How do I prepare my son to fight male thirst?

[Jacquelope]

My son is going to be hitting puberty soon and I want to perfect (as much as possible) an action plan regarding keeping him from going girl-crazy. I don't want him to avoid girls, but I want him to put the concept of dating into perspective and not get caught up being desperate or getting into the routine of being the contestant in their little games. I don't want him to be a Chad or an incel, but the current dating environment out there sure seems extremely bifurcated between the males who are really good at attracting women and the guys being left out, with no middle ground that I can see.

I think that taming that thirst, aggression and desperation is actually a good thing for all men, really, especially teenagers. Get them to work more on self-improvement and achievement in life but don't try to lie to themselves and ignore females entirely.

How does a father help his son strike that balance? I strongly believe that this could help an entire generation of boys.

[Salvijus]

I believe some level of that hornyness and sex drive kids inherent from their parents. If parents are in a good state within themselves, some of it transfers to their kids also and it makes it easier for them to go beyond it. I heard that when somebody in the family meditates or gets enlightened it affects 7 generations of family. I don't know the exact science of it but I think there's some truth to it.

?

Edited November 20, 2021 by Salvijus

[Raze]

Read boys adrift by Leonard Sax.

Tell him not to watch porn as it can be damaging and cause hyper arousal 
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY

Do not tell him about “Chad” or “Incel”, that is just pushing neurosis and labels on him. Let him carve his own path, just make sure he doesn’t become a shut in. The most important thing is having a value system and support system so he isn’t emotionally dependent on romantic relationships.

other than that, don’t sweat it, parents have limited input in the end.

[SamC]

1 hour ago, Jacquelope said:

My son is going to be hitting puberty soon and I want to perfect (as much as possible) an action plan regarding keeping him from going girl-crazy. I don't want him to avoid girls, but I want him to put the concept of dating into perspective and not get caught up being desperate or getting into the routine of being the contestant in their little games. I don't want him to be a Chad or an incel, but the current dating environment out there sure seems extremely bifurcated between the males who are really good at attracting women and the guys being left out, with no middle ground that I can see.

I think that taming that thirst, aggression and desperation is actually a good thing for all men, really, especially teenagers. Get them to work more on self-improvement and achievement in life but don't try to lie to themselves and ignore females entirely.

How does a father help his son strike that balance? I strongly believe that this could help an entire generation of boys.

Be careful with trying to make your kid be in a certain way, even if it's out of love. You can talk to him and say, " This is what generally happens if you do X and Y, here are the reasons why people do X or Y. Now do whatever you want"

 Trying to control and manage people is many times counterproductive cause it end up backfiring. Trust your kid.

[bloomer]

@Jacquelope

I think every boy today is going to grow up in that bifurcated environment regardless. Whether you like it or not he's either going to sink (incel) or swim (chad). What determines that is first, have you gotten him to develop important social skills, and as @Raze said, to make sure he doesn't become a shut in. Have your son take care of his physical appearance and most important get him to be social.  

Besides that near to every boy is girl crazy just most girls aren't boy crazy. Especially in today's hyper sexualised age with ubiquitous pornography that he most likely has already been exposed to. Teach him the dangers of that, It's incredibly damaging. 

So basically my point is that thirst, aggression and desperation isn't going to get tamed it's only going to get satiated. If it never gets satiated because your boy sinks then you can't wish for his sex drive and need for intimacy and affection to go away. Especially when the disparity between those who have so much excess will always be dangled in front of his face. 

[Leo Gura]

All you need to do for now is just encourage him to socialize with girls. He doesn't need anything like game yet.

Tell him to befriend girls as much as guys.

[bloomer]

@Leo Gura

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Tell him to befriend girls as much as guys.

This might sound sexist so I'll say a warning to those reading. But I never gave a fuck about girls until I had a sex drive. Now is that me objectifying women? Maybe. But I think of it this way. When you're a boy, prepuberty, girls are icky, their interests are boring. You're into cowboys and Indians, playing with trucks or videogames. They're playing barbie or whatever else girls play when they're little, I don't know. You'd put signs outside your door saying "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" and throw rocks down at them with the boys from the tree fort.

Only once you start with puberty do you start taking an interest in girls. Wanting to be around them, hug them, care about what they think and say etc... What I'm asking how are you supposed to get your boy prepuberty into liking girls? I never cared about girls when I was young.

[Girzo]

20 minutes ago, bloomer said:

I never cared about girls when I was young.

That's only you weirdo 

Girls' activities are cool for boys, too, it's an asset even later for life when you talk about playing Stardoll or some other stupid girly stuff and bond instantly. I love to joke that I am the biggest (female) fan of Ryan Gosling, because you can only be a female fan of him. This joke doesn't work in English but is cool. And the only reason I know all the movies Ryan Gosling played is because of female friends.

Plus, as a kid there's a lot of games to play with a ball, hide and seek, etc. Obviously most girls wouldn't jump the trees with planks and hammers to build houses, but you have lived in a weird neighbourhood if the only thing you were doing related to girls was throwing rocks at them.

[bloomer]

@Girzo

2 minutes ago, Girzo said:

That's only you weirdo 

Take it back 

3 minutes ago, Girzo said:

I love to joke that I am the biggest (female) fan of Ryan Gosling, because you can only be a female fan of him.

Uh no, Ryan Gosling is a legend. Doesn't mean I want to fuck him. Maybe a little? 

6 minutes ago, Girzo said:

lived in a weird neighbourhood if the only thing you were doing related to girls was throwing rocks at them.

I wasn't only throwing rocks at them. I was also trying to run them over in my toy car.

[Thunder Kiss]

Don’t try and keep him away from girls  or paint a picture of girls being these sneaky things who will play games and walk all over him because he will end up toxified, and will actually end up attracting those types of girls. 

 Show him a healthy and loving  view of girls and that is what he will attract, and then he will have the knowledge and boundaries in place to know if a girl is wrong for him. 

Lots of socialisation with girls from a young age and you setting a good example of being respectful towards women. Be open with him about sex and relationships and how to treat girls well. Teach him to see girls as a part of him, as human beings, and not as objects. Let him know that he, as a man, has a priority to protect and stand up for and respect the women in his life.  You can also help him to understand that there are a lot of toxic views about women out there and that he should be conscious of what kind of things he hears or sees in regard to women. 
 

also teaching him about consent, body boundaries and his own boundaries. There are plenty of books out there for parents about this type of stuff. Sex Education and awareness is the key.

Edited November 20, 2021 by Thunder Kiss

[bloomer]

@Thunder Kiss

6 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

or paint a picture of girls being these sneaky things who will play games and walk all over him because he will end up toxified. 

Uh, so you mean the truth? Just kidding, kind of. A lot of people are manipulative and will walk all over you if you let them. @Jacquelope you seem like a smart guy. Don't listen to thunder kiss and get your kid to bury his head in the sand lest he offend a woman's feelings and become the dreaded "toxically masculine male".

6 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

each him to see girls as a part of him, as human beings, and not as objects.

I mentioned objectification half jokingly earlier. But really, who the hell objectifies people? Do you really think men are just sociopaths who only see a woman like a blow up doll? No, just because we have sexual attraction to you doesn't mean that we don't see you as people. It's just generally the only thing that interests men in women is sex and not their personalities mostly.

6 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

lot of toxic views about women out there and that he should be conscious of what kind of things he hears or sees in regard to women. 

Again, it seems you care less about what's actually in the best interest of the kid and more about him not having the wrong naughty beliefs. 

6 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

also teaching him about consent, body boundaries and his own boundaries.

I think you find out pretty quickly what is sexual harassment and rape. I find it very condescending that this needs to be "taught" to boys. Like we need to teach them not to be murderers. Yeah, we get it. Rape and murder is bad. We don't need you to teach us not to rape with a power point presentation. Thank you

Edited November 20, 2021 by bloomer

[Thunder Kiss]

@bloomer triggered much? 
 

20 minutes ago, bloomer said:

@Thunder Kiss

Uh, so you mean the truth? Just kidding, kind of. A lot of people are manipulative and will walk all over you if you let them. @Jacquelope you seem like a smart guy. Don't listen to thunder kiss and get your kid to bury his head in the sand lest he offend a woman's feelings and become the dreaded "toxically masculine male".

yeah, that’s why I also said teach him about boundaries and being aware enough so he can spot a girl who is either toxic or will take him for a ride. Yes there are people like that but if you teach a child that people can’t be trusted then it is gonna make them untrusting as an adult.  
 

I mentioned objectification half jokingly earlier. But really, who the hell objectifies people? Do you really think men are just sociopaths who only see a woman like a blow up doll? No, just because we have sexual attraction to you doesn't mean that we don't see you as people. It's just generally the only thing that interests men in women is sex and not their personalities mostly.

wow you really are triggered! Don’t know why you’re so raging.  And we are talking about a child here.  If you teach a child that women are just there for sex then they will have that world view growing up. 

Again, it seems you care less about what's actually in the best interest of the kid and more about him not having the wrong naughty beliefs. 
lol. 

I think you find out pretty quickly what is sexual harassment and rape. I find it very condescending that this needs to be "taught" to boys. Like we need to teach them not to be murderers. Yeah, we get it. Rape and murder is bad. We don't need you to teach us not to rape with a power point presentation. Thank you

You would be very surprised. Clearly you don’t have much experience in the real world or experience as a woman. Rape is very common amongst teenagers. Simply because they have zero awareness about it. 

Everything I said simply comes under the umbrella of sex education and awareness.  It wasn’t an attack against boys. There are toxic people in all walks of life, so learning/understanding a lot of this stuff at a young age makes for wiser choices once you become sexually active and start having relationships. 

Edited November 20, 2021 by Thunder Kiss

[bloomer]

@Thunder Kiss

12 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

triggered much?

Yes

Edited November 20, 2021 by bloomer

[ShardMare]

Nah let him go for the girls. The point is to make him even more interested in getting a girlfriend. He'll get experience in dating, he'll start caring about his looks and improve that as well.

If u try to repress him he'll just switch to jerking off and to porn. Thats so much worse

[Lyubov]

I would try to limit his time as much as possible on twitch.tv, video games and discord. If he isn’t into that stuff then good. If he is, it’s fine, but you gotta really make sure he doesn’t go down the gamer / computer obsessed path. I think that will largely depend on your relationship with him. How is your relationship with him? Are you a man of integrity? Does he look up to you? Are you fully present and giving your undivided love when you spend time with him? Kids have a way of modeling their parents or creating their own sort of defense and survival mechanisms if something is lacking from the parent. This often times can be very dysfunctional like becoming a shut in gamer. You want him socializing with girls but do you outwardly socialize yourself? take your wife in dates? Or sit in front of the tv after a long day of work? It’s this sort of root issue approach that is gonna help him the most. Give him space to be himself and put on display what you know are the right qualities he will need to succeed in this domain. 

[Jacquelope]

10 hours ago, Raze said:

Read boys adrift by Leonard Sax.

Tell him not to watch porn as it can be damaging and cause hyper arousal 
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY

Do not tell him about “Chad” or “Incel”, that is just pushing neurosis and labels on him. Let him carve his own path, just make sure he doesn’t become a shut in. The most important thing is having a value system and support system so he isn’t emotionally dependent on romantic relationships.

other than that, don’t sweat it, parents have limited input in the end.

Oh yes, when he hits puberty I am definitely going to warn him against the hyper sexualization effects of porn. And the unrealistic expectations it creates, too. I certainlty don't want him to be a shut-in either. 

 

2 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I would try to limit his time as much as possible on twitch.tv, video games and discord. If he isn’t into that stuff then good. If he is, it’s fine, but you gotta really make sure he doesn’t go down the gamer / computer obsessed path. I think that will largely depend on your relationship with him. How is your relationship with him? Are you a man of integrity? Does he look up to you? Are you fully present and giving your undivided love when you spend time with him? Kids have a way of modeling their parents or creating their own sort of defense and survival mechanisms if something is lacking from the parent. This often times can be very dysfunctional like becoming a shut in gamer. You want him socializing with girls but do you outwardly socialize yourself? take your wife in dates? Or sit in front of the tv after a long day of work? It’s this sort of root issue approach that is gonna help him the most. Give him space to be himself and put on display what you know are the right qualities he will need to succeed in this domain. 

Good points, we do that already, limited exposure to games / social media and more exposure to social interactions, sports and books. I consider myself a man of integrity and consistent morals, and he seems to admire me a lot. Er, I take my wife out a lot but sometimes man I just want to veg, I try to keep a balance with that. We do run some businesses so he's learning that up close, too. He's got 3 sisters to interact with as well.

 

He doesn't seem to be dysfunctional yet. It's just that puberty is coming and girls, well girls at that time in one's development, that factor changes everything. I've seen boys flip on a dime. Two of his older sisters have gone into puberty and haven't lost it, maybe he'll sail through with a clear head.

 

But I'm wanting to take this writ large. There's millions of other boys out there who need some early intervention. Either they're hyper sexual or tragically deprived. Then something in Japan overcorrected and now most of their young men are semi-asexual Herbivores, a totally wrong thing in the opposite direction. It seems to me like the entire world's educational system is lacking when it comes to preparing boys and keeping them from losing their minds to their thirst. There's no doubt America has failed its boys on an educational and cultural level.

[Jacquelope]

5 hours ago, Thunder Kiss said:

Don’t try and keep him away from girls  or paint a picture of girls being these sneaky things who will play games and walk all over him because he will end up toxified, and will actually end up attracting those types of girls. 

 Show him a healthy and loving  view of girls and that is what he will attract, and then he will have the knowledge and boundaries in place to know if a girl is wrong for him. 

Lots of socialisation with girls from a young age and you setting a good example of being respectful towards women. Be open with him about sex and relationships and how to treat girls well. Teach him to see girls as a part of him, as human beings, and not as objects. Let him know that he, as a man, has a priority to protect and stand up for and respect the women in his life.  You can also help him to understand that there are a lot of toxic views about women out there and that he should be conscious of what kind of things he hears or sees in regard to women. 
 

also teaching him about consent, body boundaries and his own boundaries. There are plenty of books out there for parents about this type of stuff. Sex Education and awareness is the key.

Good points, already doing this. I have been dropping him hints about what a good woman is... not a tradcon wife or a purple haired man hater, but someone sensible... like his mom. I am praying that my mostly subconscious vetting of a wife and mother of my children will rub off on him. I do drop hints about respecting women's boundaries and how to have boundaries of his own. I will be escalating from hints to outright overt teaching when he comes of age. It worked with my daughters so far. I just want to tweak it for my son, as boys need a different approach from girls. Your advice is stellar, thanks!

 

Also, how do you add responses to another person to an existing post? Wasn't trying to double post here.