An Overloading Matrix Of Dependency... I Am That

[Who Knows]

A life of people-pleasing has produced for me a web of dependent relationships, each with their own nuanced persona on my part. The contradictions of these persona's combined with their false nature leaves one feeling like an ever-imploding fantasy. As I currently see it, there are 3 ways out of this:

• To chose one persona and stick to it only. 
• To leave them all behind and move away.
• To commit suicide.

I feel that the correct answer is none of these, but rather to choose no persona - but how? The closest solution I have is the second: to leave all of them behind and take great caution in the formation of future relationships that I do not metamorphose back into the spider, or rather the spider's web that I currently feel I am. However, I fear that this is a blind running away - that in doing so I will inevitably make all the same mistakes again. Therefore, I write this post in the hope that a more experienced being may guide me in the right direction.

[SFRL]

You should always be one persona; your authentic self. 

You don't need to leave them all behind and move away. What you need to do is set up some strong boundaries and keep more of a distance. 

Don't call people for no reason just to keep the codependent relationship in tact. Same goes for texting, messaging etc. 

Also I bet some of these codependent relationships involve money, you being the one who receives money. So what you have to do is make more money. Because that way the other party in the codependent relationship won't have any leverage anymore. And you can set those boundaries. So finnish college and get a real job. Or ask for a raise. Or change jobs where you can make more money. 

Edited December 24, 2016 by STC

[SFRL]

5 minutes ago, sadlabounty said:

@STC Is the authentic self the part of me that is beyond conditioning? For if it is anything else I cannot see how it is authentic, and if it is that I cannot see how it can function in a dualistic world. 

I have no idea....I am just giving you some practical advice. 

[kurt]

3 hours ago, sadlabounty said:

 

• To chose one persona and stick to it only. 
• To leave them all behind and move away.
• To commit suicide.

 

You have a value for valuing other peoples opinion of you.  Drop the value, it will hurt for a while.  You will most certainly become paranoid for a while because you are letting go of a control feature that protected you from imaginary attacks from others in your environment.  It will feel out of character for a while, basically it will create chaos and all you will want to do is return to the behaviour to stop the agony of insecurity.

Dont do it.

Remain vigilant and dismiss this value every time it rears its ugly, sick, mentally deranged head until you feel safe, until you see that the world is benign and it is not interested in making you submit to its will.

This is probably born of a domineering insecure parent, or family environment where you were shamed to comply.  Its hard to dissolve, but it will.

If you need help, then PM me for support.