Surrendering - Comment Please

[sgn]

So I sat for over an hour trying to disbelief a negative thought I have about myself related to social anxiety.
In the end I started to feel more and more release. I felt it in my chest especially, and joy and more peace came. Felt very liberating.
Tears came, going on and on. I realized more deep than ever that all this suffering is caused by ego. And the liberating feelings I felt is because of I started to dissolve it, if only just a little bit. I know intellectually from before that the suffering is ego of course. But now it's just became so clear, on a deeper level.
It was like life flashed before my eyes and I can see so much suffering that is all related to this identity. Every time thoughts came it was just bringing me down.
I could see that there's absolute no need for me to exist. What the fuck am I holding on to really. It makes no sense.
I felt more ready than ever to surrender. I just laid in my bed and it felt like I was starting to go. Peace felt deeper and deeper. More stillness.
Like time slowed down. Love. Safety. Security. Visual field was shifting a lot. More present. More feelings of release. I laid there a good while just ready to give it all up. The sun was going up outside and the light shined in a little bit through the window. That's was probably the most beautiful sight I've seen. Never experienced it like that before. Felt like pure love. Awareness more obvious and "visible" than ever. So clear.
Didn't even feel any fear first, felt total trust in it, but then my heart rate was going crazy and fear in whole body. My instinct was strong to quit but I thought this could be a defining moment. It must be endured, whatever it takes. It went back and forth like this. I felt I was going and then I came back more. Back and forth.
Every time it was like the room became brighter and more feelings of love, safety, stillness and presence etc. After several hours I just went to sleep. I didn't go. Thoughts on this? =)

Edited December 24, 2016 by sgn