Putting extroverts on a pedestal

[mmKay]

 

[Juressic]

Just avoid overly extroverted people, they are mostly magnets for problems when they are young, and very conservative when they get old. Surround yourself with smart introverts and you'll be stronger than ever! 

[How to be wise]

Introverts generally are more compatible with extroverts, and vice versa. It’s interesting how that works. It’s true for both friendships and relationships. Countless psychological studies have revealed this fact. 

[Random witch]

As an introvert I know the feeling of being around extroverts and to feel as some part in you is missing, and everybody is better than you but it's an illusion.

I think that the most important thing for introverts is to accept who they are, and then from this acceptance you'll be more confident and comfortable in your own skin.

I read that some creative introverts tend to mistyped as extroverts, creativity in people somehow makes people to look more extroverted than they really are, maybe what you're looking for is to be more creative? If so, you always can develop your creativity.

[PurpleTree]

50 minutes ago, Juressic said:

Just avoid overly extroverted people, they are mostly magnets for problems when they are young, and very conservative when they get old. Surround yourself with smart introverts and you'll be stronger than ever! 

it's harder to meet/find introverts though because.........well they're introverts

[Dryas]

I went from despising extroverts as uninteresting and boring to admiring them for how good they are at navigating social circles and virtually all of life.
 

Being introverted is a big disadvantage in many ways and most introverts aren’t very conscious or smart anyways. Maybe if we’re just taking averages or something. 
 

Basically, I regret not socializing enough in school. Big mistake honestly. Don’t recommend it. 

Edited November 21, 2021 by Dryas

[mememe]

without much -version involved, despite the intro i hope the extro will get less stupid than the inbetween.

how is this bound to introversion or extroversion? in a pretty dualistic world intro and exroverted is probably represented in a multidimensional spectrum of lesser and higher version. wherever you put your mark, if it does not still feel like a challenge it probably is more on the less intelligent side of life.

[itachi uchiha]

Movies glorify stage red aspects of society.they make it as if stage red is the pinnacle of human civilization.we are all brainwashed to think that we should be extrovert or there is some problem

[mandyjw]

20 hours ago, How to be wise said:

Introverts generally are more compatible with extroverts, and vice versa. It’s interesting how that works. It’s true for both friendships and relationships. Countless psychological studies have revealed this fact. 

That's because two introverts don't say anything at all and two extroverts never listen to each other. 

You don't want to be one or the other. 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2021-11-20 at 4:00 PM, mandyjw said:

You don't have an inner or an outer, so you couldn't possibly be one or the other. 

Don't ask anyone else, the whole notion is how you stack up and rate compared with others. People who think that they are extroverts will accuse you of being introverted and people who think they are introverted will accuse you of being extroverted.  All of this has nothing to do with you, but what they think of themselves. 

If you want to be more free and have more fun around people, do that. If you want to do what you want without caring what others think do that. In the end they are the exact same thing. 

That’s true in a way, since in certain situations I feel more energetic and extroverted compared to the other people I’m talking to. 
 

I’m trying to let loose and relax yes. I just feel like there is some mental block in my head sometimes. 

[bloomer]

@Sugarcoat

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

I’m trying to let loose and relax yes. I just feel like there is some mental block in my head sometimes. 

Yeah, how are supposed to get past that block? 

I went out yesterday to a bar and join a group of people. They tried making conversation with me, I'm always very short and blunt and then at points there was just silence. Dead silence, in my head I have things that I could say but I'm too afraid to say them, like the words literally won't come out my mouth. I never just give myself permission to speak. As the night went on and more drinks were had I found myself more comfortable and willing to speak but there is this block that appears and just has me not open my mouth in even awkward silence. 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2021-11-20 at 5:49 PM, bloomer said:

What do you think makes you afraid?

 

On 2021-11-20 at 8:03 PM, Batman said:

I suggest to contemplate and get to why you feel fear or anxiety around extroverts. Do you feel you have something to hide from them? That they will sense in you something you don't want to be seen?

The thing with introversion, is that you are a lot of time locked in your thought world, disconnected from the sensory experience, and this separates you from others. Extroverts can easily sense introvert's energy, and this can cause them unease or discomfort around them. Think about it, you are being open and share with others your world or experience, but some others are keeping quiet, and don't expose their experience to others. This is signaling that introvert keeps thing to them self, that they do not wish to share with others. This can be alarming for some people, and extroverts may very well push you to invert your self outside.

So practicing self-inversion can help. Consider it is just about being honest and communicating to others what you feel or think. 

Of course, some extroverts will deploy in their communications manipulation and dishonesty. But those aren't good ways to relate to an other.

I’ve contemplated this a bit. I want to spend more time contemplating but my time is mostly consumed with studying lol

Well well.

The thing is that I’ve overcome a big part of my shyness. So when I meet new people, even if they seem very social and extroverted, I won’t be particularly anxious although a bit of fear can come up. 
 

Why?

I guess my ego wants to identify as a confident, fun, interesting person. To be able to do that there has to be something happening in reality that validates that I am that way, such as people laughing at my jokes. 

A newbie tennis player might feel insecure around pro players because they think those players judgements are true, since if you are good at something you can detect if someone is bad at it. The newbie thus trusts the pros judgements. This seems to be similar to my case, I’m insecure around some people since I consider them to be good at socializing, thus being able to detect when someone is bad at it. So I’m afraid of saying or acting in a way that could potentially bring about their judgement, let’s say a look of disapproval. If they give me that, it must be true that I’m bad socially right? So in that moment when I’m getting bad approval or a lack of approval , I’m identifying/feeling like an awkward person, which hurts my ego becuase I don’t want to identity as that. 
 

what causes the lack of confidence from the beginning? Why can’t I just go into the situation confidently from the start?

Something went wrong in my childhood I guess. Insecurity started as a young child and has since become an self fulfilling prophecy or whatever that fancy term is.  Feelings of Insecurity from whatever unknown cause -> acting awkwardly -> receiving feedback from others that I’m awkward-> idea of myself as awkward strengthens, on and on .

so I have to break out of this cycle in some way, by self inverting as you say. I try to express myself more and more just for the sake of it. It’s been giving me some progress actually. 
When it comes to disconnection from sensory experience, I have this a lot from a young age. It gets stronger from my daydreaming addiction, but the more I express myself the less the impulse to daydream becomes it seems. 
 

 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2021-11-20 at 11:03 PM, Kross said:

I also think that eventually down the line I can be much more socially competent than many of these naturals, because they generally don't have a concept of lifelong learning and development and take stuff for granted, hit a glass ceiling and stop growing further unless somehow accidentally forced to. Unlike their case, we have a chance to hone this skill consciously and go DEEP with it.

This is what keeps me going honestly. 

[Batman]

I admire your honesty and resonate with much you shared.

I sense that you developed negative self-views regarding your social self and thus you are motivated to act in ways that hide this alleged "facts" about your self. As you said it yourself, you are identified with this thought structure that contains also your self-views or beliefs and opinions regarding who you are. This identification with character tends to perpetuates itself because we continue with this act of thinking who we are. We are afraid that if we be totally honest, others will reject, humiliate or harm us in some way, so we contract in our adopted character. This tendency limits our creativity, spontaneity, self-humor and humor generally, and disrupts our ability to make deeper connection and bond with the other. Moreover, even when we connect when an other as the character, we will always have the sense that they know who we really are, and that we are hiding from them in some way.

There is not much to do, other than being honest. And this means both self-honesty and honesty toward others. This may come with resistance because our natural inclination is to protect our precious self, and emotional turmoil should be expected. But being honest can be done gradually so you allow your self to "expose" those hidden aspects of your self to others in a progressive fashion. In time your drive to conceal parts of our self will weaken. You will see that even when you are honest than usual, people will more embrace you and you feel more safe and secure when interacting with others.

Remember, when you boil it down, you have the right to be your self, and others have the right to experience who you truly are. I might add that even you prefer that the others you will be in relationship with value honest and straightforward people, and not people who hide under smaller or bigger masks. Of course, that not everyone will accept you, it is totally normal. You don't have to be loved by everyone, and you are valuable just as you are.

[Sugarcoat]

@Batman very true. Everything you wrote hits home for me. 
I’ll keep trying to express myself authentically  more and more, so I can finally break out of this cycle, seriously. 

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens” - Rumi

 

Edited November 23, 2021 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

On 2021-11-21 at 5:16 PM, Random witch said:

I think that the most important thing for introverts is to accept who they are, and then from this acceptance you'll be more confident and comfortable in your own skin.

I struggle a bit with the idea of accepting myself since I feel like I’m constantly changing, how can I accept my introversion when in another moment I’ll feel energetic and extroverted, what is it I am accepting? I tend to try to accept specific emotions I’m feeling or specific situations instead.

On 2021-11-21 at 5:16 PM, Random witch said:

I read that some creative introverts tend to mistyped as extroverts, creativity in people somehow makes people to look more extroverted than they really are, maybe what you're looking for is to be more creative? If so, you always can develop your creativity.

I’ve had a hard time resonating with the term creative since I associate it with artsy aesthetic stuff which I don’t find myself passionate about. I know it’s a broader term though.

I’ve never thought about it that way. I do find though that when I do activities that feels in alignment with my vision for my life (eat healthy, meditate, study effectively etc) I feel that it helps my confidence so perhaps.

[Sugarcoat]

21 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Be carefull not to pedestelize introverts too. Just because you're an introvert doesn't mean you're smart, or going anywhere in life. It's all about how you choose to spend your free time.

Yea I feel like there is this tendency when one does spiritual work to overestimate how much one has grown in consciousness so I try to be brutally honest with myself.

[Sugarcoat]

21 hours ago, bloomer said:

@Sugarcoat

Yeah, how are supposed to get past that block? 

I went out yesterday to a bar and join a group of people. They tried making conversation with me, I'm always very short and blunt and then at points there was just silence. Dead silence, in my head I have things that I could say but I'm too afraid to say them, like the words literally won't come out my mouth. I never just give myself permission to speak. As the night went on and more drinks were had I found myself more comfortable and willing to speak but there is this block that appears and just has me not open my mouth in even awkward silence. 

In those situations I find that you just have to force yourself to say it anyways. Simply force it out. Period. Sometimes it might happen that you mistakenly interrupt someone, that is okay. Sometimes you won’t get the reaction you desire and it will sting in you. That is okay. Sometimes you might even get a negative reaction. That is okay too. Sometimes you get into a “flow” where you say something, a conversation starts and now you act spontaneously, that’s the point you want to get to. 
But drop the idea that you have to be super energetic like a stereotypical extrovert. The goal here is to get comfortable, overcome fear and express yourself authentically, not to fit some societal idea of a confident fun person. 
 

If you say something and it didn’t turn out how you wanted and you cringe and feel awkward. Allow yourself to feel that. Feel into that emotion. See it positively, the more you get triggered the more you can accept it and become immune to judgement.  How can you get over the fear of talking if you don’t talk? How can you get over fear if you don’t face it? 
 

A couple of days ago, my crush came up to me and said good morning. I said it back but then I kept silent, because I’ve stopped forcing myself to speak when I have nothing to say (it’s been helping my confidence actually).  He noticed my nervousness it seems and he was like “hello?” and smiling. I felt nervous and so damn awkward, but afterwards it felt good in some weird sense, becuase I realized that it wasn’t as scary as I thought. Yes it was awkward and so what? Did I die? No. 
 

You can do this. I’m struggling too, we’re in this together.

[Preety_India]

Society always gives a lot of importance to extroverts. 

But introverts are like diamonds in the rough. 

My Introversion helps me to embrace solitude and I have many good qualities that only a person who is very close to me will discover.