Poll for the ladies about pickup

unborn_chicken · November 15, 2021

Please don't answer it if you're male, other wise this is pointless.........

Edited November 15, 2021 by unborn_chicken

unborn_chicken · November 15, 2021

Any feedback about the poll is welcome

Thunder Kiss · November 15, 2021

i actually met my current boyfrend whilst travelling, but that wasnt an option so i chose social setting. i met my first boyfriend through social circle.

i much prefer to meet a guy in a casual way where i can chat with him to get to know him a bit rather than being approached by a stranger.

unborn_chicken · November 15, 2021

@Thunder Kiss

5 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

i actually met my current boyfrend whilst travelling, but that wasnt an option so i chose social setting. i met my first boyfriend through social circle.

Ok but what were the two of you doing when you met?

Cause' traveling by itself isn't really a way to meet people.

Thunder Kiss · November 15, 2021

3 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said:

Cause' traveling by itself isn't really a way to meet people.

of course it it. i met so many people whilst travelling and taking trips different places. you just end up chatting to people in a non-sexual and casual manner. basically we met at a festival and just got talking to eachother and bonded over a love for the same band. so i guess you could say it was a social setting.

Preety_India · November 15, 2021

1. Have you ever been approached by a random guy who tried to "pick you up"?

Yes

No

Answer - Yes

2. How have most of your "pick up" experiences been?

Awkward and uncomfortable

Awkward but flattering

Positive and enjoyable

Neutral

Answer - Awkward but flattering

3. What is your most usual respone?

I gave him my number

I gave him my number and we agreed to go on a date

I didn't give him my number

I ignored him. Didn't want to be bothered

Answer - I mostly creep out and back off. Sometimes I can trust if the guy is respectful. I never give my number the first time. Only did it once for my first relationship (at the bus stop when he asked if he could drop me home). My general response is that I feel shocked and awkward because I'm not good at dealing with strangers due to my high anxiety. So I usually have the "deer in the head lights" expression when I see a random dude suddenly chatting with me. But I'm okay as long as the guy is making me comfortable..

4. What does it it lead to most of the time?

Casual sex

Casual sex and eventually it became a relationship

We wen't on a date but that was the end of it

A long term intimate relationship

Nothing, didn't see him again

Answer - it led to my first relationship which was short term and lasted six months. He met me at a bus stop.

5. Do you wish more random guys approached you?

Yes

No

Answer - right now in a relationship with a guy I found here who was a random guy that approached me here and after some conversations with him, I felt warm. All my relationships in the past were mostly random guys who took interest in me and met me in different places. Other guys who approached me but appeared incompatible or disrespectful or creepy were rejected without giving them any number or attention.

6. What's your ideal way to meet a man?

Being approached randomly

Through my social circle

At work

In a social setting (Clubs, bars, parties, etc)

None of the above

Answer - I'm not a social person since I have social anxiety, I don't go to clubs because I avoid crowded places. So I never met anyone at a party or club. I always met random dudes at a shopping mall, bus stop, grocery store, library, workplace, building, garden, park, online forum etc.. One guy tried to hit on me while I was waiting in the hospital lobby for my mother's scan reports. I politely rejected him because he was acting obsessed.

After many experiences with men randomly approaching me, I have gotten good at sensing the compatible from the incompatible. I tend to ask a few questions during the conversation the random dude has with me to get to know about their background like what work they do or why they are interested in me. If they answer that my looks were appealing, then I generally reject them. I need someone who appreciates me for something skin deep. If they say that they found something I did interesting or they would like to help me out, I feel good and flattered. If they discuss my personality or are curious to know me better and want to continue chatting with me, I tend to appreciate that a lot because that way they aren't pressuring me to say yes or no. I don't like being outrightly called out on a date. I usually don't go on a date. So I would expect the guy to first get to know me through texting/calling/chatting before it turns into a relationship because I would like to know the level of compatibility before I take the next step. If there is enough compatibility during conversations, I might even fall in love and decide to have a relationship like I did in the past. Most often I already know if I really want to take things forward because my own excitement about the guy is probably my best indicator to know if I really want to be with him or not. I usually feel affectionate and tender toward a guy I'm interested in. If I'm not interested in a guy, I don't feel any tingling or emotion and I feel something is "off" or it's not "clicking" no matter how hard he is trying. Sometimes it's not his fault because it just doesn't " click" since I don't feel any emotion at all. It's like he is talking to a wall, no impact. But some guys can make me feel cheerful for no reason, just the way they look at me or talk to me, it appears as though they are trying to have a deep chemistry, generally such guys are the ones I accepted. I like flirting but not the "desperate type of flirting" which makes me feel awkward or I get a "fuck boy" vibe, then it's an instant reject. Generally such guys ask for a quick date or hook up and I'm like - "no dude, bye." I like soft flirting that is slightly romantic but also carries some meat for further conversation. Light flirting which is gentle and soft. I get creeped out by excessive romantic gestures, by direct questions like, "will you marry me?" right during the first talk/conversation, or by guys who say something awkward, autistic, or something that gets my attention in a negative way like undue criticism or sounding argumentative or domineering. For example with my first boyfriend, he sounded a bit bossy during the first conversation at the bus stop and I went home miffed and angry. The same guy met me at the bus stop again the next day and approached me softly and asked if he could drop me home and I kinda relented. While dropping me off he kept asking me lots of personal questions and I felt a bit warm so when he dropped me and asked me my number, I gave it to him very nervously. That relationship didn't end well because I found him too bossy.

In a nutshell - I have been approached plenty of times especially by random dudes since I don't have a social circle as I'm not social. I'm a bit more on the shy, nerdy, socially awkward but funny side. I usually avoid social stuff but some weird reason people find me interesting although I'm a bit introverted around people and like to keep to myself mostly. So most of my relationships in the past were with random dudes who befriended me and developed an emotional connection with me over time.. I don't think anything is wrong with meeting random people, I was always open to that idea.

I have to say that those random dudes helped me have relationships lol, because without them I probably would have never had a relationship due to my bad social skills, so in a way they helped. But most of these approaches turn sour because I tend to reject a lot.

I have rejected plenty of guys because it simply didn't "click." and some guys just don't know how to talk or approach and they make it really awkward and uncomfortable right at the get go, they get rejected instantly because right off the bat they are sounding the alarm bell that they are totally incompatible. Some of these guys approach women as though you're being approached by a used car salesman at a mall trying extremely hard to sell you a product. It gives a very "salesman" vibe and that can be terribly off putting.

Other guys are very contradictory in the sense they're always trying to dominate the conversation, preachy behavior (which I find extremely obnoxious, that patriarchal smell), they try to act too smart or just like they know better than me, or try to one up me during the conversation, I am generally submissive in a relationship but I don't lose my dignity and I try to convey respect and agreeableness and if the guy is not doing the same but trying to talk over me, then I take it as a sign of him trying to take advantage of my submissiveness rather than respecting it, a guy who acts chill and respectful is understanding and embracing of my submissiveness rather than being predatory with it. I don't like guys who act too bossy, controlling and "over smart", big turn off. Guys who are respectful, pleasant, sweet and frank tend to make me feel welcome.

Edited November 15, 2021 by Preety_India

diamondpenguin · November 15, 2021

That's a lot to read

Jacob Morres · November 16, 2021

Lmao the framing of some of the questions ?

Game is supposed to be natural. If a guy is good at flirting you wouldn't even think of him as a pua

Edited November 16, 2021 by Jacob Morres

FlyingLotus · November 24, 2021

If you’re scared of approaching girls, keep in mind that most girls have had to deal with approaches that are vulgar, aggressive or racist, which makes approaches that are nervous or awkward truly no big deal.

I had a guy say to me “hey Miss Chinatown.” Like, seriously pal?

When I was at a nightclub, I had another guy grab my shoulder, get up in my face and say, “is it true Asian women have tighter pussies?” I had to push him away from me and tell him to fuck off. My guess is he was trying to do some “negging” RSD stuff.

So, if you’re just nervous and awkward but not vulgar, racist or harassing, it’s really no big deal. Outta sight, outta mind.

Girls even forget memorable approaches. I got cold approached by a 14 year old once. (I was 18 at the time.) Totally forgot about it until I read this poll. I was walking through a shopping mall parking lot and he was doing tricks on his skateboard. He saw me and said,

“You’re cute. Can I get your number?”

“How old are you?”

“I’m 14.”

“Well, I’m 18.”

“That’s hot. I don’t mind.”

“Well, the cops might. Same with your parents.”

It was funny/amusing, but not harassing.

Also, if you hit on a girl and you happen to run into her again, she’s not going to bring it up. She’ll pretend she doesn’t remember or maybe even second guess whether it was you or someone else. She’ll be more interested in preventing awkwardness than pointing out you hit on her.

Awkwardness is really no big deal. Just don’t be vulgar, harassing or racist.

Edited November 24, 2021 by FlyingLotus

Jacob Morres · November 24, 2021

@FlyingLotus naw thats not a neg thats racist + OD lmao

Edited November 24, 2021 by Jacob Morres

FlyingLotus · November 24, 2021

46 minutes ago, Jacob Morres said:

@FlyingLotus naw thats not a neg thats racist + OD lmao

I think it was that particular guy's misinterpretation of what negging is, not the type of negging that PUAs actually teach. His behaviour in general looked like he was trying to imitate one of those over the top PUAs you see on youtube.

In any case, girls have to put up with a lot of vulgar, shitty behaviour that makes normal approaching not that big a deal.

FlyingLotus · November 24, 2021

25 minutes ago, modmyth said:

When I was 15, I dated a guy whose idiot work friends nicknamed me "sweet and sauerkraut" (being Chinese/ German) which they apparently thought was effing hilarious at my expense. (I mean, it's a bit clever, but gross...)

Eww, that's so gross. I'm sorry to hear that.

It's weird, when it comes to being approached, I can think of quite a few really awful, aggressive experiences. Catcalling, whistling, taunting, guys following you, just very threatening behaviour. Guys don't quite realize how bad it can get because other guys only do it when girls are alone. I wish the worst thing I had to deal with was guys being nervous and awkward

ValiantSalvatore · November 24, 2021

@modmyth

3 hours ago, modmyth said:

When I was 15, I dated a guy whose idiot work friends nicknamed me "sweet and sauerkraut" (being Chinese/ German) which they apparently thought was effing hilarious at my expense. (I mean, it's a bit clever, but gross...)

It's a bit funny if you can tolerate / stomach racist humour although I would never call someone that it really is kinda gross, creepy and rapey. Nobody would believe sweet sauerkraut exists. Also that stuff is disgusting to eat imo.

I used to get things that are directly related to my phenotype as a guy. Like how can you be black when you are so white. I am more of a chameleon by skin color guys who are latin etc are way darker than me and my father is very dark in skin complexion. While my mother is just normal white in her skin complexion. Speaking as a German/American. Fortunately my dates have not been very stereotypical till now. Yet, I received my fair share of racist assumptions from guys and girls durin high school etc.

Sweet Sauerkraut sounds so wrong it's funny yet also just pops weird images in my head especially considering age during that time.

I was visting a friend and she brought a friend along she could not believe that I was black thought I was from another country and not U.S citizen. It's a total mystery to people apparently. She never told me that yet my friend did because her reaction to me beign black was totally different.

I don't know the issue arises again when you have swedish/americans, thai/germans, croatian/germans, philippine/german friends etc. It's funny if you also have bi-racial friends at least here to make fun of these idiotic assumptions and the level of myopia present.

Edited November 24, 2021 by ValiantSalvatore

**Leo Gura** · November 24, 2021

Of course girls always perfer social circle. It's way safer and culturally acceptable. The problem is it's very limited.

And of course most cold approaches will fail because girls are choosy and because its difficult to execute a good cold approach.

Those lame racist and sexually vulgar approaches are probably guys who haven't seriously studied or practiced pickup. It's not like normal guys won't approach. They will when they are drunk at a club, and their approaches will be terrible.

The best opener is simply, "Hey. I was attracted to you. I wanted to meet you. My name is _______ ."

Terell Kirby · November 24, 2021

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The best opener is simply, "Hey. I was attracted to you. I wanted to meet you. My name is _______ ."

I once had a coach tell me to ask for her name first.

If she gives it, but doesn't ask for yours .. that can serve as a good sign of a lack of initial interest.

Poll for the ladies about pickup