Breakup Supercharge

[Johnny Brake]

Hi guys, 

I am new to the forum and I'd like to introduce myself with this topic. I am 35 now and got dumped by my gf(ex) a week ago. I went on a 7 day bender with drugs and alcohol and got some kind of epiphany. I knew that I could go on like this and waste my life or do something proactive about it. I discovered Actualized.org and the YouTube channel because I typed in ... you guessed it ... how to get over a breakup. 

With that being said, thank you Leo, thank you so much for making this video. I watched it 10 times in a row and it helped a lot. I have some further questions to the community and thought it would be nice to take action and wanted to connect. I knew that it is just a little step, but it was my first decision to register here and to post my story. So this is much more an accountability log/sharing my story than asking for help. 

I am 6'6 and not the average chode or anything like that, I think that I am very good looking and very successful in other parts of my life, but I do lack a shit ton of self improvement, needy AF and get really fucking jealously so easy. After watching the video it shook me, I never thought that this is real turn off for girls, most times I did enjoy playing games with girls. Now I realized that this is a really huge issue within myself and I wreaked havoc around me and my loved ones. So the first thing was to admit that I have a big problem within my personality. 

It may sound arrogant, but I was a selfmade millionaire when I was 22 and I LIVED life to its fullest, trust me! But it stings even more when I realized that there is so much more money couldn't buy. I am really grateful that I can work on myself and I hope that you guys won't judge me as a big douche after posting this. 

I am really hurt because I lost this beautiful human being and I went really dark on myself. I think this is a baby step into KAIZEN, but I refuse to give up on myself. 

So thank you anyone in advance, perhaps you have some really cool tips or ressources. 

[Thunder Kiss]

Sorry for your breakup.  What are the main issues you are wanting to work on? 

[Johnny Brake]

Thank you! Neediness, Jealousy, defining myself through looks and money, not a well put together life. I do hate ppl and just wanna work out and make more money LOL As cliche it may sound, this makes me happy. 

[Federico del pueblo]

@Johnny Brake

Sounds like it's time for the inner work now. Maybe even spirituality even if it may sound "woowoo" to you. You've already mastered a lot of the outer stuff and apparently it didn't make you happy.

Working on emotions, beliefs, trauma and things like meditation.

I wish you the best for your journey.

Edit: But still don't neglect the outer aspects of attracting women (the outer game), this is still important.

Edited November 17, 2021 by Federico del pueblo

[Thunder Kiss]

16 minutes ago, Johnny Brake said:

Thank you! Neediness, Jealousy, defining myself through looks and money, not a well put together life. I do hate ppl and just wanna work out and make more money LOL As cliche it may sound, this makes me happy. 

So would you say you’re a very materialist person? What was the reason for the breakup if I may ask? And how long were you together?  I guess you need to start with consciousness work, meditation, possibly psychedelics if you’re into that.  
Also, shadow and inner child work. Sit down and take a good long look at your childhood, write down all your memories of possible trauma. Take a good long look in the mirror and introspect.  If you haven’t done any of that before a lot of things might come up that you’ve been ignoring or just forgotten about. 
 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Thunder Kiss

[Shin]

That's amazing that you did all what you did (is your job your passion though ?), now you just have to go for the shadow work/consciousness work.

Not only you will (almost, still a need after all) not care about being with someone or not, but you'll also have the best relationships/women possible after several years/a decade of internal work.

The relationship you just have will look like a cartoon show in retrospect of what's to come  

[Johnny Brake]

Hey guys, 

thank you so much for your warm welcome, I do appreciate it! Uhm, well ... I really didn't tell all of my story, I noticed, I am not a native english speaker but I did some inner work like the inner child and some shadowwork. I also have a long history of doing meditation, I am into Rupert Spira and Mooji. I did got some climpses of enlightenment, but I do love alcohol and drugs for my pleasure. I know that this isn't good and 'spiritual' but I used it as a clutch. I know that deep down I am a child and don't have the confidence to speak up sober, so I guess this time around I try getting sober without any substances and get my life together. 

[Johnny Brake]

Update: Super strange things happened today ... after posting yesterday my ex called me and wanted to talk. We met up in a public párk and I told her that I take full ownership over the situation and want to improve all aspects of my life. I told her that I see clearly that I had some huge issues within myself and nobody was to blame but me. After a long conversation which I kept really lighthearted and fun she invited me to her place. I declined. 

[Nahm]

18 minutes ago, Johnny Brake said:

I declined

Welcome, sorry to hear, and… nice ‘work’ there. 

23 hours ago, Johnny Brake said:

tips or resources

Understanding emotion.

Recognizing the true source of the true nature.  

[Average Investor]

I had a break up about 3 years ago. Took awhile to heal, but it really vaulted my growth tremendously. So just get through the tuff part and things will start to look up as you get into the next chapter.

It sounds like you have a lot of the basic material stuff handled. It might be time to consider some deep personal devlopment and spirituality. It sounds you might benefit from working on emotional mastery and removing destructive habits. I personally found my neediness to wane the more I was able to improve my happiness. I found quitting weed, alcohol, and nicotine made a huge difference here for me. That and building a stronger inner peace with meditation and doing things I enjoy. 

 

[Leo Gura]

Channel that pain to go out and talk to girls and grow yourself in the process.

Breakups are a powerful fuel to improve yourself as a man. Don't waste that fuel.

Challenge yourself to attract girls without relying on looks, money, or anything but your charming personality. You need to realize that what girls will fall in love with the most is your personality, once you polish it up. You can demonstrate this to yourself by doing it.

[Johnny Brake]

Thank you guys, I do appreciate it a lot! Time went by and I want to update my thread as a "warning" for my future self ... Turned out that she wanted me back and what did I? ... Yep, the big no no. Now, with that being said I am at the same spot, still fighting with her over several useless arguments, nothing improved. It is really sad because I thought it could work.