I Relapsed On Weed Addiction & Feeling Terrible Now

[SQAAD]

I was off weed for about a year now. And i was doing pretty good. I was meditating consistently every day for 20-40 minutes, was working on my Life Purpose, lost weight, was eating and sleeping a lot better. But 2 days ago i was feeling very very very bad. Probably one of the darkest periods of my life because i was facing some hard truths that i have been avoiding all my life...Generally there was a lot of stress in my life from many many different factors that i couldn't cope with.

My main addiction has been with weed for most of my 20s. I began experimenting with drugs in when i was 20 years old. The last 3 years i had some relapses but i was mostly off weed. Because the pain was too much. I am doing better than 3 years ago but i still need help with this addiction.

The biggest trigger for me to use weed , is extreme emotional pain. When things get really really bad.

I now understand that i need to change my ways but i am afraid to change. I am scared to do certain things that need to be done in order for my life to dramatically improve. I believe i have a solid theoretical foundation, but i need a lot more action taking.

I am feeling bad now, anxious and have cravings to smoke weed again. In the past i had a serious weed addiction that wasted 6-7 years of my early 20s. Now i am approaching 30s and i don't want to repeat the same dysfunctional patterns that produces enormous misery in my life for no good reason.

I know that i can't control weed and i regret going back to it. I am a very attention to detail person and i get easily fraked out. I always worry about my health when i smoke weed. This makes my situation a LOT worse.

Today i even searched into the toilet bin to find some weed to smoke that i threw away the night before. (I know its disgusting, but this is where the disease took me). I have the habit to throw away chocolate or stuff i don't wanna use. It works as a barrier. But with weed it did not work which is scary.

This is how serious this addiction is for me, and that's why i feel even worse now.

Any advice is highly apprecated.

Edited November 20, 2021 by SQAAD

[SQAAD]

11 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

 

 

Edited November 20, 2021 by SQAAD

[Cathal]

what is it exactly, the emotional pain that you run away from? why do you think it arises? you don't need help with addiction with your weed because if it's not weed, it becomes something else, maybe chocolate tomorrow, maybe video games the next day, maybe you become a workaholic,

you need to go straight to the source of understanding what is causing you to behave like that

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY9aw5cQRDQ&ab_channel=OSHOInternational

[BipolarGrowth]

Finding a way to reduce your probability of running into such large emotional pain again is probably one of the best things you could work on. 
 

Work to remove the trigger and you won’t feel such a strong need to use it again. It’s hard work to remove that specific trigger, but it can be done. If you’re at a loss for how to work on handling the emotional pain, feel free to send a PM, and I can give some advice. 

[Rilles]

We all fall off track, just get back up on that horse, dont beat yourself up, love yourself, throw away any weed you still have and remove dealer numbers or any darkweb passwords etc. 

[Salvijus]

If you seriously want to quit addictions, then do yourself a favor and purge your mind through a meditative practice. If you don't know any than vipassana is very good. Otherwise you'll just be fighting with your cravings all your life not getting anywhere. It's not healthy to live like that. There are ways to be free from these things. You just have to be serious about it and do the thing you need to do. 

?

Edited November 20, 2021 by Salvijus

[SQAAD]

@catcat69123

8 hours ago, catcat69123 said:

what is it exactly, the emotional pain that you run away from? why do you think it arises? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY9aw5cQRDQ&ab_channel=OSHOInternational

I am resisting discomfort and suffering. 

[SQAAD]

@BipolarGrowth

8 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

Finding a way to reduce your probability of running into such large emotional pain again is probably one of the best things you could work on. 
 

Work to remove the trigger and you won’t feel such a strong need to use it again. It’s hard work to remove that specific trigger, but it can be done. If you’re at a loss for how to work on handling the emotional pain, feel free to send a PM, and I can give some advice. 

Good advice. Thank you.

[Loba]

Awwww, sorry to hear that!  It's okay to relapse once in a while, it could happen to anyone.
Just try again the next day and see how it goes, don't beat yourself up for being human. <3

Here's some advice if you are feeling like smoking, this guy does this for emotional responses, but it can be used as a segue to retrain your mind.

Try this for one month five times a day, it takes only a minute or two to do, and do this when you feel cravings for things you don't want.

Gl!

[Arcangelo]

Relapsing only means that you are trying.

 

[Thought Art]

More self love

Compassion

[Javfly33]

You can't use like 2-3 times a week to "relax" and let it go the rest of the days right?

[Arcangelo]

44 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

You can't use like 2-3 times a week to "relax" and let it go the rest of the days right?

That's me.

[Carl-Richard]

I stopped using in the end of Christmas 2017, the year before I turned 21.

1. My mom had found out for like the 4th time and was rather fed up. I was given an ultimatum to redo some high school courses so I could apply to a decent university, and I knew I had to be sober for that.

2. I was in a spiritual discord that had started viewing drugs as causing energetic damage.

So it only took me being fed New Age beliefs from a cult and my mother almost disowning me and forcing me to do something future-oriented. I then tried weed a year later and had the worst bad trip of my life (ego death kicking me in the nuts for 4 hours straight). Never touched it again after that. Nowadays I just need to smell weed and I'll go into ego death, so until I transcend my fear of death, I'll stay far away from it.

[mandyjw]

Why do you think regret feels bad? In general. Is it beneficial to feel regret?