Attention seeking behavior with girls

[actually]

Why do i get mad when i dont get the attention from girls I want

Is this a problem with my ego? I want to fix this because it's really frustrating

I have some girls I can hit up just for sex and they hit me up too.

Now there is this situation with one girl who used to hit me up all the time to fuck (even when she had a boyfriend) and now I hit 

her up and she straight up ignores my request. I know I sound fucking crazy but that's because im kinda mad and I want to fix this

problem. Is it neediness? What the hell is wrong with me??

I'm 24 and just want to work on my goals/life without craving the attention from girls. How do I do this? Really need some advice here.

I keep thinking that i'm not wanted or some bullshit like that (i already know its bullshit but just cant convince myself or have peace

with the fact that these girls are perhaps fucking other dudes or whatever) I should not give a fuck but here I am actually angry at the situation.

 

i hate and love pussy at the same time. wtf?

Edited November 15, 2021 by actually

[PurpleTree]

yea it's neediness, jealousy

how to fix it i'm not sure

[actually]

2 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

You need to use girls as a way to get validation.  So when you don’t get validation it drives you crazy.  A lot of inner work to be done here.. likely you’ve ignored your own issues and shadows and covered it up with a pursuit of sex.  Start with some inner child and shadow work. 

thank you for your reply. I'm already looking to buy some books of Carl Jung especially the shadow work stuff. I know I have some childhood trauma I need to workout. It's true I can be extremely jealous (me and my gf of 5 years broke up because I was showing extreme jealousy and allround bitch behavior) and Leo's video on how to deal with a breakup helped me alot with becoming aware of that.

Are there any books you could recommend for a beginner? 

[universe]

In short: Accept and let go of that feeling.

Ask yourself why does this feeling come up? Maybe it wants to tell you something. Don't judge it. Just be with it.

[actually]

6 minutes ago, universe said:

In short: Accept and let go of that feeling.

Ask yourself why does this feeling come up? Maybe it wants to tell you something. Don't judge it. Just be with it.

its difficult man it really is. Sometimes i can accept it but when im already in a fucked up mood i have a hard time accepting. 

Its not just with women and sex its with every relationship I have. Overthinking conversations, feeling attacked when people

make simple jokes or shit like that. I'm not always like this but once my brain is convinced its under attack I just exit the present moment

and continue living in a negative loop of thoughts. I dont want that anymore. I just want love and to love

Edited November 15, 2021 by actually

[universe]

Facing your emotions may be the most difficult thing in your life. I know man. Trust me I know.

[Leo Gura]

Dude, every girl you use as a fuck buddy will eventually stop responding to you. It's just a matter of time.

No girl is happy just being your fuck buddy. You should know the game you play and how it ends.

Don't act surprised when your selfishness boomerangs on you.

[actually]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Dude, every girl you use as a fuck buddy will eventually stop responding to you. It's just a matter of time.

No girl is happy just being your fuck buddy. You should know the game you play and how it ends.

Don't act surprised when your selfishness boomerangs on you.

yes i realize that but i guess the question im asking is how to deal with this attention seeking behavior.  I dont want to get in my feelings because of this situation

[Leo Gura]

@actually Ground yourself in truth, love, and life purpose. And stop using women so transactionally.

You seek attention because you have not grounded yourself in the love that lies within you. You're not grounded in anything Real.

[Shin]

13 hours ago, actually said:

its difficult man it really is. Sometimes i can accept it but when im already in a fucked up mood i have a hard time accepting. 

Its not just with women and sex its with every relationship I have. Overthinking conversations, feeling attacked when people

make simple jokes or shit like that. I'm not always like this but once my brain is convinced its under attack I just exit the present moment

and continue living in a negative loop of thoughts. I dont want that anymore. I just want love and to love

Yeah that's definitely some wounds in your ego.
Could be bullying at school too on top of what has been said, could be a lot of other things too.

You need to see a therapist (not a psychiatrist), and you need to meditate and self reflect a lot on your emotions.

Just reading isn't gonna do anything, you need to let it go, do things to transcend it, heal it.
Understanding the issue is just the first step, then you have to dive into the subconscious pain to truly get it.

Edited November 16, 2021 by Shin

[actually]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

Yeah that's definitely some wounds in your ego.

Could be bullying at school too on top of what has been said, could be a lot of other things too.

You need to see a therapist (not a psychiatrist), and you need to meditate and self reflect a lot on your emotions.

Just reading isn't gonna do anything, you need to let it go, do things to transcend it, heal it.

Understanding the issue is just the first step, then you have to dive into the subconscious pain to truly get it.

Yea the bullying is true. Have gone through alot of that shit in my younger years. A father who was always criticizing me. A mother with borderline and also her own childhood issues. She was very loving tho. Maybe too much.

Ever since the bullying I always had difficulties having normal conversations with people. I think i fixed alot of that by accepting things. Going through life more grounded in love as Leo said. Assuming the good in people instead of the negative (big change). I somehow still get stuck in romantic relationships or just people criticizing me in discussions. Perhaps some stuff of that is normal but it cant be healthy to think about if people like me or accept me.

Thank you for your suggestion and also the others who posted. Im definitely going into therapy starting this month.

 

[Shin]

15 minutes ago, actually said:

Yea the bullying is true. Have gone through alot of that shit in my younger years. A father who was always criticizing me. A mother with borderline and also her own childhood issues. She was very loving tho. Maybe too much.

Ever since the bullying I always had difficulties having normal conversations with people. I think i fixed alot of that by accepting things. Going through life more grounded in love as Leo said. Assuming the good in people instead of the negative (big change). I somehow still get stuck in romantic relationships or just people criticizing me in discussions. Perhaps some stuff of that is normal but it cant be healthy to think about if people like me or accept me.

Thank you for your suggestion and also the others who posted. Im definitely going into therapy starting this month.

 

How do you feel when you say hello to someone in the street ? When that person doesn't answer ? When that person answer but with an annoyed/negative tone ? What about when they answer with a positive vibe ?

Same in reverse (how do you feel when they ask first).

If you live in a big city and never do this, you can replace this by how you feel when you ask or are asked by people you meet at your work/college.
But I encourage you to do this, just take the metro to the suburb area of your city.

That's just one way to start working on this.

[NoSelfSelf]

I think its a self esteem issue, you want to be special and feel it from them,you want them to think you are the man and no matter how many sex you get and attention you get you will always crave it because it gives you sense of importance/validation that you are the man that can achieve the goals you set up ... now how to get rid of it its tricky you have to know you are worthy without it...

[actually]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

How do you feel when you say hello to someone in the street ? When that person doesn't answer ? When that person answer but with an annoyed/negative tone ? What about when they answer with a positive vibe ?

Same in reverse (how do you feel when they ask first).

If you live in a big city and never do this, you can replace this by how you feel when you ask or are asked by people you meet at your work/college.
But I encourage you to do this, just take the metro to the suburb area of your city.

That's just one way to start working on this.

To answer the first question: I feel good only if the other person is friendly aswell.

Actually some years ago I was ready to fight anyone who eyeballed me for long enough. Just being a very unpleasant and negative person. 

If someone would say hello to me i feel good and always answer back. 

It's weird because I can actually feel when i'm being inauthentic. When the ego is wanting to get its fix I always kinda feel that. Being real and acting out of love is way more pleasant and I always enjoy conversations with strangers more. I'm actually practicing this already and it feels good to hold down a conversation without thinking what to say and just being present. This is something the ego would never allow me because it just needs to be validated all the fucking time.

 

[actually]

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I think its a self esteem issue, you want to be special and feel it from them,you want them to think you are the man and no matter how many sex you get and attention you get you will always crave it because it gives you sense of importance/validation that you are the man that can achieve the goals you set up ... now how to get rid of it its tricky you have to know you are worthy without it...

this is spot on. it's kinda hard for me to admit but its true

[Nahm]

@actually

Jealousy is an emotion which reveals to you that you want something. Whatever that something is, you can have it. This can bring limiting beliefs to the surface to be let go. Beliefs about how you can’t have it.  Beliefs about yourself. 

Make a dreamboard and focus on the having of what it is you desire. Not some special or meta focus, just the same regular effortless focus. Point it to that board so to speak, instead of the beliefs, and momentum is such that those beliefs (thoughts) won’t even arise anymore. You will likely release and cry, and that is letting go, and more desirable than anger (again). You’ll literally forget you ever experienced those thoughts. Understanding jealousy leads to recognizing abundance, and it’ll be a great joy for you to see that everyone can create the relations-share and experiences they desire to. 

This doesn’t entirely translate in text. Let me know if you’d like to chat sometime. 

You’re not alone is experiencing and coming to understand jealousy, others feel it too. Express is key. Relating is connective. 

[actually]

21 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@actually

Jealousy is an emotion which reveals to you that you want something. Whatever that something is, you can have it. This can bring limiting beliefs to the surface to be let go. Beliefs about how you can’t have it.  Beliefs about yourself. 

Make a dreamboard and focus on the having of what it is you desire. Not some special or meta focus, just the same regular effortless focus. Point it to that board so to speak, instead of the beliefs, and momentum is such that those beliefs (thoughts) won’t even arise anymore. You will likely release and cry, and that is letting go, and more desirable than anger (again). You’ll literally forget you ever experienced those thoughts. Understanding jealousy leads to recognizing abundance, and it’ll be a great joy for you to see that everyone can create the relations-share and experiences they desire to. 

This doesn’t entirely translate in text. Let me know if you’d like to chat sometime. 

You’re not alone is experiencing and coming to understand jealousy, others feel it too. Express is key. Relating is connective. 

Thank you. Why isnt there a actualized chat yet? Would love to private chat with you aswell. 

 

great song btw

[Nahm]

@actually

Anytime. Not sure what you mean. This is the actualized chat, here on the forum, no? And there is private messaging as well, feel free to reach out anytime.