How do you get good at small talk?

[Preety_India]

I've never understood how extroverts manage to do small talk. I have never gotten around it. I'm assertive and I tend to make direct statement like, "I'm not feeling good, I have anxiety." That's as far as I can go with personal talk. 

People who are extroverts tend to ramble endlessly in a story telling format which is nice to listen to, even though a lot is bullshit, but it fills up for a casual conversation and helps with gaining trust and bonding.

Often a direct introverted assertive person like me can come across rude and crude even though there was no such intent. 

Wish I could also storytell some bullshit! 

 

 

[bloomer]

@ItsNick

17 hours ago, ItsNick said:

I try to go out every Thursday and socialize and I'm noticing just practicing small talk makes it easier

I feel the same way, though you do have to keep pushing yourself out your comfort zone slightly each time you try.

@Kalki Avatar

13 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

Then you will naturally spill very useful bullshit like small talk. 

Saying it's bullshit, when I agree, isn't going to change my attitude towards it and make me not hate it. Fact is whether we like it or not it's still a needed skill.

[Jon_Bundesen]

@bloomer Video is not about small talk but might help with the social anxiety you have towards talking to people.

 

 

[bloomer]

@Preety_India

12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I've never understood how extroverts manage to do small talk. I have never gotten around it. I'm assertive and I tend to make direct statement like, "I'm not feeling good, I have anxiety." That's as far as I can go with personal talk. 

Yeah that's just called not bullshitting people. Being that on the nose (I'm the same way) people don't expect it so they take it for rudeness where as I just see it as honesty.

12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

People who are extroverts tend to ramble endlessly in a story telling format which is nice to listen to, even though a lot is bullshit, but it fills up for a casual conversation and helps with gaining trust and bonding.

Yeah I'm not like that, I'm similar to you, I'm very fact based when talking with people. Not the best story teller. 

12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Often a direct introverted assertive person like me can come across rude and crude even though there was no such intent. 

I know it's frustrating. Especially when people get offended over it. Put pressure on you into lying I think. 

12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Wish I could also storytell some bullshit! 

Lol same 

[bloomer]

@Jon_Bundesen

Thanks Jon I'll give it a watch now

[ItsNick]

10 hours ago, bloomer said:

though you do have to keep pushing yourself out your comfort zone slightly each time you try

Yes!

But it does become easier, especially if you learn to enjoy the socializing

[Kalki Avatar]

@bloomer By bullshit I mean lies and deception, not something negative persay. Your attitudes towards it will change when you see how useful it is. But first you need to consume alot of data from the outside and identify with it. Then it becomes part of you as it sticks unconsciously. 

Dont try to see yourself doing small talk or what to say, non of that will really help, lol. As I said, the process has to happen almost like magic, you wont even realize you changed. Like an overnight Miracle, but it will be so natural by that time you wont see it as such. Just Surround yourself in a consistent enviornment that talks A LOT. This happened to me in work. I completely changed my personality unknowingly. 

Another thing I see is culture. People in developed countries struggle alot with the socializing aspect alone. So it becomes a mass/collective self fullfiling prophecy as everybody struggles to socialize like we all know each other. Which is something normal in third World countries. Ppl go every where assuming like they just know whats up with each other. 

 

[Random witch]

Don't speak from your intellectual self, pretend as if you are unintellectual, like logic doesn't exist in the world at all, it really helps.

I always was bad with small talks, but I found out that it's not very hard or complicated, it's just saying simple things, very simplistic things and questions with a lot of smiles and laughs and clichés 

 

[bloomer]

@Jon_Bundesen

Once I've finished this video Jon I'll post my notes here. I listened to 20 minutes of it this morning but now have 

@Kalki Avatar

On 11/21/2021 at 2:19 PM, Kalki Avatar said:

This happened to me in work. I completely changed my personality unknowingly. 

Yeah it's happened to me a bit as well. A year ago I would have been far worse and more antisocial. So I know I can improve. I just need to force myself out more into more social high energy environments. 

@Random witch

20 hours ago, Random witch said:

Don't speak from your intellectual self, pretend as if you are unintellectual, like logic doesn't exist in the world at all, it really helps.

How do you get out of that intellectual headspace? 

[Random witch]

18 minutes ago, bloomer said:

 

@Random witch

How do you get out of that intellectual headspace? 

A bit of acting skills, I allow myself to be an actress, to play a tiny role when it's necessary and I even enjoy it because every time I do this I try to push it further and further and see how far I can go with my acting skills. Like a real actress in Broadway, oh yeah!

I observed extroverts and people who are good in small talks for years, I studied them without intending to do so and then copied them.

We all have the capacity to copy other people, we ALWAYS to this without intention, once you aware to this ability in you you can play any role, discover your full self and enjoy of other aspects of yourself.

It doesn't mean that I'm extrovert now and I do small talk all day and night, definitely no, it still draining, and I'm still a hardcore introvert,

But, When I do have to engage in small talk l know what to do, I don't get lost and nervous and even enjoy it!