My personal feelings part 1

[Preety_India]

I lack at articulating my thoughts the way they need to be. Yet my writing is getting more and more nuanced everyday the more I write. 

I'm still not there yet. 

Of course I suck at anything social. I could never do things that other people do in terms of social context. 

 

 

 

 

But God compensated me wherever I lacked with things that are otherworldly. I have a massive sense of intuition that is unsurpassed. I'm yet to come across a person who thinks on my level of intuition. They simply can't. I hit the bull's eye right on target every time. 

Part of this is because I try to be as honest as possible with myself. So whatever comes to me is not tainted in any way. 

 

 

 

I mean can I be more honest than  admitting that I am a psychopath? How much more honesty are you expecting? 

 

My own honesty and clear conscience is the reason why I always get along with the most authentic people. And also the reason why I constantly end up clashing with insincere disingenuous people the most. 

 

[Preety_India]

Somehow things are getting clearer as I grow further in my experience of the world around me. I am learning things that I wasn't aware of before. I'm a young person, a young woman trying to figure out her way in this world and it's not going to be easy as I'm still quite inexperienced in the way the world works. 

I still have to learn a lot on how people use me for their means and ends and keeping strong boundaries is the only way to keep predators out. 

 

[Preety_India]

I had all these weird dreams where I felt like I was going to die at the hands of my mom 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I just don't know whether to laugh or cry 

I just hate my mother. 

 

 

She doesn't understand the challenges of young people at all. 

She is just a dumb pathetic bitch. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm planning to not talk to my mother again.

Any kind of reconciliation with her only results into more mess.. 

[Preety_India]

Mentally ill people are very bad people. These will be my last words before I die. 

The only reason why I will die in abnormal circumstances is because I will end up paying the price for someone's mental illness. 

I never saw anything good coming out of mental illness. It ravaged families.. 

It ruined my father's life, gave me massive trauma, ruined my siblings, took away my pet  

Mental illness of a single person single handedly destroyed my whole family. 

Destroyed any happiness that could have existed. 

I'll never forgive mentally ill people. 

It's just the truth. The wound is deep and even if I have to pay with my life, I will say the same thing. 

I wish society could take away mentally ill people far far away from children and family. 

I wish my father would get justice one day.. 

 

I wish child abuse by mentally ill people would come to an end 

I wish my own spirit will get justice for whatever I was put through on the excuse of mental illness. 

I am so fed up. 

 

 

Mental illness is no excuse to abuse others. 

Mental illness is almost like evil. 

 

 

Edited December 10, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I won't talk to my mother for a few days. 

 

It's enough. Morning she began harassing me by talking shit about my dad. 

 

Then she tells me that it would have been good if she had aborted me. 

Fucking abuser. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel like punching my mother in her face. 

Useless woman. 

I hope she rots. 

I want to be done with this woman. 

Only then I will find peace. 

I just don't want to talk to her. 

I should completely avoid her. Only then I am at peace. 

For this I'll need to hate her to the max and stop showing even 2% empathy to her. Zero compassion. Zero empathy.. 

Pretend like she is dead and pray that I get freedom from her deceit.

 

, I'm a secondary psychopath but she is a primary psychopath. 

 

Edited December 10, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I had a dream where God Ganesh came to me and helped me. He wanted to help me. He was telling me to get out of things. 

Ganesh is a deity of strength. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I have reached a point where I just can't be friendly with my mother anymore. There is a sense of mistrust and dread. 

I don't want her. I don't like her. All that she put me through makes me not want her anymore. 

The problem is that she still thinks I should treat her like a mom after all the drama that happened between us. Nope. I can't. I can't respect her after everything she did to my dad. 

I feel violated and I feel like I'm violating my dead  dad's spirit by being nice to her. I just can't be nice to her. 

She has great difficulty in processing why I hate her. 

Well if she is going to shit talk about my dead father, I'm not going to accept that or like her. 

I lost respect for her long ago. 

He was terminally ill. And she didn't want him to live. 

That's why I don't have respect for her. I will never 

She used to give more value to money over my dad's life. It hurts very deeply. She is a stage Orange materialist.. 

All she can think of is money. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

She has turned me into a sadist. 

Her life is a perfect example of how good people can turn bad by being in her company. She will make them feel victimized and abuse them to the point they might want to kill her. 

Now whenever she suffers, it automatically makes me feel pleasure. 

It could be my psychopathic brain. 

But seeing her suffer brings an unusual feeling of happiness in me. 

It feels safe and cozy and warm and it feels liberating to see her suffer. 

This sounds very bad i know. 

But maybe this is how people feel when their rapist/abuser begins to suffer. 

She is getting weaker as she is getting older. 

It feels like watching a tyrant abuser get old. They can't kidnap you anymore. They can't mistreat you anymore. You begin to feel better, more empowered, more liberated knowing that they won't win anymore. They can't attack or harm you anymore. That you are slowly seeing your road to freedom. 

 

[Preety_India]

I woke up from a dream. There was fear mixed with everything. 

In the dream I visit a clinic where they give me a pill to avoid unwanted pregnancies. 

I am still worried.  Then I'm supposed to fill out some documentation. 

 

[Preety_India]

I just don't know what to do 

 

Edited December 11, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I just don't like anything. 

I don't feel motivated.

 

 

 

Edited December 11, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

When you have ton of stuff to do but you don't even move an inch. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 11, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Anna and Emerald are some of the best people on the forum. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel I love you. Kiss. 

 

[Preety_India]

I hate that people can manipulate me very easily. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm glad for whatever experiences I had on the forum. I grew tremendously from them. They taught me important and valuable lessons. Valuable lessons on life and people. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

When you learn so much that you feel like you have learned enough, you reach a certain point where you don't want to complain about life anymore. There is a certain sense of peace. Not exactly fulfillment but a sense of peace. Because you have known everything you could have possibly known. There is just nothing left to experience anymore. You have had it. You completed this cycle. You are over it. Gradually you