How to approach when *You don't have your sh*t together*

[PurpleTree]

17 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Do you feel ready to do pick up? If you do then dont look so far ahead, first you have to built a skill,for example can you approach on command and talk for 1 min about something random? If not start there its not like you will approach and get a date and a gf right of the bat mybe you are natural but its not likely...and you dont have to go on a date just built the skill thats the key...

some days i feel almost ready/ready often not

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It doesn't matter. When you talk to girls just have fun. They don't care about your personal problems.

yea in a way it's similar to a guy who's very short, if he thinks shortness is a problem then it surely is

14 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

You must become good at selling them a dream.

yea i'm not sure about that, hope it doesn't turn into a nightmare

14 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I would give therapy a second try if you have the resources to do so. There are several different modalities. Internal Family Systems is a really good on. Also body based stuff as well. 

You’re aware of this shame and that there is some stuff going on internally which is actually a really good sign. It means you are on a path to get to the place you want to be and create the life you want to live. I have no doubt since you are here posting and self reflective enough to make this thread that this will happen. It may take a little time but be patient with the process. The replies here won’t have all the answers but can inspire you to take action in various ways. I am big on therapy myself. Therapy for assisting with challenging psychedelic experiences got me into it and I’ve stayed in it since. It’s helped me exponentially. 

i think i'll try to find a good naturopath first. i've had a bunch of talk therapists, it's hard to find a good one and it didn't really do anything for me.

 

3 hours ago, ZenRising said:

Looking forward to hearing how your journey develops..

Good luck!Lucas

good luck to you too.

even if i don't get my sh*t together, if i become a millionaire or end up in the street or whatever i'm trying to be ok with what is.

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

There is a website where you can join people in holding a hand on a hot stove. I’ll try to find it for you. 

don't get it

you usually speak in riddles, is the riddler your role model?

Edited November 20, 2021 by PurpleTree

[Nahm]

6 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

don't get it

you usually speak in riddles, is the riddler your role model?

Would you be interested in spending your time with someone while they share with you, what doesn’t feel good, to them? 

How many hours, days, weeks, years, do you desire to be with someone, who focuses on what they don’t want?

[PurpleTree]

6 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Would you be interested in spending your time with someone while they share with you, what doesn’t feel good, to them? 

How many hours, days, weeks, years, do you desire to be with someone, who focuses on what they don’t want?

still don't really get what you're trying to say.

are you saying i focus on what i don't want in the work field or whatever?

right now i'm working this job which i don't like but it's only 60-70% the rest of the time i try to focus on stuff i like like nature, sauna, traveling and so on.

[Nahm]

On 11/19/2021 at 9:49 AM, PurpleTree said:

So in many ways i just don't have my ish together and never had. And i don't really want to burden a potentially good person/woman with that crap.

 

Growing up in a single parent household. With an unstable parent who had some drug issues at some time. Having a lot of anger as a kid for not having a father and happy family and had a lot of frustration because my mom was unstable. Having "beef " with my mothers bf's. Grandparents died young. Basically no contact to my fathers side of the family, they live on another continent. Didn't have siblings or father who could help me at school against bullys. But i was still good at school until about 12-13 y o. Then something happened which made it worse. There was a funny guy who lived with us from when i was about 10-12. he wasn't my mothers bf but a friend that she knew since she was 16. It was fun to hang with him, i went to see horror movies with him all the time at the cinema because he got free tickets from his sister and went with him to all sorts of places, he was like a father figure for those two yrs. But then when i was 12 he got addicted to heroin, then at some point when we weren't at home, he broke into my moms and my apartment and stole quite a lot of money for heroin. He made it look like some one else broke in. But my mom found out it was him, he was gone from that day, never talked to him again. My mom didn't know how to handle her feelings, she knew him since she was 16 and trusted him. And i didn't know how to handle my feelings at all. Puberty hit at the same time.

So from basically 13 i stopped lifting a finger for school, became more angry and withdrawn. Started hanging with the "cool/dumb/pot" crowd started smoking weed everyday. Effed up school. Only had sh*t jobs after school because of that f up. Never had a job for longer than about 15 months (which is typical add behaviour also) So that depressed me even more having to work sh*t jobs, not having a lot of money, often i was also not working at all.

So then that went on for yrs or decades. So then about 7 yrs ago i went to jail for selling ecstasy. And when i came out of jail i had to finally learn a job/profession but i was under pressure from the court/jury and i was under pressure from other authorities, government offices. They gave me less jail time because it was a first time offence and because i told them i will learn a profession. Still i was on probation for 3 yrs. So i wasn't very free in deciding what profession i'm going to learn. Then me and those authorities/government offices decided for accounting. Which was totally the wrong decision in hindsight. Because it's none of my talent, maths was always my worst subject, i don't like sitting at the office all day and so on. I was good at drawing and stuff as a kid, the best in my class. But they told me the creative field isn't very easy to earn enough money and soo many people want to work in a creative field. I was thinking about the health field as my mother is a nurse and the job makes sense. But they told me because of the drug offence, many hospitals etc. might not take me because of the medication etc. So i learned accounting. I was decent at the exams and so on but now i had a job which i hated basically. So that was two yrs ago before covid. My plan was to go travelling for 6 months or more and then maybe even learn another job like in the health field etc. But then covid hit couldn't really travel. So now i'm Leo's age, i got another shit job in another field, only work 70% though, night shifts and i'm not sure what the future brings.

Health wise i have some add, chronic fatigue, anxiety, gut issues, confidence issues, sleep issues

I'm writing all that to say i basically never had mi ish together and don't know if i ever will. Might still go into the health field. Try to do something creative. Or try to become self employed in some ways.

There are also many good things about me for example even though i did that ecstasy business stuff i had pretty high morals, i always brought pills to the lab to get tested if they're clean, never sold to kids, never cheated anyone. Many people always told me "what a good person" i am. And funny enough i always got compliments at how "good at that business" i was.  Never sold cocaine or other drugs even though had countless options and could have made a lot of money, as i didn't like what i made out of people. Connected to nature. Often speak up for people who don't even speak up for themselves. Often go against the grain, which can be bad or good. I'm well traveled, pretty decent with languages. I want the best for everyone. Want to help people. Interested in many things. Interested in cultures and the world. Have a pretty good sense of style, although sometimes i'll wear ridiculous ish like a big pink t-shirt, but i sometimes get compliments. Have a creative mind and so on. 

If people ask me about jobs and career, i hate talking about that stuff because i find it frustrating, and lying also isn't an option.

 

So how can i burden a potentially good person with such crap though?  it's like a therapy session ayeeeee

i might use this post for other threads too and edit here and there.

That story weighs a hundred pounds. 

[PurpleTree]

4 minutes ago, Nahm said:

That story weighs a hundred pounds. 

it is what it is

well in one way it's just a story

in another way it influences my anxieties and feelings etc.

so i can't ignore it

it could still be a lot worse 

 

[Nahm]

@PurpleTree

No recommendation of ignorance here. Quite the opposite. 

[PurpleTree]

13 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@PurpleTree

No recommendation of ignorance here. Quite the opposite. 

so what are you trying to say

[Nahm]

@PurpleTree

Not really trying to say anything. 

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Would you be interested in spending your time with someone while they share with you, what doesn’t feel good, to them? 

How many hours, days, weeks, years, do you desire to be with someone, who focuses on what they don’t want?

If interested, what would your answers to those questions be? 

[PurpleTree]

7 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@PurpleTree

Not really trying to say anything. 

If interested, what would your answers to those questions be? 

yea i don't really understand those questions as i already said.

also i'm not sure if my focus is more on what i don't want than many others.

personally i don't like to be around people too much who complain a lot, and in real life i also don't like to complain a lot.

Edited November 20, 2021 by PurpleTree

[Nahm]

On 11/19/2021 at 9:49 AM, PurpleTree said:

So how can i burden a potentially good person with such crap though?

There’s no riddle. The answer to the question above, is the story below. 

On 11/19/2021 at 9:49 AM, PurpleTree said:

So in many ways i just don't have my ish together and never had. And i don't really want to burden a potentially good person/woman with that crap.

 

Growing up in a single parent household. With an unstable parent who had some drug issues at some time. Having a lot of anger as a kid for not having a father and happy family and had a lot of frustration because my mom was unstable. Having "beef " with my mothers bf's. Grandparents died young. Basically no contact to my fathers side of the family, they live on another continent. Didn't have siblings or father who could help me at school against bullys. But i was still good at school until about 12-13 y o. Then something happened which made it worse. There was a funny guy who lived with us from when i was about 10-12. he wasn't my mothers bf but a friend that she knew since she was 16. It was fun to hang with him, i went to see horror movies with him all the time at the cinema because he got free tickets from his sister and went with him to all sorts of places, he was like a father figure for those two yrs. But then when i was 12 he got addicted to heroin, then at some point when we weren't at home, he broke into my moms and my apartment and stole quite a lot of money for heroin. He made it look like some one else broke in. But my mom found out it was him, he was gone from that day, never talked to him again. My mom didn't know how to handle her feelings, she knew him since she was 16 and trusted him. And i didn't know how to handle my feelings at all. Puberty hit at the same time.

So from basically 13 i stopped lifting a finger for school, became more angry and withdrawn. Started hanging with the "cool/dumb/pot" crowd started smoking weed everyday. Effed up school. Only had sh*t jobs after school because of that f up. Never had a job for longer than about 15 months (which is typical add behaviour also) So that depressed me even more having to work sh*t jobs, not having a lot of money, often i was also not working at all.

So then that went on for yrs or decades. So then about 7 yrs ago i went to jail for selling ecstasy. And when i came out of jail i had to finally learn a job/profession but i was under pressure from the court/jury and i was under pressure from other authorities, government offices. They gave me less jail time because it was a first time offence and because i told them i will learn a profession. Still i was on probation for 3 yrs. So i wasn't very free in deciding what profession i'm going to learn. Then me and those authorities/government offices decided for accounting. Which was totally the wrong decision in hindsight. Because it's none of my talent, maths was always my worst subject, i don't like sitting at the office all day and so on. I was good at drawing and stuff as a kid, the best in my class. But they told me the creative field isn't very easy to earn enough money and soo many people want to work in a creative field. I was thinking about the health field as my mother is a nurse and the job makes sense. But they told me because of the drug offence, many hospitals etc. might not take me because of the medication etc. So i learned accounting. I was decent at the exams and so on but now i had a job which i hated basically. So that was two yrs ago before covid. My plan was to go travelling for 6 months or more and then maybe even learn another job like in the health field etc. But then covid hit couldn't really travel. So now i'm Leo's age, i got another shit job in another field, only work 70% though, night shifts and i'm not sure what the future brings.

Health wise i have some add, chronic fatigue, anxiety, gut issues, confidence issues, sleep issues

I'm writing all that to say i basically never had mi ish together and don't know if i ever will. Might still go into the health field. Try to do something creative. Or try to become self employed in some ways.

There are also many good things about me for example even though i did that ecstasy business stuff i had pretty high morals, i always brought pills to the lab to get tested if they're clean, never sold to kids, never cheated anyone. Many people always told me "what a good person" i am. And funny enough i always got compliments at how "good at that business" i was.  Never sold cocaine or other drugs even though had countless options and could have made a lot of money, as i didn't like what i made out of people. Connected to nature. Often speak up for people who don't even speak up for themselves. Often go against the grain, which can be bad or good. I'm well traveled, pretty decent with languages. I want the best for everyone. Want to help people. Interested in many things. Interested in cultures and the world. Have a pretty good sense of style, although sometimes i'll wear ridiculous ish like a big pink t-shirt, but i sometimes get compliments. Have a creative mind and so on. 

If people ask me about jobs and career, i hate talking about that stuff because i find it frustrating, and lying also isn't an option.

 

So how can i burden a potentially good person with such crap though?  it's like a therapy session ayeeeee

i might use this post for other threads too and edit here and there.

There’s nothing you want found in a past. If you were potentially good, that’d feel potentially discordant or aligned. You are already good, and so that already feels discordant or aligned. 

[PurpleTree]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

There’s no riddle. The answer to the question above, is the story below. 

There’s nothing you want found in a past. If you were potentially good, that’d feel potentially discordant or aligned. You are already good, and so that already feels discordant or aligned. 

thanks bro

16 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

You must become good at selling them a dream.

it's like going to a job interview

and when they ask

"are you the best person for this job?"

i think yiiikes probably not hehe, which is funny

[Arcangelo]

@PurpleTree You are enough

[Arcangelo]

Don't do night shifts. They are not good for your health.