Awakening Makes me Sad

[SQAAD]

Sometimes after a strong trip, i begin feeling sad because my ego wants to control God but it can't. And it doesn't want to accept Reality as it is. It prefers Reality was some other fanstastical way where i had more control as God.

Even though i know that Reality is already perfect and couldn't be any better, i am still biased against many things and would prefer them otherwise.

Edited November 19, 2021 by SQAAD

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, SQAAD said:

i am still biased against many things and would prefer them otherwise.

This too is perfection. 

[SQAAD]

@Someone here

15 hours ago, Someone here said:

This too is perfection. 

I don't know why realising God is so painful for the ego at times..... It matures over time though, your taste begins to change.

[Someone here]

@SQAAD I don't know what you are talking about. 

[BipolarGrowth]

Put on some headphones and enjoy. Worked wonders for me. Pretty related to what you’re talking about. 

 

[SelfHelpGuy]

@BipolarGrowth Thanks for this, it helped me <3

[Nahm]

@SQAAD

If awakening makes you sad, what is meant by awakening? 

 

[SQAAD]

@Nahm

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@SQAAD

If awakening makes you sad, what is meant by awakening? 

 

Realisation that i am dead, that i don't exist. Realising that i am 'inside' a mysterious dream that i don't control..

Edited November 20, 2021 by SQAAD

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

@Nahm

Realisation that i am dead, that i don't exist. Realising that i am 'inside' a mysterious dream that i don't control..

You sure those aren't just thoughts and not what's actually happening ?

[SQAAD]

@Shin

18 minutes ago, Shin said:

You sure those aren't just thoughts and not what's actually happening ?

I am sure about the mysterious aspect of Reality and the lack of control.

[Nahm]

10 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

@Nahm

Realisation that i am dead, that i don't exist. Realising that i am 'inside' a mysterious dream that i don't control..

If you’re dead, who’s realizing, who’s inside, who’s sad, who’s ego, who doesn’t control? 

 

[SQAAD]

@Nahm

Just now, Nahm said:

If you’re dead, who’s realizing, who’s inside, who’s sad, who’s ego, who doesn’t control? 

 

Nobody is sad. There isn't any entity inside me that is sad. But the thoughts create suffering and very difficult emotions.

[Shin]

2 hours ago, SQAAD said:

@Nahm

Nobody is sad. There isn't any entity inside me that is sad. But the thoughts create suffering and very difficult emotions.

If you think you have zero control, what's the point of the sadness then ?

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

I feel you on this deeply. 

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, SQAAD said:

But the thoughts create suffering and very difficult emotions.

Indeed some thoughts don’t resonate. But the discord or suffering is of the thoughts, and not awakening. Not saying this to be the awakening police, but because the belief awakening makes one sad isn’t true and is the discordant thoughts. Wether about the ego, the one with the ego, God, etc. That’s a call for inquiry, meditation and or inspection if anything, but it is not awakening. That’s the good news. 

[Moksha]

14 hours ago, SQAAD said:

I don't know why realising God is so painful for the ego at times..... It matures over time though, your taste begins to change.

Awakening puts the ego on high alert. Enlightenment unravels it entirely. The closer you get to enlightenment, the less of you there is to be enlightened, until there is only light, which is who you actually are.

[SQAAD]

@Nahm

On 21/11/2021 at 1:06 AM, Nahm said:

Indeed some thoughts don’t resonate. But the discord or suffering is of the thoughts, and not awakening. Not saying this to be the awakening police, but because the belief awakening makes one sad isn’t true and is the discordant thoughts. Wether about the ego, the one with the ego, God, etc. That’s a call for inquiry, meditation and or inspection if anything, but it is not awakening. That’s the good news. 

You are right. Its my ego.

[Nahm]

@SQAAD

Hoping that came with feeling of relief. Hoping more it came with some realization you are a profound creator. 

[Galyna]

@Nahm after meditation I cried today. I don’t understand the feeling of sadness either.
Tried to inspect, only one thought came into mind: existential loneliness. felt so pity for my little ego trying to find Truth since it remembers itself ?. 

[SageModeAustin]

@SQAAD yep. same here. been stuck in this for years now. this is what i like to call ignorance is bliss.