What exactly am I scared of when approaching women?

[Javfly33]

Lately I´ve been going out to work on my daygame skills. I´m not ready to do direct approaches, I´m currently learning to just learn to stop women clearly and assertively and just ask for time, directions and little else.

 

Today's observations:

1-  I let walk pass by at least 6-7 girls which were available to approach (they weren't on their phones, on a hurry, etc).

2- More interesting, I observed that all that these girls had in common is that they were clearly above average attractive than other girls!

3- I also have observed that even asking this kind of simple questions give me small approach anxiety, yet if I would to ask them to a guy or an older woman (no sexual tension) then I don't have a trace of anxiety.

4- Especial attention to the last couple of girls I let walked passed by without approach, they were particularly good dressed and wearing make-up and I literally froze up in my body. 

 

Why in the hell am I terrified of hot girls? This is insane.

This daygame thing is definitely being interesting in getting closer to the shadows of my ego.

 

Of what am I scared of? 

What??

[Federico del pueblo]

You are afraid of some or all of the things mentioned below, either consciously or unconsciously:

- that you don't have enough value for the attractive girls ("not good enough")

- that a rejection will confirm the first fear above

- that approaching for the sake of getting to know a girl is weird, creepy, perverted etc

- that other people see, hear and judge you

- that her boyfriend or friends show up

- that someone else intervenes and white knights you ("why are you bothering the girl")

- that you're not gonna know what to say, which will lead to rejection

- that things go well and you have sex with a girl...will you be good enough in the bedroom?

- that you look like a desperate loser or something similar

 

And maybe some more.

[mememe]

@Javfly33 expectations.

high standard has usually higher standard.

it does not seam like you are in a challenge with them, you are challenging yourself in front of them as a jury for your own standards.

Edited November 14, 2021 by mememe

[Bando]

Its just conditioning the more women you talk to the less strange it becomes to walk up to random people and strike up a conversion. Most of the time if your friendly, respectful and and exclude authenticity you will not get a bad response. Mabey out of 100 daygame approaches you get 2-3 negative responses,(they arnt really that negative tbh) which is something you have no control over, they could be having a bad day. 

Do you feel anxious when driving in your car? Think about it your getting in a box traveling 60-70 mph where one wrong turn or someone else's mistake could cost you your life, yet you could do it without thinking. Most times you have a pleasant drive but there'll always be that one asshole that honks at you or does dumb stuff for no reason other than he's in a bad mood or something.

Its the same with women, there's a reason anybody who is good with chicks tells you, you must interact with hundreds or thousands of women. You must condition yourself to view this as normal they same way you view getting into your car and driving to work normal.

[Lyubov]

You have a slew of beliefs. They start out wide and then trickle down to just a handful. It's like an inverted triangle. You gotta start untangling the beliefs and then at the same time learn to do body based stuff at the same time to calm your nervous system and train it so it isn't triggered by these situations. 

[SamC]

21 hours ago, mememe said:

@Javfly33 expectations.

high standard has usually higher standard.

it does not seam like you are in a challenge with them, you are challenging yourself in front of them as a jury for your own standards.

Wow, this was profound. Mind exapning pn this?@mememe

[Harlen Kelly]

22 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I´m not ready to do direct approaches, I´m currently learning to just learn to stop women clearly and assertively and just ask for time, directions and little else.

You might as well not go out at all, you are wasting your time by asking for directions. 

[Rilles]

•Rejection
•Judgement 
•Embarrasment
•Your own thoughts of darkness and self-criticism that will spiral out of control if you fail

•Societies standards

•Being perceived as creepy

 

 

Theres a big list, probably more, your self-worth is linked with other humans. Its literally death to go out of your comfort zone. I dont like to use hunter-gatherer evolutionary thought but for humans taking huge risks in a tribe 100k years ago it could have literally been death, if your tribe disliked you you were cast out into the wild to fend for yourself so we love being safe and not stepping out of bounds. 

Edited November 15, 2021 by Rilles

[PurpleTree]

don't most of them say "don't you have a smartphone for directions/time" ?

 

 

 

you're afraid of getting hurt

[Nahm]

“What exactly am I scared of when approaching women?”

Nothing. Obviously a relationship is what you actually want. It’s literally non-meditative thought activity and emotional ignore-ance. Don’t take my word for it though, try to point to the fear, or what the fear could be believed to be of. 

Thinking about ‘yourself’ (non meditative) is a life, energy, and attraction zapper (discord). ?

If you just address that ‘shadow of my ego’ first, the relationship you’ll attract will be most worthwhile for having done so. 

@Emotionalmosquito

Genius. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

Rsdmax said in one of his videos that when his students are stuck in approach anxiety, he tells them to purposely try to get rejected and make a game out of it. That way you change rejection from humiliating to funny.

i thought it was a cool idea 

[charlie cho]

Your lack of action. Approach about 130 day game women. You wont feel scared after it.

Ive done 3 approaches a day for a month challenge. It was a huge challenge where i skipped days. So i would cram them in the last 5 days, doing 70 approaches in 5 days because i only did 30 approaches last 25. 

After i got over this hump, approaching becomes unconscious and you just do it without understanding why youve approached her. You didnt think it, but your body automatically goes there.

If she doesnt react the way i want, i laugh. Look at it as a joke. And 40% of the time, the girl also laughs. A implicit communication that this all isnt serious. You flirting with her isnt serious. Men teasing physically, sexually escalating to the end with her isnt serious. Explicitly show that this flirting is playful, not serious even if it is daygame and sexual communication has to be much more implicit. 

One big huge thing is being unserious and playful and fun. Life is supposed to be played, not serious. When you frame the interaction as being non serious and playful, when the girl becomes serious, she looks like the weird valueless person and the sad thing is, it is true. Well, if the girl is serious, you can play up to her to get laid, but i doubt getting laid by such a girl is fun at all. Lol. 

Lol my advice is AA is caused by ones seriousness and lack of playfulness. You approach it as a game, not a play. Look at the difference between michael jordan and kobe bryant. Mj approaches the game of basketball more playfully. Kobe approaches basketball not as a play, but a game to be won. Mj plays with his teammates, drinks gambles and smokes with his teammates much more than kobe byrant. Kobe is a bit too serious, too isolated, doesnt smoke, doesnt hang out. They are both dedicated but the approach is that of seriousness vs playfulness. Therefore in the most crucial moments, mj was able to prevail because he was more relaxed, had more trusting teammates, and more open while kobe was clenched, isolated, and tense. Mj even hung out with his biggest rivals. Ofcourse it was a ploy to make enemies his friends... but you get the point that mj viewed it as fun. Kobe would never make friends with rivals.... he was too uptight for that. Trainer tim grover said kobe was a more hard worker, but his obsession was what limited his greatness. 

Obsession is seriousness.... its approach anxiety, its not clutch. 

Tenseness, AA is caused by being like kobe. 

Be fun, be not serious. If the girl doesnt like u being fun. Lol. Then there will be fun girls who do. And who would you rather be with. Fun hot girls, or dumb boring pretty girls. 

Maybe your goal is to just get hot girls regardless of her stupidity or fun. But i advise you to take care of your mental health by being biased towards fun and playfulness, therefore attracting playful hot women. I dont advise you to be tense and serious about gaming girls and therefore attracting tense and serious hot girls, and then having your life be influenced by tenseness and seriousness. It will hurt your mental health and destroy your relationship to God and your authentic self. 

Being playful and non serious will reduce your AA. Being playful wont attract serious hot girls, but it will attract hot fun girls and they will not give you any mental illness. Serious dumb girls will though so be careful. Being playful and non serious will deepen your relationship to God and your authentic self. Being serious and dull will further your distance from god and the world, you will be a detriment to humanity and you will not be happy because you are dull and serious. 

I hope this helped with logically convincing you to get out of AA. .

So this is my last question to you about being afraid of approaching a little cute "girl"

"Why so serious?"

Edited November 17, 2021 by charlie cho

[Crane Bahnsteik]

@Javfly33 Fear is too broad of a term and a consequence of language.

What you feel in fact is a bundle of emotions. Imagine this: You dress as best you can, fix your haircut, and put on a nice cologne, it does not matter what your conscious mind thinks, you are doing this to get something from women and to manipulate them in some kind of way, now because of that there will be unsconscious guilt, now with the guilt comes the subconscious fear that the women will discover you are trying to get something from them and manipulating them, now with the fear and the guilt comes the shame of it all and you just want to hide, and with the shame comes the anger that women are judging you when you are only trying to do something about your life, and so on. 

This is where the "abundance mindset" theory comes in, if you are abundant you are not trying to get something/manipulate and therefore avoid the whole cascade of emotions, this is also why being in a good mood is the whole game, if you are already complete and in a good mood you avoid the first emotion and therefore the whole cascade.

There are several ways to go about this, what i did was to simply dont give a fuck, i would talk to girls the way i talked to a friend, even sometimes being boring as fuck i just didnt care, didnt even dress properly or fix my hair, i then noticed my results were way better this way lol, this is only a temporary fix but can teach you a lot, in the end its all about being fully fulfilled with or without.

[Javfly33]

@Nahm Right. Thoughts.

Yesterday i did a couple of approaches more and after the last one i felt horrible in my body.

Then I realized "I have an option. Either I Believe this thoughts (which appear as true) or i Dont (as a little hope that they might not be true). 

Crazy how TWISTED the mind is. It conceals falsehood as truthful. "That situation means that you are....X". 

No. That situation is just Truth. The mind is projecting thoughts onto truth and then saying those are truth ??

[Nahm]

@Javfly33

It really is mind blowing. One’s emotional guidance to everything they want, another’s horrible feeling in the body. ?

[Javfly33]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Javfly33

One’s emotional guidance to everything they want, another’s horrible feeling in the body. ?

Is that ironic ? ?

[Nahm]

@Javfly33

Irunic maybe. 

[Spence94]

@charlie cho Thank you. This is the frame. ??

[ZenRising]

On 15/11/2021 at 10:04 PM, Emotionalmosquito said:

... to purposely try to get rejected and make a game out of it. That way you change rejection from humiliating to funny.

i thought it was a cool idea ...

that's what worked for me... i purposely wanted to get rejections. in order to build up my resilience and conquer my fear... it works!