My personal feelings part 1

[Preety_India]

 

I don't think my family was very traditional Indian-wise. Partly because of my Hispanic origin. 

My parents because of their Hispanic roots were very Western and liberal. 

I did not feel the burden of Indian traditional system like some of my peers did. I was enrolled into a strictly Catholic school. My catholic upbringing somewhat clashed with my Hindu side growing up because my birth religion is Hindu. 

I learned about Indian culture and tradition mostly from watching TV because my mom was very Western oriented and never followed any traditional Hindu tradition. 

Although I appreciated my parent's open mindedness and liberalism in a primarily stage Blue country, there was a certain "obey your mom" kinda environment in which I felt somewhat suffocated and controlled. 

My parents did not have a certain religion because they were sometimes Hindu and sometimes Christian. Like we celebrated Christmas since I was 3-4 years old. I was a bit confused because I couldn't see my parents as exactly Hindu or exactly Christian, they were a mix of both. My father had many Christian friends.. 

So i was partially raised both Hindu and Christian which can be confusing because Hinduism has many gods. 

The religion part did not create any disdain in me because for the most part, I slightly enjoyed being exposed to many religions, it felt more liberating and I have a hyper curious exploratory mind so it was a bit of a blessing to be born in religious confusion. 

With regard to tradition, I don't remember any particular tradition other than my mom being a bit dominating and authoritarian. She would be very strict with my studies especially. I'm not sure if I should take it as a bad sign because I mostly did wonderful at school. I was a top ranker straight A student. So was it a curse to have a mom who forced me to study hard? Not sure about that.. 

There was no alcoholism in my house. My father was a strict disciplinarian who was more of a workaholic and had a strong Blue Collar work ethic. My mother was a homemaker but a bit nagging wife and authoritarian strict mom. She was hyper strict. Mostly in terms of academic achievement. So I excelled academically. 

My mother is Hispanic so she is kinda, I don't know, very open but also domineering. 

I think she didn't allow me to have boyfriends at 18. That is something I resented. She thought I would pregnant. But I assured her that I won't ever get pregnant without her permission. 

She did not like my boyfriends. Although she allowed them in the house. 

She did not like pets, especially my cat addiction. I had 10 cats. She did not like that, i understand it's reasonable. But I would have wanted her to be more tolerant of my cat addiction. 

My dad was pretty tolerant of my pet addiction. In fact he himself got me a lot of pets. I was very demanding as a child, a bit petulant yet shy. 

So i told my dad I had to get all the pets. So he got me 2 birds, 1 fish tank of 18 fishes, several cats and 1 rabbit that I gave up because the rabbit didn't seem happy and too lousy.. 

My dad was very fond of pets. 

I don't have many memories from my childhood other than studying very hard, seeing my parents fight all the time  over little things and playing mostly with my large number of pets. 

So it was noise 24/7. 

Religion had very little space in my house. There was no specific culture in my house other than "work hard, study hard, play hard and obey Mom." 

What did I exactly dislike -

I disliked parental interference in my decision. I did not like the fact that my mother never held joint discussions. Everything was pretty much her decision. No mutual conversations. It's her way or no way. I did not like such parenting. I also did not like how I could never talk about sex openly with my mother when I was 16. 

I disliked the social culture around me, mostly Indian culture, not in my family but in my society, where being pregnant before marriage is frowned upon and I am very liberal about such things. Also I don't like how children in my society are pressured to study very very hard and there's too much pressure to be successful in life. I find it suffocating like a hamster stuck in a wheel kinda thing, it's a hyper competitive rat race situation with extreme Stage Orange foundation almost like Toxic Stage Orange. I don't like how there is no emphasis on healthy living and my father became a victim of such neurotic stage Orange Culture. All my father did was work work work and died. I resent that very much. My mother used to constantly stress me out because for her work was extremely important. It was as though a person had zero identity outside of work. She worked my father to death. She worked me to death almost, she was a Tiger mom Tyrant. So If I took a 15 minutes break from work, she used to get mad at me. 

Like I was never allowed to have a break from work or study and I never took a vacation in my entire childhood except for once. 

I grew up liking stage Green and developing a stage Orange shadow mostly because of my mom's military dictatorship culture. My father was in the military for more than 10 years of his youth. So both my parents imposed a military style parenting, tiger parenting. 

The problem is that Indian culture has no problem with parents being strict. So my parents couldn't be held accountable. 

And my Catholic school was equally militaristic. It was like bootcamp. If they saw my hair to be an inch longer than necessary, then I was supposed to kneel down outside the class. 

My teacher Agatha was a Hitler in female form. She used to tell kids to show their knuckles and hit their knuckles with a wooden object. 

After school I was sent to college to complete my graduation in Microbiology. That was hyper hyper military strict. There was no missing any classes. If rules were not followed then I had to complete a bunch of tasks repeatedly as a punishment.. It was a concentration camp. I had to sit with my hands around the equipment for hours and hours drinking my sweat that washed down my cheeks. I was only 17 at the time. The rules of attendance and performance were extremely strict. So I had to perform well, otherwise take punishment. After I came out of that hell, my parents sent me for a Masters program and that was again military style. 100% attendance compulsory. 

I completed my masters program with great difficulty and hardships but it impacted my health because everything was way too strict with absolutely no breaks at all. I had tests after every 3 days for 2 full terms and it was a nightmare. 

After that I went for my first job and internship. That wasn't easy either. I quit the job because it was a nightmare and a literal bootcamp. I hadn't quit on school and university but by the time I was working on my first job, it sucked the Hell out of Me. I was suicidal going through these military systems of work ethic and a tiger mom waiting at home. 

That was the first time I phoned my mother from office and let her know that I'm quitting job. She was very disappointed with me. But I was done being a slave to the Military system both at home and work. I wanted to breathe free. At least for once. 

So i quit my job for good. Finally I got my freedom from slavery and nothing has been better than that. 

Today I work from home, flexible timings and i have my art classes. I do what I like and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT MY TIGER MOTHER THINKS. 

BEST LIFE EVER. FREEDOM 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel omg thank you so much. 

I used to feel guilty for taking a break from work. 

Thank you for telling me to feel comfortable with what I want. 

I love you. 

 

 

 

Edited December 6, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

7 hours ago, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

I love you so much hun bun 

Always listen to you. If you feel you need a break then take one or do a less demanding task.

Your health and well being is always first ❤️

Lub Lub 

Love you. 

[Preety_India]

I'm still thinking about that. 

 

[Preety_India]

There are still so many thoughts going on in my mind. 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel so excited sometimes. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

@Marcel I love you so much.

 

[Preety_India]

I'm feeling so cold right now. 

I definitely feel hungry during winter. 

 

[Preety_India]

I don't even understand what made me interact with that person. I regret it so much. 

I have turned into a totally different person since my relationship. 

I just am not that anymore. And thank God for these changes. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel

Monee 

This is us. 

https://youtube.com/shorts/-T5Axdact-Y?feature=share

 

[Preety_India]

@Myioko please delete all this rubbish. Stop reading my journal. No need to use my personality as ammunition. I know very well what I'm doing. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Myioko if you really don't want to intrude then delete it. I don't come into your journal and attack your personality. 

Everyone has flaws. I'm not coming to other's journals and analyzing them. 

Stop with that passive aggressive nonsense. 

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. 

 

Edited December 8, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

@Marcel Mónee 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Marcel said:

 

So cute ?

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

There's a lot to learn from this. Trying to decode cat language. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

I like this accent. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I am feeling a bit weak, anxious, tired, upset 

 

The attacks in the morning have left me drained. 

To be honest I hate all this character analysis. It's brutal. 

If you don't know someone  don't talk to them. 

Keep your judgement to yourself.