Where do I even start to improve?

[Yoremo]

Hi everybody!

I´m 17 years old and I´m currently going to college in Sweden in a very general course in the natural sciences. Since I´ve been like 12 I´ve always been wanting to become a soccer (football) player and I have trained very diligently during these years, and I don´t know if soccer is the "right" thing to go for but that is what has made me excited. But since I was like 14 I´ve been constantly injured and unable to train and play, coming to now when I´ve been almost been completely injured for 3 years. Right now I´m on the path of fixing this problem of injuries but as you could imagine I´m behind in my development compared to all the other guys. So during these 3 years I´ve been kind of doing things on and of to improve my mentality like visualization, affirmations and stuff like that, but nothing really stuck with me for the long run (altough right now I´ve been meditating atleast for 30 min a day for like 6 or so months). I think part of that has to do with my supercomfortable upbringing and the knowledge that I´m "safe". Because of that I´ve been escaping this reality to a lot of addictions, especially mindless youtube watching to wait until I can feel like I have control again (when I can play and improve). Because of this my self-esteem, confidence, happiness have gone down significantly and my anxiety and stress have gone up so much about me wasting my time at my college where I don´t like it at all and about me just coasting through life through the path of least resistance and least amount of conscious action. So I´ve been feeling really hopeless the last 1.5 years and completely out of control of my life. And I can feel pain in my body just walking and sitting, even though as I said I´ve found my problem with injuries. 

So now I really want to drop out of college, because I feel like doing something that doesn´t resonate with you at all and you don´t see any future or purpose in isn´t worth "sacrificing" for and spending a lot of time on. And I´ve been studying Leo´s videos aswell as listening to podcasts of different people and this has made me more courageous and openminded and I´m willing to drop out of college and all of that. But I also don´t want to do it stupidly and not have a plan and just sit around and do nothing. But I do want to live meaningfully which is why I want to drop out of school. And my mentality is just a mess right now I feel, and I feel so confused and I feel like I have no direction of action. Like I´m taking notes and all of this on videos of Leo aswell as on books and other stuff but I just don´t really know what to do, it feels like I can´t do anything to better my situation because even though I have access to so much wisdom I don´t do anything, I´m very intrigued by the idea to master soccer (because I had a taste of that before I could hardly move), but I have so dominantly negative feelings and a sense of hopelessness and lack of clarity.

Sorry I couldn´t make it shorter but I´m so fucking lost. It feels like I´m just spinning my wheels with my gas fully on. I don´t even really know what my question is because I have so many of them but any advice about what I can get started with or whatever, or any thoughts on anything and I´d truly be grateful, because the sheer amount of areas to improve and self-help advice and advice in general is making me so unfocused on everything and I´m probably also looking in the wrong places.

Edited November 21, 2021 by Yoremo

[Yoremo]

Okay, posting this publicly made me very aware of my situation. And I realized that I´ve just uncounsciously jumped from theory to theory in my past attempts on development. So my thought was that my outmost problem is that I need to embody everything that I learn and focus, really focus on one thing at a time to install great physical and mental habits and through that really learn. Is that a good idea?

So would a process of that be like:

1:st read/listen/watch, take notes and reflect on how I could use this in my daily life.

2:nd install the corresponding habit and make it very small and manageable

3:rd once the habit begins to feel engrained, amp up the intensity/volume depending on what it is

4:th reevaluate if the habit seems valuable to me and adjusting wether I should stick with the habit or change it or let it go (after a couple of months of trying)

5:th doing the same process for some other information I have in accordance to my goals. 

Would this be a good strategy or would you change it in any way?

And if I do this strategy there´s gonna be a lot of time spent on testing the habit out and in the beginning months now I´ll have a lot of spare time so what do you think would be a good spending of my time? should I search out more theory, take notes and kind of store them until the future? should I maybe meditate, visualize or what do you think? Because I also feel that my vision is kind of blurry too, I don´t feel so connected to it so maybe I should work on that or something?

And I feel like dropping out of college is better than staying because right now I´m just staying because I´m afraid to leave that sense of security and to go out in the world, but I feel like quiting college is much better than staying there but I´m open to hear your opinion if you think you have a better idea

 

[Yoremo]

As I wrote I have problems with sticking to something, but I also do believe that I don´t have a good vision of my future because otherwise I believe that I should have more emotional leverage and more focus, would that be accurate or is it something else?, and if it´s accurate how do I go about starting to find my life purpose? /ignite my passion for soccer?

[Preety_India]

You are already doing good enough in my opinion. I would say continue to explore your interests. However I wouldn't recommend football since you are prone to injuries. Most of those players retire early anyways. 

Don't drop out of college please. As much as it tempts you to do that, having a college degree is a necessity in life. It's required everywhere. Just focus on completing college. I know this sounds a bit old fashioned but college is important. And continue pursuing a variety of things you're interested in as a part of Plan B 

 

[Yoremo]

I get your perspective fully. The thing is that I might have found the reason as to why I have been injured, so I´m going to look into it further if I have enough time later on to pursue football or if it is too late. But I do get that I´m a bit stuck in football and right now it´s not really serving me (I feel so bad about this situation) but I have tried to test out new things but I´m too stuck in football, I guess I just need to try harder. I´ll talk to the guy that´s helping me with my injuries and see his perspective on it (I want to be pain-free in my body either way I´m pursuing football or not) and maybe he´ll say that he thinks it´s too late too or not, but yeah maybe it´s not so smart to drop out of college but I will stay very open to quit if I see that I can pursue something else fully (which is why I haven´t quit yet because what should I do?- just contemplate my situation and pity myself would be the case then).

The thing with college is that it encourages mediocrity, it´s no pursuit of anything, it´s just a stupid aqcuiring of grades. (I am conscious though that this is just a perspective and that I could be passionate about school and that it can be about learning and stuff but then I have to get a good reason as to why I´m doing it. I have no reason to go to school as it is right now).

[Adodd]

On 11/27/2021 at 10:01 PM, Preety_India said:

 having a college degree is a necessity in life. It's required everywhere. Just focus on completing college. 

 

False☝

 

[Yoremo]

@Adoddwhat do you mean?

[Adodd]

@Yoremo Dont get me wrong, you should probably go ahead and finish college. But Saying college is a neccesity that is required everywhere is completely false.

[Terell Kirby]

Action, action, action.

Just take action..doesn't matter what it is, just do something that you feel would move you in the right direction.

Can be small or big.

[Yoremo]

@Terell KirbyOkay, that seems smart. I will try to do that. My question I think is more how I find my purpose and kind of what´s right or wrong for me. Because I want to take more inspired action but I do not seem to be able to create a clear and compelling vision of what I want. Because I have always taken a lot of action but it has always been quite uninspired and I´ve just relied upon willpower, I´m not really following my dreams it feels like. I think that being a footballer is my dream but still I don´t quite feel like I´m following my dream when I´m doing that, and I don´t necessarily think that it´s because football isn´t for me, although that might be the case I don´t think so because I love so many aspects of it it´s just I don´t know how to get that total commitment and drive.

[Terell Kirby]

7 hours ago, Yoremo said:

My question I think is more how I find my purpose and kind of what´s right or wrong for me.

Again .. take the necessary action that will inch you closer to getting more clarity on your life purpose.

It's not a matter of how you'll do it, it's a matter of when you'll do it.

Edited December 1, 2021 by Terell Kirby

[Yoremo]

@Terell KirbySo through taking action I gain clarity because of my experience going after something purposeful. Thank you for this reminder, I have started to slip with my action because it has begun to feel a bit meaningless but I´m discovering right now that it´s all in my head.

But other than that I wonder what I can do apart from taking action, if there´s some other action that can either reinforce my present purpose in my life or help me find my other one. Like something like Leo´s course, but I wonder what that action could be (maybe it´s to buy his course and do it but I´m asking you since you probably have experience in this)