Desire to unify with God. Please help me

[Gregory1]

In the past weeks and months my ideas about the world and who I am completely flipped upside down. I realized that nothing I believed or thought of as thruth was true and experienced levels of unity, love and oneness that I could have never dreamed of.

I am very thankful for these experiences and it feels like they have changed my everyday way of going about things. I am a lot more humble and loving towards myself and others, a lot more compassionate and caring, a lot less selfish.

I believe now that there is a universal truth in this world that underlies everything and once realized, leaves no room for doubt or misinterpretation whatsoever. This belief is based on my memory of experiences, or I would rather call them direct realizations of what is true. After multiple direct realizations of this truth (I am saying this from my memory, not from a state of direct experience!) I believe now, that the most important thing I could do for myself and other people is to become an embodyment of that truth. Embodying this truth from my point of view would mean, to literally be one with that truth on a moment to moment- second to second- day to day basis.

But there is one „problem“, and I don‘t even know if this is a problem:

My problem is, that I literally don‘t know anything. I don‘t know who I am, I don‘t know what I am, I don‘t know what is true, I don‘t know anything about reality. I literally don‘t know anything, don‘t even know if what I‘ve written above is the truth, don‘t even know what I really want, what I really desire, even though I am saying „I want this“ or „I want that.“ I literally don‘t know anything, because all I‘ve written above are my beliefs and my imaginations and my memories… 

Saying „I want to know what‘s true“ is just some words that come out of my mouth. I don‘t really know the meaning of them, nor do I know wheather or not they are true. Saying „I‘ve realized my oneness with everything“ is completely meaningless since this sentence is purely based on my memory and on my imaginations and not on my direct experience. This complete meaninglessness obviously applies to all intellectual knowledge and all memory I could ever have…

I don‘t know a fucking thing about anything, still I am standing here, in the middle of life, not knowing anything about anything and have to juggle the balls. This is why I make the following statement, without really knowing weather or not it is true: I want to know. I deeply want to know. I want to know directly. I want to know instantly. I want to know so deeply that there will be no more room for doubt. I have a deep intuition that knowledge like this is possible. However, I don‘t know weather or not it really is since I (at least right now) ultimately don‘t know anything.

I have some ideas and concepts about how I might „get“ to that kind of knowledge. Since I don‘t know anything, I also don‘t know weather or not these ideas will actually bring me to the placeless place I am hoping to „go to.“ These ideas are:

• Meditation / Self-Inquiry
• Psychedelics - I am afraid they will not give me a permanent state of knowledge
• Trying to be as truthful and honest about everything on a day to day moment to moment basis
• … Does this really help? Reading / videos / talking / asking / etc…

Today I started a meditation habit. 1 hour of meditation daily with no excuses, first thing in the morning. I will do this daily meditation for at least 2 weaks, after that I‘ll decide weather or not (and for how long) I want to continue it.

If you the reader know techniques or have some ideas on how I could know / be directly concious of truth on a moment to moment day to day basis I would be very happy if you could share your ideas with me. I‘d be especially happy about specific:

• Meditation techniques
• Book ideas for my request
• Concrete things I could do on a day to day basis to get „closer“ to truth
• Ideas on how I might intelligently juggle the balls that I am currently holding in my hand

I am tagging a few people here that I believe might be able to help me with my request. If one of the following people doesn‘t like to be tagged / doesn‘t want to be tagged in the future, please let me know!

Love you all, have a nice one!

@Leo Gura

@flyingwhalee

@The0Self

@Tim R

@Nahm

@Consilience

 

Edited November 18, 2021 by Gregory1

[peanutspathtotruth]

How lovely to read this! I can relate so much.

You tasted yourself and now you seem afraid that you might lose the spark, and you ask for the "how". You ask how to know yourself deeply. This is very, very beautiful. Know this. Forget about ego and all that: Just appreciate how beautiful it is that Truth is shining and wants to know itself. 

The clarity you seek is possible. Rumi calls it polishing the mirror of the heart. That's why so many teachers point to silence. When you are silent and your heart is full of love, there is this extremely precious and deliate pearl, a diamond of infinite beauty and clarity. This is you. But to see yourself clearly, you have to be very quiet, unmoving and in your heart.

Of course, as you know, you can't plan enlightenment. But in a way, there's nothing else you can do. If it takes you to do all you can to reach self-knowledge just to eventually drop this illusion as well, then that is worth it. Better this way than falling back asleep. 

What I recommend to you:

- Do your daily meditation, but don't limit it to two weeks. Start now and never stop.

- There are several aspects of meditation you might want to dive into.

• First, you need focus to look at yourself. Otherwise, every wave of the mind will catch you offguard. You need to be steadfast and unwavering. Practice plain old concentration meditation.
• Then, do self inquiry. Actually look at what the isness of being is, the existing of existing, the very NOW of your being. What is it?
• Also practice simple observation. Be sure to be absolutely present to EVERYTHING that is. See your blind spots, what you are subconsciously trying not to look at. And then include that in your awareness as well. Don't touch anything. Just listen to your whole being.
• Now, I would say this is almost the most important part: Practice love. What that actually means is that you simply feel into your heart. Sometimes, it is the heart on the right (the spiritual heart) or just the whole area of your chest. As you would focus on your breath, focus on that area. If you need to, remember something that made you feel full of love. Then, you will see that there is this warm buzzing in your heart. Focus on that, radiate it into your whole being. Do that for a long time. Bathe in this love. It will swallow everything else. Really do this, and then let go of doing anything and give yourself fully to this love. This is surrender. The mind has no chance. 

- You can do psychedelics, they will help you understand how to practice, what your blindspots are, what healing you might need to go through. They might open doors that would otherwise remain shut.

- To boost all that, take care of your body, your mind, your life. Be loving to yourself and others. Start embodying now, you don't need to be fully realized for that. Love as much as you can. Ask yourself what that means practically in your life. 

If you have any further questions, just ask. It's amazing to see you falling in love with yourself. Never let go of that flame in your heart <3

[Gregory1]

29 minutes ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

How lovely to read this! I can relate so much.

You tasted yourself and now you seem afraid that you might lose the spark, and you ask for the "how". You ask how to know yourself deeply. This is very, very beautiful. Know this. Forget about ego and all that: Just appreciate how beautiful it is that Truth is shining and wants to know itself. 

The clarity you seek is possible. Rumi calls it polishing the mirror of the heart. That's why so many teachers point to silence. When you are silent and your heart is full of love, there is this extremely precious and deliate pearl, a diamond of infinite beauty and clarity. This is you. But to see yourself clearly, you have to be very quiet, unmoving and in your heart.

Of course, as you know, you can't plan enlightenment. But in a way, there's nothing else you can do. If it takes you to do all you can to reach self-knowledge just to eventually drop this illusion as well, then that is worth it. Better this way than falling back asleep. 

What I recommend to you:

- Do your daily meditation, but don't limit it to two weeks. Start now and never stop.

- There are several aspects of meditation you might want to dive into.

• First, you need focus to look at yourself. Otherwise, every wave of the mind will catch you offguard. You need to be steadfast and unwavering. Practice plain old concentration meditation.
• Then, do self inquiry. Actually look at what the isness of being is, the existing of existing, the very NOW of your being. What is it?
• Also practice simple observation. Be sure to be absolutely present to EVERYTHING that is. See your blind spots, what you are subconsciously trying not to look at. And then include that in your awareness as well. Don't touch anything. Just listen to your whole being.
• Now, I would say this is almost the most important part: Practice love. What that actually means is that you simply feel into your heart. Sometimes, it is the heart on the right (the spiritual heart) or just the whole area of your chest. As you would focus on your breath, focus on that area. If you need to, remember something that made you feel full of love. Then, you will see that there is this warm buzzing in your heart. Focus on that, radiate it into your whole being. Do that for a long time. Bathe in this love. It will swallow everything else. Really do this, and then let go of doing anything and give yourself fully to this love. This is surrender. The mind has no chance. 

- You can do psychedelics, they will help you understand how to practice, what your blindspots are, what healing you might need to go through. They might open doors that would otherwise remain shut.

- To boost all that, take care of your body, your mind, your life. Be loving to yourself and others. Start embodying now, you don't need to be fully realized for that. Love as much as you can. Ask yourself what that means practically in your life. 

If you have any further questions, just ask. It's amazing to see you falling in love with yourself. Never let go of that flame in your heart <3

Thank you so much for that response, this might actually help me. I am of course planning to continue with the meditation if I feel that it helps.

Your meditation instruction makes sense, is what I‘m planning to do. Would you do reduce the meditation to concentration practice for the first weeks and months? Or would you rather concentrate at beginning of meditation session and then begin to contemplate? (The second one is what I did today and am planning to do in the coming weeks…)

Oh yeah, and the feel the heart part is so true and so important and thank you so much for reminding me of it… I‘m way to „left-brained“ sometimes and have to really learn to listen to my feelings and to my heart more… Thank you!

[peanutspathtotruth]

4 minutes ago, Gregory1 said:

Thank you so much for that response, this might actually help me. I am of course planning to continue with the meditation if I feel that it helps.

Your meditation instruction makes sense, is what I‘m planning to do. Would you do reduce the meditation to concentration practice for the first weeks and months? Or would you rather concentrate at beginning of meditation session and then begin to contemplate? (The second one is what I did today and am planning to do in the coming weeks…)

Oh yeah, and the feel the heart part is so true and so important and thank you so much for reminding me of it… I‘m way to „left-brained“ sometimes and have to really learn to listen to my feelings and to my heart more… Thank you!

I'd recommend doing all of it daily. An example: Do 20 minutes of concentration on your heart to get it glowing, 20 minutes of looking at the one who is looking and then 20 minutes of just allowing everything to be as it is. And if you can, at some point, increase your meditation time.

Edited November 18, 2021 by peanutspathtotruth

[Breakingthewall]

If you want to just know it is not extremely difficult, with psychedelic: reality is infinite creation, infinite emptiness that overflows with infinite love and displays infinite facets of that love, such as a torture room. what is this for? well, to downplay things and little else. the important thing is not to know it, it is to feel it. be that emptiness of fullness. joy. understand that nothing matters, only the joy of the moment, the love you give, the happiness you share. And it is not that it matters, it is that just as the emptiness creates the infinite manifestation because it infinite balls said, you expel love because your finite ones. and that's it. dance, party and give it your all

How to get it? For me, a lot of contemplation, ego deconstruction, be absolutely true, zero lies in your life, meditation every day until having a more meditative frequency always, and psychedelics, specifically 5 meo that allows you to take a quick look at the infinite void, if you do it many times, there is a cumulative effect

Edited November 19, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[BipolarGrowth]

Psychedelics will be a great tool. Start using them if you are comfortable with that decision. They are the quickest path to truly deep insight. They will help you expand your meditative practice. 
 

I highly recommend you start reading and implementing this book which is entirely free online and one of the highest quality meditation/enlightenment manuals. This stuff will be what really helps you get to the point of locking in permanent levels of awakening that do not go away. https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/

I highly recommend trying Bhakti yoga. 
 

I highly recommend you learn about kundalini/chakras and how to bring this process on. 
 

Do things intuitively. Don’t follow rules. Follow results. There are an infinite amount of ways to awaken. Try all of the typical spiritual methods that you resonate with. Don’t get hyper focused on one technique. Everyone says to meditate, meditate, meditate for example. Yeah, it’s great, but I got most benefit from using multiple other methods then meditating more once I had already reached stream entry (1st path of awakening in Buddhism). 
 

Even now I hardly meditate compared to other people. There are things on this path which I can guarantee you would not believe if I told you. Have faith that there are shocking and ridiculous unexpected capacities for growth to occur in areas you don’t even know about yet. You’ll find stuff when the time is right. I hope you discover what works for you. 

[flyingwhalee]

Hey @Gregory1 ! Love how far you've come from a few weeks ago. Now if I tell you "you are me as unitary consciousness", you know exactly what I mean. Not as a belief, not as a concept, but as experience. Great job, I knew you'll get it.

 

As to how to embody God in your day to day life, this is the real challenge. Here are some pointers:

• AUTHENTICITY. Let the true you speak as much as possible in any given moment. Let authenticity slowly transform your life, even when it's difficult. Embrace difficulty with the love you're growing towards reality.
• Speaking of love. In my experience, it is a by product of being authentic. Let it manifest as inherent love for Reality as it is, at all time. It's a learned "skill", for lack of a better wording. Grow love for things you as a finite self you thought as bad, and expand your viewing of any situation to see how anything that happens serves something greater, in the grand scheme of things. Embrace anything with an open heart and a warrior mentality. For more on that, check out Leo's video "Self-love: The highest teaching in the universe". As to understand what Love really is, he has the What is love serie.
• Have a daily spiritual practice. I see you began to meditate for 1h everyday, that's very nice. However, in my experience, Kriya Yoga has been a lot more effective to grow and sustain the everyday level of consciouness. Downside is that it takes some learning, and most online sources are so bad / watered down. Hit me up if you're interested in A+ ressources, or check the Kriya Yoga mega-thread on this forum. (As of using psychedelics as the only tool, I don't really know about that. For me for example, now I have the worst hellish / suicidal levels of bad trips on LSD, on pretty much any dosage, for a reason I have no idea about. And that is after having infinite awakenings on this substances. I'll soon post about it here.)

 

All in all, if you remember everyday to be the most authentic you can be, strive for it and always stick to this principle, it really is the best way to honor your highest self as God. 

Great job again man. Really proud of your progress.

[BipolarGrowth]

18 minutes ago, flyingwhalee said:

Hey @Gregory1 ! Love how far you've come from a few weeks ago. Now if I tell you "you are me as unitary consciousness", you know exactly what I mean. Not as a belief, not as a concept, but as experience. Great job, I knew you'll get it.

 

As to how to embody God in your day to day life, this is the real challenge. Here are some pointers:

• AUTHENTICITY. Let the true you speak as much as possible in any given moment. Let authenticity slowly transform your life, even when it's difficult. Embrace difficulty with the love you're growing towards reality.
• Speaking of love. In my experience, it is a by product of being authentic. Let it manifest as inherent love for Reality as it is, at all time. It's a learned "skill", for lack of a better wording. Grow love for things you as a finite self you thought as bad, and expand your viewing of any situation to see how anything that happens serves something greater, in the grand scheme of things. Embrace anything with an open heart and a warrior mentality. For more on that, check out Leo's video "Self-love: The highest teaching in the universe". As to understand what Love really is, he has the What is love serie.
• Have a daily spiritual practice. I see you began to meditate for 1h everyday, that's very nice. However, in my experience, Kriya Yoga has been a lot more effective to grow and sustain the everyday level of consciouness. Downside is that it takes some learning, and most online sources are so bad / watered down. Hit me up if you're interested in A+ ressources, or check the Kriya Yoga mega-thread on this forum. (As of using psychedelics as the only tool, I don't really know about that. For me for example, now I have the worst hellish / suicidal levels of bad trips on LSD, on pretty much any dosage, for a reason I have no idea about. And that is after having infinite awakenings on this substances. I'll soon post about it here.)

 

All in all, if you remember everyday to be the most authentic you can be, strive for it and always stick to this principle, it really is the best way to honor your highest self as God. 

Great job again man. Really proud of your progress.

Authenticity is so important. It’s crucial. 

[flyingwhalee]

 

7 minutes ago, BipolarGrowth said:

Authenticity is so important. It’s crucial. 

Definitely. People will tell you "Duh, obviously" like it's a given, not knowing what it really takes to make it a constant (then will proceed with constraining their real selves to fit in)

[WelcometoReality]

10 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

Trying to be as truthful and honest about everything on a day to day moment to moment basis

Truth has no agenda so being truthful and honest can be a really powerful practice.

Truth is already here. This moment is Truth so my advice is to start examining what it consist of

10 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

My problem is, that I literally don‘t know anything. I don‘t know who I am, I don‘t know what I am, I don‘t know what is true, I don‘t know anything about reality. I literally don‘t know anything, don‘t even know if what I‘ve written above is the truth, don‘t even know what I really want, what I really desire, even though I am saying „I want this“ or „I want that.“ I literally don‘t know anything, because all I‘ve written above are my beliefs and my imaginations and my memories… 

That's good. It's a powerful realisation to realize you don't know anything. Something that might be worth examining is the energy of needing and wanting to know the truth, truth is already here so what is there really to know about it?

[BipolarGrowth]

8 hours ago, flyingwhalee said:

 

Definitely. People will tell you "Duh, obviously" like it's a given, not knowing what it really takes to make it a constant (then will proceed with constraining their real selves to fit in)

Here’s something I had in my notes about it:

 

Authenticity is the highest spiritual teaching. Literally just be yourself fully, and God will reward you for that courage. No one has full insight into your direct, personal experience but you. There are no other masters of your individual True Nature.

[Nahm]

19 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

„closer“

Why the usage of quotations? 

[Gregory1]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Why the usage of quotations? 

Because from my memory I have to conclude that I already am truth so getting "closer" to it isn't a possibility. But I don't know how else I could express my wish. 

[Nahm]

@Gregory1

When is your memory? 

[Gregory1]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@Gregory1

When is your memory? 

Obviously now.

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Gregory1 said:

Obviously now.

 

3 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

Because from my memory I have to conclude that I already am truth so getting "closer" to it isn't a possibility. But I don't know how else I could express my wish. 

The wish is already expressed. That’s done. ?? 

And you don’t have to go by memory, or refer to ‘from my memory’, because memory is, now. 

One ‘gets closer’, not by physically moving, or any doing, but by inspecting & understanding. 

Give this a read. Let me know if you have any questions. 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-emotional-scale

It would be confusing to attempt to unify what is already not two. 

[Gregory1]

On 18.11.2021 at 8:21 PM, peanutspathtotruth said:

I'd recommend doing all of it daily. An example: Do 20 minutes of concentration on your heart to get it glowing, 20 minutes of looking at the one who is looking and then 20 minutes of just allowing everything to be as it is. And if you can, at some point, increase your meditation time.

Thank you so much, I‘ve tried that for the past days and plan to continue it!

[Gregory1]

On 19.11.2021 at 4:52 AM, flyingwhalee said:

Hey @Gregory1 ! Love how far you've come from a few weeks ago. Now if I tell you "you are me as unitary consciousness", you know exactly what I mean. Not as a belief, not as a concept, but as experience. Great job, I knew you'll get it.

 

As to how to embody God in your day to day life, this is the real challenge. Here are some pointers:

• AUTHENTICITY. Let the true you speak as much as possible in any given moment. Let authenticity slowly transform your life, even when it's difficult. Embrace difficulty with the love you're growing towards reality.
• Speaking of love. In my experience, it is a by product of being authentic. Let it manifest as inherent love for Reality as it is, at all time. It's a learned "skill", for lack of a better wording. Grow love for things you as a finite self you thought as bad, and expand your viewing of any situation to see how anything that happens serves something greater, in the grand scheme of things. Embrace anything with an open heart and a warrior mentality. For more on that, check out Leo's video "Self-love: The highest teaching in the universe". As to understand what Love really is, he has the What is love serie.
• Have a daily spiritual practice. I see you began to meditate for 1h everyday, that's very nice. However, in my experience, Kriya Yoga has been a lot more effective to grow and sustain the everyday level of consciouness. Downside is that it takes some learning, and most online sources are so bad / watered down. Hit me up if you're interested in A+ ressources, or check the Kriya Yoga mega-thread on this forum. (As of using psychedelics as the only tool, I don't really know about that. For me for example, now I have the worst hellish / suicidal levels of bad trips on LSD, on pretty much any dosage, for a reason I have no idea about. And that is after having infinite awakenings on this substances. I'll soon post about it here.)

 

All in all, if you remember everyday to be the most authentic you can be, strive for it and always stick to this principle, it really is the best way to honor your highest self as God. 

Great job again man. Really proud of your progress.

Thank you so much @flyingwhalee, I can‘t thank you enough for all the great advises you‘ve given to me in the past as well! Sorry for my late response, I had zero time this weekend - I‘d be very interested in good Kriya Yoga recources, I think Leo recommended Kriya as well… All the other tips also make a lot of sense and I‘ll try my best to integrate them into my day to day life!

[happyhappy]

@Gregory1 hey bro, ur singing is amazing in the first place..keep it up!!!

next thing is, if u r just starting, Eckhart tolle's work is a good entry point for newbies like you and me... that's an amazing realization to come at when we see that we actually don't know any damn thing.  all my attempts to rationally understand and conceptualize truth has failed .... lol..it is much easier to find some religious bogus  ideology and cling to it as an absolute truth while it's not. 

why pursue truth? don't mean to discourage ya in any way but ,  even searching for truth can be meaningless. i dunno....

it's up to you bro! but, truth might set u free...

 

[Gregory1]

21 hours ago, happyhappy said:

why pursue truth? don't mean to discourage ya in any way but ,  even searching for truth can be meaningless. i dunno....

 

Hi @happyhappy Thanks for your reply and your compliment!<3

I've had "experiences" of awakening that showed me my unity with all of existence, namely God. From my point of view, all that exists is God, Infinite Power, Infinite Potential, Infinite Love, and you are it. Why would you be interested in discovering that? Well, it is the most meaningful thing you could ever discover, it makes everything infinitely complete, infinitely understood, infinitely perfect and infinitely loved.

However... Currently I am NOT concious of that truth. When I use LSD I consistently come to that truth, but since I am currently not concious of it all I have is my "memory" of that truth. Being truthful in the current moment would mean to admit, that my memories of truth are not the truth itself and therefore cannot be trusted, however, my memories of the thing I've experienced or rather I'd say, the experience itself which I wouldn't even call an "experience" was the realest thing I've ever experienced. But yeah, not consistent - not my everyday state of conciousnes, now you see where I'm coming from.

 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Gregory1