FUCKIN PISSED AT CULTURE FOR NOT SEEING HOMOSEXUALITY!

[Matt23]

AM FUCKING PISSEEEDDDDD!!! SOSSOOOO FFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKIIIIINGGGGG MUCH ! ATT FFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKIIIIINNNNGGGGGG CCCCUUUULLLLLLTTTTTUUUURRRRREEEEEEEE FFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKNOWLIDING HOMOSEXUALITYYY !!!!! FFFUUUUCCCKCKCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FFFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKKIIIINGGGGG PPPPIIISSEEEEDDD!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!

@Leo Gura Please don't cancel this.  Allow it to be.  Allow yourself to be allowing this.  I suppose.  lol.  Just let it be please.  People need, I want for people to know this stuff, this hidden homosexuality stuff and belonging etc., pains still happen and exist in the selves and people all over the world.  (I write this after what is writting below/above)  Please listen to the part lower down with your name attached.  It just feels like it should be acknolwedged.  This homosexuality thing, and other things.  Please, mention it if a video.  Perhaps do a video or video series (bit much?) for it/on it.  Homosexuality, sex, dating, love, alternative forms of loving each other sexually and about all the taboos n stuff as well.  Not only homosexaulity and  other things.  Ya... Please mention it in a video/do a video on it/put some docs on the blog about it/  please mention it.  Love it.  Be with it.  

UGH.  

LEo, I dion't people need tooooo fffuuuucking seee this. 

People need to see it still fucking happens.  

I know it's poor grammar or w/e with your guidelines. 

 But people need to know it still fucking happens, is frowned upon, and doesn't get acknolwedged at all, or near enough.  It's a huge fucking issue!  OK?!

It just needs to be accepted and loved and Be-ed with.  

It needs to be said.  

I don't want to be thown from this forum.  But I need, it needs to be said.  It needs to be acknolwedged.

It still fucking sucks out here.  

It still fucking sucks. 

Sexuality as a whole. 

But fucking homosexuality, gayness, being gay, loving another man as a man, a woman as a woman, a w/e as a w/e, whoever, whenever,  IT'S OK

It needs to be stated.  

Homosexuality is still fucking frowned upon, toabboed, seen as bad or not right or something.  

I just need people, want people to know. 

It's not ok. 

It still happens. 

It took me from 1992 till now to fully apprecaite and more deeply really acknowledge my own sexuality, and let alone homosexuality, to be seen, felt, acknowledge. 

Feeling discluded, unincluded, from most if not all (most) culture.  It felt awful. 

It felt like it, I, was wrong.  Like it was bad and not positive.  

It is positive.  

It needs to be fucking said.  

It fucking hurts. 

I love life. 

But///  AND it hurts.

I feel pain from it. 

Please, do not expel me from the forum.  It feel bad about being homosexual and am just been doing some MDMA by being with myself and please... it just feels like it wants, needs perhaps, yes, needs, to be said.  

It's all around us.  Subtly, introvertedly, and even explicitly, living in this culture. 

It feels awful.  It hurts.  To not have all those parts of yourself, deeply held and BEING parts tat feel so positive, good, acknolweleded yet disowned adn left alone.  Not to be triffled with.  It feels awful.  FEarful, lots of pain from it.  Pain comes from pain of other, separation, being out of alignmnetn with.  

It just feel s bad.  

Please, it's not like I disclaim things I don't wish people to know.  It feels bad.  Horrible.  

Please.  Be with it.  @Leo Gura, would you please do this thing for me of mentioning it in a video, or please do a full video on homosexuality and culture and desire of the like.  Involving sexuality at least.  Because people don't need to feel bad about sexuality, their sexuality.  They need to know, need perhaps might not be correct, about life, love, and intimacy and their own needs, desires, and that it's all good. Good (with a capital fucking G).  It's OK!  It's ok. Ok?! 

Please, yes this is inspired my MDMA.  But feel it out.  It might seem off kilter.  But please, please do it. Mention it.  Enjoy it even.  Be with it.  

Put something on your blog about taboos in cultures regarding sexuality inspired stuff.  About people living hidden lives under guises they feel not accepted with.  About homosexuality.  The desires to be with other men as a man, women as a women.  

Videos about you being sexually aroused by men even.  If that feels right or fits with what you feel is best.  

Please though. It would mean much to many people.  To be acknowledging this part of things, people, living lives fully excluded and feeling excluded because they feel different. 

Ok. 

Am rambling now. 

Believe me though, it feel bad about being homosexual sometimes.  For me I guess.  It's been a big thing. Struggle.  Believe me when it says people accept things from their culture, and tabooify other things and aspects of themselves.  It demolishes the soul, the ego, the self, and the FUCKING SELF (with a Capital fucking S).  

It demolishes love, egotism in the healthy sense of being one with all and loving others and being alive and feeling accepted and belonginng and jsut having those base needs of belongingness in oneself. 

FUCk... 

There was this couple who fully accepted love, into their lives growing up.  I feel very fortunate to have been in their home and seeing how open and loving and kind their were, accepting, of others' sexuality and just ya.  As kids we were able to explore our sexuality and have sex in a kind and gentle and exploratory way and be fine with it.  They weren't present (the parents of the friend I speak of) obviously.  But we had sleep overs and experimented with our sexualities, and it even happened the sister I believe had sex with another friend.  But it was all very nice and sweet and just fun.  Exploratory.  It happened, and then things drifted apart.  As we, I grew up, it happened it seemed like things just slowly fell apart for me at least.  They, the family and couple I speak of (I was friends with their son), seemed so just accepting and loving and kind and gentle.  They seemed to be ok with things and loving towards things kids did.  Like, "it's ok to be enjoying sexual or that stuff" was the vibe I felt.  It just felt very safe, innocent, warm, and accpeting.  Not that any explicit conversations or things happened with the paretns.  It just felt that way.  Belongingk. 

I dunno. 

Ok. 

done ramble now.  

Belong. 

Believe. 

It's believing it's ok.   belong believe it's ok belong believe. 

Sorry for the ramble.  It comes and feels so strong. 

Believe me. it's ok. 

Love.  

Lol . 

I hope this finds someone who loves themselves and others and is able to be with, one with, themselves.  THeir whole and true selves. 

Love yourself. 

Love others.

BE one with ALL. 

Love.

 

 

lol... 

this sounds maybe nice. 

 

Love 

 

 

so how are things going to cahnge?  Be different?  Belonging.  Belong.  Long.  Longing.  Longing to BE One WITH ONE With love.  Peace.  cuming.  Love.  peace.  Painn... pain. pain love love

 

@Leo Gura or Mods, Please don't delete this post.  Please let it be.  If you want me to be more aligned with what you do, let me know.  I know, it's a lot, a lot of ramblings and just spontaneous writing, emotional writing.  But please, if it upsets you please allow me to acknowledge that and then let it be.  Maybe we can work out something where this post gets edited or something.  But please, just let it be for now.  If you want to change it, I mean, it's ok.  But it would mean much if you let it set and rest here for maybe a month or two before deleting it or something.  

IT NEEDS TO BE SAID>  STATED< ACKNOWLEDGED.  by me perhaps mostly, but man.  Fuck.  Hard to swallow maybe.  Belonging feels distant.  

Believe me when I say, it says, it's belonging that really feels off and can/gets disconnected from with all this homosexual taboos n such.  

Please let it stay.  Be with it. 

 

I know this might be much.  But please.  Allow it and myself to be on this forum. 

 

I don't want to be kicked off for this.  

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Matt23 Holy, I did not read everything. Yet, talking with my last date about her gay friend she explained it's still an issue even in a rather progressive region socially somehow. 

I do think empowerment overall is an issue. My aunt is homosexual and married so I am used to this since my childhood. 

Sorry that you have to go through this! I enjoy being in company of homsexual people alot 99-100% of the time makes my day!
-----

P.S: Posting high usually is not allowed.

[Matt23]

@ValiantSalvatore   Cheers (heart-symbol).  It really means a lot.  Cheers.

And ya, even beyond just homosexuality.  I think sexuality in general is something disowned in many of us and we just, in this culture anyways, have a very healthy or accepting attitudes and relationships in and with it. 

This actually accidentally got sent.   I wasn't prepared, quite at the moment, to send it and thought maybe it's not the best way to be with it.  But it just got sent after hitting the bar.  So, am kinda glad, since I believe the message is best seen.  I dunno. 

Maybe we can work it out somehow. 

 

Edited November 11, 2021 by Matt23

[Matt23]

I would love to converse about this.  

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Matt23 I'll just leave a song I am in a good mood. 

I'll just leave this here I woud love to converse more about this too since I can be pan/demi, yet I am mainly attracted towards femninity as a sexual essence. 

Have a good one!

Edited November 11, 2021 by ValiantSalvatore

[Matt23]

Muchos Gracias amigo!  

Luv you  

Edited November 11, 2021 by Matt23

[Matt23]

38 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

she explained it's still an issue even in a rather progressive region socially somehow. 

Ya.  I live in Vancouver BC, Canada, so I grew up with it obviously.  But I grew up in a smaller town on Van. Isl, so it was more of that traditional, masculine, sort of "hick" town feel, so I probably would have been less (thoguh still perhaps) affected if I grew up in a larger city.  

Anyways. 

Love it. 

[Matt23]

 

 

2 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Your frustration is understandable. Gay people can have it rough.

Carefull with those psychadelics though? just a friendly warning.

Haha, yes,  Thank you thankyou for both comments.  It feels nice.  

More conversing and stuff will arise hopefully. Seems/feels like more to come forshore.  (in a sober state... I see you watching mods lol).  

But knowing it's in me, or assuming it's in me to resolve this issue and love myself as Leo says but which seems also a bit nice to be inwardly focused/loving rather than externally.  

Locus of Control (more like Locus of Love  

Peace

[Matt23]

I wonder why I want others to acknowledge this.  

Maybe it's somethin within me, within myself, to be ok with and heal and acknolwedge without needing others. 

Perhaps it's not neccessary for others to be made to be aligened with it. 

Maybe it's all about me, really.  

Maybe it's my stuff. 

But I/it also feels others played a part too in putting it on me (the mask of my sexualtiy I suppose.  I dunno).  Rambles again I suppose.  

Just trying to process this as it comes. As it happens, is happening.  

Being one with it, the feelings, being one with the feelings of suppression and resistance and being feeling betryaed perhaps.  But not terrible feelings as I actually feel quite nice at the moment.  But just allowing w/e arise to be with., let go, and beyond.  

[Jacob Morres]

Sorry bro. Homosexuality is a beautiful thing. I wait for the day it becomes fully normalized 

Plus I think everyone is somewhat on the spectrum. I highly doubt people are 100% straight 

Edited November 11, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Matt23]

Yes.

I desire others to ackcnolwddge the pain, their pain, they restricted me and put upon me, inside me, and developed within myself to others. From others.  Perhaps.  From them.  

Maybe this sounds entitled.  But it's as I feel, it feels.  It feels like it, I desire to be with another man.  To be allowing w/e to come up and be with it.  Allow it.

Allowing. 

Nice word.  Such a nice, beautiful, tender, juicy, word.  Kind.  Loving. 

Just a nice word.  

Allowing. 

and Being.  

Way positive vibes.  Words.  

Being. 

Allowing. 

Chilling. 

Resting.  

Being. 

 

 

 

I feel now a bit bad or hurt at what I wrote since I feel it may feel hurtful to others, or others, rather, would feel hurt by/with it in connection to it.  This message above of hate or pain n frustration.  I dislike people feeling bad or negative and hurtful.   I hope it doesn't do so.  

[Matt23]

I may now be considering actually being a sex therapist or healer or helper of sorts.   Both in healing/helping people with their own sexuality/desires, as well as using it as a vehicle for healing any/all/most emotional and interpersonal issues.    Something of the sort. 

Like I just totally realized and felt how sex is so pained and traumatized and shunned in our culture (maybe cultures in general).  And I feel it can be accepted more for fuller more deep and loving love.  

Like, also I so saw how powerfully it can be used to be accessing and accepting emotions and pains that would ordinarily be to scary or painful to feel and express.  Even with others.  And how sex can be used as a safe-space and vehicle to sort of role-play  or/and work through traumas and issues with others and oneself.  

Like I saw how it seems to be more like not in the ordinary realm of things.  So that, when the clothes are off, teh feeling-situation changes into something maybe more towards the "playful" and "make-believe" side and imaginative side of life where maybe this would allow people to feel more comfortable and safe expressing things and being in difficult situations.  

Maybe cuz it makes everything more light.  Since maybe it's, objectively, sort of a funny thing, being with another person naked, "wrestling", having sex, etc., and maybe it sort of inherently is disarming and shows people it's ok to be what they are (physical nakedness = leading to emotional/soul/spirit/psychological nakedeness and feeling).  

It just seems there much potential here.  

I dunno.  I'm sure it's been and is being tried n true over the world.  But I'd like to explore that. 

Even things like Tantra n stuff I feel could be so powerful. 

I feel many, including me, had and have lots of insecurities and shameful feelings about our sexual desires and sexual side that we dismiss and don't accept.  Which feels painful.  

[Matt23]

If anyone has any good resources or people they'd recommend for sexual healing and therapy, etc.., let me know!  Am looking to be exploring this more.  

Cheers

[Leo Gura]

Don't post while high.

[MuadDib]

3 hours ago, Matt23 said:

If anyone has any good resources or people they'd recommend for sexual healing and therapy, etc.., let me know!  Am looking to be exploring this more.  

Cheers

Come to papa.
 

 

[diamondpenguin]

@Matt23 I'm gay too, we could be together. 

Edited November 12, 2021 by diamondpenguin

[Surfingthewave]

@Matt23 As a queer person I hear you, understand you and send you love. 

That was a great rant by the way. 

The best way to increase equality and visibility for gay people is be out and proud, go find your tribe. I grew up in the time of Section 28, meaning gay people were silenced from an early age, so I hear your pain. 

Gay shame runs deep. It can be hard living in a heteronormative world. 

As gay people we have to come out every day. Realise you are special, the world is changing for the better in terms of acceptance and remember to celebrate your queerness. 

♥ ? 

Edited November 12, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Opo]

 

[Opo]

@Matt23 love you bro. 

I wish I could give you a hug. 

[cookiemonster]

@Matt23

Gender fluidity and bisexuality is (quite literally) the future of the human race.

As the human archetype ascends out of the animal kingdom unto the kingdom of angels, the masculine and feminine collides in perfect androgyny to create the widely awaited Human 2.0, otherwise known as the Golden Child. (Stanley Kubrick referred to it as the Starchild).

If you can just hang on for a few more years, you will find the new world quietly adapting around you. People being born today will have a totally different experience in their 20s, than anything occurring presently.

Such is the nature of the New World.