

It is out of Self-Love.

Not managing to love oneself transform us into beggars.

[The White Rabbit]

What a day...

On the inside level, I went through a crazy journey despite not having left my living room. 

I recognized earlier (in all actuality- not merely as knowledge) that all self-reference based thoughts were lies. And that self-reference based believes are a though gatekeeper.

So it resulted in the disappearing of "me". There was no more "me" in my experience. I, as a concept of self, was gone. Nothing was ever about "me". Me didn't exist. Beliefs, thoughts and emotions had no ability to stick around because no one was there to get tied to them. It was just, actuality, and occasional mind activity bubbling up.

It lasted for a while. Until something triggered my fear of being perceived as insane. Painbody out, sub-entity pops out, I get scared. Back to selfhood.

While the state I had experienced was blissful it was rather uncharted territory and it got enough to trigger at me some fear. And I am afraid in general at the proximity between the psychotic and the mystic. I think I am ultimately very afraid at losing my sanity or at being sort of delusional. 

Quote

“The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.”

― Joseph Campbell, Psychology of the Future

I think that it is safe to assume that I am psychologically very average. As it is said often, insane people do not realize they are insane. I merely have fear of becoming insane, which is probably very common for people experiencing mystical states. Someone like Teresa of Avila had the same concern.

Edited December 6, 2021 by The White Rabbit

[The White Rabbit]

I created this thread. I've found the comments useful to discernate better what is true.

Edited December 5, 2021 by The White Rabbit

[The White Rabbit]

Quote

“It is an accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose. It leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. It comes together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a ‘pain body,’ an energy entity consisting of old emotion."

I just found an interesting definition of what the Painbody is through Google. I am unsure if it was given by Tolle or someone else.

Quote

“The pain-body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, ‘become you’ and live through you. It needs to get its ‘food’ through you. It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence and even illness. So the pain-body, when it has taken you over, will create a situation in your life that reflects back its own energy frequency for it to feed on. Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible.”

This one is from Tolle, in A New Earth.

It all comes from an article I have found which was bridging the two notions together, vaguely. It also has this element:

Quote

An American Cherokee is said to have taught his grandson about life thus: “A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside of you—and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson is said to have thought about the matter for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”

And the old Cherokee simply replied: “The one you feed.”

 

[The White Rabbit]

I think the painbody is the content, while the shadow is the structure.

[The White Rabbit]

"Something is put into the shadow"

"It is something in the shadow"

[The White Rabbit]