Power dynamics within dating/relationships

[Identity]

Getting back into the whole dating game after coming out of a long-term relationship at the moment.

First of all, Leo, perfect fucking timing with your video's. Very helpful.

Just wanted to reflect on the interesting difference in power dynamics I'm experiencing with two girls at the moment.

One girl is definitely a nice girl, but honestly, I was somewhat doubting going on a date with her in the first place. When we did go out, I felt very naturally entitled to escalate physically. In a way, my subconscious mindset was 'well, if this doesn't lead anywhere on the first date, I doubt I will go on a second date'. Things progressed quickly and effortlessly; drink in a bar, back to my place, kissing, sex. Afterwards, she was the one to further talk about setting up the next date. Texting me again today asking if we should see each other this weekend. In my mind, it's kind of like 'oke, nice'.

Then today I was on a date with this ridiculously beautiful eastern European girl. Like, my body and mind is still in awe of just how beautiful this girl is. I've been the one pushing things forwards from the beginning. On the first date, a week ago, we went for a walk and had a glass of wine at my place. But I literally only gathered my balls to kiss her at the very end. I was quick to follow up with some texts to set up the second date. Today, a lot of effort was put in from my side; cooking dinner for us and making a dessert. Talking the whole evening, three hours straight. I tried to kiss her one time, which she rejected. Then, in the last half an hour we got to dancing a bit and we kissed a bit. When I started grabbing her booty, she gave me a 'na-ah'. Bit more kissing before she went. As she left, I said 'we can set something up when I get back in a week'. She responded with a 'we will see'. And still after all these hurdles, my whole being is on cloud 9 just thinking about how tasty her lips are.

Isn't it crazy how the perception of our value relative to the other person plays such a huge role in how we behave towards them in these dating scenarios?

With the second girl, it's a great time and all that, but I could see how if we were to get in a relationship, that would be a terrible idea for me. I would be this puppy begging for her scraps. I can see in her eyes how she just knows she has the power to do what she wants. Like, if she would not have respected me at all, she would not have come out on a second date. But I doubt there will be a third date. If there will be, and if the relationship would be to continue, it would consist of me doing everything I can to bring as much value to her as I can, whilst she would be there just twisting her thumbs, doing as she pleases.

 Whilst with the first girl, she is excited talking about how she will put on high heels to try some BDSM stuff. Me being the one who is like 'meh, we will see'.

Just crazy to see how the difference in perceived value makes such a difference in our behaviour and the power dynamic within the relationship.

Just wanted to share those thoughts and brag about the fact that I went out with this hot girl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Thunder Kiss]

Basically just the opposite of a girl chasing an asshole and not caring about the good guy lol 

[Thunder Kiss]

But yeah. the way the ego perceives things as either something above or below it. Very sneaky and crazy indeed. 

[hyruga]

Yeah Eastern european or Asians are less open minded in this aspects. Or maybe it's in their culture. In Western countries, it's normal to smile more to blend more in groups. But in Asia, people are more skeptical and tend to display more of a frown to tell the strangers to stay away.

[Leo Gura]

Of course. Because when you feel deep attraction that's just your mind's signal that the person is really high value relative to you.

You get most attracted to people who you perceive as a great deal for you. In other words, the more out of your league a girl is, the more attracted and needy you will get about her. By raising your value and entitlement you will be able to date and retain hotter girls.

You will only be able to keep a girl if she's roughly within your league. If she's above you, you will get too needy and she will sense it and run away. The hotter the girl the more cool you gotta be about her. She's not going to sleep with you if she feels that she's higher value than you. You have to be the prize. This is why narcissists and sociopaths get laid the most with the hottest girls. They just feel entitled to her thanks to delusional levels of self-confidence.

[Identity]

 

@Khr @hyruga

My mother is Russian and my ex-girlfriend was Romanian, so I know a thing or two about the culture

@Leo Gura

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You get most attracted to people who you perceive as a great deal for you. In other words, the more out of your league a girl is, the more attracted and needy you will get about her. By raising your value and entitlement you will be able to date and retain hotter girls.

Yup, raised my self-esteem and perceived value a lot over the past five years. Now the content of the upper and lower limit changed whilst the same underlying structure still applies.

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You will only be able to keep a girl if she's roughly within your league. If she's above you, you will get too needy and she will sense it and run away. The hotter the girl the more cool you gotta be about her. She's not going to sleep with you if she feels that she's higher value than you. You have to be the prize. This is why narcissists and sociopaths get laid the most with the hottest girls. They just feel entitled to her thanks to delusional levels of self-confidence.

Doubt this girl will stay around for long. It's weird, because in a practical way I do feel like she is out of my league and that she is the prize. At the same time, I do have this feeling as well that she would be lucky to be with me and I wouldn't actually want to be in a relationship with her.

Guess that's also the difference in self agendas. She would be the prize to have sex with. I would be the prize to be in a relationship with.

[Federico del pueblo]

On 19.11.2021 at 5:11 AM, Leo Gura said:

This is why narcissists and sociopaths get laid the most with the hottest girls. They just feel entitled to her thanks to delusional levels of self-confidence.

Sounds like becoming a narcissist with delusional levels of self-confidence could be a valid strategy to get laid by the hottest girls ??

[Random witch]

Needy people have the ability to turn kind and empathetic people into brutal narcissists.

We all have narcissistic tendencies inside us to some degree and those are activated when people are too pleasing, too needy and sticky to us.

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Sounds like becoming a narcissist with delusional levels of self-confidence could be a valid strategy to get laid by the hottest girls ??

Oh yeah!

Except it will ruin your life.

That is a bargain with the devil.

[Hardkill]

On 11/18/2021 at 8:11 PM, Leo Gura said:

Of course. Because when you feel deep attraction that's just your mind's signal that the person is really high value relative to you.

You get most attracted to people who you perceive as a great deal for you. In other words, the more out of your league a girl is, the more attracted and needy you will get about her. By raising your value and entitlement you will be able to date and retain hotter girls.

You will only be able to keep a girl if she's roughly within your league. If she's above you, you will get too needy and she will sense it and run away. The hotter the girl the more cool you gotta be about her. She's not going to sleep with you if she feels that she's higher value than you. You have to be the prize. This is why narcissists and sociopaths get laid the most with the hottest girls. They just feel entitled to her thanks to delusional levels of self-confidence.

Hot girls aren’t that special. Even the hottest girls in the world are not goddesses. In fact, most attractive women out there have bean sized brains or have some kind of psychological issue or don’t know their place in this world.

Edited November 22, 2021 by Hardkill

[Leo Gura]

Actually they literally are special because they are like 0.1% of the population.

Don't fool yourself that a really hot girl doesn't have massive social value. She does, and everyone knows it, except maybe for you.

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Actually they literally are special because they are like 0.1% of the population.

Don't fool yourself that a really hot girl doesn't have massive social value. She does, and everyone knows it, except maybe for you.

Well, they are a such a rarity in that sense and they can be highly intimidating to most men. I am not gonna lie, but I probably would feel intimidated by a chick like her to some degree if I tried to hit on her.

Even so, what would a sexual alpha male do or think about that? He probably would be like “Yeah, she really hot and seems to have a lot of social status. But so what? What more does she have to offer other than her looks and social value? Is she willing to be respectful, submissive, and kind with me or will she be too out of pocket, very uncooperative, and act like an asshole with shitty attitude? Is she actually good in bed or does she act just like a starfish in the bedroom? If she wants to be in a long-term relationship with me then will she be able to prove her loyalty to me and treat me like a king or god?”

Furthermore, some hot girls have bad body odor, bad breath, and/or bad hygiene downstairs.

Besides, you mentioned before that you should never ever put any girl on a pedestal even if she is super hot.

 

 

Edited November 22, 2021 by Hardkill

[Preety_India]

Decent people find other decent people. 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Even so, what would a sexual alpha male do or think about that? He probably would be like “Yeah, she really hot and seems to have a lot of social status. But so what?

Obviously you should not allow her hotness to affect you. Treat her like she's your GF or sister. Look thru her hotness.

[Bando]

@Whitesnow It depends on an absolute scale yes beauty is very objective, there have been studies that showed that certain features on a person's face are universally attractive to everybody all over the world. But in a practical sense everybody has their type and that can pretty personal.

Why is it you want a high value man? There are many average or below average guys out there with nice personalities you could be compatible with. To be the most happy you want to find someone at your level, as harsh as it sounds punching above your weight class will just lead to potential abuse as the power dynamic in the relationship is too skewed in one direction.

Even if you were hypothetically able to get your dream man you would lose him in an instant because you have such a negative view of yourself, people can sense the bitterness and desperation coming off you, that will naturally repel people in its own right.

1 hour ago, Whitesnow said:

as a extremely ugly 35+ year old woman who has never even been flirted with would you recommend that i forget about dating and focus on other aspects of life leo? Aspects of life that im more talented at?  me calling myself ugly is not poor selfesteem.my most honest friends have told me so as well.if looks really is that important to men i dont see the point in putting my time and effort into the dating scene when i am so defficient in it.

You should invest some time into consciously dating, learn how to optimize the hand you were dealt with, your postionion is nothing new as this is actually what a majority of men face when dating which leads them to massive self-improvement. 

You cant skip over the "relationship and dating" phase of your life, it will always nag you because its in our biology to develop good relationships with people whether is platonic or romantic.

You should prioritize the next 1-2 years making yourself as attractive as possible, consider getting plastic surgery, devloping a comprehensive workout routine, dialing in on your diet, learning social skills and how to be more "open and approachable", understanding male vs female relationship dynamics. ect. The average guy is not going to screen so hard on beauty if everything you can control is in good standings.

Check this link out if your curious on what you can do to improve about your appearance-https://www.qoves.com/services/

You don't have it as easy as other naturally attractive women but you can use this as a catalyst to pour tremendous amounts of self-improvent into yourself and grow from there. Not only will you feel more confident in your own skin but most importantly you will develop a deeper love for yourself which is probably the most important quality a person could have about themselves.

[Nahm]

On 11/18/2021 at 5:57 PM, Identity said:

Isn't it crazy how the perception of our value relative to the other person plays such a huge role in how we behave towards them in these dating scenarios?

Yes, that is crazy, as in delusional, not in any personal sense of course. 

[Federico del pueblo]

21 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Oh yeah!

Except it will ruin your life.

That is a bargain with the devil.

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Obviously you should not allow her hotness to affect you. Treat her like she's your GF or sister. Look thru her hotness.

 

But isn't that exactly the sort of narcissistic, delusionally confident behaviour that will ruin my life as you said?

Edited November 22, 2021 by Federico del pueblo