Is it right to emote to our friends? To vent? Isn't this a win-lose dynamic?

[charlie cho]

I've recently posted in this forum how people emote and have any therapy. Most people said I would need to make great friends. Many also told me to write journals, write songs, poems... etc. The latter seems very effective. I do know the former is most effective. 

However, I doubt if this is a good thing for my friends. And I see some of my friends tolerating this to some extent, but if I do this much more, they do not like this. Or maybe I have shit friends. haha

I mean, to be honest, most of the friends I have were quite supportive. But I fear going all out emoting. I haven't tried emoted to my friends full out. Don't you guys think this is a bit unhealthy? Won't it be like a parasite sent to my friends? 

I had a few mentors who would do this, and only one in particular (I didn't even pay money) actually told me she enjoyed it, and was always delighted when she would have a conversation with me about many things, my life, my outlook on the world... etc. We parted ways since I moved to a bigger city, but since then, it's been quite a while that I had such a person to converse my ideas and inner feelings. What do you guys think about this problem? 

[BipolarGrowth]

The best friend I ever had probably was someone who would vent to me for hours, and I was always able to share anything I wanted to too. It just depends on the friendship. My best friendships were actually always based on an ability for people to share space and do this. So many great car rides/drives listening to our favorite music and talking about our biggest problems at the time and other deeper interests in life… I miss it. 

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

The real ones you can tell all your secrets and shit. Those are ones that will let you vent. 

[TheAlchemist]

There are different types of venting. For example:

Venting to express anger or bitterness with a desire for the person listening to support you in your interpretation and your bias in the situation. This type of venting can deepen the anger, and enforce division and a victim mindset. This is not real venting of emotions, this is venting of thoughts and assumptions, which is bound to deepen the pain, even though it might feel satifying in the short term. Thought and interpretation tends to lead to more division, since they are not relatable and enforce your sense of separateness. 

Or

Venting to express genuine emotions you are feeling, and struggles you are having in relation to your needs. Also acknowledging that there is always two sides to any conflict, reflecting on how you were responsibe and could have caused division. This can cause healing and is more likely to result in the emotions being processed in a healthy way.  This can feel painful in the moment, but it is relieving in the long run. 

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If in the role of the listener, it's a question of what is the purpose of the friendship? It might not be our job to tell others how to express themselves, but regardless it would be important for us to express ourselves authentically if we are feeling uncomfortable with someones venting, taking responsibility in promoting unity instead of division. So, we can remain compassionate regardless of the other persons way of expressing, all we need to worry about is our own communication. 

Edited November 17, 2021 by TheAlchemist